post mortem options and dead babies

[rayven_phatonis]

Through my life I have considered many options for what to have done with my corpse when I am gone. I have always had a fascination with plastination, but I didn't know I could actually donate my body specifically for this purpose. It's definatly an option worth thinking over. The idea of being both a scientific and artistic exhibit fulfills my

Comments

[jeustr]

Baby I miss you so fucking much. I can't stand being without you. It should be me dead and not beautiful you. I'm the monster, the fuck up, the thing that broke us down. I love you so much, I feel like I can't breathe. I am nothing without you. I would give anything, anything to have you back. I still am in denial; how sad is that? Everyday, I think of new ways you might have slipped away, been spirited away, hell just burned your bridges really fucking thoroughly just to get me out of your life even because I suck so much. You're in FBI protection relocation, you've made such good friends with mom you've concocted this elaborate story that everyone is in on but me to keep me from bothering you anymore. God how could you have been friends with my mom behind my back this whole time? Were you the one with the fourth-grade education comment all along? I'm devastated you didn't seem to tell anyone how much we'd come back together. Or at least I thought we had? You said you were still in love with me, was that not true? Or was it more of your compartmentalizing everything? I was in my box; the rest of your life was in another. Hell, you didn't even tell me you'd gotten a girlfriend until how many months after? And I find out as I think we're talking about you moving back in with us then. Then I think we're talking about you moving home again, and you're just gone. It's the third time you've ripped my heart out and shat on it. I didn't guess the right type of steak you like, and it's fuck all? And the was a trick question! You did eat T-bones, but very rarely as you always got the whatever cut was flavored coffee/espresso or Cajun, and while in the beginning if we did steaks at home, you'd get a T-bone I suppose, for the last decade at least whenever we did steaks at home, we did filet mignon for home Hibachi. Like if we went to Waffle House, I do believe they had T-bone there, but with the wide variety you picked from it was hardly the steak you ate the most. Which I guess wasn't the question. What was your favorite? T-bone. And I missed it. Literally, it was the first thing that popped into my mind, I can see it flashing through my mind just as if it were a moment ago. But I overthought things, I just knew I was wrong. Maybe I'm a shitty witch not listening to my intuition? If I had maybe you'd be here?
I can't cry. Every time it wells up my body locks up and I swallow it down. I think maybe if I cry, I'll believe you're really gone, and I can't bear it. It makes me sick thinking we had to cremate you to get you home, you were so adamantly against it. It kills me I have so little of you to keep for myself, how little Aiden has. But then you weren't telling anyone that we'd grown so close again. Maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. I am going to archive all your posts here and under shadow_of_sheol for me and really for Aiden to have. Maybe he can read them and get to know the you he never really got to see. I can't bear that I never heard your voice after you left. I can't bear that the dreams we talked about together will never pass. I can't stand my life without you. It is a struggle everyday not to follow you, I even have the pills. Would've had them anyway since you're the one who introduced me to them for mental health as a spiritual hallucinogen.