Oct 06, 2008 01:19
Romantic… rejection
Tell me beautiful lies, under fools full moon light, your lips making love to crisp spring air… you give and my ears receive. I look into eyes full of soul, shining like sun light, warming me and I’m happy to receive, to just be here with you. But I have my poison deep down and I can feel the air change as I open my mouth - all is ok but the words they twist and bite my lips, attacking me, attacking him and I can’t stop the flow… an ocean of words and I can’t stop the flow - We are drowning and this time will never come again… and then it’s over, and the windows to his soul are closed, his heart safely hidden away… I’m faced with a fake smile, sweet excuses & false regrets as he leaves - never to come this way again. I choke and gag at the taste of my poison, my defeat yet again has surprised me but I move on because yet again I hear the sweet call of my next defeat calling just around the corner.
Ouch!
So I wanted to change the way I saw, and see things in a new light - so I got down on my knees, laid down on my back to look at the sky… but the sunlight poured right into my eyes! Rocks dug there way into my back, while the ants started biting… I was under attack! I panicked, and sat up too quick causing me to get a head rush, and I started to feel really sick. I began to think I should not have done what I did… but even a small change of view has lessons to give. Sun glasses and bug spray are great to have when you go outside, but looking where you lay will always save a lot of time…
BAD TRIP
Dead girl dance, corpse romance, down deep, dark my soul to keep, earth shadow on my skin, so cold… dark nightmare, no care, no think, thunk no more, drink & drug sore … feeling it, crawling threw my vanes making me a whore, a bore, a bitch, and I got that itch… death to the over douser, death to the snitch - you start wishing for death when you can’t scratch that itch. But when it goes wrong you can’t rush it, can’t come down any faster, only harder - you would not be riding this train If you were smarter… when you drop the floors, open the doors and soul serch to see - what you get is just what you need… and it may make you bleed, may bite, rip you apart and cut deep - nothing will help, not more drugs, water, and you can’t sleep.. Will you swear it’s your last nightmare, last ride … that you will stop and stay away? Give it a couple days… It’s a long way back to sober and a long way to being ok…. So pick a god find a lucky charm, a lover… and pray.
BLANK
Blank is the Paper,
blank is the mind,
blank is boring,
blank in unkind,
blank is where my mind went - it will come back soon…
blank is the absence of thought when you can’t remember a tune.
Blank idea’s,
blank promises,
blank wallet if you’re a dummy- you can’t be blank if you want to make money.
Blank is erased when a idea is thought - nothing like getting a bright original thought.
The blank pours out, and you feel so bright… so, any one got a light?
IF ONLY I COULD
Here I go, my stomach is full of butterflies, my head is full of hope - waiting for his response [ohh don’t say no…] But the answer is Yes - so we start the engine, this machine has no breaks, and we go faster and faster as my heart starts to race I feel his touch, I savor his taste… His touch is velvet electric on my mind, I feel if I look too long I will go blind… Trying to revisit a memory of a person, a place - it’s so hard - but more easy the longer you did know them… It makes me smile to try and I bet you thought this was a poem…
No, it’s just a dusty memory half forgotten and lost - a light went on and connectors got crossed… a thought of some one, that one, a lover, like no other, one of those who you can never stop burning for, always wishing for more, then one day they are gone… memories get stored. I don’t like to throw anything away… no, this is no poem, just a wish to express what is trapped inside, just a taste, what a waste that I can’t put in words the electric passionate play of …that thing, that you feel when your ‘crush’ give you a feel, when they notice your alive… that short span of time when you get what you want… If I could only write a poem to say what I mean - you would feel it! You would KNOW what I mean…
BOX
I live in a box, it's dark, the corners are smooth, no openings, grooves… Quiet, clean, I'm unknown, unseen, a tad pole growing, don't know where I came from, or when I began, or where I'm going but my world is this box, and as I press against the walls, rips are showing…
It's too small to contain me, so push, and probe to try to get out, I realize I now have a mouth so I squeak, I shout… and the tight embrace that is all I know is slowly released as the light of a new world begins to show… It's cold, I'm scared, blinded by light as some one slaps me hard, and I cry - then just as quickly I'm embraced, and I sigh… I learn to eat, enjoy my sleep. I cry when I'm hungry, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm board, I cry when I'm bad. This drives my keeper mad, and she comes when I cry less often - every-thing in my new world is soft and… and I learn to speak, and you know how the rest goes….
But it's the difference the next 10 years make that really shows. We walk around in a bubble, seeing things from the inside of customized, personalized, generalized, shells - some people are forever in heaven while other are in hell. My world is like a box that I've created, just for me - I'm stuck in it till death finally comes to set me free.
HIPPIE BOY
Don't touch me with your dirty nails, hands, body all covered in dried sweat, you have not taken a hot shower In a while I bet. Even the homeless can use bath rooms in businesses. Shelters, or gym's - so don't give me lame excuses, you can't win. So, don't touch me, Hippie boy.
No, Hippie boy, I don't smoke, I don't want a toke… it makes me want to choke. How can you afford weed? I thought you were broke? If you smoke, and drink all day, constantly get wasted, and do nothing but play… You will miss a lot, and theirs a lot to miss… No, Hippy boy I won't smoke with you, I hope you understand this.
I like the drum music, I like to dance all night- theirs nothing more awesome then dancing to live music by fire light. I love to camp out and could use a guide but I'm picky about where I go, who I let inside… Be free, natural, tread a different path, do what's right - I try to at least and you will too Hippie boy if you are bright.
SLEEPLESS
The need for sleep was there as I turned off the light, but sleep was a late visitor this past Sunday night. I tossed, I turned, with indigestion my stomach burned… the blink of my computer light, passing traffic, in the night, some people on the street having a fight… all kept me awake this past Sunday night.
I tried pills before and they were either too strong or too weak - so other methods this night I tried to seek… I finally ended up trying to count sheep but as I tried to picture them they wondered away scared by the bleep, bleep, bleep [some ones car going off on the street] and that signaled my defeat this past Sunday night.
So I read, wrote, listed to music, then exercised but that just made me want to shower - I was loosing my chances for a good rest hour by hour! Then as I lay there drained, thinking how good sleep was like a gift - Into sleep my body finally began to drift. I would have slept for 8 hours or more despite the dawning light… but it was no longer Sunday night.
…it was Monday morning and I had to get up, go to work, I felt like shit as I got out of bed - I looked like some second rate actor from dawn of the dead. Now I'm going home, to my bed, wish me luck - I hope to sleep like the dead. So wish me good night, this Monday night….
THIS CITY
Alien landscapes full of buildings crouching in shadows of bigger buildings, lights go on, lights go off and the scene changes, the buildings change, we change...
Blind we are with inability to see the truth wrapped around us, to feel the hungry stare from all those windows like eyes, all those doors like mouths, as they grow as they devour us, and all things natural disappear as their hunger grows... ....Austin....'s hide, so tattooed in beautiful art, pierced with ornamental design, painted in so many colors- she is a beautiful beast... and I feel I may grow to love her.
WET
It's raining, misty, wet, the path so soft, foot prints mark my escape, to the place, to see his face, to be in his embrace, oh, how my heart does race… on this misty wet rainy day.
As the path widens, and I see the place mother nature has started to take - I feel so alive, so completely awake. He is there and we fall into each others embrace, kissing, touching, hungry for more - I can't get enough as he pulls me down to a pile of blankets on the floor. The sound of rain drops hitting the roof, is the music we listen to as I take my cloths off, and he warms me with his body heat - I'm glad we decided to meet. Naked we lay, grinding, kissing, enjoying the gift of touch, I want him so much… feeling like I can't get enough on this rainy day.
I am all wet, as he moves deeper, held captive, caught up in our sinful deed I cry, I pray, he moans, I wimper as I hear him say "I love being inside you." And it's a perfect day. Pleasure so deep hit's me, and my prayers must have been hard, I float free, light as a bird… and he holds me close, safe in his arms I lay - all is well, I know it will all be ok, on this passionate rainy day.
The rain stopped, and I wake to find him gone. Wake in my bed, alone. It's a dream I have, a deep desire, a place I have not been yet, about a guy I have not met, and I'm still wet. I love the rain, hot misty days, spent dreaming, and thinking about places, about people who I will one day meet… I just need to find him, and to find that hidden place, where we will one day meet.
KISS
The kiss placed on the head of a friend, placed quickly come and gone - is never as nice as the kiss placed on the cheek but doesn't last long... Then there is the slow one on the neck with passionate intention, put by a friendly lover it's my favorite to mention. This one leaves you wanting more as it trails to the lips, softly pressed and taken - and when done right something inside you will waken... Then there's that kiss pressed on the lips with just a hint of tongue, probing, and breathless, needing more as it end - this ones defiantly for those who are ready to be more then friends... The deep kiss pressed hard, tongue on teeth, probing, lips raw, and you're so wet - This is your favorite kiss I bet.
CrA2Y t1M3
We are all sinners, just apocalyptic beginners, in this world of the dead - there are no winners...
...and we all fall DOWN said the clown as he hit the ground... but some got back up and picked up the toys left for all the bad girls and boys - The glossy eyed insane... and we cried for all those who died, guess they chose the wrong side. No more pollution, prostitution, the world ended for me & you and... and no more taxes, no credit theft, hell, there is not enough people left! No more cops & robbers, soldiers all gone to fight... but were all on the run these days- having fun?...
The crows & dogs do feast - no longer mans best friend but even friends gota eat - move over dog and give me some of that meat! ...the ones locked up did rot in their cells - did they go to hell? At least they are now at rest, while most have gone insane - all who remain, in pain, unwell with ripped off faces - hiding in darkened places, blood hungry, limping along - mentally weak while some how still strong...
...and it all feels so wrong, so I sing along: Where do I go?, now what do I eat?, I need WATER!, who will clear the bodies from the streets? Dumb little mocking birds - set them free and they die, but when they were caged all they did was cry! Didn't you know that freedom came with a price? We fucked around, took it for granted, rolled the dice... sorry, PEACE never did sell.
SO, stock up, hide out, try to ride it out, escape if you can but I'm sorry to inform you 'JESUS God is not coming back so welcome to the end.
LAST SAFE PLACE
In my room it’s all quiet. My world is this room and nothing else exists till I open my door and venture out, I scream, I shout… and it’s hard to believe they are all gone. I’m alone. Are they all dead or just gone? Am I the only one left? I’m freaking out, because it’s not fair - I was supposed to find love, to find him… and he CAN’T be gone. I just know HE is still out there, and we will meet… just now the odds are a little more hard to beat. If I survive he will too, and it will be ok… I just need to wait in this room - just one more day, just one more day, [I’m so hungry..] just more day [im out of water] one more day… [the powers off now] one more day… I wish this was a dream, from which I could wake..
PARANOID....
A picket, a pocket - I’m wearing a dead girls locket… while she was running I saw her drop it. She doesn’t need it now anyway - I saw her chewed up remains about a mile away… My dress got all bloody, boots are all muddy, I lost my flash light but hold tightly to my knife - it’s the only reason that I’m still alive… I think. Can’t eat contaminated food, water is scarce, but I find what I need. But the dead are following me, they are hungry… they want to see me bleed.
They are in my head, but they are DEAD! Voices in my head say find people, feed us, if you are to survive then you need us! Believe me! They need me, so they feed me, and I’m the lure… I find people, or they find me when I cry, when I scream - I wish this was a dream! Shouts, screams, in my head- SHUT UP! YOUR DEAD! Get OUT OF MY HEAD!... I just want to sleep! They won’t let me - it’s too soon… the dish ran away with the spoon, the cat played the fiddle, Humpty dumpy had a great fall - blood and guts all over the floor, all over the wall… I scream till I pass out, It’s all one big lie… If this is life then I would rather die…
WHERE IS IT? I think I lost it…
Is LOVE on the Internet? In chat rooms, found in conversations had with strangers, instant messengers, people unseen, unknown - never really met? Does anyone ever really 'Fall'? No, is what I bet. Worlds apart, broken promises, wet dreams, heated words to strangers offering wicked, wild, hot, things... that you know will never happen. Lust, not love, heat no Heart... Internet, Invisible net, Invisible sets, never mets, new regrets, reneged bets... Nope, Love doesn't live there yet.
Is LOVE in the bars? Hot smelly over crowed smokey spaces filled with the lonely, the hungry, the horny, the lost and unfunny… all hunting for the unicorn, that perfect '10 - but beware of perfect people - they don't make good friends. BAR HOPPING, Bar shopping, tear mopping, no stopping, can't really hear in here, ah forget it, let's just have another beer... Get your drink, find your fuck, drink 'em pretty, spend your lust - I wish you luck...
Is LOVE to be found amongst friends? It could be a start but it's a 2 way street - if your friend doesn't feel the same then you end up with defeat. So give it a break… how long does it really take? "Only friends, lonely friends, Romance ends, only weekends, no freek'en, keep on seek'en - your heart will mend...
I don't LOVE any one, the skills been forgotten - I think I'm getting meaner as I get older, more rotten… but haven't I gotten all that I asked for? One night stands, weekend flings, discreet encounters with no wedding rings…
LOVE is no where... 'Without', I got so much inside...so much pride, how many nights I've broken down and cried, b/c 'he' lied, took me for a ride, gone with the tide, always the flower girl never the bride. So what's a girl to do?... Patience is part of it, good looks help too - but the real secret they say is to LOVE your self or no one is going to LOVE you.