Chasing Dreams - Epilogue
Title: Chasing Dreams
Author: raven_kerry
Beta-reader: onthaedge
Artist: marsmaywander
Word-count: 44’038
Rating: M
Summary: Growing up as a psychic in Ohio is difficult. Throw in being gay and a dream-boyfriend and it’s that much more difficult.
Kurt has always been able to see things through other people’s eyes, hear their thoughts and feel their pain and emotions as if they were his own. It’s difficult to go on when you literally feel how much people hate you. This is his story.
Pairing: Kadam
Warnings: suicide attempt and ideation, mentioned non-con towards adults and children, violence, pagan beliefs
Author’s Note: A thousand thanks to my beta and artist for choosing to work with me. It’s been amazing. :)
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Epilogue | Excerpt: Of Meetings
Epilogue
Kurt woke up the next morning refreshed. It took him a moment to realize why. He hadn’t had a single vision the previous night. Deciding not to mention it, he and Adam had a quick breakfast, before heading out for school together.
Along the way, he noticed that the emotions he was used to picking up loud and clearly had a bit of a damper on them. He asked Adam in a whisper, “Do you feel any different today?”
Adam nodded. “People’s emotions - they aren’t as loud.”
“Same here. And I didn’t have any visions last night either. That’s never happened before without godly influence.”
“I wonder if it has anything to do with us being soulmates and having consummated our bond, which was amazing, by the way. We were the same person and yet not at the same time. I’ve never felt that before,” he gushed, trying to find the right words.
Kurt nodded. “Me neither. Let’s try something.”
Kurt let go of Adam’s hand and noticed how everyone’s emotions came rushing at him again just as they had before. He quickly grasped Adam’s hand again. “Well, it seems as if it’s connected to us being in contact with each other.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Just one more reason to never let you go,” he quipped.
Kurt giggled before he stopped still in the middle of the street they were crossing, causing Adam to drag him to the other side of the street.
Adam asked, “What the bloody hell is wrong with you - stopping there in the middle of the street. We’re not in a musical or film here.”
Kurt looked at him wide-eyed. “I think I understand why my great-grandma killed herself.”
“She what?” Adam demanded.
Kurt ignored him and continued, “Her soulmate must have been her husband. When he died and she was confronted with the rest of her life without anyone to make the visions go away or find comfort in, while in her little safe house, away from the visions - it just wasn’t worth it to her anymore. To know that you had someone to keep them away, to have that and lose it - I think I’d do the same.”
Kurt sang, “Love of mine, someday you will die,
But I’ll be close behind:
I’ll follow you into the dark.
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white,
Just our hands clasped so tight,
Waiting for the hint of a spark.
“If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied:
Illuminate the ‘No’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.
“In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black;
And I held my tongue as she told me,
‘Son, fear is the heart of love.’
So I never went back.”
Kurt grabbed Adam’s other hand in his own. “If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied:
Illuminate the ‘No’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.”
With a sad smile Kurt continued, “You and me have seen everything to see,
From Bangkok to Calgary,
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down.
The time for sleep is now.
It’s nothing to cry about:
‘Cause we’ll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms.
“If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the ‘No’s on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.”
Adam took a deep breath. “Kurt, as romantic as it is for you to be singing ‘I’ll Follow You Into the Dark’ by Death Cab for Cutie to me, it’s also the last thing I want.”
“Huh? Why?”
Adam inquired, “Kurt, tell me, how would you feel like if I killed myself after you died in order to be with you? Wouldn’t you prefer I continue to live?”
Kurt nodded. “Well, yeah, but that’s different.”
“How?” Adam demanded.
Kurt looked him in the eye. “Adam, I don’t think you understand the toll the visions play on me. I’ve been sleep deprived practically my entire life. Last night was the first night I slept through the night when I wasn’t in our sanctuary. A few days I had to stay home from school because I was too exhausted after a week or more practically without any sleep. My body doesn’t really rest when I’m having a vision. More than once I thought I was going to go crazy. Over and over again I was driven to the precipice of madness. I know what it’s like to be insane. I’ve been there and experienced it from lots of other people’s points of views. I’ve been insane, I’ve felt going through drug withdrawal, I’ve killed myself, I’ve killed my baby, I’ve killed and raped and hurt so many humans through other people’s eyes. And I’ve been on the opposite side of all those things as well. I’ve been broken and put together so many times that I fear I’m missing a few pieces by now.”
Adam whispered sympathetically, “Oh, Kurt.”
Kurt continued, “I survived though. When standing on that brink where I could feel the madness churning and threatening to engulf me, I always found myself in your arms. Take that away from me and there will be nothing left to pull me back again.”
Adam nodded. “I understand.” He paused, trying to think of a way to change the subject to a lighter one before he remembered a promise he’d made. “You know, I made you a promise to sing a song with you, remember? On our first date?”
Kurt nodded and sang, “Live in my house
I’ll be your shelter.
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses.
Be my lover - I’ll cover you.”
Adam replied, “Open your door
I’ll be your tenant
Don’t got much baggage
To lay at your feet;
But sweet kisses I’ve got to spare.
I’ll be there - I’ll cover you.”
They sang together, “I think they meant it
When they said you can’t buy love.
Now I know you can rent it.
A new lease you are, my love,
On life - be my life.
“Just slip be on
I’ll be your blanket
Wherever - whatever - I’ll be your coat.”
Kurt sang alone, “You’ll be my king
And I’ll be your castle.”
Adam replied, “No, you’ll be my queen
And I’ll be your moat.”
They sang together again, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes, “I think they meant it
When they said you can’t buy love.
Now I know you can rent it.
A new lease you are, my love
On life
“All my life
I’ve longed to discover
Something as true as this is.”
Adam sang, “So with a thousand sweet kisses.”
Kurt inserted, “If you’re cold and you’re lonely.”
Adam continued, “And I’ll cover you.
With a thousand sweet kisses
I’ll cover you.”
Kurt inserted again, “You’ve got one nickel only
With a thousand sweet kisses
I’ll cover you.”
Adam cut in, “When you’re worn out and tired.”
Kurt continued, “With a thousand sweet kisses
I’ll cover you.”
Adam inserted, “When your heart has expired.”
They sang together again, “Oh, lover, I’ll cover you.
Oh, lover, I’ll cover you.”
They kissed, ignoring all the New Yorkers passing by them in a hurry, sending them a few mystified glances before deciding that they must be out advertising a revival of the musical or something and going back to acting as if it were completely normal to suddenly start singing, dancing and kissing in the middle of the sidewalk. After all, it was New York, and less than fourty-five minutes from Broadway.
THE END
Previous Chapter | Excerpt: Of Meetings
Author: raven_kerry
Beta-reader: onthaedge
Artist: marsmaywander
Word-count: 44’038
Rating: M
Summary: Growing up as a psychic in Ohio is difficult. Throw in being gay and a dream-boyfriend and it’s that much more difficult.
Kurt has always been able to see things through other people’s eyes, hear their thoughts and feel their pain and emotions as if they were his own. It’s difficult to go on when you literally feel how much people hate you. This is his story.
Pairing: Kadam
Warnings: suicide attempt and ideation, mentioned non-con towards adults and children, violence, pagan beliefs
Author’s Note: A thousand thanks to my beta and artist for choosing to work with me. It’s been amazing. :)
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Epilogue | Excerpt: Of Meetings
Epilogue
Kurt woke up the next morning refreshed. It took him a moment to realize why. He hadn’t had a single vision the previous night. Deciding not to mention it, he and Adam had a quick breakfast, before heading out for school together.
Along the way, he noticed that the emotions he was used to picking up loud and clearly had a bit of a damper on them. He asked Adam in a whisper, “Do you feel any different today?”
Adam nodded. “People’s emotions - they aren’t as loud.”
“Same here. And I didn’t have any visions last night either. That’s never happened before without godly influence.”
“I wonder if it has anything to do with us being soulmates and having consummated our bond, which was amazing, by the way. We were the same person and yet not at the same time. I’ve never felt that before,” he gushed, trying to find the right words.
Kurt nodded. “Me neither. Let’s try something.”
Kurt let go of Adam’s hand and noticed how everyone’s emotions came rushing at him again just as they had before. He quickly grasped Adam’s hand again. “Well, it seems as if it’s connected to us being in contact with each other.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Just one more reason to never let you go,” he quipped.
Kurt giggled before he stopped still in the middle of the street they were crossing, causing Adam to drag him to the other side of the street.
Adam asked, “What the bloody hell is wrong with you - stopping there in the middle of the street. We’re not in a musical or film here.”
Kurt looked at him wide-eyed. “I think I understand why my great-grandma killed herself.”
“She what?” Adam demanded.
Kurt ignored him and continued, “Her soulmate must have been her husband. When he died and she was confronted with the rest of her life without anyone to make the visions go away or find comfort in, while in her little safe house, away from the visions - it just wasn’t worth it to her anymore. To know that you had someone to keep them away, to have that and lose it - I think I’d do the same.”
Kurt sang, “Love of mine, someday you will die,
But I’ll be close behind:
I’ll follow you into the dark.
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white,
Just our hands clasped so tight,
Waiting for the hint of a spark.
“If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied:
Illuminate the ‘No’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.
“In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black;
And I held my tongue as she told me,
‘Son, fear is the heart of love.’
So I never went back.”
Kurt grabbed Adam’s other hand in his own. “If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied:
Illuminate the ‘No’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.”
With a sad smile Kurt continued, “You and me have seen everything to see,
From Bangkok to Calgary,
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down.
The time for sleep is now.
It’s nothing to cry about:
‘Cause we’ll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms.
“If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the ‘No’s on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.”
Adam took a deep breath. “Kurt, as romantic as it is for you to be singing ‘I’ll Follow You Into the Dark’ by Death Cab for Cutie to me, it’s also the last thing I want.”
“Huh? Why?”
Adam inquired, “Kurt, tell me, how would you feel like if I killed myself after you died in order to be with you? Wouldn’t you prefer I continue to live?”
Kurt nodded. “Well, yeah, but that’s different.”
“How?” Adam demanded.
Kurt looked him in the eye. “Adam, I don’t think you understand the toll the visions play on me. I’ve been sleep deprived practically my entire life. Last night was the first night I slept through the night when I wasn’t in our sanctuary. A few days I had to stay home from school because I was too exhausted after a week or more practically without any sleep. My body doesn’t really rest when I’m having a vision. More than once I thought I was going to go crazy. Over and over again I was driven to the precipice of madness. I know what it’s like to be insane. I’ve been there and experienced it from lots of other people’s points of views. I’ve been insane, I’ve felt going through drug withdrawal, I’ve killed myself, I’ve killed my baby, I’ve killed and raped and hurt so many humans through other people’s eyes. And I’ve been on the opposite side of all those things as well. I’ve been broken and put together so many times that I fear I’m missing a few pieces by now.”
Adam whispered sympathetically, “Oh, Kurt.”
Kurt continued, “I survived though. When standing on that brink where I could feel the madness churning and threatening to engulf me, I always found myself in your arms. Take that away from me and there will be nothing left to pull me back again.”
Adam nodded. “I understand.” He paused, trying to think of a way to change the subject to a lighter one before he remembered a promise he’d made. “You know, I made you a promise to sing a song with you, remember? On our first date?”
Kurt nodded and sang, “Live in my house
I’ll be your shelter.
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses.
Be my lover - I’ll cover you.”
Adam replied, “Open your door
I’ll be your tenant
Don’t got much baggage
To lay at your feet;
But sweet kisses I’ve got to spare.
I’ll be there - I’ll cover you.”
They sang together, “I think they meant it
When they said you can’t buy love.
Now I know you can rent it.
A new lease you are, my love,
On life - be my life.
“Just slip be on
I’ll be your blanket
Wherever - whatever - I’ll be your coat.”
Kurt sang alone, “You’ll be my king
And I’ll be your castle.”
Adam replied, “No, you’ll be my queen
And I’ll be your moat.”
They sang together again, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes, “I think they meant it
When they said you can’t buy love.
Now I know you can rent it.
A new lease you are, my love
On life
“All my life
I’ve longed to discover
Something as true as this is.”
Adam sang, “So with a thousand sweet kisses.”
Kurt inserted, “If you’re cold and you’re lonely.”
Adam continued, “And I’ll cover you.
With a thousand sweet kisses
I’ll cover you.”
Kurt inserted again, “You’ve got one nickel only
With a thousand sweet kisses
I’ll cover you.”
Adam cut in, “When you’re worn out and tired.”
Kurt continued, “With a thousand sweet kisses
I’ll cover you.”
Adam inserted, “When your heart has expired.”
They sang together again, “Oh, lover, I’ll cover you.
Oh, lover, I’ll cover you.”
They kissed, ignoring all the New Yorkers passing by them in a hurry, sending them a few mystified glances before deciding that they must be out advertising a revival of the musical or something and going back to acting as if it were completely normal to suddenly start singing, dancing and kissing in the middle of the sidewalk. After all, it was New York, and less than fourty-five minutes from Broadway.
THE END
Previous Chapter | Excerpt: Of Meetings