The Loneliness I Pride Myself On ~ 18/18 ~ [Reita & Ruki]
Title: The Loneliness I Pride Myself On
Author: ravennightmare6
Beta: hinoeuma13
Chapter: 18/18
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut
Rating(Overall): NC-17
Pairing/s: Reita & Ruki (Akira & Takanori),
Synopsis: Takanori liked to think that he hated everybody equally. Though, he had to admit, somewhat begrudgingly, that he hated a few less than others.
Warnings: Use of real names, Profanity.
Disclaimer: As unfortunate as it may be, I do not own The GazettE. I only own the mediocre plot.
Comments: At the bottom, darlings <3
Previous Chapter
Awkward silence filled the living room, to the point that it was almost suffocating, as Takanori sat beside Akira; his parents' eyes boring into both of them and neither pair of them looking very happy either. Takanori wasn't really sure what he should do or say, it had been so long since he'd been in the same room as his parents, and really he felt like he didn't even know them. They hadn't been a consistent part of his life since he was twelve years old. Now they were just the people who owned the house he lived in and looked after. His employers.
"I hope you know that we are very disappointed in you, Takanori," his father said, the look on his face conveying exactly that; plus just a little more. The main expression, besides his disappointment, was clearly his disgust. It was written all over his face, as plain as day.
Takanori stayed silent. A quick glance Akira's way revealed that the older blond was not at all impressed with their situation and Takanori could tell he was just busting to say something about it. They'd been sitting there for about twenty minutes now with hardly any words exchanged between any of them and Takanori felt like he was about to burst. He lowered his head, feeling his own anger bubble. He was sick and tired of being treated like one of their possessions. He was old enough to do as he pleased, especially when they were never around to care for him anyway!
"This is dumb."
Takanori's head snapped to the side when Akira finally opened his mouth. Really, Takanori had been wondering what took so long since Akira wasn’t normally one to keep quiet when there was something to be said. But he knew now there'd be many more words to follow now that the older blond had opened his mouth.
"Excuse me?" Takanori's mother asked, her finely trimmed eyebrows raising in the air as she looked over at Akira. Surely they were thinking that he was never the kind of person they would imagine their son with. Because first of all, he was a man. And secondly, he didn't come from a rich family, he didn't dress in a proper manner, and he didn't have respect for them. Those things were all negative in Takanori's parents' book.
"I said this is dumb. You know, idiotic, stupid, bullshit." Both of the little blond's parents' raised their eyebrows now, surprised by the third year student's use of language. "I want to ask why you look so horrified. Is it because Takanori is finally happy? Because he has someone to care for him? Or is it because I'm not a woman?" Akira narrowed his eyes.
Takanori's father scowled at the older blond. "That is exactly it, my boy," he said, his upper lip curling slightly. "You are not a woman. You are very much a man and that is completely unacceptable. Homosexuality is not welcome in our home and we're absolutely disgusted that you've managed to drag Takanori into this way of life."
"What are you talking about? He didn't-"
"Enough, Takanori," the older woman said, holding up her hand in a gesture for him to be quiet. "We don't need your input on this."
"Like hell you don't," Akira snapped. "If anything, his input is the one we need the most!"
"Akira, please..." Takanori was feeling like shit. The only people he ever felt intimidated by and weak under were his parents. He had absolutely no clue why he found them to have this kind of power over him, but they did and they always had.
"No, Taka. You can't let him them keep treating you like this, it's not fair," Akira insisted. Scowling, the elder blond turned back to Takanori's parents. "Listen, it doesn't matter what you say or do, I won't leave him. Takanori and I are in love, there's nothing you can do about that, I'm afraid."
"Takanori..." His father prompted.
The youngest of the bunch bit the inside of his cheek. One part of him wanted to kiss Akira like he'd never kissed him before and the other part wanted to smack the shit out of him. This was going to get him into so much trouble with his parents. But then he thought...why was he so afraid of them, anyway? It wasn't like they had done anything but just keep him alive. They hadn't offered him any love for such a long time that he hadn't known what love really felt like anymore until Akira came along. Even then it had taken him such a long time to be able to let someone in. When he really thought about it...it was probably his parents' fault that he had those issues, that he found it hard to make friends and let people in to see the real him.
Frowning, Takanori sat up a little straighter and met his mother's eyes and then his father's. "Akira is right," he stated, much to the shock of the two adults in front of him. Another glance at Akira showed that the older boy was grinning like the Cheshire cat.
Swallowing thickly, Takanori mentally convinced himself that this was the right thing to do. He knew it was and he'd probably known for quite some time now. He nodded to himself before continuing. "He's right. We're in love, andI hate to disappoint you, but I'm gay. There's nothing anyone can do about that. Akira didn't force me to do anything. I've known I'm gay since I was thirteen years old. So don't blame Akira, it's not his fault.”
For a moment the room was dead silent, Takanori’s parents looking at him with shock written all over their faces. More than anything, Takanori thought that it was probably because he’d had the balls to talk back to them. He hadn’t ever done that before. Then of course there was the revelation that he was, indeed, gay. He was sure his parents wouldn’t be all that happy about that and it was rather clear that they weren’t. In fact, he was pretty sure that his dad’s face started to turn red.
“Takanori…” The old man stood up from his chair, hands clenched by his sides as he walked up to the lounge that Takanori and Akira were sitting on. The taller blond was quick to stand up, stepping a little more in front of Takanori to block him from his adoptive father. Akira probably wasn’t wrong in thinking that the old man would take a swing at the young teen. But the man merely dismissed Akira. “Takanori. You have the rest of the day to gather your things and get yourself the hell out of my house.”
Takanori cringed slightly, but forced himself to square his shoulders towards the man who meant almost nothing to him. He stood up, staring at his father for a few moments, wondering if he should say something or not. There were so many things he wanted to say; he wanted to tell him how much both his father and his mother had let him down, he wanted to tell them that they should have just left him in that orphanage, he wanted to tell them that once he walked out that door that would be it. He didn’t want them to ever contact him again even if, one day, their guilt was crushing.
But instead of all of these things, Takanori clenched his jaw before he reached out and grabbed Akira’s hand. “Come on, Aki…” He mumbled as he tugged his glaring boyfriend along behind him.
As soon as they were upstairs inside Takanori’s room the older blond pulled him into a hug, enveloping the second year in his embrace. “Are you ok?” Akira murmured, pressing his nose into Takanori’s mop of blond hair, peppering kisses over his temple. “Taka…?” A tiny sob reached the third year’s ears and his arms tightened instantly, drawing the younger boy against him that much tighter. “Hey, don’t worry about them, ok? Their opinion of you doesn’t matter. No matter what I’m here for you and I promise everything’s gonna be just fine.”
Akira was taken aback slightly when Takanori shook his head, chuckling quietly. “That’s not it…” He muttered, his short arms still hugging Akira’s broader form as he pressed his face against the other teen’s shoulder. “I don’t know…It’s just…they’ve been such a negative thing hanging over my head for so long and it feels like it’s a relief to finally have an excuse to walk away, you know?” Takanori hated to sound like a typical teenager complaining about his parents, but he didn’t really feel like he was in a typical teenager’s situation.
Akira chuckled and pulled back slightly, enough to look down at his little blond boyfriend’s teary face. Smiling fondly, Akira cupped Takanori’s face and used his thumbs to swipe away the other boy’s tears. “Well, at least you aren’t distraught about it. Hey?” Akira grinned, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Takanori’s perfectly pouty lips. “I love you.”
“Mm… Love you too,” Takanori murmured back against Akira’s lips. They stood like that for a few moments, exchanging gentle touches and soft kisses. Eventually though Takanori bit Akira’s lip, rolling the flesh between his teeth before he pulled back with a cheeky smile on his face. “I should start packing.” Takanori didn’t know where he was going to stay, but he needed to get cracking if he wanted to have all of his stuff out by the end of the day. He wasn’t so much concerned about the gaming consoles and all that; it was more his instruments that he was worried about.
At some point in time his parents had left and gone off somewhere, Takanori didn’t really give a shit where as long as they weren’t around to hassle him. He had a few bags of clothes packed up as well as his makeup and hair products, his electronics. He had no way of transporting any of it, but he would figure something out.
Takanori was in the midst of putting his guitars into their cases when he heard Akira at the door. The older blond had never seen the inside of his studio, but there was really no point in hiding it now since they would be gone soon enough. “So this is where you spend all your time,” Akira mused as he walked in, looking around at everything. “Impressive.” Takanori watched as he ran his fingers over the keyboard of the large Apple computer; which was full of top-notch editing software. Takanori couldn’t afford to lose that stuff.
“Yeah,” Takanori shrugged as he carefully packed a few of his effectors into a box. “I have no idea where I’m gonna put all this stuff…” He might have to put it into storage. But then…with what money? He didn’t even know where he was going to live! Maybe he would need to ask Aoi to help him out. But then he didn’t really even know Aoi all that much. The obvious answer, of course, was to go and live with Akira. But Akira’s mother was poor and she clearly had enough trouble supporting herself and her two children, Takanori couldn’t put that kind of burden on her. That would be cruel.
“Hey, Taka.” The little blond looked up as Akira sat down just behind him, winding his arms around the smaller boy’s waist. Takanori smiled a little, leaning back against his boyfriend. “I know you’re worried about where you’ll stay…”
“I swear you read my mind sometimes,” the little blond scoffed, turning his head to look over his shoulder as Akira pecked the corner of his lips.
The third year student shrugged, “I’m just that good.” Takanori scoffed once more. “Actually…I called in a favour to help you,” Akira said and this made Takanori perk up slightly. Frowning a little in confusion, he pulled himself away from Akira’s grasp. Who could he have possible called that would want to help him out?
“Hello Takanori…”
The smaller teen snapped towards the door so fast his head might have very well spun off his damn shoulders. He narrowed his eyes at the figure that stood in the doorway and the little blond was on his feet in milliseconds. “What the hell are you doing here?” He growled, looking between the man and his boyfriend. “You called him?” Takanori snapped. “What the fuck, Akira?”
“Taka, calm down,” the third year said as he stood up as well. “He’s here to help you.” The little blond pursed his lips and folded his arm sending a harsh glare at his brother. “Takanori, look at me.” Akira grabbed Takanori’s shoulders and turned the second year to face him. “You can’t keep pushing him out of your life. Yutaka is trying to make a connection with you. Ok, you’re angry because you never knew about him before…but don’t push him away now. You don’t have to push everyone away.” Akira stared directly into Takanori’s eyes, trying as hard as he could to convey his point to the younger teen. Takanori needed to start letting more people in, especially since he’d come so far already.
The little blond stuck his bottom lip out slightly and Akira rolled his eyes, flicking the plump flesh which only caused Takanori to glare at him harder. He stuck to his silence for a good minute or so before he finally sighed. “Fine,” he growled. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself,” he snapped when Akira gave him a cheesy grin. “You too.” The little blond turned towards the also grinning Yutaka. Neither of them listened to him.
“You both suck,” Takanori grumbled as he went back to packing up his effectors. He heard Yutaka chuckle from behind him and he glared over his shoulder at the brunet, who held his hands up in defeat. Damn him and his…kind face…and those dimples. Takanori huffed. “How do you even have Yutaka’s number?” Takanori asked Akira, shooting him an accusing look.
“Well,” The elder blond scratched the back of his head with a little chuckle. “When you stormed off after he first showed up we ended up having a little chat. I told him that you would eventually come around and that he shouldn’t give up hope. Because think about it, if I hadn’t have stuck around you and I wouldn’t be where we are now,” Akira pointed out and, even though he didn’t say it aloud, Takanori knew it was a valid point. “So I got his number, said I’d contact him.”
“Don’t worry, Takanori,” Yutaka jumped in. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m gonna stick around and show you just what an awesome brother I really am.” The brunet grinned, making Takanori’s skin crawl slightly. But only because he was a dork and it made the little blond feel embarrassed for him.
Takanori stayed quiet for a few moments, though the scowl that had been on his face was easing slightly. “Yeah…well, you still suck,” he grumbled over to Akira.
“Only for you, baby.”
“Akira!”
* * *
It was around three hours later when the three young men were all loading the last of Takanori’s belongings into Yutaka’s car. They’d had to make a few trips because Takanori had so many instruments, they especially struggled with the drum kit. But Takanori threw the last bag of clothes into the back of Yutaka’s car with a huff. It was hard to believe that this was really happening. He was really leaving this house, leaving his adoptive parents…and moving into his brother’s house! Yutaka seemed pretty pleased though, since he’d finally gotten what he wanted.
Takanori sat in the back of the car with Akira, the older blond holding Takanori’s smaller hand in his own, stroking his thumb over it. The final ride to Yutaka’s apartment was quiet and it remained that way as everything was moved into the humble two bedroom place. It was definitely a lot smaller than what Takanori was used to…but he wasn’t really sure that would bother him all that much.
Yutaka left Akira and Takanori to themselves as he went to prepare dinner; apparently he was quite the cook. Takanori sat on the double bed, which was yet another thing that was a lot different. He was used to his king size. “You won’t be living with me anymore…” he mumbled, looking up at Akira who moved to crouch down in front of him, taking his hands.
“No…”
It was something both of them had grown so used to over the past…however many months. Had it been six months? Surely, it must have been close to that. Takanori didn’t really remember what it was like to live without Akira. He’d grown so used to the other teen’s presence. The younger teen bit his bottom lip, lowering his head as he struggled to stifle his emotions. Even though he knew he could be whoever he wanted in front of Akira, that didn’t mean he liked to cry in front of him any more than he ever did.
“Taka…” Akira murmured, reaching up to cup the younger teen’s cheeks. “Don’t worry, hey? We’ll still see each other every day at school and I promise I’ll come over every single weekend. It’s not like we’re breaking up or anything.” Akira stroked his thumbs over Takanori’s cheeks, feeling so sorry for his cute little boyfriend. Whether Takanori admitted it or not, he had become rather dependant on Akira.
“Yeah, but…what if I can’t sleep at night? And who’s gonna wake you up when you over sleep before school? Who’s gonna bleach your roots? Who’ll suck my dick when I’m horny?” Akira snorted a little at that one. “And who’s gonna make you breakfast and make sure you don’t burn the house down?” Takanori pouted.
“I think I have a solution.”
Both Takanori and Akira’s heads snapped towards the door to see Yutaka standing there, leaning against the frame with his arms folded over his chest, that same kind smile pulling at his lips. Takanori had to admit…he kind of liked that smile. Yutaka seemed to be the kind of person who could make anyone feel at ease. He was a genuine person.
“If Akira’s mum is happy with it and if you both agree to get part time jobs…Akira can live here.” Yutaka smiled kindly, watched as the shock filtered over both of the boy’s faces.
“Are you serious?!” Takanori leapt up off the bed, wide eyes staring Yutaka down. At his brother’s nod, Takanori practically flew across the room, swinging him arms around Yutaka’s neck and hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Yutaka. Thank you so much!” Takanori blabbered.
After having attacked his brother with love, Takanori turned back to Akira, a large grin on his face as he walked back to the elder blond, letting himself be swept up into the taller boy’s arms. Yutaka stepped out of the room just in time to let Akira and Takanori indulge in a heavy, passionate kiss.
It was time to turn a new page for all of them.
* * *
The following month flew by. Takanori got a job at the music store on the way home from school; it was the perfect job for him, really. He had the knowledge, he had the talent and the old man who worked there, Jiro, was more than happy to have him. Akira, on the other hand, started working in a pet store. Takanori didn’t know why he’d chosen a pet store, of all places, but the older blond seemed to enjoy it.
Akira’s mother had agreed to let him move out, with the promise that he would come for dinner once a week. Of course, that was more than good enough for the blond third year and he had moved his things out of his room and into Takanori’s room at Yutaka’s house by the next day. For the first time in forever it felt like everything was going just right.
Yutaka and Takanori started to get on a lot better as well. Once Takanori opened himself up and let someone besides Akira in he and his brother were able to start forming a bond. As expected, Yutaka was exactly the dork he appeared to be and he was an amazing cook as well. He made a bento for Akira and Takanori every morning before he left for work and he always made sure they were both happy. He was a kind soul.
Takanori had started to sit with Akira and his friends at school as well, he found it so much easier to smile and laugh around other people now that he was genuinely happy and he didn’t feel like he needed to hide himself. He also now knew that he could still be himself and not have to conform to what everyone else was. Takanori was confident enough to know that he was his own person.
One particular morning, the blond couple walked into school hand in hand as usual, heading over to Akira’s friends. But Takanori was rather taken aback when he spotted a familiar raven haired boy. As he and Akira drew nearer the small blond locked eyes with Aoi and the raven haired boy actually smiled at him and Takanori smiled back.
“Good to see you here, Aoi,” Akira said as he sat down on the bench, pulling Takanori down onto his lap which made the little blond groan; Akira had really done a number on his arse the night before.
Aoi nodded, leaning into Kouyou’s side, the honey blond having draped his arm over Aoi’s shoulders. “You too, Akira.” Takanori looked between the two, obviously not having caught up on how exactly they knew each other. Though…he vaguely remembered the day that Akira had seen him lose his shit in the music room; the first day things started to change for them. It had been Aoi who’d lead Akira to the music room. Had that sneaky raven been hoping for this to happen all along? But how could he have possibly known this would work out?
“I see Kouyou finally grew some balls,” Takanori jabbed, earning himself a little glare from the honey blond. But he merely rolled his eyes a moment later before he leaned in and kissed Aoi’s temple.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he mused, causing Aoi to glance at him and smile.
Akira gave Takanori’s waist a little squeeze, telling him to play nice and the little blond just huffed, pouting his lips a little. No matter how many friends he made he would always have that slightly icy side to him, that sharpness; but it was just part of his personality, he no longer meant any harm by it.
“Hey, we should go on a double date this weekend,” Akira piped up.
Takanori groaned loudly, lolling his head back against Akira’s shoulder. “Are you fucking serious? You are the biggest fucking dork.”
“Yeah, but you love it~” Akira mused, kissing Takanori’s cheek.
“Mm…yeah, I do.” Takanori turned and kissed Akira, much to the distress of the blond’s straight friends that were hanging around. But he didn’t care. He was happy and things were finally just right. “Oh hey, I finally figured out how to finish my song.” Takanori pulled out his notebook, which he had started to share with Akira a little more now. He flipped open to the page and handed the book to boyfriend. “It’s called Miseinen.”
I was frantically looking for something
It's okay to stumble, so go forward
I know it's foolish, I just run on without regret
The only one I can trust is myself, I didn't need friends
The fangs I bared at anything and everything
Sexual stuff in adolescence is delicate and fleeting
I want to be strong, give me the strength to live on my own
Honestly, I was just scared of betrayal
I knew that nothing would change if I kept running away
But I couldn't change myself.
The loneliness I prided myself on
Was a pair of wings to escape to my worthless dreams
The self-assertion I prided myself on called "RIOT"
There was no freedom, nothing beyond this light.
Teenage Bluely Days
I was drowning in each rough new day
Before I knew it I was shouldering such loneliness
It was hard. To be honest,
I really didn't want to be on my own.
Since always pretending to be strong makes one forget one's true face
It's important to occasionally loosen up and rely on others
Hurt... when you want to cry, face the great big sky
And scream out in a loud voice
That you want to forget yourself, so you can keep being who you are.
The encouraging voices of my father, my mother, and my friends
Spurred on, even one so weak as myself, they gave me the light
The loneliness and pain of my youth that I prided myself on
Were a pair of wings to escape to my worthless dreams
If there's freedom to be had in that clear blue sky
I wouldn't care if these wings I'm so proud of were torn off
I began running, frantically aiming for the sky
I spread my wings and flew away, and the spot where I fell
Was 'Freedom'
With a wonderful family, and wonderful friends
These were the best days of my life, if I'm reborn
Let's meet again...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: So...that's the end. I know I said there would be two more chapters left. But it just felt right to end it here. And I didn't think I had enough to be able to stretch out two more chapters. But I'm happy with how this one went. I'm happy with the ending, I hope you guys don't think it's too rushed. Sooo yeah. I just wanna thank everyone who has stuck by this fic for almost 2 and a half years, thank you to everyone who commented, who supported me, who put up with my long gaps between updates. Thank you to the multiple beta's I've had through this fic. Thank you all so much <3 This brings my first started Gazefic to an end XD It's weird to think that I started this when I was in high school and I'm now in my second year out of high school. LOL.
Miseinen was actually my inspiration for the entire song all along. The lyrics, how they started and how they ended, particularly "With a wonderful family, and wonderful friends. These were the best days of my life, if I'm reborn. Let's meet again..." I wanted to end the story with Taka surrounded by friends. I was also very inspired by this cover of the song --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tifRxS-gPtA It's really beautiful and I could just hear it paying in my head the whole time I was writing the very last part of this fic :')
This is not the end of me, though. Do not fear~ I don't intend to stop writing any time soon. I do hope that I can pull my writing pants back on and get some more content out to you guys. So yes.
Also, just an update on my life~~ I started university this year ^^ I'm doing an extended major in Japanese at, probably, one of, if not, the best university in my state. So that's fantastic! Eeehm, I'm off to Japan in a week for 10 days with some awesome friends <3 I have been dragged down a little recently with some issues with my depression >< So I've basically been a shut-in for a week :'D But I'm slowly but surely working through it ^^ I also had some boy trouble this week as well. So meh XD
I hope you guys are all doing well <3 <3
Author: ravennightmare6
Beta: hinoeuma13
Chapter: 18/18
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut
Rating(Overall): NC-17
Pairing/s: Reita & Ruki (Akira & Takanori),
Synopsis: Takanori liked to think that he hated everybody equally. Though, he had to admit, somewhat begrudgingly, that he hated a few less than others.
Warnings: Use of real names, Profanity.
Disclaimer: As unfortunate as it may be, I do not own The GazettE. I only own the mediocre plot.
Comments: At the bottom, darlings <3
Previous Chapter
Awkward silence filled the living room, to the point that it was almost suffocating, as Takanori sat beside Akira; his parents' eyes boring into both of them and neither pair of them looking very happy either. Takanori wasn't really sure what he should do or say, it had been so long since he'd been in the same room as his parents, and really he felt like he didn't even know them. They hadn't been a consistent part of his life since he was twelve years old. Now they were just the people who owned the house he lived in and looked after. His employers.
"I hope you know that we are very disappointed in you, Takanori," his father said, the look on his face conveying exactly that; plus just a little more. The main expression, besides his disappointment, was clearly his disgust. It was written all over his face, as plain as day.
Takanori stayed silent. A quick glance Akira's way revealed that the older blond was not at all impressed with their situation and Takanori could tell he was just busting to say something about it. They'd been sitting there for about twenty minutes now with hardly any words exchanged between any of them and Takanori felt like he was about to burst. He lowered his head, feeling his own anger bubble. He was sick and tired of being treated like one of their possessions. He was old enough to do as he pleased, especially when they were never around to care for him anyway!
"This is dumb."
Takanori's head snapped to the side when Akira finally opened his mouth. Really, Takanori had been wondering what took so long since Akira wasn’t normally one to keep quiet when there was something to be said. But he knew now there'd be many more words to follow now that the older blond had opened his mouth.
"Excuse me?" Takanori's mother asked, her finely trimmed eyebrows raising in the air as she looked over at Akira. Surely they were thinking that he was never the kind of person they would imagine their son with. Because first of all, he was a man. And secondly, he didn't come from a rich family, he didn't dress in a proper manner, and he didn't have respect for them. Those things were all negative in Takanori's parents' book.
"I said this is dumb. You know, idiotic, stupid, bullshit." Both of the little blond's parents' raised their eyebrows now, surprised by the third year student's use of language. "I want to ask why you look so horrified. Is it because Takanori is finally happy? Because he has someone to care for him? Or is it because I'm not a woman?" Akira narrowed his eyes.
Takanori's father scowled at the older blond. "That is exactly it, my boy," he said, his upper lip curling slightly. "You are not a woman. You are very much a man and that is completely unacceptable. Homosexuality is not welcome in our home and we're absolutely disgusted that you've managed to drag Takanori into this way of life."
"What are you talking about? He didn't-"
"Enough, Takanori," the older woman said, holding up her hand in a gesture for him to be quiet. "We don't need your input on this."
"Like hell you don't," Akira snapped. "If anything, his input is the one we need the most!"
"Akira, please..." Takanori was feeling like shit. The only people he ever felt intimidated by and weak under were his parents. He had absolutely no clue why he found them to have this kind of power over him, but they did and they always had.
"No, Taka. You can't let him them keep treating you like this, it's not fair," Akira insisted. Scowling, the elder blond turned back to Takanori's parents. "Listen, it doesn't matter what you say or do, I won't leave him. Takanori and I are in love, there's nothing you can do about that, I'm afraid."
"Takanori..." His father prompted.
The youngest of the bunch bit the inside of his cheek. One part of him wanted to kiss Akira like he'd never kissed him before and the other part wanted to smack the shit out of him. This was going to get him into so much trouble with his parents. But then he thought...why was he so afraid of them, anyway? It wasn't like they had done anything but just keep him alive. They hadn't offered him any love for such a long time that he hadn't known what love really felt like anymore until Akira came along. Even then it had taken him such a long time to be able to let someone in. When he really thought about it...it was probably his parents' fault that he had those issues, that he found it hard to make friends and let people in to see the real him.
Frowning, Takanori sat up a little straighter and met his mother's eyes and then his father's. "Akira is right," he stated, much to the shock of the two adults in front of him. Another glance at Akira showed that the older boy was grinning like the Cheshire cat.
Swallowing thickly, Takanori mentally convinced himself that this was the right thing to do. He knew it was and he'd probably known for quite some time now. He nodded to himself before continuing. "He's right. We're in love, andI hate to disappoint you, but I'm gay. There's nothing anyone can do about that. Akira didn't force me to do anything. I've known I'm gay since I was thirteen years old. So don't blame Akira, it's not his fault.”
For a moment the room was dead silent, Takanori’s parents looking at him with shock written all over their faces. More than anything, Takanori thought that it was probably because he’d had the balls to talk back to them. He hadn’t ever done that before. Then of course there was the revelation that he was, indeed, gay. He was sure his parents wouldn’t be all that happy about that and it was rather clear that they weren’t. In fact, he was pretty sure that his dad’s face started to turn red.
“Takanori…” The old man stood up from his chair, hands clenched by his sides as he walked up to the lounge that Takanori and Akira were sitting on. The taller blond was quick to stand up, stepping a little more in front of Takanori to block him from his adoptive father. Akira probably wasn’t wrong in thinking that the old man would take a swing at the young teen. But the man merely dismissed Akira. “Takanori. You have the rest of the day to gather your things and get yourself the hell out of my house.”
Takanori cringed slightly, but forced himself to square his shoulders towards the man who meant almost nothing to him. He stood up, staring at his father for a few moments, wondering if he should say something or not. There were so many things he wanted to say; he wanted to tell him how much both his father and his mother had let him down, he wanted to tell them that they should have just left him in that orphanage, he wanted to tell them that once he walked out that door that would be it. He didn’t want them to ever contact him again even if, one day, their guilt was crushing.
But instead of all of these things, Takanori clenched his jaw before he reached out and grabbed Akira’s hand. “Come on, Aki…” He mumbled as he tugged his glaring boyfriend along behind him.
As soon as they were upstairs inside Takanori’s room the older blond pulled him into a hug, enveloping the second year in his embrace. “Are you ok?” Akira murmured, pressing his nose into Takanori’s mop of blond hair, peppering kisses over his temple. “Taka…?” A tiny sob reached the third year’s ears and his arms tightened instantly, drawing the younger boy against him that much tighter. “Hey, don’t worry about them, ok? Their opinion of you doesn’t matter. No matter what I’m here for you and I promise everything’s gonna be just fine.”
Akira was taken aback slightly when Takanori shook his head, chuckling quietly. “That’s not it…” He muttered, his short arms still hugging Akira’s broader form as he pressed his face against the other teen’s shoulder. “I don’t know…It’s just…they’ve been such a negative thing hanging over my head for so long and it feels like it’s a relief to finally have an excuse to walk away, you know?” Takanori hated to sound like a typical teenager complaining about his parents, but he didn’t really feel like he was in a typical teenager’s situation.
Akira chuckled and pulled back slightly, enough to look down at his little blond boyfriend’s teary face. Smiling fondly, Akira cupped Takanori’s face and used his thumbs to swipe away the other boy’s tears. “Well, at least you aren’t distraught about it. Hey?” Akira grinned, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Takanori’s perfectly pouty lips. “I love you.”
“Mm… Love you too,” Takanori murmured back against Akira’s lips. They stood like that for a few moments, exchanging gentle touches and soft kisses. Eventually though Takanori bit Akira’s lip, rolling the flesh between his teeth before he pulled back with a cheeky smile on his face. “I should start packing.” Takanori didn’t know where he was going to stay, but he needed to get cracking if he wanted to have all of his stuff out by the end of the day. He wasn’t so much concerned about the gaming consoles and all that; it was more his instruments that he was worried about.
At some point in time his parents had left and gone off somewhere, Takanori didn’t really give a shit where as long as they weren’t around to hassle him. He had a few bags of clothes packed up as well as his makeup and hair products, his electronics. He had no way of transporting any of it, but he would figure something out.
Takanori was in the midst of putting his guitars into their cases when he heard Akira at the door. The older blond had never seen the inside of his studio, but there was really no point in hiding it now since they would be gone soon enough. “So this is where you spend all your time,” Akira mused as he walked in, looking around at everything. “Impressive.” Takanori watched as he ran his fingers over the keyboard of the large Apple computer; which was full of top-notch editing software. Takanori couldn’t afford to lose that stuff.
“Yeah,” Takanori shrugged as he carefully packed a few of his effectors into a box. “I have no idea where I’m gonna put all this stuff…” He might have to put it into storage. But then…with what money? He didn’t even know where he was going to live! Maybe he would need to ask Aoi to help him out. But then he didn’t really even know Aoi all that much. The obvious answer, of course, was to go and live with Akira. But Akira’s mother was poor and she clearly had enough trouble supporting herself and her two children, Takanori couldn’t put that kind of burden on her. That would be cruel.
“Hey, Taka.” The little blond looked up as Akira sat down just behind him, winding his arms around the smaller boy’s waist. Takanori smiled a little, leaning back against his boyfriend. “I know you’re worried about where you’ll stay…”
“I swear you read my mind sometimes,” the little blond scoffed, turning his head to look over his shoulder as Akira pecked the corner of his lips.
The third year student shrugged, “I’m just that good.” Takanori scoffed once more. “Actually…I called in a favour to help you,” Akira said and this made Takanori perk up slightly. Frowning a little in confusion, he pulled himself away from Akira’s grasp. Who could he have possible called that would want to help him out?
“Hello Takanori…”
The smaller teen snapped towards the door so fast his head might have very well spun off his damn shoulders. He narrowed his eyes at the figure that stood in the doorway and the little blond was on his feet in milliseconds. “What the hell are you doing here?” He growled, looking between the man and his boyfriend. “You called him?” Takanori snapped. “What the fuck, Akira?”
“Taka, calm down,” the third year said as he stood up as well. “He’s here to help you.” The little blond pursed his lips and folded his arm sending a harsh glare at his brother. “Takanori, look at me.” Akira grabbed Takanori’s shoulders and turned the second year to face him. “You can’t keep pushing him out of your life. Yutaka is trying to make a connection with you. Ok, you’re angry because you never knew about him before…but don’t push him away now. You don’t have to push everyone away.” Akira stared directly into Takanori’s eyes, trying as hard as he could to convey his point to the younger teen. Takanori needed to start letting more people in, especially since he’d come so far already.
The little blond stuck his bottom lip out slightly and Akira rolled his eyes, flicking the plump flesh which only caused Takanori to glare at him harder. He stuck to his silence for a good minute or so before he finally sighed. “Fine,” he growled. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself,” he snapped when Akira gave him a cheesy grin. “You too.” The little blond turned towards the also grinning Yutaka. Neither of them listened to him.
“You both suck,” Takanori grumbled as he went back to packing up his effectors. He heard Yutaka chuckle from behind him and he glared over his shoulder at the brunet, who held his hands up in defeat. Damn him and his…kind face…and those dimples. Takanori huffed. “How do you even have Yutaka’s number?” Takanori asked Akira, shooting him an accusing look.
“Well,” The elder blond scratched the back of his head with a little chuckle. “When you stormed off after he first showed up we ended up having a little chat. I told him that you would eventually come around and that he shouldn’t give up hope. Because think about it, if I hadn’t have stuck around you and I wouldn’t be where we are now,” Akira pointed out and, even though he didn’t say it aloud, Takanori knew it was a valid point. “So I got his number, said I’d contact him.”
“Don’t worry, Takanori,” Yutaka jumped in. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m gonna stick around and show you just what an awesome brother I really am.” The brunet grinned, making Takanori’s skin crawl slightly. But only because he was a dork and it made the little blond feel embarrassed for him.
Takanori stayed quiet for a few moments, though the scowl that had been on his face was easing slightly. “Yeah…well, you still suck,” he grumbled over to Akira.
“Only for you, baby.”
“Akira!”
* * *
It was around three hours later when the three young men were all loading the last of Takanori’s belongings into Yutaka’s car. They’d had to make a few trips because Takanori had so many instruments, they especially struggled with the drum kit. But Takanori threw the last bag of clothes into the back of Yutaka’s car with a huff. It was hard to believe that this was really happening. He was really leaving this house, leaving his adoptive parents…and moving into his brother’s house! Yutaka seemed pretty pleased though, since he’d finally gotten what he wanted.
Takanori sat in the back of the car with Akira, the older blond holding Takanori’s smaller hand in his own, stroking his thumb over it. The final ride to Yutaka’s apartment was quiet and it remained that way as everything was moved into the humble two bedroom place. It was definitely a lot smaller than what Takanori was used to…but he wasn’t really sure that would bother him all that much.
Yutaka left Akira and Takanori to themselves as he went to prepare dinner; apparently he was quite the cook. Takanori sat on the double bed, which was yet another thing that was a lot different. He was used to his king size. “You won’t be living with me anymore…” he mumbled, looking up at Akira who moved to crouch down in front of him, taking his hands.
“No…”
It was something both of them had grown so used to over the past…however many months. Had it been six months? Surely, it must have been close to that. Takanori didn’t really remember what it was like to live without Akira. He’d grown so used to the other teen’s presence. The younger teen bit his bottom lip, lowering his head as he struggled to stifle his emotions. Even though he knew he could be whoever he wanted in front of Akira, that didn’t mean he liked to cry in front of him any more than he ever did.
“Taka…” Akira murmured, reaching up to cup the younger teen’s cheeks. “Don’t worry, hey? We’ll still see each other every day at school and I promise I’ll come over every single weekend. It’s not like we’re breaking up or anything.” Akira stroked his thumbs over Takanori’s cheeks, feeling so sorry for his cute little boyfriend. Whether Takanori admitted it or not, he had become rather dependant on Akira.
“Yeah, but…what if I can’t sleep at night? And who’s gonna wake you up when you over sleep before school? Who’s gonna bleach your roots? Who’ll suck my dick when I’m horny?” Akira snorted a little at that one. “And who’s gonna make you breakfast and make sure you don’t burn the house down?” Takanori pouted.
“I think I have a solution.”
Both Takanori and Akira’s heads snapped towards the door to see Yutaka standing there, leaning against the frame with his arms folded over his chest, that same kind smile pulling at his lips. Takanori had to admit…he kind of liked that smile. Yutaka seemed to be the kind of person who could make anyone feel at ease. He was a genuine person.
“If Akira’s mum is happy with it and if you both agree to get part time jobs…Akira can live here.” Yutaka smiled kindly, watched as the shock filtered over both of the boy’s faces.
“Are you serious?!” Takanori leapt up off the bed, wide eyes staring Yutaka down. At his brother’s nod, Takanori practically flew across the room, swinging him arms around Yutaka’s neck and hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Yutaka. Thank you so much!” Takanori blabbered.
After having attacked his brother with love, Takanori turned back to Akira, a large grin on his face as he walked back to the elder blond, letting himself be swept up into the taller boy’s arms. Yutaka stepped out of the room just in time to let Akira and Takanori indulge in a heavy, passionate kiss.
It was time to turn a new page for all of them.
* * *
The following month flew by. Takanori got a job at the music store on the way home from school; it was the perfect job for him, really. He had the knowledge, he had the talent and the old man who worked there, Jiro, was more than happy to have him. Akira, on the other hand, started working in a pet store. Takanori didn’t know why he’d chosen a pet store, of all places, but the older blond seemed to enjoy it.
Akira’s mother had agreed to let him move out, with the promise that he would come for dinner once a week. Of course, that was more than good enough for the blond third year and he had moved his things out of his room and into Takanori’s room at Yutaka’s house by the next day. For the first time in forever it felt like everything was going just right.
Yutaka and Takanori started to get on a lot better as well. Once Takanori opened himself up and let someone besides Akira in he and his brother were able to start forming a bond. As expected, Yutaka was exactly the dork he appeared to be and he was an amazing cook as well. He made a bento for Akira and Takanori every morning before he left for work and he always made sure they were both happy. He was a kind soul.
Takanori had started to sit with Akira and his friends at school as well, he found it so much easier to smile and laugh around other people now that he was genuinely happy and he didn’t feel like he needed to hide himself. He also now knew that he could still be himself and not have to conform to what everyone else was. Takanori was confident enough to know that he was his own person.
One particular morning, the blond couple walked into school hand in hand as usual, heading over to Akira’s friends. But Takanori was rather taken aback when he spotted a familiar raven haired boy. As he and Akira drew nearer the small blond locked eyes with Aoi and the raven haired boy actually smiled at him and Takanori smiled back.
“Good to see you here, Aoi,” Akira said as he sat down on the bench, pulling Takanori down onto his lap which made the little blond groan; Akira had really done a number on his arse the night before.
Aoi nodded, leaning into Kouyou’s side, the honey blond having draped his arm over Aoi’s shoulders. “You too, Akira.” Takanori looked between the two, obviously not having caught up on how exactly they knew each other. Though…he vaguely remembered the day that Akira had seen him lose his shit in the music room; the first day things started to change for them. It had been Aoi who’d lead Akira to the music room. Had that sneaky raven been hoping for this to happen all along? But how could he have possibly known this would work out?
“I see Kouyou finally grew some balls,” Takanori jabbed, earning himself a little glare from the honey blond. But he merely rolled his eyes a moment later before he leaned in and kissed Aoi’s temple.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he mused, causing Aoi to glance at him and smile.
Akira gave Takanori’s waist a little squeeze, telling him to play nice and the little blond just huffed, pouting his lips a little. No matter how many friends he made he would always have that slightly icy side to him, that sharpness; but it was just part of his personality, he no longer meant any harm by it.
“Hey, we should go on a double date this weekend,” Akira piped up.
Takanori groaned loudly, lolling his head back against Akira’s shoulder. “Are you fucking serious? You are the biggest fucking dork.”
“Yeah, but you love it~” Akira mused, kissing Takanori’s cheek.
“Mm…yeah, I do.” Takanori turned and kissed Akira, much to the distress of the blond’s straight friends that were hanging around. But he didn’t care. He was happy and things were finally just right. “Oh hey, I finally figured out how to finish my song.” Takanori pulled out his notebook, which he had started to share with Akira a little more now. He flipped open to the page and handed the book to boyfriend. “It’s called Miseinen.”
I was frantically looking for something
It's okay to stumble, so go forward
I know it's foolish, I just run on without regret
The only one I can trust is myself, I didn't need friends
The fangs I bared at anything and everything
Sexual stuff in adolescence is delicate and fleeting
I want to be strong, give me the strength to live on my own
Honestly, I was just scared of betrayal
I knew that nothing would change if I kept running away
But I couldn't change myself.
The loneliness I prided myself on
Was a pair of wings to escape to my worthless dreams
The self-assertion I prided myself on called "RIOT"
There was no freedom, nothing beyond this light.
Teenage Bluely Days
I was drowning in each rough new day
Before I knew it I was shouldering such loneliness
It was hard. To be honest,
I really didn't want to be on my own.
Since always pretending to be strong makes one forget one's true face
It's important to occasionally loosen up and rely on others
Hurt... when you want to cry, face the great big sky
And scream out in a loud voice
That you want to forget yourself, so you can keep being who you are.
The encouraging voices of my father, my mother, and my friends
Spurred on, even one so weak as myself, they gave me the light
The loneliness and pain of my youth that I prided myself on
Were a pair of wings to escape to my worthless dreams
If there's freedom to be had in that clear blue sky
I wouldn't care if these wings I'm so proud of were torn off
I began running, frantically aiming for the sky
I spread my wings and flew away, and the spot where I fell
Was 'Freedom'
With a wonderful family, and wonderful friends
These were the best days of my life, if I'm reborn
Let's meet again...
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A/N: So...that's the end. I know I said there would be two more chapters left. But it just felt right to end it here. And I didn't think I had enough to be able to stretch out two more chapters. But I'm happy with how this one went. I'm happy with the ending, I hope you guys don't think it's too rushed. Sooo yeah. I just wanna thank everyone who has stuck by this fic for almost 2 and a half years, thank you to everyone who commented, who supported me, who put up with my long gaps between updates. Thank you to the multiple beta's I've had through this fic. Thank you all so much <3 This brings my first started Gazefic to an end XD It's weird to think that I started this when I was in high school and I'm now in my second year out of high school. LOL.
Miseinen was actually my inspiration for the entire song all along. The lyrics, how they started and how they ended, particularly "With a wonderful family, and wonderful friends. These were the best days of my life, if I'm reborn. Let's meet again..." I wanted to end the story with Taka surrounded by friends. I was also very inspired by this cover of the song --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tifRxS-gPtA It's really beautiful and I could just hear it paying in my head the whole time I was writing the very last part of this fic :')
This is not the end of me, though. Do not fear~ I don't intend to stop writing any time soon. I do hope that I can pull my writing pants back on and get some more content out to you guys. So yes.
Also, just an update on my life~~ I started university this year ^^ I'm doing an extended major in Japanese at, probably, one of, if not, the best university in my state. So that's fantastic! Eeehm, I'm off to Japan in a week for 10 days with some awesome friends <3 I have been dragged down a little recently with some issues with my depression >< So I've basically been a shut-in for a week :'D But I'm slowly but surely working through it ^^ I also had some boy trouble this week as well. So meh XD
I hope you guys are all doing well <3 <3