battlestars are sadtimes
Battlestar just made me cry for four episodes in a row. Either it's really that depressing or I'm having a hormone surge. And I have a feeling that this season isn't going to get any better.
I'm at the second half of season 4, btw. Guess What's Coming to Dinner?, Sine Qua Non, The Hub and Revelations were the culprits behind much sobbing and flailing on my part. You'd think, right, that because I was spoiled for every single plot twist in this show years ago, that I'd be prepared for some of this shit? And yet. And yet.
Friend of mine is watching Farscape for the first time. Oh the nostalgia. It hurts in a way that is almost too much at times.
Playing D&D with my parents, my cousin, her daughter and her daughter's friend. SO. Much. Fun. Like... I can afford the time away from school, this is not a problem, I have my schedule planned down to a T. But I should probably not divide my attention so much. But I can't help it. I've hit my last semester as an undergrad and I've realized that I am obligated to nothing and no one. I do want this degree, yes, and I will work for it and I will get it. But I feel... different. Detached. Not in a bad way. It's freeing; my head feels clearer than it has in a long time.
I want to go home for the summer and work in our garden and walk our dog and ride my bike and soak in the world for a while. And get a driver's license and a job, too, if possible, and apply to some grad schools as well. But I need time. Time to let the dust settle a bit and stop barreling headlong into new things as if it's a bad thing to stand still for a little while and just breathe. There's nothing wrong with that.
And there's nothing wrong with finding a little niche outside of school. It's a foothold into the next stage. I'm still wrapping my head around losing this community that has been my world for four years. I can walk every inch of my tiny world here in a couple of hours. I can walk around this town in a day. My physical world is so small. Losing it is going to be hard.
This is the first time I've felt like I may be prepared to cope with that loss.
Anyway. Battlestars are sad. And happy. And sad. And maybe exactly the right thing for me to be watching now. The most meaningful fictions always seem to come along exactly when they're needed most.
Poor Gaeta. :(
-rave
I'm at the second half of season 4, btw. Guess What's Coming to Dinner?, Sine Qua Non, The Hub and Revelations were the culprits behind much sobbing and flailing on my part. You'd think, right, that because I was spoiled for every single plot twist in this show years ago, that I'd be prepared for some of this shit? And yet. And yet.
Friend of mine is watching Farscape for the first time. Oh the nostalgia. It hurts in a way that is almost too much at times.
Playing D&D with my parents, my cousin, her daughter and her daughter's friend. SO. Much. Fun. Like... I can afford the time away from school, this is not a problem, I have my schedule planned down to a T. But I should probably not divide my attention so much. But I can't help it. I've hit my last semester as an undergrad and I've realized that I am obligated to nothing and no one. I do want this degree, yes, and I will work for it and I will get it. But I feel... different. Detached. Not in a bad way. It's freeing; my head feels clearer than it has in a long time.
I want to go home for the summer and work in our garden and walk our dog and ride my bike and soak in the world for a while. And get a driver's license and a job, too, if possible, and apply to some grad schools as well. But I need time. Time to let the dust settle a bit and stop barreling headlong into new things as if it's a bad thing to stand still for a little while and just breathe. There's nothing wrong with that.
And there's nothing wrong with finding a little niche outside of school. It's a foothold into the next stage. I'm still wrapping my head around losing this community that has been my world for four years. I can walk every inch of my tiny world here in a couple of hours. I can walk around this town in a day. My physical world is so small. Losing it is going to be hard.
This is the first time I've felt like I may be prepared to cope with that loss.
Anyway. Battlestars are sad. And happy. And sad. And maybe exactly the right thing for me to be watching now. The most meaningful fictions always seem to come along exactly when they're needed most.
Poor Gaeta. :(
-rave