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This is probably the only corner of the internet I'll occupy for a while.
I always said I loved the Holidays. But that's more or less a lie. I USED to. It's a depressing year for me, despite what I said about it. C'est la vie, and we have to deal with it. When I live with Ariel, I live with my cousins. I see a person I envy in some aspects but loathe for the most part. She's under the delusion that all 21-19 year old adults should be out having fun and partying. What if they can't afford it? What if they don't enjoy it? What if it's too mundane a task to even bother with in the first place. If I wanted to dance to music and drink I'd buy my own alcohol and dance around the carport with my iPod. I adore Ariel, I do. She's saved my life and we've been there for each other through tough times.
But she's a delusional idiot.
Stop watching Gossip Girl.
(And while I did indulge, I did myself a favor: read ahead, and moved on with life. But I am still a Chuck Bass fan, possibly for life.)
My depression deepens as the seasons pass. I've put myself in a new world, and am doing my best to adjust. But there are other things. Worse things. Things that creep up on me from the depths of Tartarus. And I just can't shake it. And I've withdrawn because of it. I've cut people off, even Michael. I've tried to laugh and have fun and forget it. But it just isn't working. Just as immediately as I started to laugh, I stopped and told the person I was done, and left them.
Ariel has been trying to fix me on a date with a guy, Ben. And Ben is nice, my age, charming. But not for me. No one is for me, and I have the world at my disposal for finding anyone for me. The frustration behind it just doesn't help. It doesn't soften the blow, or make things easier in my head or my heart. I knew these days were coming. And they will come every year, and spill into next, and I will be reminded of a very deep-seated sorrow that took over like weed vines until I was choked to death.
C'est la vie.
I always said I loved the Holidays. But that's more or less a lie. I USED to. It's a depressing year for me, despite what I said about it. C'est la vie, and we have to deal with it. When I live with Ariel, I live with my cousins. I see a person I envy in some aspects but loathe for the most part. She's under the delusion that all 21-19 year old adults should be out having fun and partying. What if they can't afford it? What if they don't enjoy it? What if it's too mundane a task to even bother with in the first place. If I wanted to dance to music and drink I'd buy my own alcohol and dance around the carport with my iPod. I adore Ariel, I do. She's saved my life and we've been there for each other through tough times.
But she's a delusional idiot.
Stop watching Gossip Girl.
(And while I did indulge, I did myself a favor: read ahead, and moved on with life. But I am still a Chuck Bass fan, possibly for life.)
My depression deepens as the seasons pass. I've put myself in a new world, and am doing my best to adjust. But there are other things. Worse things. Things that creep up on me from the depths of Tartarus. And I just can't shake it. And I've withdrawn because of it. I've cut people off, even Michael. I've tried to laugh and have fun and forget it. But it just isn't working. Just as immediately as I started to laugh, I stopped and told the person I was done, and left them.
Ariel has been trying to fix me on a date with a guy, Ben. And Ben is nice, my age, charming. But not for me. No one is for me, and I have the world at my disposal for finding anyone for me. The frustration behind it just doesn't help. It doesn't soften the blow, or make things easier in my head or my heart. I knew these days were coming. And they will come every year, and spill into next, and I will be reminded of a very deep-seated sorrow that took over like weed vines until I was choked to death.
C'est la vie.