Friday Night
Yesterday... was interesting.
Yesterday night I went to first Friday with an unlikely group. Brian Haney my laboratory mate, Blair, and Natalia. We watched Capoeira. I am so... excited to learn. Went to Madhatters, where Natalia and I had warm apple pie a la mode... then to Beethoven's for some good beer.
Afterword we went to Evan O'Dea's birthday party... it was an interesting mix of people from the summer science program, T-4, and well I don't even know who everyone else was. I took a few hits. Eliz told me that Dr. Pope thinks that I have become a little extreme... I agree I think... no drugs is good... it is good for my lungs... and I needed it for a while... but there is no reason for me to refuse it... If it just happens then fine... but why hold yourself back from things.
I realized that much like my mothers patterns of behavior... I tend to vacillate between one extreme and another... there were my crazy months of drugs and debauchery... then complete rejection of that in favor of abstaining from everything. Not that being healthy isn't good... or that abstaining has limited what I can do... I am still having fun and doing things I enjoy and exploring...
but I also have ended my connection to a stoner culture that was very much part of my identity. Well, I'm still connected... most of my friends still smoke... but as Blair pointed out I am very torn. I look at my pieces... the cool spot and the unnamed lily... and part of me misses the life. Not that I need the high... because I really don't...
but I miss ... well sitting in circles... sharing... and maybe the escape... definitely the conversations. But... maybe some of the camaraderie that I miss was gone a long time ago... maybe we left it in Miller... or maybe it became too regular... I don't know. I know it hasn't really been that long... there have been more recent moments that contained that same beauty... but not the total release of loud music on drives up 281 and then coming home to pig out on Amy's ice cream and other treats.
Yesterday night I went to first Friday with an unlikely group. Brian Haney my laboratory mate, Blair, and Natalia. We watched Capoeira. I am so... excited to learn. Went to Madhatters, where Natalia and I had warm apple pie a la mode... then to Beethoven's for some good beer.
Afterword we went to Evan O'Dea's birthday party... it was an interesting mix of people from the summer science program, T-4, and well I don't even know who everyone else was. I took a few hits. Eliz told me that Dr. Pope thinks that I have become a little extreme... I agree I think... no drugs is good... it is good for my lungs... and I needed it for a while... but there is no reason for me to refuse it... If it just happens then fine... but why hold yourself back from things.
I realized that much like my mothers patterns of behavior... I tend to vacillate between one extreme and another... there were my crazy months of drugs and debauchery... then complete rejection of that in favor of abstaining from everything. Not that being healthy isn't good... or that abstaining has limited what I can do... I am still having fun and doing things I enjoy and exploring...
but I also have ended my connection to a stoner culture that was very much part of my identity. Well, I'm still connected... most of my friends still smoke... but as Blair pointed out I am very torn. I look at my pieces... the cool spot and the unnamed lily... and part of me misses the life. Not that I need the high... because I really don't...
but I miss ... well sitting in circles... sharing... and maybe the escape... definitely the conversations. But... maybe some of the camaraderie that I miss was gone a long time ago... maybe we left it in Miller... or maybe it became too regular... I don't know. I know it hasn't really been that long... there have been more recent moments that contained that same beauty... but not the total release of loud music on drives up 281 and then coming home to pig out on Amy's ice cream and other treats.