I hate when people say they're "not trying."
Is it possible for a person to give his all to everything he does? To not see a use for feeling tired or slowing down?
Hell, I wrote "...once he's past the age of 7?" but then I realized I may have done just that right up to 15 years old; but anyway...
It's difficult for me to even begin to comprehend such a decision in my life now. I've even accepted rest as a necessity, finally (despite kicking and screaming about it). Nothing feels urgent, and what I do doesn't really seem to matter. Yet I'm here. I guess if it doesn't matter what I do or don't do, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem for me to give it all my best shot. Hell, that's even someone's sig quote on Bullshido-something like "If all that we do doesn't matter, then all that matters is what we do."
How did I end up settling for boredom? Did I allow this discoloration in my life as a backlash to something stupid, like being disappointed in myself and others? Is my cynicism a calculated choice? "Don't expect shit: that way you'll most likely waste less time, and never be disappointed." Waste less time. Damn. I waste so much time, now that I don't feel driven to pursue much. Cynicism gets you places.
Doesn't it make sense to dully accept that most people and their constructs will tend not to deliver great value to me? Maybe not. Perhaps "accepting it" makes it so. Maybe that's where I need to begin.
Hell, I wrote "...once he's past the age of 7?" but then I realized I may have done just that right up to 15 years old; but anyway...
It's difficult for me to even begin to comprehend such a decision in my life now. I've even accepted rest as a necessity, finally (despite kicking and screaming about it). Nothing feels urgent, and what I do doesn't really seem to matter. Yet I'm here. I guess if it doesn't matter what I do or don't do, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem for me to give it all my best shot. Hell, that's even someone's sig quote on Bullshido-something like "If all that we do doesn't matter, then all that matters is what we do."
How did I end up settling for boredom? Did I allow this discoloration in my life as a backlash to something stupid, like being disappointed in myself and others? Is my cynicism a calculated choice? "Don't expect shit: that way you'll most likely waste less time, and never be disappointed." Waste less time. Damn. I waste so much time, now that I don't feel driven to pursue much. Cynicism gets you places.
Doesn't it make sense to dully accept that most people and their constructs will tend not to deliver great value to me? Maybe not. Perhaps "accepting it" makes it so. Maybe that's where I need to begin.