Dreams [2/?]
Title: Dreams [2/?]
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Pairing: guy!Eunhyuk and girl!Donghae
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, only the plot, sadly... :)
Summary: It was a story of a girl who gave up on everything, and everyone gave up on her. He came along and changed all that. But could they be together with her in that state, and in a society where what they had was considered disgusting?
*continues right where it left off -_-
Spot for grace_uni because she wanted another girl!Hae fic :)
***
I left Donghae in the room by herself. Somehow a part of me didn’t feel safe having her there by alone, so I went to the front desk.
“Nurse, would you please look after the patient in Room E15.” She nodded and smiled at me.
The nurses all gave her and me a look. They looked at me and smiled like everyone always did. I used to want people to recognize who I was when I was walking in the streets, but now, somehow it didn’t matter anymore. The only person I wanted to smile at me like they did, with a spark of interest was..
RING RING RING!!
The ringing of my phone penetrated my thoughts.
“Yoboseyo?”
“Yah! Eunhyuk! Get your ass down here before we all get our butts whooped by the manager.” I could hear everyone in the background agreeing.
“Ye.” I hung up. Then I looked back at the nurse. “Make sure nothing happens to that patient, and if anything does happen please give me a call. Here’s my number.”
I didn’t care if she gave it out to people because all I wanted right now was to have the feeling that Donghae was going to be safe here without me by her side. I left right after I gave the nurse the card, and I could hear the nurses giggling as I ran down the hall.
When I got to the interview the manager was just coming in. I lucked out from this one. I sat down next to Sungmin right away and they started. Everything seemed to drone on and on. My mind wasn’t focused and apparently everyone could tell since Sungmin kept nudging me throughout the interview.
“Eunhyuk sshi..”
“Psst! Eunhyuk! Yah!” Sungmin whispered from beside me. “It’s your turn!.” I refocused my eyes on the interviewer.
“Ye?”
“As you know, there is a rumor going on recently that you and SNSD’s Hyoyeon are in a relationship. Is that true?”
“No. We are just really close friends.”
“Then, do you have a girlfriend at the moment?”
“No.”
“Is there someone you’re seeing right now then?”
I hesitated.
“No.”
Did I really want the world to know that a twenty-four year old man was now starting to see a fifteen year old girl? No I didn’t. Even if she was a sick patient and I was visiting her for the right reasons. Troubles would come to the manager, to me, and to Donghae. I didn’t want anymore troubles on her. But this was only for charity. Right?
“Siwon what about you?” They had shifted their attention to Siwon now so I was dazed again thinking of what I was going to bring to Donghae later when I went to see her.
It was getting really late and our last interview of the day was coming to an end. I was constantly looking at the clock, counting down the minutes to the end of the interview. When it finally ended everyone piled into the cars.
“Uh hyung,” I said to Leeteuk. “I’m going to be late tonight. So don’t wait up.”
“Yeah yeah.” Leeteuk was too tired to argue with me about seeing Donghae this late. I was thankful for that. The cars left and I waited for a taxi.
When I got to the hospital practically no one was there. I went straight to the front desk because I knew that visiting hours were done.
“Can I please go to Room E15.”
“Sir, I’m sorry but its past visiting hours.”
“I know that, but I was..”
“Nurse just let the man go see the patient.” A doctor appeared behind me. “It’s not like everyday we see someone come see that patient anyways. Just let him go.”
“Uh.. O-Okay then.”
“Kamsahamnida.”
I ran down the hall with the doctors words running through my head. It’s not like everyday we see someone come see that patient anyways. Somehow those words tugged at my heart. It pained me to know that not even her family came to see her. This made me want to protect her even more, to be by her side even more.
The doctor didn’t even refer to her with her name, but just that patient. Everyone really did give up on her. But I wasn’t going to. Not now, not ever.
I stopped in front of the door leading to Donghae, and let my breathing become regular. I didn’t want any of the other kids in the room to wake up because of my heavy breathing. After I caught my breath I slowly opened the door. The room was dark and I could hear the soft snoring of the kids in the room. I walked in and turned around the little corner. I could see a dim light amongst all the darkness of the room. It was coming from Donghae’s bed. Why is she still up at this hour?
I walked quietly to her bed, trying not to disturb the sleeping children in the room. There were children in this room, it finally came to me, but why was a fifteen year old with all these eight year olds? Wasn’t she suppose to be placed with the other fifteen and sixteen year olds?
As I came closer to her bed I could see that she was sitting up behind the thin curtains. Her knees were up to her chest and her head was resting on her knees. I opened the curtains wide and the first thing I saw were tears in her eyes. Here eyes were swollen, her nose was red, and tissues were everywhere on the bed. When I looked again at her eyes I saw shock, the shock of being caught, pain, agony, hurt, fear. I could feel my heart drop. The girl that never showed any feelings to anyone was crying alone in the dark.
***
It was late and all the kids in the room were sound asleep. I slowly got up trying not to make any noise to wake them up. I opened the curtains that were surrounding me to look out at the sleeping kids. They all looked so peaceful, so sweet, so relaxed. This was the only time they ever looked like that, even if they were happy in the day, I could see the fear, the pain in their eyes as they were fighting their own disease internally, not letting the nurses or doctors know how painful it was, because they were so thankful no one gave up on them. I was jealous of that.
I felt tears running down my face like they always did when I checked on the kids late at night, which was everyday for the past seven months. I wanted someone, anyone, to not give up on me like they had. Someone to take care of me too, someone to come visit me everyday like they had. But I had no one. Not even my family came, the doctors and nurses gave up on me and only came to give me check ups on my health and give me medicine.
I grabbed the tissues sitting on the bedside table and started wiping the tears away, and started dabbing at my nose.
This was like a routine for me now. Every night at this hour I would cry all of the feelings I had kept inside so well out. This way no one saw me, and no one would pity me, and no one would start to help me because of that pity. I didn’t want that. I wanted someone to help me because they wanted to, not because they pitied me.
The tissues ran out so I just gave up wiping my unstopping tears. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. The tears were still running down my face.
I was too busy thinking about how I was going to deal with everyone who treated me like nothing and didn’t realize someone had opened my curtains. I looked up. Bewilderment ran through me. I could feel my body going cold but somehow the tears were still not stopping. I was so surprised to see him here at this time of night. He looked at me then my bed and then back at me. When he looked into my eyes I felt like he could read all my little secrets, everything about me. I was scared, no one had ever had that power on me.
Eunhyuk walked over to my side, sat down on the bed, cupped my face in his large hands, and lifted my face up so I was looking at him. I could see the pain in his eyes from seeing me like this. Why was that even there? He gently, more gentle than my mother had, wiped away my tears with his thumbs, but that only caused more tears to run down my face.
“Donghae-ah. Don’t cry anymore. You have me now.”
Those words ran through my body repeating and repeating. Then I whimpered, to my surprise, and soon I was crying out. I hadn’t cried in front of someone for over a year now, and it felt good to finally cry out all of the feelings I had locked up inside me.
Eunhyuk pulled me into his arms and embraced me. His right hand was slowly rubbing my back and his left hand was on my head pressing my face into his chest. How I had wanted someone to hold me like this for so long.
When I finally stopped crying he let go of me. He looked at me with worried eyes. Finally I had someone who wouldn’t give up on me, at least I hoped he wouldn’t. Someone I could fully be myself with. We stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other and not moving an inch.
“Donghae-ah, sleep well tonight. I’ll come see you tomorrow.”
I only nodded slightly even though he had become closer to me than anyone had ever had, he wasn’t close enough to have me actually nod and say something to him. No one had ever been that close, and no one was ever going to be. Eunhyuk was closer, but that was just barely scratching the surface. And he saw that, but he understood, somehow. Then he left me in the room by myself, as the thoughts of what just happened ran through my head once again.
I had just showed my weak side to practically a total stranger. Although I did very much like him when I hadn’t contracted this… this thing. Now, it was different. No matter how much I loved someone before, all that was gone. I couldn't love anyone anymore, I wouldn't love anyone.
I saw in his eyes what he saw of me, vulnerable and weak. Unlike everyone else who saw me as strong and stable even with a life threatening disease that could kill me in a matter of months. He was the first person to see me that way. It felt… different. I didn’t want to be seen as vulnerable and weak to anybody.
It was too confusing to think of everything that had happened so I decided to go to sleep for once at this hour instead of staying up ‘til dawn and falling asleep for the rest of the day.
When I woke up the next day the first thing I saw was Eunhyuk sitting at my bedside. His head was down and his arms were crossed. I could hear his steady breathing which indicated that he fell asleep. Then at that moment a nurse came in quietly even though there weren’t kids in the room anymore.
“Good morning Miss Donghae.” she gave me a smile, it wasn’t warm, but it wasn’t cold either. I gave her nothing in return and she faltered a little.
“He came to see you this morning but you were sleeping. I guess now he’s asleep huh?”
She was practically talking to herself as my gaze went up to the ceiling. I had no interest in this whatsoever even though I knew that Eunhyuk had seen my crying. The only person for the past year and half.
I started counting the dots on the ceiling again from scratch since I lost track of where I was yesterday. I could hear the nurse sigh in the background as she put the tray of food at the bedside table and left me alone to my counting, and Eunhyuk to his sleeping.
When she left the room I stopped counting the dots, and got out of my bed. It wasn’t like I had muscle deficiency or something, it was just liver cancer, I could walk and all, but I just choose not to.
I walked over to the other side of the room where there was another window, one that actually held something other than a brick wall for me to see. Although from where I was staying I could only see the top of buildings. But as I got closer I could see the bright blue sky above me, the green grass below me, and patients, nurses and doctors alike walking the grounds of the hospital.
“Such a beautiful sight isn’t it?” came a voice from beside me.
Through my peripheral vision I could make out red hair and a lean body. Eunhyuk had woken up. I didn’t turn to look at him like someone else would, but instead I just kept staring at the outside world, where I longed to be, but choose not to. Because it brought me happiness to be basking in the sun’s warmth, and I wasn’t suppose to be happy. Not when I was like this.
I finally got enough of it and walked back to my bed, sat down, and grabbed the tray and placed it on my lap. Eunhyuk had followed me and was again sitting at my side. His eyes stared at the food I was systematically putting into my mouth. I heard his stomach growling, but what do I care? That was his problem.
“Aren’t you going to share?”
This was hospital food, not regular food. Babo.
He whined when I was indifferent toward his pleading. Then moments later he became quiet. It was suddenly too quiet without his constant whining, so I looked up to see what was wrong with him. To my surprise he was drinking some strawberry milk. And he wanted me to share with him huh?
“Mmmm.. This is yummy.” he looked at me and gave me a wide grin. He was so childish. Too childish for a grown man. I just kept staring at him.
“You want some?” I slightly nodded my head no. I was good with my hospital food, sort of. But instead of leaving me alone like I wanted him to, he just reached the straw to my mouth.
“Here, drink some. It’s good for you.” and once again I slightly nodded my head no. “Come on~ it won’t hurt to try a little.”
Then I believed his words, unlike anything else. The people that my friends hung out with would always offer me drugs, or alcohol but I always turned them down, even as they said those same lines to me. Maybe this time I believe him because I knew it was just milk. But somehow if it was drugs or alcohol I would’ve took it too if HE offered it to me.
It was strange, the feeling I got in my mouth as the strawberry milk reached my tongue. It tasted sweet, with a hint of strawberries, and the thickness of the milk was there. It had been a while since I had anything to satisfy my bad sweet tooth and the strawberry milk hit the spot for me. It was like I was a child again, back when my parents only had me and they would take care of me. Not the other way around, like 5 years ago. Now they just didn’t acknowledge my existence, and I didn’t acknowledge theirs, or anyone else’s.
“It’s good isn’t it?” Eunhyuk gave me his dazzling gummy smile. I finished off the small carton of milk. He chuckled at me. “I thought hospital food was good enough for you. I guess not huh?” I stopped drinking the last of the milk, surprised at what he just said. It was like he read my mind and said the words that I never did. He just stared at me incredulously. Nothing in his expression changed, unlike me.
“Here, let me throw that out for you.” he took the milk carton from me and threw it out in the garbage can across the room. “You know I usually never share my strawberry milk with anyone. I guess you’re an exception huh?. You should feel special now.”
And I did feel special. More than anything, and it was a weird feeling. To be special to someone, to be the only exception to someone. It was heart-wavering. Somehow he was like the person I had always been wishing for. Someone who won’t ever give up on me no matter how stubborn I am. It was like God had sent down an angel to be my guide, to be my savior, to be my hope, to be my friend. I was thankful beyond anything else.
Eunhyuk just kept staring at me, nothing to do but that. That gummy smile of his, that I adored so much, stayed on his face as he looked at me. It felt as though his piercingly beautiful eyes saw deep into my soul and deep into my heart.
“What are you thinking about so intensely?” came his soft voice, trying not to startle me.
I just shook my head answering his question.
“Oh, I see…” there was nothing else to say to him.
I finally turned away from him, for the first time today, and sighed. It was a loud deep sigh that relieved me of all the stress and the upcoming ones too.
“Everything will be fine. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.” and anger sparked in me. It wasn’t like I meant to get mad or anything. Usually I’m a very calm person, but somehow those words just tore the top off the bottle of emotions I had inside of me.
“What makes you think that everything will be fine!? Do you know what I’m going through!? How much I’m struggling to survive each and everyday!? How do you know everything’s going to be fine huh!? Are you some kind of psychic or what!? Nothing will ever be fine for me! I won’t ever be fine ever again! Everything’s changed for me! Don’t worry!? How can I not worry!? What if the doctors made a mistake and accidentally took my life!? What if my body just gave out at this very moment!? Don’t speak of thing’s so lightly when you don’t even know how it feels to be in my position!!!”
I was out of breath after I yelled out everything that I had kept inside me for the past seven months. It was so painful to keep it all inside, and after saying it, it still felt painful. Like a part of who I was for these seven months was gone forever. Like all the emotions inside me just flew out leaving a big gaping hole inside of me.
My eyes traveled to Eunhyuk’s eyes, and in them I saw things that I wouldn’t have ever imagine in anyone’s eyes after I’ve yelled at them. I saw hope, happiness, and love?
He got up from his seat and came towards me, putting me in an embrace like last night. And just like last night I started crying, and couldn’t stop. This was the first time I had ever cried out loud, well the second time, but out in the daylight, out for anyone who walks into the room to see. Out in the open. But I couldn’t help it. Everyone was always telling me how things will be alright when they weren’t. When they weren’t going to be, and Eunhyuk saying it was the last straw.
“Shhh..”
I could hear him soothing me. How can someone like him take care of me, say things to me, make me so happy, but at the same time hurt me so much, and make me sadder than anything.
“Donghae-ah, it’ll be alright.”
And for the first time in my fifteen years of living have I ever believed in those words. Not even my beloved aunts in the past had ever gotten me to believe those words, cause I knew better. But with Eunhyuk, they just felt true. Truer than anything else I have heard from anyone. It made my heart ache because I knew that when that day comes that I become well again, Eunhyuk would leave. The person I trusted with my life would leave me to live his own life. I knew that well, and I’m still thinking these thoughts. I’m too selfish of a person.
Eunhyuk had left me for the day to attend his activities. I felt something in my chest but I didn’t know what it was. It was in my whole body, kind of shaky but not so much that it hurt, just annoying me. This was something I’d never felt before and I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t like it so much.
A/N: So here's the second part. Hoped you guys all enjoyed it. :) Sorry for the grammar mistakes and such -_- Comments? :DD
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Pairing: guy!Eunhyuk and girl!Donghae
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, only the plot, sadly... :)
Summary: It was a story of a girl who gave up on everything, and everyone gave up on her. He came along and changed all that. But could they be together with her in that state, and in a society where what they had was considered disgusting?
*continues right where it left off -_-
Spot for grace_uni because she wanted another girl!Hae fic :)
***
I left Donghae in the room by herself. Somehow a part of me didn’t feel safe having her there by alone, so I went to the front desk.
“Nurse, would you please look after the patient in Room E15.” She nodded and smiled at me.
The nurses all gave her and me a look. They looked at me and smiled like everyone always did. I used to want people to recognize who I was when I was walking in the streets, but now, somehow it didn’t matter anymore. The only person I wanted to smile at me like they did, with a spark of interest was..
RING RING RING!!
The ringing of my phone penetrated my thoughts.
“Yoboseyo?”
“Yah! Eunhyuk! Get your ass down here before we all get our butts whooped by the manager.” I could hear everyone in the background agreeing.
“Ye.” I hung up. Then I looked back at the nurse. “Make sure nothing happens to that patient, and if anything does happen please give me a call. Here’s my number.”
I didn’t care if she gave it out to people because all I wanted right now was to have the feeling that Donghae was going to be safe here without me by her side. I left right after I gave the nurse the card, and I could hear the nurses giggling as I ran down the hall.
When I got to the interview the manager was just coming in. I lucked out from this one. I sat down next to Sungmin right away and they started. Everything seemed to drone on and on. My mind wasn’t focused and apparently everyone could tell since Sungmin kept nudging me throughout the interview.
“Eunhyuk sshi..”
“Psst! Eunhyuk! Yah!” Sungmin whispered from beside me. “It’s your turn!.” I refocused my eyes on the interviewer.
“Ye?”
“As you know, there is a rumor going on recently that you and SNSD’s Hyoyeon are in a relationship. Is that true?”
“No. We are just really close friends.”
“Then, do you have a girlfriend at the moment?”
“No.”
“Is there someone you’re seeing right now then?”
I hesitated.
“No.”
Did I really want the world to know that a twenty-four year old man was now starting to see a fifteen year old girl? No I didn’t. Even if she was a sick patient and I was visiting her for the right reasons. Troubles would come to the manager, to me, and to Donghae. I didn’t want anymore troubles on her. But this was only for charity. Right?
“Siwon what about you?” They had shifted their attention to Siwon now so I was dazed again thinking of what I was going to bring to Donghae later when I went to see her.
It was getting really late and our last interview of the day was coming to an end. I was constantly looking at the clock, counting down the minutes to the end of the interview. When it finally ended everyone piled into the cars.
“Uh hyung,” I said to Leeteuk. “I’m going to be late tonight. So don’t wait up.”
“Yeah yeah.” Leeteuk was too tired to argue with me about seeing Donghae this late. I was thankful for that. The cars left and I waited for a taxi.
When I got to the hospital practically no one was there. I went straight to the front desk because I knew that visiting hours were done.
“Can I please go to Room E15.”
“Sir, I’m sorry but its past visiting hours.”
“I know that, but I was..”
“Nurse just let the man go see the patient.” A doctor appeared behind me. “It’s not like everyday we see someone come see that patient anyways. Just let him go.”
“Uh.. O-Okay then.”
“Kamsahamnida.”
I ran down the hall with the doctors words running through my head. It’s not like everyday we see someone come see that patient anyways. Somehow those words tugged at my heart. It pained me to know that not even her family came to see her. This made me want to protect her even more, to be by her side even more.
The doctor didn’t even refer to her with her name, but just that patient. Everyone really did give up on her. But I wasn’t going to. Not now, not ever.
I stopped in front of the door leading to Donghae, and let my breathing become regular. I didn’t want any of the other kids in the room to wake up because of my heavy breathing. After I caught my breath I slowly opened the door. The room was dark and I could hear the soft snoring of the kids in the room. I walked in and turned around the little corner. I could see a dim light amongst all the darkness of the room. It was coming from Donghae’s bed. Why is she still up at this hour?
I walked quietly to her bed, trying not to disturb the sleeping children in the room. There were children in this room, it finally came to me, but why was a fifteen year old with all these eight year olds? Wasn’t she suppose to be placed with the other fifteen and sixteen year olds?
As I came closer to her bed I could see that she was sitting up behind the thin curtains. Her knees were up to her chest and her head was resting on her knees. I opened the curtains wide and the first thing I saw were tears in her eyes. Here eyes were swollen, her nose was red, and tissues were everywhere on the bed. When I looked again at her eyes I saw shock, the shock of being caught, pain, agony, hurt, fear. I could feel my heart drop. The girl that never showed any feelings to anyone was crying alone in the dark.
***
It was late and all the kids in the room were sound asleep. I slowly got up trying not to make any noise to wake them up. I opened the curtains that were surrounding me to look out at the sleeping kids. They all looked so peaceful, so sweet, so relaxed. This was the only time they ever looked like that, even if they were happy in the day, I could see the fear, the pain in their eyes as they were fighting their own disease internally, not letting the nurses or doctors know how painful it was, because they were so thankful no one gave up on them. I was jealous of that.
I felt tears running down my face like they always did when I checked on the kids late at night, which was everyday for the past seven months. I wanted someone, anyone, to not give up on me like they had. Someone to take care of me too, someone to come visit me everyday like they had. But I had no one. Not even my family came, the doctors and nurses gave up on me and only came to give me check ups on my health and give me medicine.
I grabbed the tissues sitting on the bedside table and started wiping the tears away, and started dabbing at my nose.
This was like a routine for me now. Every night at this hour I would cry all of the feelings I had kept inside so well out. This way no one saw me, and no one would pity me, and no one would start to help me because of that pity. I didn’t want that. I wanted someone to help me because they wanted to, not because they pitied me.
The tissues ran out so I just gave up wiping my unstopping tears. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. The tears were still running down my face.
I was too busy thinking about how I was going to deal with everyone who treated me like nothing and didn’t realize someone had opened my curtains. I looked up. Bewilderment ran through me. I could feel my body going cold but somehow the tears were still not stopping. I was so surprised to see him here at this time of night. He looked at me then my bed and then back at me. When he looked into my eyes I felt like he could read all my little secrets, everything about me. I was scared, no one had ever had that power on me.
Eunhyuk walked over to my side, sat down on the bed, cupped my face in his large hands, and lifted my face up so I was looking at him. I could see the pain in his eyes from seeing me like this. Why was that even there? He gently, more gentle than my mother had, wiped away my tears with his thumbs, but that only caused more tears to run down my face.
“Donghae-ah. Don’t cry anymore. You have me now.”
Those words ran through my body repeating and repeating. Then I whimpered, to my surprise, and soon I was crying out. I hadn’t cried in front of someone for over a year now, and it felt good to finally cry out all of the feelings I had locked up inside me.
Eunhyuk pulled me into his arms and embraced me. His right hand was slowly rubbing my back and his left hand was on my head pressing my face into his chest. How I had wanted someone to hold me like this for so long.
When I finally stopped crying he let go of me. He looked at me with worried eyes. Finally I had someone who wouldn’t give up on me, at least I hoped he wouldn’t. Someone I could fully be myself with. We stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other and not moving an inch.
“Donghae-ah, sleep well tonight. I’ll come see you tomorrow.”
I only nodded slightly even though he had become closer to me than anyone had ever had, he wasn’t close enough to have me actually nod and say something to him. No one had ever been that close, and no one was ever going to be. Eunhyuk was closer, but that was just barely scratching the surface. And he saw that, but he understood, somehow. Then he left me in the room by myself, as the thoughts of what just happened ran through my head once again.
I had just showed my weak side to practically a total stranger. Although I did very much like him when I hadn’t contracted this… this thing. Now, it was different. No matter how much I loved someone before, all that was gone. I couldn't love anyone anymore, I wouldn't love anyone.
I saw in his eyes what he saw of me, vulnerable and weak. Unlike everyone else who saw me as strong and stable even with a life threatening disease that could kill me in a matter of months. He was the first person to see me that way. It felt… different. I didn’t want to be seen as vulnerable and weak to anybody.
It was too confusing to think of everything that had happened so I decided to go to sleep for once at this hour instead of staying up ‘til dawn and falling asleep for the rest of the day.
When I woke up the next day the first thing I saw was Eunhyuk sitting at my bedside. His head was down and his arms were crossed. I could hear his steady breathing which indicated that he fell asleep. Then at that moment a nurse came in quietly even though there weren’t kids in the room anymore.
“Good morning Miss Donghae.” she gave me a smile, it wasn’t warm, but it wasn’t cold either. I gave her nothing in return and she faltered a little.
“He came to see you this morning but you were sleeping. I guess now he’s asleep huh?”
She was practically talking to herself as my gaze went up to the ceiling. I had no interest in this whatsoever even though I knew that Eunhyuk had seen my crying. The only person for the past year and half.
I started counting the dots on the ceiling again from scratch since I lost track of where I was yesterday. I could hear the nurse sigh in the background as she put the tray of food at the bedside table and left me alone to my counting, and Eunhyuk to his sleeping.
When she left the room I stopped counting the dots, and got out of my bed. It wasn’t like I had muscle deficiency or something, it was just liver cancer, I could walk and all, but I just choose not to.
I walked over to the other side of the room where there was another window, one that actually held something other than a brick wall for me to see. Although from where I was staying I could only see the top of buildings. But as I got closer I could see the bright blue sky above me, the green grass below me, and patients, nurses and doctors alike walking the grounds of the hospital.
“Such a beautiful sight isn’t it?” came a voice from beside me.
Through my peripheral vision I could make out red hair and a lean body. Eunhyuk had woken up. I didn’t turn to look at him like someone else would, but instead I just kept staring at the outside world, where I longed to be, but choose not to. Because it brought me happiness to be basking in the sun’s warmth, and I wasn’t suppose to be happy. Not when I was like this.
I finally got enough of it and walked back to my bed, sat down, and grabbed the tray and placed it on my lap. Eunhyuk had followed me and was again sitting at my side. His eyes stared at the food I was systematically putting into my mouth. I heard his stomach growling, but what do I care? That was his problem.
“Aren’t you going to share?”
This was hospital food, not regular food. Babo.
He whined when I was indifferent toward his pleading. Then moments later he became quiet. It was suddenly too quiet without his constant whining, so I looked up to see what was wrong with him. To my surprise he was drinking some strawberry milk. And he wanted me to share with him huh?
“Mmmm.. This is yummy.” he looked at me and gave me a wide grin. He was so childish. Too childish for a grown man. I just kept staring at him.
“You want some?” I slightly nodded my head no. I was good with my hospital food, sort of. But instead of leaving me alone like I wanted him to, he just reached the straw to my mouth.
“Here, drink some. It’s good for you.” and once again I slightly nodded my head no. “Come on~ it won’t hurt to try a little.”
Then I believed his words, unlike anything else. The people that my friends hung out with would always offer me drugs, or alcohol but I always turned them down, even as they said those same lines to me. Maybe this time I believe him because I knew it was just milk. But somehow if it was drugs or alcohol I would’ve took it too if HE offered it to me.
It was strange, the feeling I got in my mouth as the strawberry milk reached my tongue. It tasted sweet, with a hint of strawberries, and the thickness of the milk was there. It had been a while since I had anything to satisfy my bad sweet tooth and the strawberry milk hit the spot for me. It was like I was a child again, back when my parents only had me and they would take care of me. Not the other way around, like 5 years ago. Now they just didn’t acknowledge my existence, and I didn’t acknowledge theirs, or anyone else’s.
“It’s good isn’t it?” Eunhyuk gave me his dazzling gummy smile. I finished off the small carton of milk. He chuckled at me. “I thought hospital food was good enough for you. I guess not huh?” I stopped drinking the last of the milk, surprised at what he just said. It was like he read my mind and said the words that I never did. He just stared at me incredulously. Nothing in his expression changed, unlike me.
“Here, let me throw that out for you.” he took the milk carton from me and threw it out in the garbage can across the room. “You know I usually never share my strawberry milk with anyone. I guess you’re an exception huh?. You should feel special now.”
And I did feel special. More than anything, and it was a weird feeling. To be special to someone, to be the only exception to someone. It was heart-wavering. Somehow he was like the person I had always been wishing for. Someone who won’t ever give up on me no matter how stubborn I am. It was like God had sent down an angel to be my guide, to be my savior, to be my hope, to be my friend. I was thankful beyond anything else.
Eunhyuk just kept staring at me, nothing to do but that. That gummy smile of his, that I adored so much, stayed on his face as he looked at me. It felt as though his piercingly beautiful eyes saw deep into my soul and deep into my heart.
“What are you thinking about so intensely?” came his soft voice, trying not to startle me.
I just shook my head answering his question.
“Oh, I see…” there was nothing else to say to him.
I finally turned away from him, for the first time today, and sighed. It was a loud deep sigh that relieved me of all the stress and the upcoming ones too.
“Everything will be fine. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.” and anger sparked in me. It wasn’t like I meant to get mad or anything. Usually I’m a very calm person, but somehow those words just tore the top off the bottle of emotions I had inside of me.
“What makes you think that everything will be fine!? Do you know what I’m going through!? How much I’m struggling to survive each and everyday!? How do you know everything’s going to be fine huh!? Are you some kind of psychic or what!? Nothing will ever be fine for me! I won’t ever be fine ever again! Everything’s changed for me! Don’t worry!? How can I not worry!? What if the doctors made a mistake and accidentally took my life!? What if my body just gave out at this very moment!? Don’t speak of thing’s so lightly when you don’t even know how it feels to be in my position!!!”
I was out of breath after I yelled out everything that I had kept inside me for the past seven months. It was so painful to keep it all inside, and after saying it, it still felt painful. Like a part of who I was for these seven months was gone forever. Like all the emotions inside me just flew out leaving a big gaping hole inside of me.
My eyes traveled to Eunhyuk’s eyes, and in them I saw things that I wouldn’t have ever imagine in anyone’s eyes after I’ve yelled at them. I saw hope, happiness, and love?
He got up from his seat and came towards me, putting me in an embrace like last night. And just like last night I started crying, and couldn’t stop. This was the first time I had ever cried out loud, well the second time, but out in the daylight, out for anyone who walks into the room to see. Out in the open. But I couldn’t help it. Everyone was always telling me how things will be alright when they weren’t. When they weren’t going to be, and Eunhyuk saying it was the last straw.
“Shhh..”
I could hear him soothing me. How can someone like him take care of me, say things to me, make me so happy, but at the same time hurt me so much, and make me sadder than anything.
“Donghae-ah, it’ll be alright.”
And for the first time in my fifteen years of living have I ever believed in those words. Not even my beloved aunts in the past had ever gotten me to believe those words, cause I knew better. But with Eunhyuk, they just felt true. Truer than anything else I have heard from anyone. It made my heart ache because I knew that when that day comes that I become well again, Eunhyuk would leave. The person I trusted with my life would leave me to live his own life. I knew that well, and I’m still thinking these thoughts. I’m too selfish of a person.
Eunhyuk had left me for the day to attend his activities. I felt something in my chest but I didn’t know what it was. It was in my whole body, kind of shaky but not so much that it hurt, just annoying me. This was something I’d never felt before and I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t like it so much.
A/N: So here's the second part. Hoped you guys all enjoyed it. :) Sorry for the grammar mistakes and such -_- Comments? :DD