It doesnt feel real...
None of it and I don't trust it.
I got a room now [with 3 black girls on a 3rd floor in the back of a apt complex located in a bad part of town] that has a washer & dryer for a good rental price but sharing the kitchen and bathroom is proving to be more tough then it should be.
I got full time college classes [but I'm not doing that good in them, already dropped one adding a class that starts in about 2 weeks that may be more tough] and I like my art class so far.
I got money [I got a loan from school that was really big, but I'm not working so the money is going down fast and I may not get a shot like this again soon] So I have not had problems there. Already got a used laptop computer, was able to keep my desktop, keep my nice camera instead of selling it, and even get a nicer phone...
But I'm not happy. I don't know what to do but I'm not happy anyway. I'm so alone...I know that's part of it but I don't know how to talk to people any more! I had a great date with a guy from OKCupid that had a 85% match ratio with me - We had a great time, and then some but I think I've already messed it up and I could cry... but I should not feel sorry for my self just I don't know what to do with my self. I WANT TO be OK, I want to MAKE IT, to not fuck it up this time!
I plan to get a job and stay super busy between work and school I should not have any time to feel bad, only to sleep. Thats the American way, right?
I got a room now [with 3 black girls on a 3rd floor in the back of a apt complex located in a bad part of town] that has a washer & dryer for a good rental price but sharing the kitchen and bathroom is proving to be more tough then it should be.
I got full time college classes [but I'm not doing that good in them, already dropped one adding a class that starts in about 2 weeks that may be more tough] and I like my art class so far.
I got money [I got a loan from school that was really big, but I'm not working so the money is going down fast and I may not get a shot like this again soon] So I have not had problems there. Already got a used laptop computer, was able to keep my desktop, keep my nice camera instead of selling it, and even get a nicer phone...
But I'm not happy. I don't know what to do but I'm not happy anyway. I'm so alone...I know that's part of it but I don't know how to talk to people any more! I had a great date with a guy from OKCupid that had a 85% match ratio with me - We had a great time, and then some but I think I've already messed it up and I could cry... but I should not feel sorry for my self just I don't know what to do with my self. I WANT TO be OK, I want to MAKE IT, to not fuck it up this time!
I plan to get a job and stay super busy between work and school I should not have any time to feel bad, only to sleep. Thats the American way, right?