post mortem options and dead babies

[rayven_phatonis]

Through my life I have considered many options for what to have done with my corpse when I am gone. I have always had a fascination with plastination, but I didn't know I could actually donate my body specifically for this purpose. It's definatly an option worth thinking over. The idea of being both a scientific and artistic exhibit fulfills my

Comments

[jeustr]

You might have warned me you were addicted to them once you realized so maybe I could have been more careful in taking them so I wouldn't get addicted too. Luckily I didn't. They fluctuated in how they worked on me so I'd go off them and forget about them for long stretches. So I guess I missed that particular addiction. Baby, I need you like air, like the sun, like your rainbow of shadows in this world that blinds me. I dont want to live without you and there isn't even anyone I can talk to about it because you're the ONLY one I've talked to for years. And that was selfish of me too I guess. Just a fount of me, me, me when I didn't even realize how little of you was coming through the other side. I wouldn't have flirted with you so much if I'd known you were dating someone. You kept so much from me to the point it's like a knife in the gut. Finding out there was this whole other you after you were gone, realizing I didn't mean as much to you as I'd led myself to vainly, and selfishly believe. But the night before you said you'd never stopped being in love with me, that we shouldn't have ever been apart. I believed you. I thought you were coming home after having it out finally with your ex. one last gripe throwing that stuff you showed me in her face. And your icon here mocks me. I love you the way the moon only brightens for the sun. How will I ever trust anyone again? I'm decaying inside; hating myself, so angry with you, so bewildered that you kept so many things from me. Friends with my mom for fuck's sake? How she lorded that gleefully over me. You didnt put me in the little I love you guys you're the best friends ever text thing. That hurt. I lie to myself and say it's because you knew I'd definitely get what you were doing immediately.
I saw you in those first couple days. God I was so selfish! Do you know what a completely different life we would have had if you'd ever been brave enough to just tell me you couldn't tell me no about anything? I always included you in every decision, I never wanted to dominate our relationship. But if I am always asking your permission or input and I don't know that I need to go about it in a different way that would draw out your real opinion because you keep acting like you're fully onboard, how do I work around that?
If it weren't for how much it would fuck Aiden up I'd already be dead my love. Closes to half my life you've been my absolute everything. I'm going to break at some point and it will rock the earth I bet. There are so many things I want to share with you. So many things only you'll ever get. My every free waking hour was spent with you for so long, with Aiden's early bedtime there were countless hours and hours we spent alone. We never ran out of things to talk about. I felt safe knowing you were just as twisted in the head as me. It feels like whole swaths of my life aren't real because the only other person who knew about it, experienced it with me is gone. All I ever needed to be happy was to be in your arms. You were my heaven, and since I don't believe in an afterlife version of heaven and hell, I'll never know heaven again. I don't deserve it anyway.
I go back and forth over whether I'm going to curse your ex. It's against what I believe in, but she can't be let to get away with killing you either. Destroy her, devour her, shit her out and grind her every happiness, everything she has or ever will love into a writhing miasma of hell and hopelessness she's forced to watch suffer endlessly, trapped in a plain of festering pain, guilt, soul shattering, laws of existence defying, fucked upness till Brahma wakes, and when he slumbers again seal her from ever coming in contact with you again into infinity, each incarnation of hers more sorrowful than the last. Always with the instinct that she has done an irreparable harm, a great evil and she deserves everything she's getting. Just for starters. But then I worry you'd be mad.