(no subject)
I tried so hard to avoid him. I shouldn't have gone to the Tower, now I feel like all my defenses have gone. I feel like one word of his was enough to reduce any defense I could have had and now I'm just feeling empty again. I could have told him why I can't find enough courage to forgive him. But I didn't want to hurt him any more than he already is.
I've never seen Ant cry. It hurts me to know that I caused his tears.
I can't go back to him. I love him, but it's not that simple. I won't be able to take it if he keeps doing this. This cheating on me, this lying to me. I know Ant, and it's very hard for him to change. Any sort of promise he makes now will hold insofar as he remembers how miserable he was without me this period of time. Once he forgets that, he'll return to his normal self. And I won't be able to take that kind of pain.
I've seen too many nights of my Mother crying to herself to want that to happen to me. I cannot become like her. I absolutely can't.
I saw Amara's little family. That's what Ant will want eventually. That's what I'll never be able to give him. Maybe it's really better to let him go.
~*~*~
Right. I just wanted to clarify something. In case either of you get any funny ideas or come up with weird plans to embarrass me and Caius. Especially Amara.
We are not an item. Not now, and not for the forseeable future. We may have done certain... things together, but we've discussed this. And we're going to remain friends. Good friends. Even though he says he likes me Oh god.
Yeah. That'll be all.
And I've got a headache. Bad. Can I skip classes again?
~*~*~
Winter has a funny way of getting to you. I'm all ready for the weather to turn warmer too. You know what's best in this situation? Coffee. Coffee in bed. When you get up in the morning. Really good.
You know what's bad? Not sleeping the previous night and waking up with a headache. Very bad.