"let it burn"
hey,
yesterday needless to say sucked so bad. all day in school Ali practically ignored me. THEN after school she passed right by me. but after 2nd hour, she comes outta her class and her friend is like "so are you going to ask him out?" and she hushed her and pointed at me, i was like, what am i not spose to know? then at lunch i talked to Katie Jarvis who is a really good friend of Ali's and she so took my side on the issue and she talked to Ali today. NEways she passes me like i ain't no thing after school yesterday just holding hands and being all flirty with Lennon. SO i cried, hit some walls and finally Jordan cameup and i sat down (fetal position) and then i just bawled. THEN Kesley came up to me and was like OMG and then she saw my wrist cus i cut a LOT sunday nite. like my wrist is litterally a big braclet of scabs and blood and cuts. it was so bad cus right after i didn't clean the blood off and i squessed my hand into a fist and squessed my upper arm and blood literally dripped from my finger tips, like in a movie. the sad part is it was sooo fuckin cool. well, Kelsey took me and Jordan to her house for food and she cheered me up a little. We were 5 mins late for play practice and Mrs. Tower gave me a HUGE lecture and had me in tears AGAIN. idk what it is about that lady but she can make me cry so easy. with like 3 words im done. well, after practice me my brother and Kels and Jordan and Amber went to State Grounds and we had some coffee. Then we went home. and i cut more. more on my wrist and on my upper arm. its really bad.....:/ but it feels so good! i can't understand why! its soooo addictive, i remember when i started back right after 8th grade. i did it all the time! like it was candy! then i stopped for one reason. i fell in love for the first time. That was the only thing that got me to stop. now i started again and obviously no one loves me enough to help me like i need it, but the problem is i fell in love so it was mostly me and when i fell in love the love was back ya know? no one shows the love back! nobody! no a one, and its killing me inside. i love you shelly! i really do, i love you more than you can even imagine. but idk, im so lost right now because love is spose to be 2 ways. i gotta get going.:/ ill talk to ya'll lata.
hopefully tonite is better! *fingers crossed* im going to a movie w/ Jordan and hopefully Kim and yeah, after im taking Jordan home and going to see Liz. Liz is flipping SWEET! lol. ok bye.
~Rachel
P.S. Liz and Kels rocks my socks off!
yesterday needless to say sucked so bad. all day in school Ali practically ignored me. THEN after school she passed right by me. but after 2nd hour, she comes outta her class and her friend is like "so are you going to ask him out?" and she hushed her and pointed at me, i was like, what am i not spose to know? then at lunch i talked to Katie Jarvis who is a really good friend of Ali's and she so took my side on the issue and she talked to Ali today. NEways she passes me like i ain't no thing after school yesterday just holding hands and being all flirty with Lennon. SO i cried, hit some walls and finally Jordan cameup and i sat down (fetal position) and then i just bawled. THEN Kesley came up to me and was like OMG and then she saw my wrist cus i cut a LOT sunday nite. like my wrist is litterally a big braclet of scabs and blood and cuts. it was so bad cus right after i didn't clean the blood off and i squessed my hand into a fist and squessed my upper arm and blood literally dripped from my finger tips, like in a movie. the sad part is it was sooo fuckin cool. well, Kelsey took me and Jordan to her house for food and she cheered me up a little. We were 5 mins late for play practice and Mrs. Tower gave me a HUGE lecture and had me in tears AGAIN. idk what it is about that lady but she can make me cry so easy. with like 3 words im done. well, after practice me my brother and Kels and Jordan and Amber went to State Grounds and we had some coffee. Then we went home. and i cut more. more on my wrist and on my upper arm. its really bad.....:/ but it feels so good! i can't understand why! its soooo addictive, i remember when i started back right after 8th grade. i did it all the time! like it was candy! then i stopped for one reason. i fell in love for the first time. That was the only thing that got me to stop. now i started again and obviously no one loves me enough to help me like i need it, but the problem is i fell in love so it was mostly me and when i fell in love the love was back ya know? no one shows the love back! nobody! no a one, and its killing me inside. i love you shelly! i really do, i love you more than you can even imagine. but idk, im so lost right now because love is spose to be 2 ways. i gotta get going.:/ ill talk to ya'll lata.
hopefully tonite is better! *fingers crossed* im going to a movie w/ Jordan and hopefully Kim and yeah, after im taking Jordan home and going to see Liz. Liz is flipping SWEET! lol. ok bye.
~Rachel
P.S. Liz and Kels rocks my socks off!