What Good Does Talking Do? Chapter 9/? WIP
Title: What Good Does Talking Do? Chapter 9/?
Author: ravenalisa
Rating: eventually NC-17
Genre and/or Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: Through 7.5 but based on a fake spoiler for 7.8.
Warnings: language, sexual content
Summary: Bobby and Sam find a way to bring Castiel back but they’ll need Dean’s help.
What Good Does Talking Do? Masterpost
Dean didn’t really do the whole friends thing. He didn’t really remember much of anything before yellow eyes killed his mom; but he was sure he must’ve had friends back then. Since his mom’s death, they hadn’t really stayed in one place long enough for friends.
There’d been a couple of chicks who’d considered themselves to be his girlfriends, but none of them had been much more to him than a piece of ass. After he’d dropped out and gotten his GED, Dean’d had even less opportunities to develop any relationships.
Sure he’d thought about a white picket fence ending with Cassie, and even tried it with Lisa and Ben; but the relationship had been fairly superficial.
Dean heard a sigh of contentment through the door. It figured that Castiel would have stared down the shower suspiciously before trying it again. Of course that led to images of a very naked Castiel glaring at the shower.
To distract himself, Dean pulled his cellphone out of his jeans’ pocket and rang up Sammy.
“Dean?” Sam’s voice dripped with compassion and concern, “Is everything okay?”
Dean could hear the unspoken ‘Did it work?’ screaming between them.
“Yeah, Castiel is back. He’s less than 100% but he’s Cas again.”
“Good. That’s great.”
Dean fidgeted nervously. Him and Sam didn’t really do this whole silent awkward thing. Their conversations were pretty much straight to business. When Sam called him, or vice versa, it tended to consist of rushed exclamations like: ‘Great! You’re alive,’ ‘Get your ass here now,’ and ‘How the hell do you kill a blank?’
The silence between them was deafening but Dean needed to talk and he didn’t know how to begin.
“Uh…Dean. You are okay…right?”
Dean didn’t know how to answer that. He was physically alright, but he was definitely going through a major freakout of epic proportions.
After another awkward silence, Dean finally asked, “Is it possible for how you look at someone to do a complete 180 in a moment?”
Silence engulfed them again as Sam considered the true meaning of Dean’s question.
Dean was about to say never mind and hang up, freaking girl is probably loving every moment of this, he thought viciously.
“Dean, it’s okay if you’ve forgiven Castiel,” Sam began hesitantly, “and it’s okay if you haven’t.”
“It’s not that,” Dean said quietly.
Sam waited patiently for more. He really wasn’t all that surprised when Dean didn’t say more though. His brother was as emotionally stunted as a Wendigo. It was funny really - Dean’s actions were almost completely driven by emotion, but the mere thought of talking about feelings was enough to give him psychological hives.
“If you won’t tell me, tell Cas,” Sam knew there was about a one in a billion chance, if that, that Dean would do it. “He’s your best friend - your only friend.” At Dean’s indignant sound Sam added, “Bobby, Jo, and Ellen don’t count. They’re family.” Before Dean could say anything else Sam added, “Cassie, Lisa, and Ben don’t count either.”
“Why not?” Dean argued, “You can be friends with lovers.”
“Yes, but you never were friends with them, were you?”
“…”
“Just talk to him Dean.”
“I can’t,” Dean choked out in a barely audible whisper.
“Why?” Sam asked using his best ‘I care’ voice, the one that made Dean seriously think he must have a baby sister.
“What if I tell him and he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me ever again?” Dean hated the choked up, cracked quality to his voice.
“I seriously doubt that there’s anything you could say or do to make Cas feel that way.”
Sam could feel Dean’s unspoken question. For all his swagger Dean really had almost no self-esteem.
“Think about it Dean. Think about everything Castiel has done since you’ve known him.”
Sam sat quietly on the other end of the line, mentally tallying all the different crazy things he knew Castiel did for Dean.
Dean squirmed. He was uncomfortable even considering that anyone would do anything just for him. “Castiel tried to do what’s right,” Dean dismissed Sam’s statement, trying not to sound defensive.
“Dean,” Sam’s voice dripped with disappointment, “you know, and I know, that’s not true. Castiel tried to do what he thought you wanted him to do and what he thought was best for you.”
At Dean’s huff of dissent, Sam pulled out the big guns. Remember that time we were in Dulles hunting a ghost? I was out questioning a couple of witnesses while you were supposed to be researching for once. When I got back you were seven sheets to the wind, plastered, drop dead drunk, crying, and…talkative!!!” Sam paused to give Dean time for this to sink in before continuing, “You told me what Cas said when you were ‘being a pussy’ and ‘trying to wuss out’ and Cas ‘beat some sense’ into you.”
Sam waited expectantly for Dean’s response. He was anticipating an embarrassed aha moment. Dean didn’t do emotions. Even when drunk he kept things pretty bottled up.
Dean’s confusion came through loud and clear even though he didn’t say a word.
“You really don’t remember?” Sam half asked, half stated.
“I remember getting drunk; I sure as hell remember Castiel beating the crap outta me; but I have no idea what the hell it is that you think you’re hinting at!”
Sam repressed the urge to bang his head against the wall. It really wasn’t all that surprising that Dean wouldn’t remember this. He was a master at repressing feelings, just like their dad.
Taking a deep calming breath, Sam reminded Dean, “You said, and I quote, ‘he frigging said he did it, all of it, for me’ end quote.”
“He didn’t mean it that way!” Dean exclaimed defensively. Sam could easily imagine Dean’s freckled skin flush with anger and embarrassment. “He was just trying to make me feel guilty.”
AN: Like it, love it, hate it. Feedback lets me know ;-)
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