life
I don't know if I can deal with my crazy fucking father much longer.
I had a swell day from monday 11am to tuesday 11am but I had to come home, where my sister whines about everything and my father sits around and feels sorry for himself for having to like with three women. Today for breakfest/lunch I had ratatouille that my family had last night, I wasn't that hungry but I figured I should probably eat something because the last thing I ate was at like four the day earlier. I couldn't finish the portion and my dad started yelling at me. Then my sister was watching bravo and my dad walked be and said his usual "Bravo's so full of fucking queer!". At dinner I was also not very hungry so I didn't eat the chicken, only a piece of corn and a potato, and he got super offended because my mom did the same thing. Then he started to freak out and talk about how he would go gay so he didn't have to live with women and started cursing that crazy. I let him cool down and said I have to do laundry tomorrow and I can't go with him, my sister, her friend and family ollala berry picking tomorrow. So of course the logical thing for him to do of course was to yell at me for trying to do the laundry all in one day and tell me I can't take showers anymore. Then he said I have to go and that we need to go to a laundry mat. He told me that they were hard to use. So I told him no they aren't I have gone to one before and then he started to inform everyone about how much he doesn't like me and can't wait until I go. I never tell them that when I feel that way (which is about all the time) because I am afraid to hurt them. I hate myself because I want to please everyone but there is no way in hell I can do that. I am kind of afraid I won't eat at camp because I will feel awkward. Thats what happened last night. Alina's coming on Friday and I don't know what to think about that. I have liked her for a really long time but she is not here you know. I don't know. Fuck.