Self-study
I am going to redo my Lj...
If you want me to remove you. speak now.
However, only add a comment to say "please remove me" or else think about what you wish to say. Blurry thoughts are hard to decode and can be subject to my sharp tongue.
I am beginning to realize that no one cares about my problems. They just treat me like discard waste, and when I reciprocate the feeling, they cry and whine and tell me what a horrible person I am. Am I? Do you all hate me that much? I know I am a handful, but please bare with me. I am trying. There are just so many things in my life that are going wrong, and because I trust no one to talk about it, it becomes supressed and I want to die becaues no one can read my mind and figure me out.
So you know what, since you gave up on me, I can't win you back. I never gave up on you. Ever. I believed in you. Even now I still do. I guess that's the real joke. You say you know nothing about me, yet I wear my emotions on my sleeve. You know I have a secret journal? I write in it when I realize I can't be honest here. Because you judge me. Everytime you say that everyone is good and that you don't lie or judge people, I want to hurt you to prove you are wrong. People do do bad things. There are even people who take pleasure in doing evil. My journal doesn't even make sense, does it? It's all random, like my thoughts.
I really am mad. But who cares. I can cry in the dark all night. No one knows. No one understands me. Yes, people understand the process of what I am going through, there are people out there who suffer as I, but no one can claim to know you so well as to feel your pain directly. Nothing replaces inner turmoil, inner strength. These are your own. You're not responsible because you go to college. You're not stupid because you work at a fast food chain. You're not good because you're friends with the unpopular kid. You're not bad if you don't talk to a friend for a day. You're a living breathing person. I respect that.
Be honest with me. I rather you say "I HATE YOU" than tell someone else and I find out the hard way. Just say no when you want to. Don't sugarcoat the truth for me. Don't feel sorry for me, I already have enough self-pity. Don't lie to me and say it's my fault. I know my faults. I have many. I am a compulsive liar and a hypocrite. I am slow to anger but never forget. I enjoy making others suffer, even though I regret it almost instantly. I can't say "I'm sorry" and mean it; I can only show it- the words are just that. I hate being ignored. I hate people who talk behind my back. I hate people who can't confront me. I hate a lot of things. I have a lot of anger and no outlet. I want to use art, but since people never encourage me, I fell sad whenever I pick up a pencil now. I cry at night. A lot. I feel I've lost all my friends. I've actually lost a few. I don't know how to handle rejection. I don't know how to smile. I don't know how to swim. I don't know how to ride a bike. I am a virgin. I am naive. I am sensitive. I have a sharp tongue. I am a hard-worker. I am loyal. I am me.
I am alone.
I am alive.
I will die.
I am thinking about creating a will.
If you want me to remove you. speak now.
However, only add a comment to say "please remove me" or else think about what you wish to say. Blurry thoughts are hard to decode and can be subject to my sharp tongue.
I am beginning to realize that no one cares about my problems. They just treat me like discard waste, and when I reciprocate the feeling, they cry and whine and tell me what a horrible person I am. Am I? Do you all hate me that much? I know I am a handful, but please bare with me. I am trying. There are just so many things in my life that are going wrong, and because I trust no one to talk about it, it becomes supressed and I want to die becaues no one can read my mind and figure me out.
So you know what, since you gave up on me, I can't win you back. I never gave up on you. Ever. I believed in you. Even now I still do. I guess that's the real joke. You say you know nothing about me, yet I wear my emotions on my sleeve. You know I have a secret journal? I write in it when I realize I can't be honest here. Because you judge me. Everytime you say that everyone is good and that you don't lie or judge people, I want to hurt you to prove you are wrong. People do do bad things. There are even people who take pleasure in doing evil. My journal doesn't even make sense, does it? It's all random, like my thoughts.
I really am mad. But who cares. I can cry in the dark all night. No one knows. No one understands me. Yes, people understand the process of what I am going through, there are people out there who suffer as I, but no one can claim to know you so well as to feel your pain directly. Nothing replaces inner turmoil, inner strength. These are your own. You're not responsible because you go to college. You're not stupid because you work at a fast food chain. You're not good because you're friends with the unpopular kid. You're not bad if you don't talk to a friend for a day. You're a living breathing person. I respect that.
Be honest with me. I rather you say "I HATE YOU" than tell someone else and I find out the hard way. Just say no when you want to. Don't sugarcoat the truth for me. Don't feel sorry for me, I already have enough self-pity. Don't lie to me and say it's my fault. I know my faults. I have many. I am a compulsive liar and a hypocrite. I am slow to anger but never forget. I enjoy making others suffer, even though I regret it almost instantly. I can't say "I'm sorry" and mean it; I can only show it- the words are just that. I hate being ignored. I hate people who talk behind my back. I hate people who can't confront me. I hate a lot of things. I have a lot of anger and no outlet. I want to use art, but since people never encourage me, I fell sad whenever I pick up a pencil now. I cry at night. A lot. I feel I've lost all my friends. I've actually lost a few. I don't know how to handle rejection. I don't know how to smile. I don't know how to swim. I don't know how to ride a bike. I am a virgin. I am naive. I am sensitive. I have a sharp tongue. I am a hard-worker. I am loyal. I am me.
I am alone.
I am alive.
I will die.
I am thinking about creating a will.