Moving On....Moving Up
So my life pretty much consist of some very intrinsic twists and turns. But I'm doing so much better now. I moved into a nice cottage-house, in a great neiborhood, with all my things. I am comfortable and content. Still working on the car thing, but mine is running so much better now that I'm not really in any hurry. All my bills are paid. My work is offering more hours so I think I'll stay put for a while longer, plus I'm up for a raise. I might be working a second job for fun....bartender...he he. I have also spoken to a recruiter for the Air Force Reserves, he seems very nice and is willing to work with me on my time and terms. Plus I am joining Riviera Fitness Center to get back in shape. Already went once and loved it. My new place looks great and I am planning to post some pictures of me and my new home. As soon as I can figure how to use the digital camera correctly.
Please do not take any offense to this next section but something was just brought to my attention. Why does everyone think I'm living my life for them? I mean, am I the type of person that relies on other for anything either than emotional support? I'm sorry but no. I am not living in the past and am working very hard on my own future. So what gives you the fucking right to say that I am holding on to you "M". I didn't even love you in the way you wanted me too. So sorry but you can't choose who you love. I cared about you and thought of you as a good friend but that friendship is shattered by your own words, by your own selfish nature. Anyway, so yeah, I don't understand man at all. They promise you love and honesty and faithfulness but then they leave because of their own inadequacies then blame you for their own heart break that they themselves created. For example, Jo, (no offense) cheated on me, then broke up with me and left me for adventure to return two years later saying that he regrets it but it was my fault, because he twisted me in his own image to be an evil creature from hell. Well everyone has a right to their own opinions but note they are your own, not mine or anyone elses that really know me. Then Matt, "I love you, I want to marry you" with in months. First of all, you can't possibly know someone well enought in that short amount of time and then he left with no calls or letters for months. Then decides he wants to aim me and tells me he was inlove with me still....MONTHS later. What gives him the right to say "get over me" I was never yours! Then Daniel, well yes I'll admit that I still have strong feelings I can't say they are being inlove but I care about him deeply for the times I was happy with him. He left me right before Christmas after asking me to kill his own child, which to my shame and regret I did, then calls me "I want you back" then nothing, then "I want you back" then "No nevermind I don't" Well who in that relationship was the confused one. I don't mean to be so vicious but how about pointing the finger at yourselves because I am sick and tired of being blamed for everyone elses mind fucks. I have enought of my own to deal with as it is. I know I'm not perfect, I know I have lied, I know that my life doesn't amount to much, I know that I am angry and insecure. Believe me I know myself very well inded. How about looking in the mirror and seeing yourself for who you truly are. Because I see everything good and bad about myself and I still love myself. But to point fingers at others to me....as I use to do....means that you can't stand YOURSELFS! Look, I wish them the best. I really do. I want to see them all happy. But I can't make anyone change for the better, only they can. All I am capable of doing is bring out the worst and best in a person. Call it a curse or a gift I don't really give a shit. But STOP blaming me for your faults, because if this keeps up I will nolonger be able to be friends with you. And trust me I have already moved on. For I have to much to live for and it doesn't include you. By the way, this is mostly meant for one person (M).
Look I have my faults, I know this, but not everything happens because of me. Believe me I would love to be the center of the Universe, but I am not. I am not to blame for your own faults, only my own.
Please do not take any offense to this next section but something was just brought to my attention. Why does everyone think I'm living my life for them? I mean, am I the type of person that relies on other for anything either than emotional support? I'm sorry but no. I am not living in the past and am working very hard on my own future. So what gives you the fucking right to say that I am holding on to you "M". I didn't even love you in the way you wanted me too. So sorry but you can't choose who you love. I cared about you and thought of you as a good friend but that friendship is shattered by your own words, by your own selfish nature. Anyway, so yeah, I don't understand man at all. They promise you love and honesty and faithfulness but then they leave because of their own inadequacies then blame you for their own heart break that they themselves created. For example, Jo, (no offense) cheated on me, then broke up with me and left me for adventure to return two years later saying that he regrets it but it was my fault, because he twisted me in his own image to be an evil creature from hell. Well everyone has a right to their own opinions but note they are your own, not mine or anyone elses that really know me. Then Matt, "I love you, I want to marry you" with in months. First of all, you can't possibly know someone well enought in that short amount of time and then he left with no calls or letters for months. Then decides he wants to aim me and tells me he was inlove with me still....MONTHS later. What gives him the right to say "get over me" I was never yours! Then Daniel, well yes I'll admit that I still have strong feelings I can't say they are being inlove but I care about him deeply for the times I was happy with him. He left me right before Christmas after asking me to kill his own child, which to my shame and regret I did, then calls me "I want you back" then nothing, then "I want you back" then "No nevermind I don't" Well who in that relationship was the confused one. I don't mean to be so vicious but how about pointing the finger at yourselves because I am sick and tired of being blamed for everyone elses mind fucks. I have enought of my own to deal with as it is. I know I'm not perfect, I know I have lied, I know that my life doesn't amount to much, I know that I am angry and insecure. Believe me I know myself very well inded. How about looking in the mirror and seeing yourself for who you truly are. Because I see everything good and bad about myself and I still love myself. But to point fingers at others to me....as I use to do....means that you can't stand YOURSELFS! Look, I wish them the best. I really do. I want to see them all happy. But I can't make anyone change for the better, only they can. All I am capable of doing is bring out the worst and best in a person. Call it a curse or a gift I don't really give a shit. But STOP blaming me for your faults, because if this keeps up I will nolonger be able to be friends with you. And trust me I have already moved on. For I have to much to live for and it doesn't include you. By the way, this is mostly meant for one person (M).
Look I have my faults, I know this, but not everything happens because of me. Believe me I would love to be the center of the Universe, but I am not. I am not to blame for your own faults, only my own.