A Once in a Lifetime Experience
So, I probably shouldn't be sharing this, but today I had my first ever Sigmoidoscopy. It's basically like a Colonoscopy, but they don't go in as far in order to avoid using any anesthesia. In order to prep, I hadn't be able to eat anything except water, water ice, popsicles, and jello since 6pm yesterday. That really wasn't bad, since my mom made sure to go for a trip to Rita's Water Ice with me, since my appetite's been out of control since getting off Adderall.
The worst part was this morning. I had to get up at 5:15am and give myself an enema. I tried and tried, but I couldn't get it to work, so I had to call my mom in to help. If you ever want a humbling experience, your mother giving you an enema is a great one. That wasn't so bad, but my neck was acting up so I took some Ibuprofen and went back to bed for the half hour before I had to do the second one. When we went to do it, I figured out I'd hurt myself when trying to do the first one, seeing as how it burned really bad. Then, aside from the normal cramps and discomfort that comes from a "cleansing" I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to vomit. Seriously, my gag reflex was in full fore and I felt it coming up my throat, but held it down by sheer willpower of not wanting to puke in the same toilet I was just "evacuating" in. Then it hit me: I was an idiot for taking pain relievers on an empty stomach while my body was going through serious strain. But goddammit my neck felt better.
When we got to the office at 7:15, we didn't have to wait long at all, and the test went rather smoothly (as smooth as something being stuck up your ass then blowing your colon up with gas can be). There was a bit of stabbing pain at the end, but that was just in passing, and it only took a total of about 20 minutes, thanks to the lack of anesthesia. Then came the aftermath...
While my innards felt great and completely clean (even the gas didn't really hurt or cause discomfort), the rest of my body was in a shambles. The rude wake-up call, the strain, the lack of food... I went to McDonald's and got their hotcakes as condolence, but then I was left home alone with the dogs. I watched a movie, but then I couldn't take anymore. Luckily, Jasper was ready for a nap too (since he's still so young, he's the only one we really have to watch all the time).
However, Jasper didn't want to sleep nearly as long as I did, so I sent him up to my Grandmother who live right above me. It turned out she could only watch him for about a half hour, so she tried locking him in a bathroom with a baby gate. Little did she know that lil' Jazzy doesn't go for that, so he woke me up with his loud obnoxious wailing. At that point I called my mom sounding like something between a zombie and a super mutant from Fallout 3 (Ashley will know what I mean), basically ordering her to come home as soon as possible.
Finally at around 12:30, I got to sleep well until about 3:20, when I had to get ready for work. I was so tempted to call off, but I knew I couldn't, and now I'm glad I didn't, because it turned out to be a pretty decent night. Now, though, I'm glad to be resting... with a peacefully sleeping puppy in my bed (when he's got energy, everything is his chew toy, including sleeping humans).
The worst part was this morning. I had to get up at 5:15am and give myself an enema. I tried and tried, but I couldn't get it to work, so I had to call my mom in to help. If you ever want a humbling experience, your mother giving you an enema is a great one. That wasn't so bad, but my neck was acting up so I took some Ibuprofen and went back to bed for the half hour before I had to do the second one. When we went to do it, I figured out I'd hurt myself when trying to do the first one, seeing as how it burned really bad. Then, aside from the normal cramps and discomfort that comes from a "cleansing" I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to vomit. Seriously, my gag reflex was in full fore and I felt it coming up my throat, but held it down by sheer willpower of not wanting to puke in the same toilet I was just "evacuating" in. Then it hit me: I was an idiot for taking pain relievers on an empty stomach while my body was going through serious strain. But goddammit my neck felt better.
When we got to the office at 7:15, we didn't have to wait long at all, and the test went rather smoothly (as smooth as something being stuck up your ass then blowing your colon up with gas can be). There was a bit of stabbing pain at the end, but that was just in passing, and it only took a total of about 20 minutes, thanks to the lack of anesthesia. Then came the aftermath...
While my innards felt great and completely clean (even the gas didn't really hurt or cause discomfort), the rest of my body was in a shambles. The rude wake-up call, the strain, the lack of food... I went to McDonald's and got their hotcakes as condolence, but then I was left home alone with the dogs. I watched a movie, but then I couldn't take anymore. Luckily, Jasper was ready for a nap too (since he's still so young, he's the only one we really have to watch all the time).
However, Jasper didn't want to sleep nearly as long as I did, so I sent him up to my Grandmother who live right above me. It turned out she could only watch him for about a half hour, so she tried locking him in a bathroom with a baby gate. Little did she know that lil' Jazzy doesn't go for that, so he woke me up with his loud obnoxious wailing. At that point I called my mom sounding like something between a zombie and a super mutant from Fallout 3 (Ashley will know what I mean), basically ordering her to come home as soon as possible.
Finally at around 12:30, I got to sleep well until about 3:20, when I had to get ready for work. I was so tempted to call off, but I knew I couldn't, and now I'm glad I didn't, because it turned out to be a pretty decent night. Now, though, I'm glad to be resting... with a peacefully sleeping puppy in my bed (when he's got energy, everything is his chew toy, including sleeping humans).