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I love my job; Plain and simple. I am a lead Processor for Liberty Tax, and I was also a secretary for the Marketing Team in my area. I put in a lot of hours, 70+ a week. I work 8AM to 2AM and I have Tuesdays off and I sometimes take a lunch break. I love the people I work with. We get each other. We get along with each other, we're like one big family that I wish didn't have to end. Phai is the first guy that I met. He was kind enough to let me sit and wait until my first class started, and has been a supportive, hard-working workaholic ever since. Julian I met a few weeks ago for Marketing tryouts. He's a romantic, hardworking Hispanic-Italian who enjoyed working with us and Phai so much he stayed at this store instead of going to another one he originally wanted to. Tristan is the polite, sharply-dressed, goal-driven man who gives me hope that good men still exist in the world. Tera is pretty down to earth, and pretty funny. Her and I exist on the same level of humor. Sam is my marketing team lead, and she's so full of energy it's nuts. She's a kind-hearted woman with a lot of optimism that keeps me up when I feel down.
So why am I so sad?
People(Jaylon) think Julian and I are a fling; he's like my big brother. Phai is a husband/father-to-be to Rachel, who I think is the source of my sadness. Rachel came from North Carolina. I was hoping to be a friend with her sine we're both far from home, getting into the same business, and she's close to my age and all. So why--oh, why--does she think I'm having an affair with Phai behind her back?! I mean, really? They even talk about me in their marriage counseling. Why is it so impossible for me to get along with my coworkers. It's not like he gives me a certain look, or flirts with me, or anything. Because he doesn't! I can't even have a casual conversation with him outside of work without it looking like I'm trying to seduce him into leaving Rachel. And the worst part is that she doesn't and wont, say anything to me. She's nice to my face, but rides on Phai's ass about always being worried, paranoid if he's faithful, and accusing him of taking me out on a date when all it was is that OUR boss, the owner of the frickin' store showed up at midnight, took us to Applebees for drinks to discuss final details for a manager's meeting that was going to take place later that day.
And today, Phai was nice enough to check in on me. I checked in on him because I knew he was at the office on his own and it was busy. As I feared, something bad had happened, and I hope two of our coworkers don't lose their job over it. Out of all the people in the office, Phai works the hardest and did for a while on his own before we came along. I have a lot of respect for him for that reason. I know he loves Rachel. I know he's excited to have a family. He can provide for them and that's a big deal for anyone. He knew I had been trying to work hard with him, because I work the same hours he does, and Tristan comes around 5:30pm-6pm. So he knew I was worn out, and told me to go home and enjoy the day off. And he later confided with me via texting that he almost had a breakdown at work from all the stress. And I did my best to counsel him. He's very honest with me, and I like that. We have come to know each other better, joke around better. He has proven he can be dependable and reliable, and so he is someone I want to consider a friend. And he even jokingly wondered why he hadn't met me earlier and said we should be life long friends. I would love to. And I said sure, I think I can do that. But then tonight, I got a text from him saying we could only talk if it was work related, and that it was something he was doing for his marriage counseling, and hoped I understood.
I felt awful. I cried, honestly. All I want, is to have a good support group for being down here. A small group of people I can consider my friends, and I thought I was building up for that. This job isn't for ever, and I'd like to say I could keep in touch with everyone after we've all gone our separate ways, and I can't even have one friend because of his insecure pregnant fiancee. It seems like every time I turn around, someone is accusing me of having some sort of affair with someone. Arra and Kelsey thought Michael and I were having a secret fling. It's like...how is that even possible if he's in New York with Heather? Chris calls me a whore because I told him I cared about him, then started dating someone else months later. What he fails to realize is that there was a reason I told him I was seeing someone, stopped talking to him, texting him, was distant from him--but in his eyes, I am the bad one. I am not a home-wrecker, and I dislike it even worse when you are nice to my face and all smiles and pleasantries, but you seethe and entertain delusions of affairs and other horrible things involving me behind my back. I don't think it's fair to me because I don't want to be involved, and didn't ask to be. I am glad he took me aside and explained this all to me so that I wasn't left alone in the dark, but I think it's even worse to put him in a more stressful situation on top of the crap he deals with at work. And it sucks because, I hoped to make friends out of both of them. And one of them, I don't want to be friends with, and because of that, I can't be friends with the other one. I am particular about the people I want to be my friends, and so I am very sad to see a person I could have as a friend slip away.
On a better note, I made chocolate filled croissants. They are a good midnight snack and remarkably simple to make. I have semi-sweet chocolate chips left over from some time and place I can't recall, so I decided to make some. I will probably not sleep well tonight, but I will try now that I have gotten this off of my chest.
So why am I so sad?
People(Jaylon) think Julian and I are a fling; he's like my big brother. Phai is a husband/father-to-be to Rachel, who I think is the source of my sadness. Rachel came from North Carolina. I was hoping to be a friend with her sine we're both far from home, getting into the same business, and she's close to my age and all. So why--oh, why--does she think I'm having an affair with Phai behind her back?! I mean, really? They even talk about me in their marriage counseling. Why is it so impossible for me to get along with my coworkers. It's not like he gives me a certain look, or flirts with me, or anything. Because he doesn't! I can't even have a casual conversation with him outside of work without it looking like I'm trying to seduce him into leaving Rachel. And the worst part is that she doesn't and wont, say anything to me. She's nice to my face, but rides on Phai's ass about always being worried, paranoid if he's faithful, and accusing him of taking me out on a date when all it was is that OUR boss, the owner of the frickin' store showed up at midnight, took us to Applebees for drinks to discuss final details for a manager's meeting that was going to take place later that day.
And today, Phai was nice enough to check in on me. I checked in on him because I knew he was at the office on his own and it was busy. As I feared, something bad had happened, and I hope two of our coworkers don't lose their job over it. Out of all the people in the office, Phai works the hardest and did for a while on his own before we came along. I have a lot of respect for him for that reason. I know he loves Rachel. I know he's excited to have a family. He can provide for them and that's a big deal for anyone. He knew I had been trying to work hard with him, because I work the same hours he does, and Tristan comes around 5:30pm-6pm. So he knew I was worn out, and told me to go home and enjoy the day off. And he later confided with me via texting that he almost had a breakdown at work from all the stress. And I did my best to counsel him. He's very honest with me, and I like that. We have come to know each other better, joke around better. He has proven he can be dependable and reliable, and so he is someone I want to consider a friend. And he even jokingly wondered why he hadn't met me earlier and said we should be life long friends. I would love to. And I said sure, I think I can do that. But then tonight, I got a text from him saying we could only talk if it was work related, and that it was something he was doing for his marriage counseling, and hoped I understood.
I felt awful. I cried, honestly. All I want, is to have a good support group for being down here. A small group of people I can consider my friends, and I thought I was building up for that. This job isn't for ever, and I'd like to say I could keep in touch with everyone after we've all gone our separate ways, and I can't even have one friend because of his insecure pregnant fiancee. It seems like every time I turn around, someone is accusing me of having some sort of affair with someone. Arra and Kelsey thought Michael and I were having a secret fling. It's like...how is that even possible if he's in New York with Heather? Chris calls me a whore because I told him I cared about him, then started dating someone else months later. What he fails to realize is that there was a reason I told him I was seeing someone, stopped talking to him, texting him, was distant from him--but in his eyes, I am the bad one. I am not a home-wrecker, and I dislike it even worse when you are nice to my face and all smiles and pleasantries, but you seethe and entertain delusions of affairs and other horrible things involving me behind my back. I don't think it's fair to me because I don't want to be involved, and didn't ask to be. I am glad he took me aside and explained this all to me so that I wasn't left alone in the dark, but I think it's even worse to put him in a more stressful situation on top of the crap he deals with at work. And it sucks because, I hoped to make friends out of both of them. And one of them, I don't want to be friends with, and because of that, I can't be friends with the other one. I am particular about the people I want to be my friends, and so I am very sad to see a person I could have as a friend slip away.
On a better note, I made chocolate filled croissants. They are a good midnight snack and remarkably simple to make. I have semi-sweet chocolate chips left over from some time and place I can't recall, so I decided to make some. I will probably not sleep well tonight, but I will try now that I have gotten this off of my chest.