This entry is all for me.
I am so glad that I am so passionate about my emotions. Nothing is more beautiful to me in this world than emotion. Beautiful is like an emotion. It's beautiful to me that I could feel this genuinely sad for any reason. It's beautiful to me that I can love someone so much that it hurts this much to have to consider losing the love that we share. It's beautiful to me that I can grow so attached to and bond so deeply with another human being. Thinking that I might lose what I have with you now and could have with you in the future makes me feel this terrible because what I'd be losing makes me feel so wonderful. There is something very deep seated and unusually significant about my love for you. About why I love you this much. I DO believe in the idea of a person who is truly a rare match for another person. What people call "the one" but I believe that there are multiple people in the world who fit that title for any given person. Just not a lot of them... I think anyone is lucky if they ever meet more than one or two in their entire lifetime. I know that you are one of those people for me. I really, really like you. The most important things to me in a person - are in you. Aside from that necessity, there are so many other things about you that I love. Things that make you absolutely precious to me. Very special to me. You have your own special place in my mind that no one else touches. I'll always know you and what you are. You will never change on that level. It's who you are. That's who I'm in love with. That goodness that you are is why I love you so much. That shapes so much of what I see when I look at you. It is absolutely enchanting to me. Your particular brand of love for everything. It is very comforting to me, too. It's why I ever trusted you to begin with. In general. It's something that we have in common. It's so important to me that we do. It's probably the first thing I learned about you when we first made eye contact. It was written all over your face. I learned something huge about you right off the bat.
Anyway...
I miss indulging in being in love with you. I miss indulging in loving you. It feels like it's so far away. Or been so long. It's all I really want. All I'm really interested in at this moment. Just discussing the idea of this relationship ending makes me feel sick and depressed. I feel like a helpless wounded animal right now. Like I was wandering along and suddenly hit by a bus. Still fazed, still shocked and hurt. Overwhelmed. I just want to emotionally heal from these experiences as quickly as possible... like processing a flu or a cold. I want to get back to happiness. That thing I found. I liked it. It was much better.
Anyway...
I miss indulging in being in love with you. I miss indulging in loving you. It feels like it's so far away. Or been so long. It's all I really want. All I'm really interested in at this moment. Just discussing the idea of this relationship ending makes me feel sick and depressed. I feel like a helpless wounded animal right now. Like I was wandering along and suddenly hit by a bus. Still fazed, still shocked and hurt. Overwhelmed. I just want to emotionally heal from these experiences as quickly as possible... like processing a flu or a cold. I want to get back to happiness. That thing I found. I liked it. It was much better.