Well, I'm a waste like you with nothing else to do, May I waste your time too?
Kim is moving next weekend and I don't know how I feel about it.
She will only be an hour or so away, but it sucks. Another person I care about, moving away..another face fading away. Ah but, life goes on.
Our last night together could have been better I suppose but it's who your with not really where you are that counts.
I saw Jessi tonight, she made me smile..
I have been having these feelings lately I know I can't share with anyone. Nothing bad in the sense where my friends need to worry, but, feelings more or less about someone in my life I know for a fact I shouldn't have. It's strange because I have always been so willing to talk to certain people when things occur, sometimes things similar as to this situation but, for once in my life it really truly is different. I don't want to share what I have been thinking with anyone but my private journals hidden in my room where I write the things I never tell anyone. It's strange and like everything in my life, they are asinine to have in the sense where I know nothing positive will occur from it.
It's always been easy for me, if I wanted someone to try the big romantic gesture in hopes I obtain who I am pining over. It's almost manipulative in the sense where I am only doing it because I want them to like me. This is the first time in my life I have not felt that way at all. It's totally selfless and that scares me a little. That's another reason I think it's bad. It's scary the question in my head...is this the first geniune feeling I have ever had for a person?
In retrospect, I can admit now maybe everything else prior was a fascade. I was in love with the moment. The time. The idea. I was in love with wanting to obtain the goal. The person in my head became a goal and not a person at all. It's weird how your mind works.
This is why it's scary to me. I know this time it's nothing like that. I refuse to talk about it any further because I said too much on an internet bloggidy blog.
Anyways, whatever, right?
Useless thought.
It will never happen anyway.
Nothing does.
But, I can smile I suppose. It's not the end of the world and I still have plenty to be happy about.
Im going to bed now.
She will only be an hour or so away, but it sucks. Another person I care about, moving away..another face fading away. Ah but, life goes on.
Our last night together could have been better I suppose but it's who your with not really where you are that counts.
I saw Jessi tonight, she made me smile..
I have been having these feelings lately I know I can't share with anyone. Nothing bad in the sense where my friends need to worry, but, feelings more or less about someone in my life I know for a fact I shouldn't have. It's strange because I have always been so willing to talk to certain people when things occur, sometimes things similar as to this situation but, for once in my life it really truly is different. I don't want to share what I have been thinking with anyone but my private journals hidden in my room where I write the things I never tell anyone. It's strange and like everything in my life, they are asinine to have in the sense where I know nothing positive will occur from it.
It's always been easy for me, if I wanted someone to try the big romantic gesture in hopes I obtain who I am pining over. It's almost manipulative in the sense where I am only doing it because I want them to like me. This is the first time in my life I have not felt that way at all. It's totally selfless and that scares me a little. That's another reason I think it's bad. It's scary the question in my head...is this the first geniune feeling I have ever had for a person?
In retrospect, I can admit now maybe everything else prior was a fascade. I was in love with the moment. The time. The idea. I was in love with wanting to obtain the goal. The person in my head became a goal and not a person at all. It's weird how your mind works.
This is why it's scary to me. I know this time it's nothing like that. I refuse to talk about it any further because I said too much on an internet bloggidy blog.
Anyways, whatever, right?
Useless thought.
It will never happen anyway.
Nothing does.
But, I can smile I suppose. It's not the end of the world and I still have plenty to be happy about.
Im going to bed now.