...is it xmas already?
....Why am I even wasting time in a reminiscant bubble of misery?
I keep having the strangest dreams... about the same person. What do they mean?
I didn't think it was possible to forget about Christmas...but then I did. And it was a very bleak moment in time. I looked around, and there were no lights, no decorations, no red or green...just this sad artificial plant sitting in the corner of the living room. This is a Charlie Brown Christmas without the epiphany and enlightenment, without the hope and inspiration...This is a lonely Christmas. That's all anybody can think about. I was jovial for about 5 minutes earlier....after I had coke, chocolate, and nicotine...(go figure). I've got 7 days...seven whole days...and then I'll be home. I look forward to the humidity and the rain...I look forward to the "there's nothing to do in this town" nights... I look forward to friends... and having someone to talk to. I look forward to sleeping in a bed...just me and my minx. I guess the question ya really gotta ask yourself is ... what makes Christmas what it is to you? heh... Apparently it didnt mean much to me... cuz I forgot about it on the 23rd of December...
Anywho...enough holiday hoop-la. I'm still trying to block things from my memory, and I think I've realized that ... there's no way some things can be forgotten. It's just not humanly possible. I will never forget certain heartaches...just as certain hearts will never forget the damage I caused. I'm confused...and lonely. You could reach into the depths of my soul and only find a handful of ash and soot to dignify my stance right now...But ... then again... I dont know ... nevermind.
A friend suggested that I be "flippant" about a certain situation with a *ahem* stalker. I had to look up the definition...flippant: irreverent, passe', apathetic (i'm paraphrasing, of course). So, i'm gonna work on that... being "flippant" and not caring.
**lights this lj on fire too... this was a randomly, planned pyromaniacle tryst...pardon me for being a walking contradiction...heh **
I keep having the strangest dreams... about the same person. What do they mean?
I didn't think it was possible to forget about Christmas...but then I did. And it was a very bleak moment in time. I looked around, and there were no lights, no decorations, no red or green...just this sad artificial plant sitting in the corner of the living room. This is a Charlie Brown Christmas without the epiphany and enlightenment, without the hope and inspiration...This is a lonely Christmas. That's all anybody can think about. I was jovial for about 5 minutes earlier....after I had coke, chocolate, and nicotine...(go figure). I've got 7 days...seven whole days...and then I'll be home. I look forward to the humidity and the rain...I look forward to the "there's nothing to do in this town" nights... I look forward to friends... and having someone to talk to. I look forward to sleeping in a bed...just me and my minx. I guess the question ya really gotta ask yourself is ... what makes Christmas what it is to you? heh... Apparently it didnt mean much to me... cuz I forgot about it on the 23rd of December...
Anywho...enough holiday hoop-la. I'm still trying to block things from my memory, and I think I've realized that ... there's no way some things can be forgotten. It's just not humanly possible. I will never forget certain heartaches...just as certain hearts will never forget the damage I caused. I'm confused...and lonely. You could reach into the depths of my soul and only find a handful of ash and soot to dignify my stance right now...But ... then again... I dont know ... nevermind.
A friend suggested that I be "flippant" about a certain situation with a *ahem* stalker. I had to look up the definition...flippant: irreverent, passe', apathetic (i'm paraphrasing, of course). So, i'm gonna work on that... being "flippant" and not caring.
**lights this lj on fire too... this was a randomly, planned pyromaniacle tryst...pardon me for being a walking contradiction...heh **