lyrics series?
I ought to be cool and make macros of this and shit, but that's almost like work.
The thing is this. I'm a sad, sad, serially obsessed nerd. And whatever I am reading at any given moment has a tendency to become inextricably intertwined with whatever I am listening to. And out of nowhere, certain songs just click into certain fandom-related meanings as if the lyrics were written specifically for that purpose. This has been happening to me for years, and I never get to share the crazy "hey what does this remind you of" nigh-deja vu sensation of these things because, well, no one cares.
Hey, you don't care either, whoever is reading this. But this is my space in which to jabber about whatever I want, and right now I want to not write a paper. So.
So. I'm reading the Avengers for the first time. It's been about 3 months since I fell headlong into comics. I don't do fandoms by halves. And Iron Man is awesome (thought so since the movie but more so now), being the unstable bastard genius that he is, and Captain America is awesome, being the adorable, idealistic doof he can be with alarming regularity, and you know I wear the slash goggles, so yeah, I went there. There is extensive evidence of overwhelming gayness throughout the years, and theirs is exactly the kind of codependent friendship that I have always read as old married couple syndrome.
The big problem with shipping Tony Stark/Steve Rogers is that, in all honesty, I think they love each other in canon but have never - would never - admit to it. The delicate line of becoming too close, of the unbearable potential of one losing the other if they crossed that line and it was used against them, or the even more unbearable potential for betrayal... all things considered, they just can't go there. But that unspoken love is a better explanation for a lot of events in the comics than the technobabble or political idealism bullshit explanations we're given by Basil Exposition. Charged looks shared between the two characters, their actions towards/in front of/because of each other - these speak much louder than their often contradictory words.
The Civil War arc, I think, is the biggie. (In short: a Superhero Registration Act is introduced and Tony leads the pro-Registration, pro-government campaign, but Steve is affronted at the blow to individual liberty and leads a resistance movement. Steve eventually surrenders because the escalating superhuman conflict is putting normal people in the crossfire. He's being taken to be put on trial when some big bad has him assassinated. He wasn't Dead For Real, because who in comics is?, but they did have his body for a while and of course Tony had to cope with being the one who had put Steve in that position in the first place.) That's where a lot of people stopped, blinked, shook their heads and went, "Are they breaking up with each other?" Because there are entire conversations which, taken out of context, do not read like political arguments. There is an intensity of pain there that wouldn't be there if Tony and Steve were just friends, respectful but distant in regards to each others' politics - or even if they were heated about the politics. The sense is just that the politics are not the focus of their arguments. They've been through too much together for them to really care about the politics; they each care deeply about the other's wellbeing, mental and emotional as well as (if not more than) physical wellbeing, and each is more concerned about what the other's stance in the political debate is doing to them internally. In fact, there's an entire issue that is, like, verbatim for half the slash fanfics on the internet, except there's a fistfight where there would otherwise be a sex scene. (Including getting almost naked!) Not like the two are so different as far as physical reaction is concerned.
Then there's "Civil War: The Confession" and the emotional place where my song of the day comes in. "Confession" is a single issue that consists mostly of Tony's face and a few flashbacks while he talks about why he did what he did. It was supposed to be a defense of his position, but by the end it devolves into the true confession: the absolute worst thing that could have happened has, and there is one thing he cannot say in public now, ever, because he can't afford to change his mind about the work he argued and fought for. He can't say that "It wasn't worth it." And you see at the end that he's been talking to Steve's body in the morgue the whole time.
I watched you fall...
I think I pushed.
Yeah, Tony, you did.
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe diminished
Maybe I'm innocent
Maybe I'm finished
Maybe I blacked out
How do I play this?
Tony is a wreck in the aftermath of the war and Steve's death. He breaks down on national television at the funeral. He feels like nothing he did was worth it, because the point of everything he did was not to win the war, but rather to win Steve back. And he's realizing now that maybe he failed to win Steve back because he was just dead wrong about the whole issue. And he can't spin this catastrophe into the clean win he wanted, he can't play this hand he's been dealt.
I will give my best today
I will give myself away
I have never hurt anything
Is the jury wavering?
How is he supposed to convince the world, the jury of his peers, Lady Justice, the America that Steve lived for - how is he supposed to convince them that he was right? He has to argue for himself now like a defendant in court, maybe lie through his teeth, doubting himself the whole time, selling his soul a little more with every photo-op smile.
Maybe I'm crazy, maybe diminished -
How do I - how do I play this?
Jealous lover, self defense,
Protective brother, chemical dependence?
Ouch. Each spin he could put on the whole fiasco has its own unbearable distastefulness. To admit to that unspoken love, and then to the betrayal of it. To shun Steve's memory by calling it self defense against terrorism, retreating into a public persona of bastardry which Tony used to have but which Steve had helped him to rise above. To admit that he never stopped feeling that protectiveness, that he wanted to change Steve's mind for his own good, an imperial dictum to reduce everything Steve stood for to meaninglessness. In the last ditch, to blame it all on alcohol. To have a drink again. To give up on life.
I'll consult the I-Ching
I'll consult the TV
Ouija, oblique strategies
I'll consult the law book for precedents
Can I charm the jury?
There are no answers. There are no precedents. Tony just fucked up on a massive scale and the only horrible, horrible thing he can do is admit to himself that he was wrong, it wasn't worth it, and then keep that knowledge secret and unspoken inside himself. He understands now - but at this point he can't do anything about it. He can't take it back.
I watched you fall
I think I pushed
Maybe they'll see me
Maybe they'll say,
I can see the truth in his statement.
Smallpox blanket? No way.
Can I charm the jury, my defense?
That doubt. Steve pretty much thought Tony was committing a crime against humanity. Tony's side of the argument seemed more reasonable when he had Steve to argue with...
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe diminished
Maybe I loved you
Baby I loved you
Baby I loved you
Baby I'm finished
There's something about the way this is sung, where you can barely tell the difference between the 'm's and 'b's, so that every line is both a question and a statement, creeping slowly from one to the other. Did I love you? Maybe, maybe, yes, yes, of course, and without you is the end of me.
I have given myself away
I have given my best today
I have never hurt anything
Is the justice wavering?
Does she know I loved you?
Does she know I loved you?
:(
And there is my sad, nerdy interpretation of "Diminished" by R.E.M. Damn you, internets! And Brian Bendis for getting me interested in the Avengers at all! And R.E.M. for suddenly being like, "Hey, you miss listening to me don't you, why don't you go on a nice binge it'll be awesome." And, and, yeah.
Anyway. I will probably make more posts like this. I have lots of songs to interpret in overly specific and often unreasonably slashy ways. :D
OK, that paper HAS to get written.
-rave
The thing is this. I'm a sad, sad, serially obsessed nerd. And whatever I am reading at any given moment has a tendency to become inextricably intertwined with whatever I am listening to. And out of nowhere, certain songs just click into certain fandom-related meanings as if the lyrics were written specifically for that purpose. This has been happening to me for years, and I never get to share the crazy "hey what does this remind you of" nigh-deja vu sensation of these things because, well, no one cares.
Hey, you don't care either, whoever is reading this. But this is my space in which to jabber about whatever I want, and right now I want to not write a paper. So.
So. I'm reading the Avengers for the first time. It's been about 3 months since I fell headlong into comics. I don't do fandoms by halves. And Iron Man is awesome (thought so since the movie but more so now), being the unstable bastard genius that he is, and Captain America is awesome, being the adorable, idealistic doof he can be with alarming regularity, and you know I wear the slash goggles, so yeah, I went there. There is extensive evidence of overwhelming gayness throughout the years, and theirs is exactly the kind of codependent friendship that I have always read as old married couple syndrome.
The big problem with shipping Tony Stark/Steve Rogers is that, in all honesty, I think they love each other in canon but have never - would never - admit to it. The delicate line of becoming too close, of the unbearable potential of one losing the other if they crossed that line and it was used against them, or the even more unbearable potential for betrayal... all things considered, they just can't go there. But that unspoken love is a better explanation for a lot of events in the comics than the technobabble or political idealism bullshit explanations we're given by Basil Exposition. Charged looks shared between the two characters, their actions towards/in front of/because of each other - these speak much louder than their often contradictory words.
The Civil War arc, I think, is the biggie. (In short: a Superhero Registration Act is introduced and Tony leads the pro-Registration, pro-government campaign, but Steve is affronted at the blow to individual liberty and leads a resistance movement. Steve eventually surrenders because the escalating superhuman conflict is putting normal people in the crossfire. He's being taken to be put on trial when some big bad has him assassinated. He wasn't Dead For Real, because who in comics is?, but they did have his body for a while and of course Tony had to cope with being the one who had put Steve in that position in the first place.) That's where a lot of people stopped, blinked, shook their heads and went, "Are they breaking up with each other?" Because there are entire conversations which, taken out of context, do not read like political arguments. There is an intensity of pain there that wouldn't be there if Tony and Steve were just friends, respectful but distant in regards to each others' politics - or even if they were heated about the politics. The sense is just that the politics are not the focus of their arguments. They've been through too much together for them to really care about the politics; they each care deeply about the other's wellbeing, mental and emotional as well as (if not more than) physical wellbeing, and each is more concerned about what the other's stance in the political debate is doing to them internally. In fact, there's an entire issue that is, like, verbatim for half the slash fanfics on the internet, except there's a fistfight where there would otherwise be a sex scene. (Including getting almost naked!) Not like the two are so different as far as physical reaction is concerned.
Then there's "Civil War: The Confession" and the emotional place where my song of the day comes in. "Confession" is a single issue that consists mostly of Tony's face and a few flashbacks while he talks about why he did what he did. It was supposed to be a defense of his position, but by the end it devolves into the true confession: the absolute worst thing that could have happened has, and there is one thing he cannot say in public now, ever, because he can't afford to change his mind about the work he argued and fought for. He can't say that "It wasn't worth it." And you see at the end that he's been talking to Steve's body in the morgue the whole time.
I watched you fall...
I think I pushed.
Yeah, Tony, you did.
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe diminished
Maybe I'm innocent
Maybe I'm finished
Maybe I blacked out
How do I play this?
Tony is a wreck in the aftermath of the war and Steve's death. He breaks down on national television at the funeral. He feels like nothing he did was worth it, because the point of everything he did was not to win the war, but rather to win Steve back. And he's realizing now that maybe he failed to win Steve back because he was just dead wrong about the whole issue. And he can't spin this catastrophe into the clean win he wanted, he can't play this hand he's been dealt.
I will give my best today
I will give myself away
I have never hurt anything
Is the jury wavering?
How is he supposed to convince the world, the jury of his peers, Lady Justice, the America that Steve lived for - how is he supposed to convince them that he was right? He has to argue for himself now like a defendant in court, maybe lie through his teeth, doubting himself the whole time, selling his soul a little more with every photo-op smile.
Maybe I'm crazy, maybe diminished -
How do I - how do I play this?
Jealous lover, self defense,
Protective brother, chemical dependence?
Ouch. Each spin he could put on the whole fiasco has its own unbearable distastefulness. To admit to that unspoken love, and then to the betrayal of it. To shun Steve's memory by calling it self defense against terrorism, retreating into a public persona of bastardry which Tony used to have but which Steve had helped him to rise above. To admit that he never stopped feeling that protectiveness, that he wanted to change Steve's mind for his own good, an imperial dictum to reduce everything Steve stood for to meaninglessness. In the last ditch, to blame it all on alcohol. To have a drink again. To give up on life.
I'll consult the I-Ching
I'll consult the TV
Ouija, oblique strategies
I'll consult the law book for precedents
Can I charm the jury?
There are no answers. There are no precedents. Tony just fucked up on a massive scale and the only horrible, horrible thing he can do is admit to himself that he was wrong, it wasn't worth it, and then keep that knowledge secret and unspoken inside himself. He understands now - but at this point he can't do anything about it. He can't take it back.
I watched you fall
I think I pushed
Maybe they'll see me
Maybe they'll say,
I can see the truth in his statement.
Smallpox blanket? No way.
Can I charm the jury, my defense?
That doubt. Steve pretty much thought Tony was committing a crime against humanity. Tony's side of the argument seemed more reasonable when he had Steve to argue with...
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe diminished
Maybe I loved you
Baby I loved you
Baby I loved you
Baby I'm finished
There's something about the way this is sung, where you can barely tell the difference between the 'm's and 'b's, so that every line is both a question and a statement, creeping slowly from one to the other. Did I love you? Maybe, maybe, yes, yes, of course, and without you is the end of me.
I have given myself away
I have given my best today
I have never hurt anything
Is the justice wavering?
Does she know I loved you?
Does she know I loved you?
:(
And there is my sad, nerdy interpretation of "Diminished" by R.E.M. Damn you, internets! And Brian Bendis for getting me interested in the Avengers at all! And R.E.M. for suddenly being like, "Hey, you miss listening to me don't you, why don't you go on a nice binge it'll be awesome." And, and, yeah.
Anyway. I will probably make more posts like this. I have lots of songs to interpret in overly specific and often unreasonably slashy ways. :D
OK, that paper HAS to get written.
-rave