Understand....
The greatest thing about life is that it is ever changing and with that change comes the evolving of the human mind and spirit. Unfortunately for some that evolving phase could include losing heart, faith, and closing out any emotion that can cause pain. But by doing so the person is closing out some of what makes life life. This happens on a everyday bases to all people who don't want to hurt anymore. You know the girl who committed suicide in high school, or the guy who brought a gun to work and shot himself. Those people who could not take the pain that comes from learning life's lessons. Others just ignore that pain. And for some fortunate fools we dwell in it, we down in it, and when we come up for air we realize...we survived. This lesson can not be taught. It will always happen for as I said life is ever changing. I know it is hard. I know it is easy to just give up on love, to just give up on friendship, to just give up on life. But who wants it easy anyway. This change is what makes life worth living. Who wants perfection anyway. The pain is worth the few joys we receive. That moment in a movie when everything the story was trying to teach us, compassion, purity of thought and heart, sacrifice, etc...hits just in our hearts, or that moment when you see your childs face and think I've created that and I am blessed. Or that feeling when you see happiness in peoples faces (and I am not talking about envy) just that glow you receive from the most insignificant things in life. Do you really believe that you can appreciate those in perfection? It is a well know fact that without the hurt we could never realize the joys.
I have been a fool many times over for this very reason. Locking myself up in a place inside where no one can touch me. I live in Neverland. A world of my own making to escape the harsh realities of life. A world were I am loved, I have a family, my visions and dreams are important. But in reality, I am not loved by the one I love, all my family is gone, and my visions and dreams come last compared to my everyday needs. Work, bills, well....life. I know why they killed themselves, that voice wispering in your head at night...why, why stay here? Why deal with the pain, the loss, the sufering? Come with me...I'll take you to Neverland. That voice called to me for so long and now in my dreams I hear the voice of a little boy calling me home. But I have faith, no matter how small it gets it will not leave me to rest in peace. I look at my life and I have what....a great house, a car, friends, a fun job. But in all this I am alone and that is where my pain comes from.
I loved you, and though I am angry and take it out on you a lot, I still love you. I hope you don't take it for granted and that you take a bit of joy from that knowledge. I just wish that I didn't have to give up on you. I wish that it wasn't a choice. But it wasn't mine. I must accept that and leave well alone. I know you think I am a liar. I know you think I am a bitch and only do things for my own benefit. I know you don't think much of me. But does your heart tell you the same thing. I mean without out the fear and judgementality. Without the past or future. Without the complication and the caotic existance of life. For when I take everything out of the equation the small fact remains that you will always have a place in my heart. The simple fact remains is that I love you. Not for a future, not for anything either than I know you and that brings joy to my heart.
Silence. I'm use to silence. The pain of the quiet words saying goodbye. It hurts, for when I see my son I see you as well, in my dreams ofcourse and it hurts me to know I lost the family that I have always dreamed of.
I have been a fool many times over for this very reason. Locking myself up in a place inside where no one can touch me. I live in Neverland. A world of my own making to escape the harsh realities of life. A world were I am loved, I have a family, my visions and dreams are important. But in reality, I am not loved by the one I love, all my family is gone, and my visions and dreams come last compared to my everyday needs. Work, bills, well....life. I know why they killed themselves, that voice wispering in your head at night...why, why stay here? Why deal with the pain, the loss, the sufering? Come with me...I'll take you to Neverland. That voice called to me for so long and now in my dreams I hear the voice of a little boy calling me home. But I have faith, no matter how small it gets it will not leave me to rest in peace. I look at my life and I have what....a great house, a car, friends, a fun job. But in all this I am alone and that is where my pain comes from.
I loved you, and though I am angry and take it out on you a lot, I still love you. I hope you don't take it for granted and that you take a bit of joy from that knowledge. I just wish that I didn't have to give up on you. I wish that it wasn't a choice. But it wasn't mine. I must accept that and leave well alone. I know you think I am a liar. I know you think I am a bitch and only do things for my own benefit. I know you don't think much of me. But does your heart tell you the same thing. I mean without out the fear and judgementality. Without the past or future. Without the complication and the caotic existance of life. For when I take everything out of the equation the small fact remains that you will always have a place in my heart. The simple fact remains is that I love you. Not for a future, not for anything either than I know you and that brings joy to my heart.
Silence. I'm use to silence. The pain of the quiet words saying goodbye. It hurts, for when I see my son I see you as well, in my dreams ofcourse and it hurts me to know I lost the family that I have always dreamed of.