can't waste the funny part II
this is my brill idea of a Pissed List.... but it's way too old now. We held it back and now no one cares about these things. But, again, I worked hard on it, so here it is, two weeks too late.
THE PISSED LIST - what pisses me off this week
5. The idiotic idea that they’re still making a movie version of Dallas, despite ten million rewrites and consistent cast catastrophes. First it was a drama, now it’s a self-reflexive comedy about a show within a show a la Bewitched…’cause that Kidman calamity worked out so well, didn’t it? Whose even asking for a Dallas movie? Is anyone out there staying up nights praying to the heavens for a feature-long look at the Ewing clan? J-Lo’s out, Travolta’s done… Nobody even wants to act in the damn thing. Everyone’s gone green nowadays - the human race can reduce its carbon footprint by aborting this abomination before it grows too big and reaches its inevitable end in the Best Buy discount bin.
4. All the networks proudly promoting their mid-season merde like it was their first choice for prime-time programming. They’re obviously throwing anything on TV now (Cashmere Mafia, Sarah Conner Chronicles, to name a few) because the writer’s strike had taken all their quality programming away. I see right through you, ABC! I’ll stick to DVDs and human conversation til the strike’s over, thanks. Speakin’ of…
3. This effing strike is killing my awards season. Usually around this time of year, I’ve got a nice buzz, which will soon blossom into unhinged drunkery on Oscar night. But now? This whole town’s gone dry and I’m so starved for some superficiality, I’ll have to resort to watching the BAFTA’s. The BAFTA’S! That’s not even American!
2. Nas naming his newest album “Nigger”, and promoting it via him and his g-f Kelis’ wardrobe at the Grammy’s. Not because it’s a hateful, hideous word, but because it reeks of a publicity stunt. I’m highly dubious Mr. Nas wanted to open a discourse on language with his rap record. Not like I would have bought the album anyway -- I’m not ejecting Britney’s Blackout from my car stereo until the CD scratches itself to death.
1. Amy Winehouse’s parents and brother claiming how very much they love her… not to Amy, mind you, but to the Daily Mirror, or to any press that will listen to their constant worrying and whining about their wayward daughter. Think blabbing to the papers is helping Amy any? Put down the damn phone, stop taking interviews and start being a parent! If Lynne Spears can do it, by lord, anyone can.