This how im sopposed to be in a land make believe that dont believe in me.
I'm laying in my bed posting this from my phone.
I started working as a pre school teacher in wilmington about three weeks ago. it is a real legit adult job for once in my life. I adore working with children so I can honestly say its pretty gratifing. i still wonder though, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life though. the words the rest of my life have been so scary to me lately.
I feel like I have to impress everyone with this idea of what I should be doing. find something you're good at. find something you kind of like. make a career out of it. it all seems so final. the only thing I ever knew I wanted was a family and to find love. I would be hapy being a house wife and working on my books at home. or maybe a side venture like creating something. clothes. jewlery. a webpage. something. but, alas everyone says girl, you need to grow up. figure things out. you wasted too much of your life. so I guess that's what I'm doing. and while I love it, I just feel so...uncertain. and scared at how final it seems.
I really want to travel. I don't rememeber being further than 8 hours from my home. I want to see the united states. I want to see other countries. I want to be with a beautiful man so he can see my face and I can share it with him as I experience everything for the first time.
I don't know. I guess these fears are normal. I guess I will suck it up and enjoy my new adult job. one day I may travel. one day I may even find myself with a man who is hopelessly in love with me and wants to travel with me. one day. maybe.
I started working as a pre school teacher in wilmington about three weeks ago. it is a real legit adult job for once in my life. I adore working with children so I can honestly say its pretty gratifing. i still wonder though, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life though. the words the rest of my life have been so scary to me lately.
I feel like I have to impress everyone with this idea of what I should be doing. find something you're good at. find something you kind of like. make a career out of it. it all seems so final. the only thing I ever knew I wanted was a family and to find love. I would be hapy being a house wife and working on my books at home. or maybe a side venture like creating something. clothes. jewlery. a webpage. something. but, alas everyone says girl, you need to grow up. figure things out. you wasted too much of your life. so I guess that's what I'm doing. and while I love it, I just feel so...uncertain. and scared at how final it seems.
I really want to travel. I don't rememeber being further than 8 hours from my home. I want to see the united states. I want to see other countries. I want to be with a beautiful man so he can see my face and I can share it with him as I experience everything for the first time.
I don't know. I guess these fears are normal. I guess I will suck it up and enjoy my new adult job. one day I may travel. one day I may even find myself with a man who is hopelessly in love with me and wants to travel with me. one day. maybe.