The Loneliness I Pride Myself On ~ 17/18 ~ [Reita & Ruki]
Title: The Loneliness I Pride Myself On
Author: ravennightmare6
Beta: hinoeuma13
Chapter: 17/18
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut
Rating(Overall): NC-17
Pairing/s: Reita & Ruki (Akira & Takanori),
Synopsis: Takanori liked to think that he hated everybody equally. Though, he had to admit, somewhat begrudgingly, that he hated a few less than others.
Warnings: Use of real names, Profanity.
Disclaimer: As unfortunate as it may be, I do not own The GazettE. I only own the mediocre plot.
Comments: At the bottom, darlings <3
Previous Chapter
Takanori spent most of the remainder of the week and the weekend in his studio. He wrote song after song after song; what he used to do before Akira came along. He’d been thinking about it all to begin with and he came to the conclusion that Akira was bad. Since that idiotic blond had come along Takanori had gotten weak. He’d allowed people to get under his skin, to get far too close to him. All of this had worn down his walls, the ones he vowed never to lower for anyone no matter what because he was done with people. They all proved to be arseholes in the end. And he was sure that if he’d let Yutaka in, he would turn out to be exactly the same.
Takanori had been made a fool of. He couldn’t believe that he’d let Akira parade him around the school like some kind of trophy under the guise of being his boyfriend. How ridiculous. Takanori wondered if they were all having a good laugh. If they were all sitting at their table talking about how pathetic the poor little orphan boy is with his life living as a maid. It all made the little blond see red.
The most annoying part about it all though, was that under the surface…he missed Akira. Of course, there was no way that he would ever actually admit that. No way. But deep down, he really did. He missed waking up to that stupid idiot playing with his hair or kissing his neck. He missed scolding Akira for trying to make breakfast and making a mess everywhere. He missed leaning into him while they watched movies. He missed the way Akira was able to make him feel so safe and protected just by hugging him.
“Ugh,” Takanori sighed, stopping the banging of his drums to hang his head. He switched the recording device off and placed his drumsticks down on the snare. It’d almost been a week since he’d been to school. Soon enough he’d probably receive a phone call from the school asking where he was and why he hadn’t shown up in so long. If he kept going like that without any kind of explanation he would soon be expelled. That wouldn’t be such a bad thing, Takanori thought. At least he wouldn’t have to see Akira again and he wouldn’t have to face the looks on his classmate’s faces as he walked through the school. Maybe…
The following Monday, Takanori finally got up the courage to wake up and put on his school uniform, do his hair and makeup and walk out the front door. Once he reached the school gates, in classic Takanori fashion, he wore a scowl and refused to look anyone in the eye though he didn’t walk with his head down. He wasn’t that much of a coward. He wouldn’t make himself any weaker. It appeared that people had indeed heard about his and Akira’s breakup. Though…strangely, none of them approached him about everything else, no one pointed, no one laughed. He wondered if maybe people were too intimidated by him. The little blond remembered one time when Akira had mentioned that people were kind of afraid of him.
Takanori’s response to that was, good. That’s how he wanted to keep it.
As he walked through the courtyard, Takanori caught a glimpse of a familiar table of people out of the corner of his eye. They all sat around laughing and joking, occasionally punching one another in the arm. Typical boy shit. The little blond watched as Kouyou nudged Akira’s shoulder, the blond had his back to Takanori. Though he turned around quickly when Kouyou said something to him. Takanori had a pretty good guess that the honey blond was informing Akira of Takanori’s presence at school that day.
Akira’s head whipped around and for a moment his eyes searched the courtyard before they locked with Takanori’s. The little blond wasn’t quite sure what to make of the look on Akira’s face. Though, before he really knew what to do Akira was getting up and walking across the courtyard. People turned to watch. Takanori narrowed his eyes as Akira’s frame drew closer and closer to him and he looked away, beginning to walk faster.
“Taka, wait.” Akira jogged the rest of the distance to catch up to Takanori, walking along side him and matching his quick pace with what seemed like little effort.
“Don’t call me that,” the little blond snapped, speeding up once more only to growl when Akira matched his pace once more. Damn his short fucking legs!
Akira frowned and took a step in front of him, stopping the little blond in his tracks and, much to Takanori’s dismay, he almost smacked right into Akira’s chest. “Takanori. Look, I’m sorry, ok? Won’t you even listen to anything I have to say? I do have an explanation, you know.”
Takanori took a step back and folded his skinny little arms over his narrow chest, scowling up at Akira. “No, Akira. I don’t want to hear what you have to say, I don’t want to hear your shitty explanation; I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” He huffed and shook his head incredulously. “You don’t get it, do you? It doesn’t matter what you have to say. Because you did the one thing you knew would get under my skin more than anything else. You knew that I would never let you just look through my things like that. You know I wouldn’t want you to know those kinds of things about me unless I told you myself. You knew all of that and yet you did it anyway. You broke my trust and now I have nothing left to say to you because we’re over.” Takanori averted his cold gaze and stepped around the taller blond third year. “Now, I would appreciate it greatly if you just left me the fuck alone.”
Takanori’s shoulder brushed against Akira as he left, walking into the school building and leaving Akira standing in the courtyard rather shocked.
The first place that Takanori went was the fire escape on the side of the school building. It was a place he realised he hadn’t been in weeks. Maybe even a few months. He missed it, it was a place that always made him feel so much calmer. Maybe that was because the fire escape was where his only friend resided most of the time and the raven exuded so much calm that it filled the space up easily.
Takanori walked out and shut the door behind him, seeing Aoi leaning against the railing like always with a cigarette perched between two fingers. Sighing quietly, Takanori’s shoes clinked against the metal floor as he crossed the small distance to lean against the railing next to his friend. Aoi didn’t say anything just yet, but handed Takanori a smoke which he accepted gratefully and lit it up, inhaling the toxins that did a wonderful job in calming his nerves.
After a few moments, Takanori turned to look at Aoi and sighed. “You know, don’t you?” The raven turned his head to return Takanori’s stare, the look on his face was one that was almost asking if Takanori was stupid or something like that. He still didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. “Of course you do,” the blond mused. “This is so stupid. He went through my stuff. Even you know how I would feel about that, after everything I told him and how much I trusted him, he still did exactly what I would not want him to do.”
Aoi took a drag of his smoke and let it out slowly before speaking. “Did you let him explain?”
“Are you kidding me?” Takanori glanced over at his friend as if he’d gone insane. “Of course not. I don’t want to hear anything that shit for brains has to say. Why should I listen? He broke my trust.”
“Maybe he had something worth saying on the matter,” Aoi suggested in that same cool, calm and collected voice that he always had. If he wasn’t such an easy person for Takanori to like he would get annoyed. But as Aoi was basically his only friend he was unable to get pissed at him.
“He didn’t,” Takanori stated blandly. “See, even you aren’t listening to me. Come on, Aoi. Don’t you get it? He went through my stuff. Things that he should have never seen, things that I never wanted anyone to see. What gave him that right? And after he did something like that why should I listen to anything he has to say?”
“Because you love him.”
Takanori froze, head snapping around to look at Aoi. “I don’t.” There was no way! Even before now when they had been on better than good terms he didn’t love Akira. It was way too soon to be saying any of that shit to one another. Plus…they were teenagers! Since when did teenagers have the capacity to fall in love? Sure, Takanori had liked Akira and Akira liked him, maybe. There was still not love. How absurd.
“He loves you,” Aoi reasoned, still as calm as ever. He was acting like he wasn’t talking about something of such high caliber. Did he have any idea what he was saying?!
Takanori scoffed and rolled his eyes before turning his body to lean his side against the railing and eyeing Aoi suspiciously. “And how the fuck would you know that? He’s a lying piece of shit. Everything he’s ever told me is probably total bullshit.”
Aoi shrugged, Takanori’s death glare obviously not really mattering to him all that much. It was like water off a duck’s back to the raven haired teen. “He told me.” Usually Takanori would have not questioned Aoi’s judgment on a situation. Not with how observant the raven was and how easy it was for him to see through people’s bullshit. But this was ridiculous.
“You’ve been talking to him,” Takanori stated. “Fuck,” he cursed, pushing off the railing in aggravation. Snubbing his half finished cigarette out against the railing he threw it over the side and fixed Aoi with his cold glare again. “It’s obvious that I can’t trust you now either. It’s probably Kouyou. You’ll listen to anything that fuckwit says when he’s got his dick up your arse. I wouldn’t be surprised if he told you to take Akira’s side on this.”
Scoffing one last time when all Aoi did was remain silent, Takanori turned and walked back into the school building. He was so done with this bullshit. Without Aoi who did he have left? It’s not like he thought everyone was against him. And even if they were he didn’t give a shit what the entire school thought. But, much to the short blond’s chagrin, he did care what Aoi thought and…what Akira thought, even though he really shouldn’t have and he hated that he did. But, in true Takanori style, he would just ignore what he didn’t like and move on.
He walked through the halls as the first bell rang, arriving at his English classroom early and taking his seat at the back. The teacher was obviously surprised to see him there and she came over to talk to him. He listened half heartedly as she went through everything he’d missed over the past week. The little blond really wasn’t interested, but he didn’t have anything better to do so he just listened.
The entire day went a similar way as did the rest of the week. It would appear that things had gone back to normal. Akira didn’t talk to him, didn’t even spare him a glance and Takanori figured that he really must have meant nothing to the blond third year after all. It hurt…a lot. But he didn’t let that show. At least not until he was in the music room at school or in his studio at home, because he was sick of crying. He was tired of feeling so weak and he knew that he could have avoided all of this if he had have just kept Akira out to begin with. If only he hadn’t opened that door that night when Akira was sitting out on his driveway, if he had just gotten up out of Akira’s seat that day in detention. God, things would have been completely different for both of them now.
That Friday, Takanori marched into the school grounds and made a beeline for the headmaster’s office. He asked the receptionist if he could see the man and, after a short wait, he was let into the headmaster’s office where he took a seat in front of the large mahogany desk. The middle aged man sat behind his desk with his arms folded over his chest and a slight smile on his lips as a welcome to the teen.
“Mastumoto-kun,” he said, uncrossing his arms and sitting up a little more. “How can I help you this morning?”
“Headmaster,” Takanori greeted him in the same way with a little bow of his head. “I’d like to hand you this.” The little blond held up an envelope and put it on the desk, sliding it across to the elder man. “It’s my official letter of resignation from the school.”
The smile on the headmaster’s face fell to reveal a slight, confused frown. “Mastumoto-kun, are you sure?” He asked, tentatively reaching over to take the envelope. He opened it up and brought forth the letter it contained, reading over it to indeed see that it revealed that the little blond would like to leave the school. “Will you be attending a different high school? Is it something about this school that I can possibly fix for you? Do I need to help you switch classes or take different subjects?”
Takanori hesitated a moment before he shook his head. It was probably best not to tell the headmaster about his relationship with Akira, that wasn’t something the headmaster needed to get involved with. “No sir,” the blond said, shaking his head once more. “It’s nothing like that. I just don’t wish to attend school anymore; it’s something that I’ve been thinking about for quite a while and I’ve decided that I’m going to try and chase a career in music. And I can’t do that from here. I’m very sorry.” He bowed a little once more to show his respect for the elder man before standing up
"Good luck with everything, Takanori,” the headmaster said. Takanori paused in the doorway and looked back at the man behind the desk who had a knowing look on his face. It confused the blond for a moment but he brushed it off and bowed a little before leaving, shutting the door behind him once more.
He walked back through the school building and exited out into the courtyard which was still teeming with students before class started. Takanori felt…good. It felt like there’d been a weight lifted off his shoulders. He no longer had to worry about assignments that would never mean anything to him, teachers that pissed him off, no tests that would never apply to anything he wanted to do, no arseholes to get under his skin and wriggle their way into his consciousness.
As he walked through the courtyard Takanori caught Aoi with his eyes. The raven was leaning against a tree a little ways off to the side, watching him. The look on Aoi’s face was knowing. It was like he could tell exactly what Takanori had just been doing, that he knew everything that was going on inside the little blond’s mind. And that pissed Takanori off a little. He kept his eyes on Aoi for just a moment before snapping them away, ignoring his former friend as he left towards the gate. A couple of people did the same as Aoi and watched him leave; though those idiots had more of a dumbfounded look on their face than knowing. Takanori still kept his head high though, marching out the front gate and not looking back.
* * *
Takanori didn’t regret his decision to leave school at all. In fact, he was loving it. He’d been looking into music schools were he could go and get the kind of education that he wanted. He could sleep in for as long as he wanted, he could spend all day in his studio if he wanted to, he could eat whenever he wanted. Well, he could do that any time since he practically lived alone. But he always felt that he had an obligation to go to school, so now that he didn’t, he felt a lot better. More relaxed.
Akira had also been a minimal thought in his head. Though, Takanori refused to think that he’d been purposely distracting himself so that he wouldn’t have the time to think about the blond third year. Akira needed to be out of his head. Gone. Goodbye. Now that he’d left school he was certain he wasn’t going to hear from the elder teenager again. They would both just move on and not see each other again. It was fairly clear that Takanori would also never hear from Aoi again. The raven had taken Akira’s side as well. It made an undeniable sense of loneliness wash over Takanori, knowing that he literally had no one less. Even before Akira Takanori had always had Aoi. In fact, he remembered the first day he’d ever met the quirky teen.
“Screw off, fuckwit,” the feisty little first year high schooler snapped, walking quickly away from the second year who had apparently made it his mission to get under Takanori’s skin from day one. It was really starting to get on Takanori’s nerves. He was considering just turning around and socking the idiot right in the fucking jaw. But he’d promised himself that he’d wait at least a month before getting suspended.
“Aw, come on, Takanori,” Akira mused, catching the little black and red haired teen’s wrist.
Takanori wrenched his hand away from Akira like he’d been burned. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he spat. “I’m gonna have to disinfect my fucking hand now. Gross.” He wiped his hand on his trousers like he was really disgusted. Akira seemed rather astonished at Takanori’s nerve. So he took the opportunity to escape from the second year, darting away, turning a corner and seeing a door out to one of the fire escape platforms on the outside of the school.
Takanori breathed a sigh of relief as soon as he was out on the escape. Though his relief disappeared a second later when he spotted some kid he didn’t think he recognized. “Fucking great,” he cursed, sighing. He wondered why the kid didn’t turn around and look at him though. He knew that if someone had crashed his chill out spot he would have been pissed. Narrowing his eyes, Takanori thought as he surveyed the raven haired boy. Now that he took a moment, the guy did seem familiar. But Takanori had never heard him say anything…to anyone actually. Was he mute? Or just-
“Are you going to keep standing there?” The guy asked without even turning around. The way he said it wasn’t really rude. More like…bored. It was a little amusing actually. A soft sigh came from the guy lips and he turned offering Takanori one of his cigarettes. “Don’t pay any attention to Akira,” the raven said. “He’s harmless, really.”
Takanori blinked a few times, a little shocked, before he took the smoke and lit it up. He stepped up beside the raven, leaning against the railing. “How did you know it was Akira who was annoying me?” The raven haired teen turned and looked at Takanori with an expression that read ‘is that a serious question?’ “Right,” Takanori mumbled. No one was as much of an arsehole as Akira. Of course it was him.
“I’ve seen him harass you before.”
“Oh…”
“I’m Aoi,” the guy offered.
“Takanori.”
The little blond sighed, placing his guitar down on his lap and running his hand through his hair. Really, his and Aoi’s meeting hadn’t been all that special in most people’s eyes. But it just set a precedent for what their future interactions would be. Aoi had always had Takanori’s back in his own…quietly comforting kind of way. And Takanori appreciated that more than most people knew. Probably even more than what Aoi know. But then again…maybe not. Especially since Aoi seemed to know everything, even when Takanori wished that he didn’t.
Takanori ran a hand over his face, placing his guitar back on its stand and getting up. He’d been in the studio for around seven hours already and he was starting to get a little hungry. Leaving his room, he shut the door behind him before wandering downstairs. He meandered about in the kitchen for a little while, wondering what exactly he should make himself. Something glistened just under the counter as he walked past and the blond frowned. Bending down to pick it up he held the piece of glass between his thumb and forefinger. It must have been…from when he’d dropped that glass the first night Akira stayed over. Takanori sighed as he remembered the elder blond rushing to his rescue, carrying him to the bathroom when he’d cut his foot open, taking the glass out and patching him up. Takanori grunted, throwing the glass into the bin and opening up the cupboard.
As he went to reach for the bread his hand brushed an unopened bottle of pancake mix. He was struck with yet another memory of Akira trying to make pancakes for him and actually succeeding. But he’d made an absolute mess of the kitchen. Takanori remembered the tenderness that’d been there when he watched Akira struggle with his knife and fork. How he’d had to teach the elder blond how to use them. That was also the day they’d had their first kiss and the first time Takanori had really given Akira a proper smile. It’d been a good day.
“Fuck,” Takanori cursed, grabbing the bread and slamming the cupboard door shut. Huffing, he grabbed a few things out of the fridge before beginning to make himself a simple sandwich. He needed to stop thinking about all of this shit. Akira was seriously out of his life now. He was irreleva-
“Takanori?”
The blond second year almost jumped ten feet in the air, dropping the knife he’d been using as he spun around to face a painfully familiar student. His brow creased and he shook his head as he scowled. “Akira…What the fuck are you doing here? How did you even get into my house?”
Akira sighed, holding up his hand. “You gave me a spare key,” he said. Takanori grunted. Oh yeah, he remembered that now. The little blond curled his hand against the counter, biting the inside of his cheek as he eyed Akira suspiciously. “Look…I know you don’t want me here. But-”
“You’re right. I don’t,” Takanori stated, taking a step back as Akira took one into the kitchen. “Seriously, get out of my house. I already told you, I’m done with you.” He stepped back again. But he’d soon run out of space and bump into the pantry doors. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Takanori said, his voice a little more strained now. Being around Akira was still painful and it was making his chest hurt but he didn’t want to cry in front of Akira again; he didn’t want to show that kind of weakness.
“Takanori. Just let me speak,” Akira said, his voice less gentle and more commanding and it made Takanori want to flinch, but he refused to. The little blond opened his mouth to snap but Akira spoke over him. “Shut up! I deserve just as much of a chance to speak as you did to yell at me.” Takanori bit his lip as Akira came to stand directly in front of him until they were almost chest to chest. Once the elder blond had snapped at him, his face softened again. “Look, I did the wrong thing. I know that. I was putting your clean clothes away when I saw it, I shouldn’t have looked through your book but all I’d wanted to see was those beautiful lyrics you’re always writing. Your papers fell out while I was looking. That isn’t an excuse though. Like I said, I’d been doing the wrong thing. And I’ve never regretted anything more. I’m so sorry.”
Takanori shut his eyes. It was really hard not to just forgive Akira straight away. Because that’s really what Takanori wanted to do. He hated to admit it to himself but he didn’t want to break up with Akira. He hated that he felt like he couldn’t trust the elder blond anymore, because he wanted to. So badly. Takanori’s eyes snapped open when Akira’s hand touched his hip, making him jump slightly. He kept his head down, not daring to look up at Akira just yet. But he didn’t push the elder blond’s hand away either and Akira took that as a sign. Sighing quietly, he put his other hand on Takanori’s cheek, stroking his hair back a little.
“I know you still want this,” Akira practically whispered. “I know you, Takanori. I know you’re fragile and I know that you don’t like people seeing the real you. But you can trust me. Who your parents are don’t matter to me...and I feel like I understand you more now. I’m sorry you didn’t get to tell me yourself, but I’d never intended to see those papers.” Akira ducked his head down and pressed his forehead against Takanori’s. “Please look at me, Taka…”
Takanori’s hands lay limp at his sides, trembling slightly. He didn’t know what to do. He knew Akira as much as he wished he didn’t right now. And he knew what it sounded like when the elder blond was telling him the truth. Right now…he was. Takanori’s forehead creased as he shut his eyes and tried to will himself not to give in so easily. But it was so hard when Akira was standing there so vulnerable in front of him…asking so sincerely for another chance. Letting out a shaky breath, Takanori slowly lifted his head and locked his eyes with Akira’s.
The elder blond gave a slightly relieved smile. “Taka…” He lifted his other hand from Takanori’s waist and placed it on his other cheek, stroking his thumbs over Takanori’s cheeks, catching the few tears that Takanori hadn’t noticed he’d let spill. But it was ok…because Akira was crying as well. It was kind of gratifying to see Akira cry, because it was something that Takanori never remembered happening. It made the whole thing so much more real. “Takanori,” Akira repeated his name, like it was the only word he could say. Slowly, he leaned in and placed a tender kiss against the corner of Takanori’s mouth. He shut his eyes, just resting his lips gently against the smaller teen’s. “I love you,” he whispered.
Takanori’s breath caught in his throat and he hiccupped quietly. Akira…had just told him he loved him. It was so hard for Takanori to comprehend. No one had ever loved him before. He sobbed once before he finally lifted his arms and slung them around Akira’s neck, bringing him down for a kiss. Takanori kissed Akira like he never had before. It was full of passion and forgiveness and love and kindness. Everything Takanori felt for Akira he poured into that kiss. And Akira did the same in return, letting his arms drop around Takanori’s waist to pull him in a tight as possible.
For the first time since the argument Takanori knew that he was going to be ok. Until he heard a clatter at the entrance to the kitchen and an outraged cry of, “Takanori?!” The little blond pulled away from Akira abruptly and stared at the two figured in the doorway, feeling his chest start to feel tight again as he stared back at the two shocked faces.
“Mother…Father…”
Next Chapter
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A/N:OH. MY. GOD. Sooooooo, there's only two more chapters left Dx This was the first fic I ever really wrote for the GazettE fandom. And it's kind of bittersweet that its ending soon. *sigh* Oh well, I hope you guys like this chapter ^^
Author: ravennightmare6
Beta: hinoeuma13
Chapter: 17/18
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut
Rating(Overall): NC-17
Pairing/s: Reita & Ruki (Akira & Takanori),
Synopsis: Takanori liked to think that he hated everybody equally. Though, he had to admit, somewhat begrudgingly, that he hated a few less than others.
Warnings: Use of real names, Profanity.
Disclaimer: As unfortunate as it may be, I do not own The GazettE. I only own the mediocre plot.
Comments: At the bottom, darlings <3
Previous Chapter
Takanori spent most of the remainder of the week and the weekend in his studio. He wrote song after song after song; what he used to do before Akira came along. He’d been thinking about it all to begin with and he came to the conclusion that Akira was bad. Since that idiotic blond had come along Takanori had gotten weak. He’d allowed people to get under his skin, to get far too close to him. All of this had worn down his walls, the ones he vowed never to lower for anyone no matter what because he was done with people. They all proved to be arseholes in the end. And he was sure that if he’d let Yutaka in, he would turn out to be exactly the same.
Takanori had been made a fool of. He couldn’t believe that he’d let Akira parade him around the school like some kind of trophy under the guise of being his boyfriend. How ridiculous. Takanori wondered if they were all having a good laugh. If they were all sitting at their table talking about how pathetic the poor little orphan boy is with his life living as a maid. It all made the little blond see red.
The most annoying part about it all though, was that under the surface…he missed Akira. Of course, there was no way that he would ever actually admit that. No way. But deep down, he really did. He missed waking up to that stupid idiot playing with his hair or kissing his neck. He missed scolding Akira for trying to make breakfast and making a mess everywhere. He missed leaning into him while they watched movies. He missed the way Akira was able to make him feel so safe and protected just by hugging him.
“Ugh,” Takanori sighed, stopping the banging of his drums to hang his head. He switched the recording device off and placed his drumsticks down on the snare. It’d almost been a week since he’d been to school. Soon enough he’d probably receive a phone call from the school asking where he was and why he hadn’t shown up in so long. If he kept going like that without any kind of explanation he would soon be expelled. That wouldn’t be such a bad thing, Takanori thought. At least he wouldn’t have to see Akira again and he wouldn’t have to face the looks on his classmate’s faces as he walked through the school. Maybe…
The following Monday, Takanori finally got up the courage to wake up and put on his school uniform, do his hair and makeup and walk out the front door. Once he reached the school gates, in classic Takanori fashion, he wore a scowl and refused to look anyone in the eye though he didn’t walk with his head down. He wasn’t that much of a coward. He wouldn’t make himself any weaker. It appeared that people had indeed heard about his and Akira’s breakup. Though…strangely, none of them approached him about everything else, no one pointed, no one laughed. He wondered if maybe people were too intimidated by him. The little blond remembered one time when Akira had mentioned that people were kind of afraid of him.
Takanori’s response to that was, good. That’s how he wanted to keep it.
As he walked through the courtyard, Takanori caught a glimpse of a familiar table of people out of the corner of his eye. They all sat around laughing and joking, occasionally punching one another in the arm. Typical boy shit. The little blond watched as Kouyou nudged Akira’s shoulder, the blond had his back to Takanori. Though he turned around quickly when Kouyou said something to him. Takanori had a pretty good guess that the honey blond was informing Akira of Takanori’s presence at school that day.
Akira’s head whipped around and for a moment his eyes searched the courtyard before they locked with Takanori’s. The little blond wasn’t quite sure what to make of the look on Akira’s face. Though, before he really knew what to do Akira was getting up and walking across the courtyard. People turned to watch. Takanori narrowed his eyes as Akira’s frame drew closer and closer to him and he looked away, beginning to walk faster.
“Taka, wait.” Akira jogged the rest of the distance to catch up to Takanori, walking along side him and matching his quick pace with what seemed like little effort.
“Don’t call me that,” the little blond snapped, speeding up once more only to growl when Akira matched his pace once more. Damn his short fucking legs!
Akira frowned and took a step in front of him, stopping the little blond in his tracks and, much to Takanori’s dismay, he almost smacked right into Akira’s chest. “Takanori. Look, I’m sorry, ok? Won’t you even listen to anything I have to say? I do have an explanation, you know.”
Takanori took a step back and folded his skinny little arms over his narrow chest, scowling up at Akira. “No, Akira. I don’t want to hear what you have to say, I don’t want to hear your shitty explanation; I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” He huffed and shook his head incredulously. “You don’t get it, do you? It doesn’t matter what you have to say. Because you did the one thing you knew would get under my skin more than anything else. You knew that I would never let you just look through my things like that. You know I wouldn’t want you to know those kinds of things about me unless I told you myself. You knew all of that and yet you did it anyway. You broke my trust and now I have nothing left to say to you because we’re over.” Takanori averted his cold gaze and stepped around the taller blond third year. “Now, I would appreciate it greatly if you just left me the fuck alone.”
Takanori’s shoulder brushed against Akira as he left, walking into the school building and leaving Akira standing in the courtyard rather shocked.
The first place that Takanori went was the fire escape on the side of the school building. It was a place he realised he hadn’t been in weeks. Maybe even a few months. He missed it, it was a place that always made him feel so much calmer. Maybe that was because the fire escape was where his only friend resided most of the time and the raven exuded so much calm that it filled the space up easily.
Takanori walked out and shut the door behind him, seeing Aoi leaning against the railing like always with a cigarette perched between two fingers. Sighing quietly, Takanori’s shoes clinked against the metal floor as he crossed the small distance to lean against the railing next to his friend. Aoi didn’t say anything just yet, but handed Takanori a smoke which he accepted gratefully and lit it up, inhaling the toxins that did a wonderful job in calming his nerves.
After a few moments, Takanori turned to look at Aoi and sighed. “You know, don’t you?” The raven turned his head to return Takanori’s stare, the look on his face was one that was almost asking if Takanori was stupid or something like that. He still didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. “Of course you do,” the blond mused. “This is so stupid. He went through my stuff. Even you know how I would feel about that, after everything I told him and how much I trusted him, he still did exactly what I would not want him to do.”
Aoi took a drag of his smoke and let it out slowly before speaking. “Did you let him explain?”
“Are you kidding me?” Takanori glanced over at his friend as if he’d gone insane. “Of course not. I don’t want to hear anything that shit for brains has to say. Why should I listen? He broke my trust.”
“Maybe he had something worth saying on the matter,” Aoi suggested in that same cool, calm and collected voice that he always had. If he wasn’t such an easy person for Takanori to like he would get annoyed. But as Aoi was basically his only friend he was unable to get pissed at him.
“He didn’t,” Takanori stated blandly. “See, even you aren’t listening to me. Come on, Aoi. Don’t you get it? He went through my stuff. Things that he should have never seen, things that I never wanted anyone to see. What gave him that right? And after he did something like that why should I listen to anything he has to say?”
“Because you love him.”
Takanori froze, head snapping around to look at Aoi. “I don’t.” There was no way! Even before now when they had been on better than good terms he didn’t love Akira. It was way too soon to be saying any of that shit to one another. Plus…they were teenagers! Since when did teenagers have the capacity to fall in love? Sure, Takanori had liked Akira and Akira liked him, maybe. There was still not love. How absurd.
“He loves you,” Aoi reasoned, still as calm as ever. He was acting like he wasn’t talking about something of such high caliber. Did he have any idea what he was saying?!
Takanori scoffed and rolled his eyes before turning his body to lean his side against the railing and eyeing Aoi suspiciously. “And how the fuck would you know that? He’s a lying piece of shit. Everything he’s ever told me is probably total bullshit.”
Aoi shrugged, Takanori’s death glare obviously not really mattering to him all that much. It was like water off a duck’s back to the raven haired teen. “He told me.” Usually Takanori would have not questioned Aoi’s judgment on a situation. Not with how observant the raven was and how easy it was for him to see through people’s bullshit. But this was ridiculous.
“You’ve been talking to him,” Takanori stated. “Fuck,” he cursed, pushing off the railing in aggravation. Snubbing his half finished cigarette out against the railing he threw it over the side and fixed Aoi with his cold glare again. “It’s obvious that I can’t trust you now either. It’s probably Kouyou. You’ll listen to anything that fuckwit says when he’s got his dick up your arse. I wouldn’t be surprised if he told you to take Akira’s side on this.”
Scoffing one last time when all Aoi did was remain silent, Takanori turned and walked back into the school building. He was so done with this bullshit. Without Aoi who did he have left? It’s not like he thought everyone was against him. And even if they were he didn’t give a shit what the entire school thought. But, much to the short blond’s chagrin, he did care what Aoi thought and…what Akira thought, even though he really shouldn’t have and he hated that he did. But, in true Takanori style, he would just ignore what he didn’t like and move on.
He walked through the halls as the first bell rang, arriving at his English classroom early and taking his seat at the back. The teacher was obviously surprised to see him there and she came over to talk to him. He listened half heartedly as she went through everything he’d missed over the past week. The little blond really wasn’t interested, but he didn’t have anything better to do so he just listened.
The entire day went a similar way as did the rest of the week. It would appear that things had gone back to normal. Akira didn’t talk to him, didn’t even spare him a glance and Takanori figured that he really must have meant nothing to the blond third year after all. It hurt…a lot. But he didn’t let that show. At least not until he was in the music room at school or in his studio at home, because he was sick of crying. He was tired of feeling so weak and he knew that he could have avoided all of this if he had have just kept Akira out to begin with. If only he hadn’t opened that door that night when Akira was sitting out on his driveway, if he had just gotten up out of Akira’s seat that day in detention. God, things would have been completely different for both of them now.
That Friday, Takanori marched into the school grounds and made a beeline for the headmaster’s office. He asked the receptionist if he could see the man and, after a short wait, he was let into the headmaster’s office where he took a seat in front of the large mahogany desk. The middle aged man sat behind his desk with his arms folded over his chest and a slight smile on his lips as a welcome to the teen.
“Mastumoto-kun,” he said, uncrossing his arms and sitting up a little more. “How can I help you this morning?”
“Headmaster,” Takanori greeted him in the same way with a little bow of his head. “I’d like to hand you this.” The little blond held up an envelope and put it on the desk, sliding it across to the elder man. “It’s my official letter of resignation from the school.”
The smile on the headmaster’s face fell to reveal a slight, confused frown. “Mastumoto-kun, are you sure?” He asked, tentatively reaching over to take the envelope. He opened it up and brought forth the letter it contained, reading over it to indeed see that it revealed that the little blond would like to leave the school. “Will you be attending a different high school? Is it something about this school that I can possibly fix for you? Do I need to help you switch classes or take different subjects?”
Takanori hesitated a moment before he shook his head. It was probably best not to tell the headmaster about his relationship with Akira, that wasn’t something the headmaster needed to get involved with. “No sir,” the blond said, shaking his head once more. “It’s nothing like that. I just don’t wish to attend school anymore; it’s something that I’ve been thinking about for quite a while and I’ve decided that I’m going to try and chase a career in music. And I can’t do that from here. I’m very sorry.” He bowed a little once more to show his respect for the elder man before standing up
"Good luck with everything, Takanori,” the headmaster said. Takanori paused in the doorway and looked back at the man behind the desk who had a knowing look on his face. It confused the blond for a moment but he brushed it off and bowed a little before leaving, shutting the door behind him once more.
He walked back through the school building and exited out into the courtyard which was still teeming with students before class started. Takanori felt…good. It felt like there’d been a weight lifted off his shoulders. He no longer had to worry about assignments that would never mean anything to him, teachers that pissed him off, no tests that would never apply to anything he wanted to do, no arseholes to get under his skin and wriggle their way into his consciousness.
As he walked through the courtyard Takanori caught Aoi with his eyes. The raven was leaning against a tree a little ways off to the side, watching him. The look on Aoi’s face was knowing. It was like he could tell exactly what Takanori had just been doing, that he knew everything that was going on inside the little blond’s mind. And that pissed Takanori off a little. He kept his eyes on Aoi for just a moment before snapping them away, ignoring his former friend as he left towards the gate. A couple of people did the same as Aoi and watched him leave; though those idiots had more of a dumbfounded look on their face than knowing. Takanori still kept his head high though, marching out the front gate and not looking back.
* * *
Takanori didn’t regret his decision to leave school at all. In fact, he was loving it. He’d been looking into music schools were he could go and get the kind of education that he wanted. He could sleep in for as long as he wanted, he could spend all day in his studio if he wanted to, he could eat whenever he wanted. Well, he could do that any time since he practically lived alone. But he always felt that he had an obligation to go to school, so now that he didn’t, he felt a lot better. More relaxed.
Akira had also been a minimal thought in his head. Though, Takanori refused to think that he’d been purposely distracting himself so that he wouldn’t have the time to think about the blond third year. Akira needed to be out of his head. Gone. Goodbye. Now that he’d left school he was certain he wasn’t going to hear from the elder teenager again. They would both just move on and not see each other again. It was fairly clear that Takanori would also never hear from Aoi again. The raven had taken Akira’s side as well. It made an undeniable sense of loneliness wash over Takanori, knowing that he literally had no one less. Even before Akira Takanori had always had Aoi. In fact, he remembered the first day he’d ever met the quirky teen.
“Screw off, fuckwit,” the feisty little first year high schooler snapped, walking quickly away from the second year who had apparently made it his mission to get under Takanori’s skin from day one. It was really starting to get on Takanori’s nerves. He was considering just turning around and socking the idiot right in the fucking jaw. But he’d promised himself that he’d wait at least a month before getting suspended.
“Aw, come on, Takanori,” Akira mused, catching the little black and red haired teen’s wrist.
Takanori wrenched his hand away from Akira like he’d been burned. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he spat. “I’m gonna have to disinfect my fucking hand now. Gross.” He wiped his hand on his trousers like he was really disgusted. Akira seemed rather astonished at Takanori’s nerve. So he took the opportunity to escape from the second year, darting away, turning a corner and seeing a door out to one of the fire escape platforms on the outside of the school.
Takanori breathed a sigh of relief as soon as he was out on the escape. Though his relief disappeared a second later when he spotted some kid he didn’t think he recognized. “Fucking great,” he cursed, sighing. He wondered why the kid didn’t turn around and look at him though. He knew that if someone had crashed his chill out spot he would have been pissed. Narrowing his eyes, Takanori thought as he surveyed the raven haired boy. Now that he took a moment, the guy did seem familiar. But Takanori had never heard him say anything…to anyone actually. Was he mute? Or just-
“Are you going to keep standing there?” The guy asked without even turning around. The way he said it wasn’t really rude. More like…bored. It was a little amusing actually. A soft sigh came from the guy lips and he turned offering Takanori one of his cigarettes. “Don’t pay any attention to Akira,” the raven said. “He’s harmless, really.”
Takanori blinked a few times, a little shocked, before he took the smoke and lit it up. He stepped up beside the raven, leaning against the railing. “How did you know it was Akira who was annoying me?” The raven haired teen turned and looked at Takanori with an expression that read ‘is that a serious question?’ “Right,” Takanori mumbled. No one was as much of an arsehole as Akira. Of course it was him.
“I’ve seen him harass you before.”
“Oh…”
“I’m Aoi,” the guy offered.
“Takanori.”
The little blond sighed, placing his guitar down on his lap and running his hand through his hair. Really, his and Aoi’s meeting hadn’t been all that special in most people’s eyes. But it just set a precedent for what their future interactions would be. Aoi had always had Takanori’s back in his own…quietly comforting kind of way. And Takanori appreciated that more than most people knew. Probably even more than what Aoi know. But then again…maybe not. Especially since Aoi seemed to know everything, even when Takanori wished that he didn’t.
Takanori ran a hand over his face, placing his guitar back on its stand and getting up. He’d been in the studio for around seven hours already and he was starting to get a little hungry. Leaving his room, he shut the door behind him before wandering downstairs. He meandered about in the kitchen for a little while, wondering what exactly he should make himself. Something glistened just under the counter as he walked past and the blond frowned. Bending down to pick it up he held the piece of glass between his thumb and forefinger. It must have been…from when he’d dropped that glass the first night Akira stayed over. Takanori sighed as he remembered the elder blond rushing to his rescue, carrying him to the bathroom when he’d cut his foot open, taking the glass out and patching him up. Takanori grunted, throwing the glass into the bin and opening up the cupboard.
As he went to reach for the bread his hand brushed an unopened bottle of pancake mix. He was struck with yet another memory of Akira trying to make pancakes for him and actually succeeding. But he’d made an absolute mess of the kitchen. Takanori remembered the tenderness that’d been there when he watched Akira struggle with his knife and fork. How he’d had to teach the elder blond how to use them. That was also the day they’d had their first kiss and the first time Takanori had really given Akira a proper smile. It’d been a good day.
“Fuck,” Takanori cursed, grabbing the bread and slamming the cupboard door shut. Huffing, he grabbed a few things out of the fridge before beginning to make himself a simple sandwich. He needed to stop thinking about all of this shit. Akira was seriously out of his life now. He was irreleva-
“Takanori?”
The blond second year almost jumped ten feet in the air, dropping the knife he’d been using as he spun around to face a painfully familiar student. His brow creased and he shook his head as he scowled. “Akira…What the fuck are you doing here? How did you even get into my house?”
Akira sighed, holding up his hand. “You gave me a spare key,” he said. Takanori grunted. Oh yeah, he remembered that now. The little blond curled his hand against the counter, biting the inside of his cheek as he eyed Akira suspiciously. “Look…I know you don’t want me here. But-”
“You’re right. I don’t,” Takanori stated, taking a step back as Akira took one into the kitchen. “Seriously, get out of my house. I already told you, I’m done with you.” He stepped back again. But he’d soon run out of space and bump into the pantry doors. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Takanori said, his voice a little more strained now. Being around Akira was still painful and it was making his chest hurt but he didn’t want to cry in front of Akira again; he didn’t want to show that kind of weakness.
“Takanori. Just let me speak,” Akira said, his voice less gentle and more commanding and it made Takanori want to flinch, but he refused to. The little blond opened his mouth to snap but Akira spoke over him. “Shut up! I deserve just as much of a chance to speak as you did to yell at me.” Takanori bit his lip as Akira came to stand directly in front of him until they were almost chest to chest. Once the elder blond had snapped at him, his face softened again. “Look, I did the wrong thing. I know that. I was putting your clean clothes away when I saw it, I shouldn’t have looked through your book but all I’d wanted to see was those beautiful lyrics you’re always writing. Your papers fell out while I was looking. That isn’t an excuse though. Like I said, I’d been doing the wrong thing. And I’ve never regretted anything more. I’m so sorry.”
Takanori shut his eyes. It was really hard not to just forgive Akira straight away. Because that’s really what Takanori wanted to do. He hated to admit it to himself but he didn’t want to break up with Akira. He hated that he felt like he couldn’t trust the elder blond anymore, because he wanted to. So badly. Takanori’s eyes snapped open when Akira’s hand touched his hip, making him jump slightly. He kept his head down, not daring to look up at Akira just yet. But he didn’t push the elder blond’s hand away either and Akira took that as a sign. Sighing quietly, he put his other hand on Takanori’s cheek, stroking his hair back a little.
“I know you still want this,” Akira practically whispered. “I know you, Takanori. I know you’re fragile and I know that you don’t like people seeing the real you. But you can trust me. Who your parents are don’t matter to me...and I feel like I understand you more now. I’m sorry you didn’t get to tell me yourself, but I’d never intended to see those papers.” Akira ducked his head down and pressed his forehead against Takanori’s. “Please look at me, Taka…”
Takanori’s hands lay limp at his sides, trembling slightly. He didn’t know what to do. He knew Akira as much as he wished he didn’t right now. And he knew what it sounded like when the elder blond was telling him the truth. Right now…he was. Takanori’s forehead creased as he shut his eyes and tried to will himself not to give in so easily. But it was so hard when Akira was standing there so vulnerable in front of him…asking so sincerely for another chance. Letting out a shaky breath, Takanori slowly lifted his head and locked his eyes with Akira’s.
The elder blond gave a slightly relieved smile. “Taka…” He lifted his other hand from Takanori’s waist and placed it on his other cheek, stroking his thumbs over Takanori’s cheeks, catching the few tears that Takanori hadn’t noticed he’d let spill. But it was ok…because Akira was crying as well. It was kind of gratifying to see Akira cry, because it was something that Takanori never remembered happening. It made the whole thing so much more real. “Takanori,” Akira repeated his name, like it was the only word he could say. Slowly, he leaned in and placed a tender kiss against the corner of Takanori’s mouth. He shut his eyes, just resting his lips gently against the smaller teen’s. “I love you,” he whispered.
Takanori’s breath caught in his throat and he hiccupped quietly. Akira…had just told him he loved him. It was so hard for Takanori to comprehend. No one had ever loved him before. He sobbed once before he finally lifted his arms and slung them around Akira’s neck, bringing him down for a kiss. Takanori kissed Akira like he never had before. It was full of passion and forgiveness and love and kindness. Everything Takanori felt for Akira he poured into that kiss. And Akira did the same in return, letting his arms drop around Takanori’s waist to pull him in a tight as possible.
For the first time since the argument Takanori knew that he was going to be ok. Until he heard a clatter at the entrance to the kitchen and an outraged cry of, “Takanori?!” The little blond pulled away from Akira abruptly and stared at the two figured in the doorway, feeling his chest start to feel tight again as he stared back at the two shocked faces.
“Mother…Father…”
Next Chapter
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A/N:OH. MY. GOD. Sooooooo, there's only two more chapters left Dx This was the first fic I ever really wrote for the GazettE fandom. And it's kind of bittersweet that its ending soon. *sigh* Oh well, I hope you guys like this chapter ^^