why?
so, where are my friends when I feel my insides are being ripped out of me?
oh yeah, i really don't have any friends.
mostly cuz i pushed everyone away out of shame....
i can accept that it wasn't a personal attack at me... but you did do me wrong. and then to be so hostile because i let you know i'm upset, that i'm leaving because i didn't know when you'd be back.. I didn't throw my anger in your face. I didn't even lay it on you, you asked.
i find my only value in life anymore, is to be a companion/friend to others. they like me around, so i'm around. but if no one wants me around anymore, I lose purpose. i have no reason to live. I'm not bettering the world around me. I'm a burden, a waste, a loser. if i can't be given the chance to fulfill the role of companion/friend, i have no reason.
how miserable to count my reliable people on three fingers.... and more often than not,2 out of 3, or all 3 are not avaialbe. I can't survive on my own apprently. i'm a giaint waste of flesh remember? i'm a leech. i'm a parasite. a burden.
but if no one wants what lil good i have to offer anymore... i get lost.
I get hurt so bad. and I tried tried tried tried tried tried to deal with my upset ness correctly. and it did me no good. should i throw a fit in her face? w ould that make a difference? should i just lie and say 'oh everythings fine?' and bury it inside? no, none of those would of been right.
i've got to get out of here. this is not a good place for me. i feel myself dying. more and more and more i want to break. I want to scream, i want to yell, i want to throw things and beat thigns and break things... but no. raye can't do that. raye is a good kid.
so that leaves me with no outlet... no one wants to be around me anymore. then again, i pushed everyone away remember? so really this is the world i created for myself, for wahtever reason.
i almost don't want to be friends with her anymore. jsut because of how hostile she was... when i was trying to do it right.
but if i get a chance to leave, i won't have to deal with her anymore. i could leave my whole life here.... and wrap it all up in one person? no not good either. maybe i'll find friends there. doubtful. i don't make friends anymore.
did i have the look of pure hate on my face? I hope i hid it. i didn't mean it. not really. i don't blame him. and really i wouldn't of blamed her if she had explained more, and been more considerate... and hadn't responded so hostile back.
maybe she expected my hostlitity, and even though i didn't shove it at her, but let her know of my upset, she over acts to it.
why do i feel like i got stomped on and spat upon... but she is the one angery at me.
am I really just a selfish bitch? so caught up in my lil hell that i don't have give others their?
i don't think so. but i'm sure she would say i was.
oh yeah, i really don't have any friends.
mostly cuz i pushed everyone away out of shame....
i can accept that it wasn't a personal attack at me... but you did do me wrong. and then to be so hostile because i let you know i'm upset, that i'm leaving because i didn't know when you'd be back.. I didn't throw my anger in your face. I didn't even lay it on you, you asked.
i find my only value in life anymore, is to be a companion/friend to others. they like me around, so i'm around. but if no one wants me around anymore, I lose purpose. i have no reason to live. I'm not bettering the world around me. I'm a burden, a waste, a loser. if i can't be given the chance to fulfill the role of companion/friend, i have no reason.
how miserable to count my reliable people on three fingers.... and more often than not,2 out of 3, or all 3 are not avaialbe. I can't survive on my own apprently. i'm a giaint waste of flesh remember? i'm a leech. i'm a parasite. a burden.
but if no one wants what lil good i have to offer anymore... i get lost.
I get hurt so bad. and I tried tried tried tried tried tried to deal with my upset ness correctly. and it did me no good. should i throw a fit in her face? w ould that make a difference? should i just lie and say 'oh everythings fine?' and bury it inside? no, none of those would of been right.
i've got to get out of here. this is not a good place for me. i feel myself dying. more and more and more i want to break. I want to scream, i want to yell, i want to throw things and beat thigns and break things... but no. raye can't do that. raye is a good kid.
so that leaves me with no outlet... no one wants to be around me anymore. then again, i pushed everyone away remember? so really this is the world i created for myself, for wahtever reason.
i almost don't want to be friends with her anymore. jsut because of how hostile she was... when i was trying to do it right.
but if i get a chance to leave, i won't have to deal with her anymore. i could leave my whole life here.... and wrap it all up in one person? no not good either. maybe i'll find friends there. doubtful. i don't make friends anymore.
did i have the look of pure hate on my face? I hope i hid it. i didn't mean it. not really. i don't blame him. and really i wouldn't of blamed her if she had explained more, and been more considerate... and hadn't responded so hostile back.
maybe she expected my hostlitity, and even though i didn't shove it at her, but let her know of my upset, she over acts to it.
why do i feel like i got stomped on and spat upon... but she is the one angery at me.
am I really just a selfish bitch? so caught up in my lil hell that i don't have give others their?
i don't think so. but i'm sure she would say i was.