(no subject)
Since I got home from Youmacon 3 weeks ago, the scale hasn't truly budged at all for me. I've been sitting stuck ranging from 219-223. I was so happy when I saw the scale hit 219.8, and just because of all of the stress I've been going through, I haven't been able to maintain the loss. I was 221.2 this morning, which makes me feel a lot more like I'm able to push through all of this.
I've been stressing out a lot lately over friendships that I feel like I've fucked over. I kind of revealed some things to the girl I was talking about in my last entry, and she got pissed at me because I was "smothering" her. I didn't think that I was, but she did just get out of a really bad relationship, and she's hiding herself away from her friends. I don't know what else I can do. I'm gathering things together by what I'm seeing with her family and whatnot, and I can tell she's not in the best situation at home. Not to mention, she's letting her own mind wander a lot as well, and she's having a hard time accepting the fact that her relationship ended. 8 years is a long time for someone younger than me to be with someone. She was engaged too. That's a big deal, and to see something like lusting over another person caused that to end? I can see why she's hurting.
She's admitted to me that she feels like she's being extremely selfish for asking for time to herself. I understand that she needs space, but seeing her suffer like that is tearing me apart at the same time. I'm way too dedicated of a friend to want to see one of them like this, and know there is nothing that I can do to help her get out of things. That's what is bothering me the most about everything. I feel like a helpless and useless friend. I care about my friends too much. Perhaps that's a fault of mine, but I know it shows the loyalty I have in regard to my friends. I'm not willing to abandon them by any means, but I really have to learn to respect space a bit more. I know she needs time. I'm just starting to get to know her, and I'm interested in making sure she's happy. I'm that way with all of my friends, especially the few really close friends I have. I'd rather not have a ton of friends that I'm not close to, than to have a small group of friends that I'm extremely close to.
I'm getting to the point where the end of the year, and it's time to start making the list of things I want to actually be able to get done in 2012.
-I need to start getting better with making impulsive purchases. I've wasted a lot of money on stupid things, and I need to get my debts back in order. It's a piece of stress that I would really be better without, and I'd like to make that possible during 2012. Even if it means living below my means for a while, I'll do it. I owe almost 10 grand in credit card debt. 1000 of that just happening in the last month and a half with repairs on my fucking car. If I can get all of it taken care of in 2012, which is going to be a hell of a challenge, it will be one of the biggest burdens lifted off my shoulders. I'm starting to make a shot at it now, so I think it's something I can do.
-Finish my weight loss. I lost almost 80 pounds so far this year. It's been a long journey that I am not quite done with. I have about 50 pounds that I still need to lose to reach that goal. I'm hoping to be able to have all of that done by April. I'll be happy if I can get down to 175 or so. I honestly don't think I could get much lighter than that. When Acen comes along, I want to be the most comfortable that I have ever been with myself.
-Promotion at work. Things happened this year that moved me to another store for the holidays. By working at a busier store, and showing my new manager that I am up to the challenge, I've been showing my worth, and he's told me that I've been one of the best Assistant managers that he's worked with. I'm hoping when the holidays end, and February comes along, that I can be picked to interview and have my own store.
-2012 Cosplay list. I want to just be able to get all of them done on time, and I want all of them to look good. I'd like to be able to improve my skill at cosplaying, and I plan to make some more difficult costumes here in the near future.
I've been stressing out a lot lately over friendships that I feel like I've fucked over. I kind of revealed some things to the girl I was talking about in my last entry, and she got pissed at me because I was "smothering" her. I didn't think that I was, but she did just get out of a really bad relationship, and she's hiding herself away from her friends. I don't know what else I can do. I'm gathering things together by what I'm seeing with her family and whatnot, and I can tell she's not in the best situation at home. Not to mention, she's letting her own mind wander a lot as well, and she's having a hard time accepting the fact that her relationship ended. 8 years is a long time for someone younger than me to be with someone. She was engaged too. That's a big deal, and to see something like lusting over another person caused that to end? I can see why she's hurting.
She's admitted to me that she feels like she's being extremely selfish for asking for time to herself. I understand that she needs space, but seeing her suffer like that is tearing me apart at the same time. I'm way too dedicated of a friend to want to see one of them like this, and know there is nothing that I can do to help her get out of things. That's what is bothering me the most about everything. I feel like a helpless and useless friend. I care about my friends too much. Perhaps that's a fault of mine, but I know it shows the loyalty I have in regard to my friends. I'm not willing to abandon them by any means, but I really have to learn to respect space a bit more. I know she needs time. I'm just starting to get to know her, and I'm interested in making sure she's happy. I'm that way with all of my friends, especially the few really close friends I have. I'd rather not have a ton of friends that I'm not close to, than to have a small group of friends that I'm extremely close to.
I'm getting to the point where the end of the year, and it's time to start making the list of things I want to actually be able to get done in 2012.
-I need to start getting better with making impulsive purchases. I've wasted a lot of money on stupid things, and I need to get my debts back in order. It's a piece of stress that I would really be better without, and I'd like to make that possible during 2012. Even if it means living below my means for a while, I'll do it. I owe almost 10 grand in credit card debt. 1000 of that just happening in the last month and a half with repairs on my fucking car. If I can get all of it taken care of in 2012, which is going to be a hell of a challenge, it will be one of the biggest burdens lifted off my shoulders. I'm starting to make a shot at it now, so I think it's something I can do.
-Finish my weight loss. I lost almost 80 pounds so far this year. It's been a long journey that I am not quite done with. I have about 50 pounds that I still need to lose to reach that goal. I'm hoping to be able to have all of that done by April. I'll be happy if I can get down to 175 or so. I honestly don't think I could get much lighter than that. When Acen comes along, I want to be the most comfortable that I have ever been with myself.
-Promotion at work. Things happened this year that moved me to another store for the holidays. By working at a busier store, and showing my new manager that I am up to the challenge, I've been showing my worth, and he's told me that I've been one of the best Assistant managers that he's worked with. I'm hoping when the holidays end, and February comes along, that I can be picked to interview and have my own store.
-2012 Cosplay list. I want to just be able to get all of them done on time, and I want all of them to look good. I'd like to be able to improve my skill at cosplaying, and I plan to make some more difficult costumes here in the near future.