13 Funny Stories of the Week

[raven_smiles]

1. Quote of the day, "Boobs are awesome." Story - On retreat, I grabbed a cookie, and as I took the first bite, the cookie fell apart. I managed to catch the falling piece with my boobs, thus the phrase, "Boobs are awesome." There's a Facebook album out there with a pic of my boob and the phrase "Boobs are awesome" below.
2. Girl (in a throaty voice that gets higher in pitch) "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." Story. The retreat team was playing the Ha-game. The goal of the game is to get someone to laugh, without touching them, all by saying "Ha". One particular teen has the unfortunate ability to say sentences that are chock full of sexual innuendos. The best part is that she rarely realizes what she's saying. When she played the Ha game, she let out this string of Ha's, that were higher and longer than the previous Ha, and sounded like she was having an orgasm. Needless to say we laughed for quite awhile about that.
3. "Bang me, Bang me!" Same girl, on retreat. We're playing a game that involves hitting the other person in front of you. When the person at the front of the line is tapped, they let out a "Gong", kinda like a clock. We were in a rush to move onto other stuff, and she yelled, "Bang me, bang me!" The team lost it at that point.
4. Most of our retreats involve challenge courses of some sort, and I never participate. For some reason I thought it'd be a good idea, and joined the teens in the event. One challenge was a rope challenge. The entire group started at Point A and had to get to Point B without touching the ground in between. Fortunately there was a rope hanging for us to use, but we couldn't use sticks to get it. One teen got a running start, jumped, grabbed the rope, and made it to Point B. He swung the rope back to the team, and people started going over. When it was my turn, I attempted to jump up on the rope, lift my legs, and swing across. I made it 3/4 of the way across before my feet hit the ground and I landed on my back and skidded a bit. It was priceless. The teens took pics, I laughed, and we started over.
5. Quote: "Can I have your strawberry?" "Only if I can have your cherry." Story - I love strawberry jam.  So I was at the diner with 2 of the guys, eating toast, and I noticed that John had strawberry, and I only had mixed fruit.  After he had eaten 3 pieces of toast, it was clear he wasn't using it, so I asked him if I could have it in the middle of his story.  He said yes, and then told me what he wanted to reply with.
6. My company is moving to a new building. It's brand new, and we all get employee badges with our picture to be used to get into the building. They started taking pictures Monday, but my department wasn't supposed to get pictures taken till Friday. Mid-afternoon Monday, my VP walked around asking who hadn't gotten their picture taken, and she asked why I hadn't gotten my picture taken and I said I wasn't ready. I hadn't gotten my hair cut for almost 2 months, and my bangs were past the point where they could legitimately be called bangs. I was wearing practically no makeup, had gotten no sleep, and had my hair up in a ponytail. Ponytail hair = no picture. My VP said, "I knew you'd be like this." And then said it was okay for me to get my picture taken at the original time. I got my hair cut yesterday, picked out my outfit, and I'm ready to plaster on a smile.
7. My Indiana client used to be my favorite client. They also used to be my boss' favorite client, and he's had it with them too. Today, he lost it. We went outside to "his office" so he could smoke and vent, and it was funny in a not so funny way. His tolerance level was gone. The funny part is that we're both frustrated with them for the same reason. Great minds think alike I guess.
8. Over a year ago, WorkHusband gave me a Palm Treo. We had a convo about organization. I mentioned I needed a digital/portable calendar, and he said he had one he wasn't using, and gave it to me. Originally he didn't give me the cord to charge it, and I got that a few weeks later. Unfortunately, he didn't have the software, so it was kinda useless to me. I kept it around for awhile, hoping he'd bring the CD in, but gave up and pitched it while cleaning. Months ago. I had to laugh when I walked in this morning and found a Palm CD sitting on my desk this morning. It was several months too late, but it definitely made me laugh.
9. My professor handed back our homework last night, and as I reviewed his notes, I saw that he highlighted something in yellow. I wrote: "6. Some database statistics measurements for tables are the number of rows, dick blocks." He highlighted dick in yellow, put disk in parentheses next to it, and moved onto the next problem. Evidently I wasn't concentrating on my homework.
10. SteelersBoy and I discussed travel plans (very far off) and jet-lag. He had a bit of jet-lag when he got to Tanzania, but didn't want to admit it. From what I gather he was very sleepy while he was visiting people, and "I just assumed they were boring."
11. One of my youth group girls celebrated her 21st birthday yesterday. She and her friends celebrate birthday week, and Tuesday was Tune Tuesday. If you called her and requested a song, she was obligated to sing for you. I called and had her sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I know, I know, how boring. On the way home, I called and got her VM. So I sang You Are My Sunshine, off key. I found it very humorous. Hopefully she did too.
12. SteelersBoy's best friend is notorious for saying, "Oh, is that what you think?" So SteelersBoy has been trying to get me to incorporate that into my conversations with his best friend. Yesterday, when he told me to listen to a song I wrote back, "Oh, is that what you think?" He found it amusing, as did SteelersBoy. I'm just glad I had an easy opening.
13. SteelersBoy asked me what I want for Christmas, and after giving him several ideas that were rejected, I went home to brainstorm with Malia. Her idea, his man-parts in a box. Needless to say he found it amusing, but rejected that idea, too.


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