Roses of the Alps - Chapter Three Part One
Title: Roses of the Alps
Summary: Burt has his heart attack towards the end of Kurt's sophomore year and dies from it, leaving Kurt orphaned. His family, unable to care for him, send him off to an international boarding school in Switzerland, where one of his ancestors is an alumni.
Meanwhile, Sebastian got into trouble once too often and gets kicked out of his school in Paris. Figuring that he won't be able to get into as much trouble in the middle of nowhere in the Alps, his parents send him off to the same school as Kurt.
While Kurt is trying to get over his father's death, he and Sebastian meet and start a friendship with benefits, that has potential to become more.
Rating: M
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Character Death, Dub-Con
Other Pairings: None
Beta: shadowwanderer (my sister) and jassanja
Artist: Freakingpotter
Word-count: 54 076
A/N: Huge thanks to my sister and my friend Jassanja, who jumped in to beta-read for me, when none of the betas who signed up here, who I wrote, answered the messages I sent to them. Also, kudos, hugs and thanks to Freakingpotter for the wonderful art. ^^
Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three Part 1 | Chapter Three Part 2 | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven Part 1 | Chapter Seven Part 2 | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve Part 1 | Chapter Twelve Part 2 | Epilogue
Chapter Three Part 1
Soon, Kurt fell into a routine. He got into the two theater groups, as well as the school choir. In addition to that, he also had his singing lessons and piano lessons, he spent at least an hour every day in the school’s gym and participated in the required after-school sports activities. Almost all of his free time was spent in studying, so it was no great surprise that his relationship with his roommates consisted almost solely of helping each other study. Kurt’s German was quickly improving. His teachers had promised that, if he continued to make such good progress on it, they’d let him switch to the higher level class for the next semester. Kurt was really proud of this achievement, even if this meant that his German teacher had given him extra work to help him get caught up with his peers.
***
Before Kurt knew it, fall vacation was right around the corner.
A few days before it officially started, Reto asked, “So, what are you doing during vacation?”
Kurt answered, “I’ll be going to the holiday camp here. My relatives already signed me up for all the trips during the vacations here. If there were trips during Christmas vacation and during the summer, for my age group, they’d probably sign up for those too.”
“Your family does not like you?”
“They like me just fine. It’s just… difficult. It’s a difficult situation. My… folks just don’t feel equipped for taking care of a teenager like me and I can kinda understand why, but that doesn’t make it any easier. They care for me. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be sending me here. I just…” Kurt hesitated, “I dunno. Leave it.”
Urs clasped Kurt’s shoulder. “If you wanted, I am sure that my parents would not mind you coming home with us. My little sister could practice her English with you. My mom is good at English, but my dad doesn’t speak it very good.”
Kurt instantly corrected him, “Not very well.”
“Regardless. You could learn better German, too, and there is much better shopping in Basel than here.”
Kurt gave a strained little smile. “No, thanks. My family already paid for this trip. Besides, it sounds interesting travelling around Switzerland and getting to know the country better.”
“I understand. Please let me take you along on our yearly trip to the Herbstmesse, though. It is fun: like an amusement park, but with a market. We have it every year for two weeks.”
“So it’s kinda like your version of a State Fair?”
“Maybe. I guess so.”
“A State Fair is a fair that takes place once a year for a few weeks that has food, games, contests, shopping and a few rides.”
“Then yes, it is that. Will you come? Reto is coming.”
Reto cut in, “I haven’t missed it since we first became roommates three years ago. Our last roommate will probably come, too, even if he’s in the Grosshaus now. That’s where they stick all the students that are too old.”
Urs added, “Kurt and I will be there next year, too. You will have two new roommates, Reto.”
“But I will still come with you to the Herbstmesse.”
“Good. Then we are going to leave on November twelfth after classes and we are going to return on November fourteenth. We are going by train. Make sure to ask your parents for a permission slip.”
Kurt froze for a moment. Parents. He didn’t have any parents anymore. He only had his grandparents, aunt and uncle. Sure, his grandparents would be able to give it to him. They were his legal guardians, after all, but he couldn’t ask his parents because they were dead. They were dead and he was an orphan.
It suddenly hit him with full force. As long as he’d been away, he had been able to pretend. He wasn’t really an orphan. His father was just away: his father was back in America and had sent Kurt to Switzerland for better schooling options and to get him away from the bullying. At times like these, though, he couldn’t pretend and all the pain came flooding back: all the despair, the grief and the loss - and it was so difficult to get rid of it again.
He vaguely felt someone shaking his shoulder. Then he heard a voice, Urs’, asking him, “Kurt, are you alright? I am sure your parents…”
Kurt broke him off harshly, “I don’t talk about them for a reason, you know.”
Urs asked slowly, “Why not?”
Kurt swallowed and blurted out, before he could rethink it, “I don’t have any parents.” He breathed in heavily, trying to hold back the tears, but he still felt the tell-tale wetness in his eyes, the headache building and the lump in his throat.
Reto gasped, “What?”
Urs scowled at him. “Not now.” He turned back to Kurt. “What do you mean with that?”
The first tear spilled. “I mean that I’m an orphan. My mom died when I was eight. My dad died this spring. Both sets of my grandparents, my aunt and my uncle are sending me here because they can’t take care of me, but they want me to have the best education. I keep trying to forget, but it just doesn’t work.” Another tear came. “He was all I had. Now I have nothing. Nothing!”
Reto didn’t hold back any longer and gave Kurt a short, awkward hug. Urs clasped Kurt’s shoulder and patted it. He cleared his throat and said, “It is okay. Is there something we can give you or some way we can help you?”
Kurt shook his head. “I just want someone to love me. Is that too much to ask?”
Reto answered, “It is not. You are a great person. We like you. Not romantic, just friendship, but we care. You have us.”
Kurt sobbed, “It’s not the same. It isn’t. My parents are the only people who ever wanted me. I want that back, but I can’t: I’ll never have that back. I know that, but still…”
Reto wiped furiously at his moist eyes, while Urs remained more composed and suggested, “Maybe you should go to a…” he struggled to find the right word, “Psychiater… a mental health doctor.”
“I don’t need a psychiatrist! I don’t! I won’t cost my family even more money! I’m enough of a burden on them, as is!”
“A few sessions are covered by health insurance. More than that, if they find there is a good reason for you to be going. Please, try it.”
“I’m not sick. I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m dealing.”
Urs responded matter-of-factly, “No, you are not.”
“Yes, I am. Leave me alone.”
“No.”
“Leave me alone!” Kurt tried to pull away.
“Are you even listening to what you’re saying?” Urs asked. “Leaving you alone is the last thing we should be doing right now.”
“You don’t understand! No one does!”
Reto replied hotly, “No, we do not understand, but we can be there for you and care for you, still. Head up. It is getting better.”
Kurt’s knees gave out and he crashed to the floor. His roommates sat down next to him with slight hesitation. Urs patted Kurt’s back just let him sob. Shortly before he cried himself to sleep, Kurt felt them pick him up and put him on his soft bed. He heard them talking about how light he was as he drifted off.
***
When Kurt woke up again a few hours later, he was slightly surprised at how rested he felt. He shook his head groggily and looked around to see Reto resting in his bed, cuddling with his pillow.
Kurt heard the snap of a photo being taken and saw a flash in Reto’s corner of the room. Glancing at the desks in the center of the room, he saw Urs seated there with a camera.
Urs motioned Kurt over to him with the hand holding the camera. Reflexively, Kurt reached his hands up to cover his hair, before realizing what he was doing. Urs noticed and put the camera away with a wink. Kurt grabbed Reto’s chair from the desk vis-à-vis Urs’ and sat next to him. Urs whispered, so as not to wake Reto, “Now, Kurt, I know you do not want to see a professional for your problems, but we have a Medical Centre. There are people there to talk to. Please try it.”
Kurt shook his head. “No. I didn’t need it for when my mom died; I don’t need it now. I’m surviving.”
“But are you living?”
“It doesn’t matter. I only have to focus on getting good grades. I can’t have my family wasting their money on me. I have to be the best.”
“That is not healthy. You must first look for yourself.”
“I don’t care. It’s all I’ve got. It’s the only thing I can do. I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with me. Now leave it.”
“This is not the end of this talk.”
“Yes, it is. Now, I’m hungry. I’m going to get a snack.”
“It is three in the afternoon.”
“Exactly. I missed lunch.”
“Reto will be unhappy. He likes eating.”
“Most teenage boys do, in my experience.”
“You do not. There are many things that you will not touch at the cafeteria. You always eat salads and sometimes chicken.”
“My dad had a heart attack, so I try to avoid overly salty, greasy foods. Besides, I have to watch my figure.”
Kurt walked out of the room, pausing by the door to close it, only to hear Urs say to himself, “Kurt, das letchte was du muesch mache isch abneh. Wenn öpis bruchst meh Fleisch uf de Knoche.”
Kurt’s chest grew tight as he translated in his head. Urs thought he was too skinny. Sure, he hadn’t been very hungry lately and even this time it was an excuse to get out of their room, but he wasn’t that skinny. He could still remember Coach Sylvester telling him about his pear hips. As far as he could tell, they were still there. If anything, they had become even more exaggerated in comparison to the rest of his body.
However, even if he didn’t feel like eating, he still forced himself to eat at every meal. He showed up at every meal and ate something, even if it sometimes tasted like ashes. At least he was eating. He already knew that this would be one of those times. It was important to eat, though. You had to eat to survive, right? Maybe, just this once, though, he could go to one of the music rooms to practice for his singing and piano lessons instead.
He stood in the hallway, trying to decide where to go, when another figure came barreling into him, knocking him off his feet. Kurt let out a short, “Ow!” before looking up into a pair of green eyes. He was tall and slender with brown hair that was carefully styled. He recognized him vaguely as being in the parallel class, DIS4a. They had their language classes together, but they’d never really spoken. Kurt had only heard rumors of him and they were enough to stay out of his way. His name was something Smythe.
Smythe smirked down at Kurt. “Like what you see?”
Kurt blinked, looking up from where he had landed on the floor. “What?”
“You sure were looking for a while.”
Kurt felt the heat rising in his cheeks. “I was just trying to remember what your name is.”
“Smythe. Sebastian Smythe.” He reached out a hand to help Kurt up. “Next time, watch where you’re going.”
Kurt smacked Sebastian’s hand away. He stated primly, “I was standing here trying to decide between music practice and a snack when you came barreling into me. That is hardly my fault.”
“Yeah, yeah, but you were standing in the middle of an intersection of hallways. Now let me help you up and all’s well that ends well.”
Hesitantly, Kurt took Sebastian’s hand. For a moment, he marveled at the sense of another boy’s hand clasping his own, before Sebastian pulled him up sharply - a little too sharply. The momentum caused Kurt to fall against Sebastian’s body. For a split second, Kurt enjoyed the feeling of being this close to an, admittedly, attractive guy. The moment passed quickly, though, and Kurt quickly stumbled back a step, with Sebastian still holding his hand.
Sebastian stroked the back of Kurt’s hand with his thumb. “You have incredibly soft skin, Kurt. Is it this soft everywhere?”
“How do you know my name?”
“I make it a point to remember the names of classmates who are aesthetically pleasing so, please, answer my question. Is your skin this soft all over your body?”
Kurt’s face grew hot. “I moisturize. I work on keeping it that soft all over.”
“And how far does that blush of yours extend?”
Kurt brought up his other hand as a fist to his mouth as he averted his eyes from Sebastian. “I don’t know… I never looked”
“Wanna find out? I’ll make your decision easier for you. Don’t get a snack or practice music. Come to my room for a little one-on-one instead.”
Kurt shook his head. “No.” He yanked his hand out of Sebastian’s, already missing the feeling, and dashed off in the next best direction, which happened to be for the music rooms. He heard the other boy pursuing him, so he ran faster.
Once Kurt was at the practice rooms, he took notice that his favorite one, the one with the grand piano, was free, so he went inside and locked it from the inside, trying to catch his breath. It was then he realized that he had forgotten to take along his music notes for practicing for his lessons.
Sebastian was out there, though, so Kurt didn’t dare leave again - at least not for an hour or two. Urs and Reto were probably packing: getting ready to leave in a few days. He didn’t want to see that. He didn’t want to be reminded of what he wasn’t going to have; what he’d never have again.
He removed the dust cover from the front of the instrument. The instrument was loud enough already that he didn’t need to prop it open. He lifted the cover from the keys and sat down thinking of the various songs he could do without the music for them and that fit to his mood, at least slightly. Finally, he rested on ‘Try to Remember’ from the musical ‘The Fantasticks.’
He played the intro and a little ways into the song to make sure that he remembered it correctly. Then he played the intro again and started to sing along,
“Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain was yellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.
“Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
“Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That dreams were kept beside your pillow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That love was an ember about to billow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.
“Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
“Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
“Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
“Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,
Although you know the snow will follow.
Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,
Without a hurt the heart is hollow.
Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,
The fire of September that made us mellow.
Deep in December, our hearts should remember
And follow.”
Kurt went straight from there into an instrumental rendition of ‘Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again’ that he couldn’t bring himself to sing along to. From there he went into a song he knew, but wasn’t extremely good at, so he sang and rapped fairly quietly, making sure that no one outside could hear him.
“Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
You’re the one who knows it all;
Can you help me find the answer to the meaning of it all?
I’ve been searching for so long,
Now that part of me is gone.
Can you help me Mirror, Mirror?
Mirror, Mirror on the wall.
“I can hear the rain fall down in the dark night;
From the corridor, I see the moonlight.
Thoughts of the past interfere with reality,
Though contained in my own immortality.
How does it feel
When you try to get away from the pain;
Break from the chains?
In a world that has left you to hang with no name,
The blame remains in your veins.
And, though I walk in the valley of lost time,
I can’t escape this monotonous state of mind
’Cause, if I did, then I’m banished
Never to go back.
The world just fades to black
But, if I died, then God knows I tried!
From all the sins, I confess to testify.
Blood tears fall down to the ground from my eyes
And I pray to the sky,
Can you help me?
“Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
You’re the one who knows it all;
Can you help me find the answer to the meaning of it all?
I’ve been searching for so long,
Now that part of me is gone.
Can you help me Mirror, Mirror?
Mirror, Mirror on the wall.
“Evil lurks in the land and I fear
The end is near.
Images on the wall appear
All around as I meditate thoughts of madness
Intertwined in my mind with the sadness.
I’m led astray
As I hear the beast call for the prey.
And, if I obey,
Then my soul will fade: dust in the wind.
And the nightmare begins
And I’m in the realm of annihilation, revelations.
In the mists, I can find salvation.
It’s the way that I roam.
I’m aware, though I feel so alone,
But I know there’s a price for the place that I wanna be;
If I just see that it’s there for me,
I’ll be having no fear of the world, if I look in the mirror.
“Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
You’re the one who knows it all;
Can you help me find the answer to the meaning of it all?
I’ve been searching for so long,
Now that part of me is gone.
Can you help me Mirror, Mirror?
Mirror, Mirror on the wall.
“One more time in the Mirror
And everything’s a little bit clearer.
Don’t be afraid, if you open your eyes
and you see yourself in the mirror.
If it takes control of your body,
Takes control of your soul,
You’ll realize when you open your eyes
to the Mirror, Mirror on the wall.
“One more time in the Mirror
And everything’s a little bit clearer.
Don’t be afraid, if you open your eyes
and you see yourself in the mirror.
If it takes control of your body,
Takes control of your soul,
You’ll realize when you open your eyes
to the Mirror, Mirror on the wall.”
Kurt knew that it wasn’t exactly his best style. Trey D.’s song ‘Mirror, Mirror’ didn’t fit him on any way on the surface but, below the surface, it touched something in him that he didn’t want to understand; didn’t want to acknowledge.
Kurt decidedly pulled away from the morbid sadness and instead decided to spend the rest of the time he was there doing Disney songs. After all, who could go wrong with Disney songs? Maybe they’d even lift his spirits a bit.
He heard someone outside approaching the room. Hopefully, that mean that Sebastian hadn’t been around there earlier. He had been rushing somewhere, so maybe he’d gone and finished that before he’d come here to find him again.
So Kurt spent the next hour or so going through all the Disney songs he knew off the top of his head. He dedicated a long time to getting ‘Silly Song’ from Snow White correct. He’d forgotten how difficult it was to play, since it was fast-paced with a lot of jumps. It took him three times to get the accompaniment right on the piano and another six times to get it right and be able to sing along to it at the same time.
Part II