(no subject)
Alright, so maybe it's time to blog on what's going on right now, so maybe I can figure out what's going on.
I'm in Chicago, trying to figure out whether I can live here and how well this would work out, practically speaking. Housing is expensive. Jobs do not pay as well as they could and I will end up working all the time, and then I would be in school at some point. And no, I am not looking forward to living in the world's smallest studio with my cat or working 50 hours a week or Chicago winters. But I could have a life here, and find inspiration and creativity, which are things that have been desperately missed in my life. There are so many different religious communities here, and one of them could fit me, and I feel like I could start to fit in to the world.
I'm certainly very scared of school, and whether or not I would be a good student, but I think I could learn. And I like to think I would be better about asking for help now than I used to be.
Chicago feels like a good fit. It didn't always, but then, I used to be depressed all the time, and the urban environment was so isolating. Now there are all these things I want to do and I know I can do them here. I know people in school here, so I won't feel like the only person studying, and I don't feel mocked for being so behind. I want to set down some sort of roots and be comfortable, and maybe this is the right place to do it.
Of course, this is not necessarily the only place, and I go to explore the South after I've left here. Asheville is another unique town, and it's certainly got better weather, and I know that the school is acceptable. But it's also smaller, with a smaller job pool, and very expensive for the South. But it could be interesting and wonderful, and it would allow me to start my life entirely fresh, unlike Chicago.
I don't want to move to Chicago just because I like everyone there and I think I would have fun. I'm certainly not going to move because I've met someone who makes me feel about 15 only in a good way.
And yes for the record, for those of you who follow the endless saga of Dorian's fruitless love life, who thought there would only be rantings about the trainer FOREVER.... there is a potential new someone. Whom I will call "the film student" because "the director" is too pretentious and "the jailbait" is none too comforting. He seems together, or more so than I am, even if he is 2.5 years younger. He's very serious about his work. Which is relieving. I really want to get to know him, hell, I barely know him and I'm crazy about him. But I know that if I move here, I will not have time to pursue anything with the kind of effort most people put in to new relationships. So I need to stop thinking about this now.
But so I'm going to look at UIC now, and then I'm going to look at the Reader and find temp agencies in town. And then it will be time to look at apartments, and then go to the gym, so all things go right along. This shit is just crazy, but I am so excited to think that my life might actually start again.
I'm in Chicago, trying to figure out whether I can live here and how well this would work out, practically speaking. Housing is expensive. Jobs do not pay as well as they could and I will end up working all the time, and then I would be in school at some point. And no, I am not looking forward to living in the world's smallest studio with my cat or working 50 hours a week or Chicago winters. But I could have a life here, and find inspiration and creativity, which are things that have been desperately missed in my life. There are so many different religious communities here, and one of them could fit me, and I feel like I could start to fit in to the world.
I'm certainly very scared of school, and whether or not I would be a good student, but I think I could learn. And I like to think I would be better about asking for help now than I used to be.
Chicago feels like a good fit. It didn't always, but then, I used to be depressed all the time, and the urban environment was so isolating. Now there are all these things I want to do and I know I can do them here. I know people in school here, so I won't feel like the only person studying, and I don't feel mocked for being so behind. I want to set down some sort of roots and be comfortable, and maybe this is the right place to do it.
Of course, this is not necessarily the only place, and I go to explore the South after I've left here. Asheville is another unique town, and it's certainly got better weather, and I know that the school is acceptable. But it's also smaller, with a smaller job pool, and very expensive for the South. But it could be interesting and wonderful, and it would allow me to start my life entirely fresh, unlike Chicago.
I don't want to move to Chicago just because I like everyone there and I think I would have fun. I'm certainly not going to move because I've met someone who makes me feel about 15 only in a good way.
And yes for the record, for those of you who follow the endless saga of Dorian's fruitless love life, who thought there would only be rantings about the trainer FOREVER.... there is a potential new someone. Whom I will call "the film student" because "the director" is too pretentious and "the jailbait" is none too comforting. He seems together, or more so than I am, even if he is 2.5 years younger. He's very serious about his work. Which is relieving. I really want to get to know him, hell, I barely know him and I'm crazy about him. But I know that if I move here, I will not have time to pursue anything with the kind of effort most people put in to new relationships. So I need to stop thinking about this now.
But so I'm going to look at UIC now, and then I'm going to look at the Reader and find temp agencies in town. And then it will be time to look at apartments, and then go to the gym, so all things go right along. This shit is just crazy, but I am so excited to think that my life might actually start again.