Open Letters
Dear (Presumably) Drunk Serenading Man,
All girls like to be serenaded, but the assumption is that you're our lover or trying to be or you're a singer hired by our lover. You, on the other hand, just thought it'd be a good idea to sing Three Days Grace's Animal I Have Become at the top of your lungs. You're not a good singer. Get over yourself. I'm not quite sure what problems you hope to overcome by shouting a song, but I'm pretty confident it's not going to work. And 6 AM? Couldn't you wait until I'd woken up? I'm not quite sure why I didn't call the cops on you, but don't let it happen again.
Very Pissed Off,
A neighbor
Dear Landlord,
I was very excited when you bought the building. There were signs that this was going to be a good relationship. Lights were put in, doors were painted, washer and dryers were (temporarily) fixed, but now I'm a bit disheartened. Do you know that it's 60 degrees out? And that it drops to the 40s and 50s in the evening? My heat starts up during the evening, which is a definite sign it's cold. So, is there any particular reason you still haven't fixed my kitchen window? How about a phone call letting me know the progress? An email even. Something. Anything. I don't want to move; you don't want to lose a tenant. So let's work on this relationship here, and keep me happy.
Covered in blankets,
Apartment 7
Dear Developers and Programmers,
Share information with me! I'm not asking for state secrets here; I'm not even asking for information about you. I'm just trying to figure out how the product works so I can install. Surely that's not a bad thing, especially since that's my job. But lately, I feel like we're at war, and I have to torture you for information. We both leave pissed off, I got what I want, but only you know if I got the complete answer. We're on the same team! I'm not going to use it against you! But if you keep holding out on me, you damn well better be sure I will use it against you. Help a sister out!
Frustrated,
Extension 146
Dear Eye,
Okay, I admit it. I stopped taking my ulcer medicine, even though the doctor said to take it till it ran out. But honestly, taking it for a month and a half seemed good enough. But I got the hint. Last night it hurt to blink. And perhaps I'm seeing things, but there's a white dot on my pupil...it's not supposed to be there. So I'll keep taking the medicine. Until it runs out. Even if that's in 2 more months.
Blinking,
Your Owner
Dear SteelersBoy,
I love you.
Love,
Your Copilot
All girls like to be serenaded, but the assumption is that you're our lover or trying to be or you're a singer hired by our lover. You, on the other hand, just thought it'd be a good idea to sing Three Days Grace's Animal I Have Become at the top of your lungs. You're not a good singer. Get over yourself. I'm not quite sure what problems you hope to overcome by shouting a song, but I'm pretty confident it's not going to work. And 6 AM? Couldn't you wait until I'd woken up? I'm not quite sure why I didn't call the cops on you, but don't let it happen again.
Very Pissed Off,
A neighbor
Dear Landlord,
I was very excited when you bought the building. There were signs that this was going to be a good relationship. Lights were put in, doors were painted, washer and dryers were (temporarily) fixed, but now I'm a bit disheartened. Do you know that it's 60 degrees out? And that it drops to the 40s and 50s in the evening? My heat starts up during the evening, which is a definite sign it's cold. So, is there any particular reason you still haven't fixed my kitchen window? How about a phone call letting me know the progress? An email even. Something. Anything. I don't want to move; you don't want to lose a tenant. So let's work on this relationship here, and keep me happy.
Covered in blankets,
Apartment 7
Dear Developers and Programmers,
Share information with me! I'm not asking for state secrets here; I'm not even asking for information about you. I'm just trying to figure out how the product works so I can install. Surely that's not a bad thing, especially since that's my job. But lately, I feel like we're at war, and I have to torture you for information. We both leave pissed off, I got what I want, but only you know if I got the complete answer. We're on the same team! I'm not going to use it against you! But if you keep holding out on me, you damn well better be sure I will use it against you. Help a sister out!
Frustrated,
Extension 146
Dear Eye,
Okay, I admit it. I stopped taking my ulcer medicine, even though the doctor said to take it till it ran out. But honestly, taking it for a month and a half seemed good enough. But I got the hint. Last night it hurt to blink. And perhaps I'm seeing things, but there's a white dot on my pupil...it's not supposed to be there. So I'll keep taking the medicine. Until it runs out. Even if that's in 2 more months.
Blinking,
Your Owner
Dear SteelersBoy,
I love you.
Love,
Your Copilot