Because I'm A Sinner (Jensen/Jared, R)
Title: Because I’m A Sinner
Author: Vera
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: hard R
Warnings: Mentions of underage prostitution and violence.
Disclaimer: Me no own.
Word Count: 6.790
Summary: Jensen is on the run. It’s all over for him when he gets caught. Or is it?
Author’s Note: Written for spn_illuminated and based on apieceofcake’s art prompt. You can find her masterpost HERE. Thanks for the great piece of art, I had a lot of fun developing a story out of it! Special thanks for the awesome banner. :)
Title and inspiration taken from Louden Swain’s ‘Like The Heart Goes’.
=> AO3 <=
Jensen applied chalk to his cue and blew off the residual dust while throwing a gaze at his opponent. Jay’s eyes darkened and Jensen smirked. At first he’d just wanted to hustle the guy, but now he might get even more out of this encounter. Especially since apparently, Jay didn’t mind being hustled. He misfired his shots quite obviously. Nobody was that bad. Nobody with the slightest bit of control over his body anyway and Jay, while he might play lanky and uncoordinated, obviously had a lot of control over his well-muscled body. It was the little moves he made, the unconscious ones. He was pretty good at disguising it, but Jensen was an even better body language reader. Came with years of habit. And Jay here could probably take him apart with his little finger. The fact that he didn’t said a lot.
After Jensen easily won, Jay paid up. $200. If only Jensen’s nights would always turn out that good. “I almost feel bad for taking that off of you,” Jensen smiled.
“You should. It was my last money.” Jay pouted. “So I guess tonight I’ll be sleeping in my car and not in that motel I’ve been eyeing.”
Jensen raised his eyebrow. Seriously? “Any way I can make it up to you?” He took the bait and licked his lips for good measure.
“You got a couch I can crash on?” Jay laughed like he’d just made a joke. Like this was preposterous and of course Jensen didn’t. Like this wasn’t what they’d been heading to all along.
“Nope.” Jensen shrugged and watched Jay’s façade crumble, a small frown to appear on his forehead. “I’ve got a bed I can share though,” he added.
Jay bit his lip coyly. “Promise you won’t molest me in my sleep?”
Jensen snorted. “Only if you want me to, sweetheart,” he whispered, leaning close and brushing his lips just barely against Jay’s cheeks as if by accident.
Jay grinned and for the first time, the predator in him openly showed. Jensen had to suppress a shiver. Damn, it had been too long since he’d had sex just for pleasure, no strings attached, no money exchanged. The pool money didn’t count. “What about me? You’re not scared?”
“I’m a big boy, Jay. I can handle myself.” Granted, Jay could be a mean psycho just waiting to tie him down and cut him up, a little voice inside Jensen tried to warn, but the attraction was mutual and Jensen could handle himself. Years of practice. It’s been a while since he last got beat up by a john. He must have been fifteen. Jensen closed his eyes and pinched his nose, willing the memories away. “But let’s take your car. I might kick you out in an hour. I need my beauty sleep.”
“Baby, when I’m done with you, and it won’t be in an hour, you’ll pass out so exhausted, you won’t hear rocks fall, let alone be bothered by me lying next to you.” Jay had leaned in close as well and in the dive they were in, they were now attracting unwanted attention.
“Promises, promises,” Jensen muttered, but this time he couldn’t hide the shiver going through him anymore. He grabbed his jacket and faked being cold. “Alright, let’s ditch this joint.”
**
Jay drove a surprisingly old car with a trunk big enough to carry a body in. Jensen commented as such and Jay just laughed and winked at him. Again, that should really make him nervous, but Jensen was way past that. He directed Jay to his motel and when they entered the parking lot, Jay glanced over. “Something tells me you’re not from around here either.”
Jensen shrugged. “I’m a free spirit. I don’t want to be tied down by a lease.”
Jay raised his eyebrow. “I think I have too much stuff to not have my own place.”
“What? More than what fits in your trunk?” Jensen smirked, but he could feel a clench inside. It wasn’t like he didn’t wish he could afford his own place. But it wasn’t even the money, really. He just couldn’t allow himself the risk of staying in one place for too long.
“Need to leave space for the bodies, Jensen. Can’t have it stuffed full of junk.” Jay tapped his temple.
“Right, I see.” Jensen laughed. “Let’s get you inside so I can work on that then.”
“You’d leave me in my own trunk? How heartless of you.” Jay shook his head. “At least chop me to pieces and feed me to the fishes.”
“Dude, that’s work. The fun part’s over once you’re dead.”
Jay clucked his tongue. “True that. Disposing of bodies is awful dirty work.”
Jensen’s steps faltered. Jay sounded serious there, for a second. “Alright, enough talk. Let’s go inside and fuck.”
“What? Wait, I thought I only got to sleep innocently next to you.” Jay placed his hand on his heart and put on a shocked face.
Jensen rolled his eyes and grabbed him by his belt buckle. “Come on, you joker, before I change my mind.”
“Yeah, the joker. That’s me,” Jay muttered and Jensen frowned again, thinking briefly to… No. That was in another lifetime. Or could it be… But before he could finish his thought, Jay’s mouth descended onto him and he just had time to kick the door closed before he got pushed up against it, a heavy body following, crowding him.
Jay’s hands were roaming up and down his back before settling on his hips. “Damn, I’m really gonna regret this,” Jay muttered.
“Huh?” Jensen looked at him, his own hands fisted in Jay’s unruly but rather soft hair.
“Do you trust me, Jensen?” Jay whispered against his lower lip before he bit it lightly.
“Fuck, no.” Jensen rubbed up against him. Trust no one. But right now he really, very much just wanted to get laid.
“Good. You shouldn’t.” Jay gave him a comical look and Jensen had a brief moment to freeze, to realize that one of Jay’s hands was missing, before he felt the needle press into his neck. His eyes just flickered to the syringe before everything went black.
**
When he woke up, Jensen was crammed into a tight, dark space. A moving tight, dark space. “You gotta be kidding me,” he muttered and rubbed his aching head. Jensen was in the goddamn trunk.
He’d seen enough movies to know what he had to do next. As soon as he was coordinated enough, Jensen used his feet to kick against the trunk as hard as he could, hoping to dislodge a light or maybe just open the damn thing. The car was moving, so he reasoned they must be on a road with witnesses all around.
Jensen had just delivered his second kick, when the car came to a screeching halt. He hadn’t heard any police sirens yet, so, bad sign. Jensen cringed and readied himself to lash out as soon as the trunk would open, but when it finally did, the light was blinding him so badly, he just rolled in on himself, trying to block it out. It felt like tiny daggers stabbing into his brain. This was worse than any hangover he’d ever had. He groaned.
“I’m giving you two choices here Jensen. One, you can shut up, behave and quietly ride up front with me…” Jay started, waiting until Jensen slowly blinked him into focus. Jay had a fresh syringe in his left and a gun in his right hand. The sunlight was glinting off of the metal, momentarily blinding Jensen again. “I’ll let you guess option two.”
“And three is, you put that bullet in me right away?” Jensen asked, a tiny part of him considering this.
“Sadly, it won’t be so easy on the both of us,” Jay replied. “He wants you alive.” There was a brief pause. “I can only guess why.”
Jensen sighed. He. There could be only one person Jay was referring to. And something was pushing its way to the surface of Jensen’s befuddled brain again. What was it? Jay… Jay… Joker. Jensen let out another groan. “The joker. That’s you, isn’t it? You’re his joker. Jared?”
“The man, the legend, the impatient guy with a syringe in his hand,” Jay… Jared replied. “So, Jensen, what’s it gonna be? Personally, I’m hoping for option two. And don’t be afraid if next time you wake up, you’ll be naked and sore.”
Jensen snorted, slowly unfolding himself and getting used to the light. “Please. If you lay a hand on me, Jeff’s gonna cut off your dick.”
Jared smirked. “True that. I see my scare tactic’s not gonna work on you. Pity.”
“Fuck you,” Jensen glared at him. He was half tempted to choose the syringe and have it over with, but his aching body and even more so, his flight instinct, told him to not be stupid. “I’ll ride up front. And if you’re nice to me, I might not tell Jeff you fucked me anyways.”
“As long as you’re not damaged, you really think he’d care?” Jared took a step back so Jensen could slowly peel himself out of the car. “He offered you to me as my annual reward last year, you know.”
Jensen snorted again. “No, he didn’t.”
“How can you be so sure? You were his whore to do with as he pleased. And I had been a very good boy.” Jared’s voice dropped a notch.
“A, Jeff doesn’t share. But mostly B, you didn’t come collect.” Jensen stretched his aching limbs, making sure his shirt rode up over his flat stomach.
“What makes you think I…” Jared started, but then stopped himself when Jensen threw him his best come-hither look. “Touché,” Jared admitted.
Jensen winked and stretched again, for his own relief this time. His joints popped and cracked, then he rolled his head left and right a few times before he felt well enough to take the passenger seat.
“I don’t get it though,” Jared muttered as he folded himself into the front seat. Jesus, large car and he still barely fit. Why did he have to turn out to be the goddamn Joker? Jensen could have had so much fun with that. Even now that he knew who he was, he’d still do him. He mentally chastised himself. It’s really been too damn long.
“Get what?” Jensen finally replied.
“Why he wants you back in one piece. I mean, you’re pretty and all, but you can’t be that good.”
“Wanna find out?” Jensen suggested. Built like a house or not, Jensen could wear him out and claim the gun. Two birds, one stone.
“Nice try, sweetheart.” Jared chuckled. “But you’ll have to work harder than that.”
“Oh, believe me, I will.” No use in pretending here.
“Looking forward to it, baby.” Jared winked, but Jensen could see the slight tremor in his hands right before he gripped the steering wheel. Game on.
**
Truth was, Jensen knew why Jeff wanted him alive. He knew way too many secrets to be allowed to live. And Jeff wouldn’t have come as far as he had if he’d put his faith in others. “He doesn’t trust you,” he exclaimed.
“Huh?” Jared frowned.
“Jeff. You may be the Joker, but he doesn’t trust you enough to allow you to kill me. Or let me alone with you, for that matter.” Jensen cocked his head. “Let me guess. Your instructions were quite specific, weren’t they? Put me under and not let me come back up until we’ve reached Vegas?”
Now it was Jared’s turn to snort. “So? What’s the old man gonna do? Kill me, too?”
“Yes.” Jensen was dead serious.
“Like hell he w…” There was the tremor again. “He wouldn’t care. He can’t afford to lose me. I’m his best man. I’m the only man for the job.”
“Oh Jared,” Jensen patted his knee only to relish in Jared’s flinch. “Haven’t you learned anything? Everybody can be replaced. You. Me. Even Jeff. That’s what he’s so afraid of, you know.”
“Still. What’s so damn special about you? You’re just a whore. One of many. Why didn’t he just send somebody to off you?” Jared slammed his hand on the steering wheel, obviously frustrated.
“Someone like you, you mean? One of Jeff’s many killers?” Jensen had to give it back, the insult. It wasn’t like he’d chosen his profession, but he did still take a certain pride in it. He’d worked hard to escape the gutters and the sidewalks. He hadn’t planned on eventually being picked up by Jeff and kept as entertainment, but still. It certainly beat his early years. At least in the beginning, it had.
Jared growled under his breath and they rode in silence for a while, each lost to their own thoughts.
“Secrets,” Jensen announced, breaking it.
“Secrets?” Jared repeated.
“Why I’m so valuable. I’ve been living with Jeff for the past two years, been working for him and others like him for way longer than that. If I talk, be it to the FBI or the competition, he’d be over.” Jensen looked at his hands.
“So why don’t you?”
Yeah, why didn’t he? It was a question Jensen had asked himself countless times. “I’m not stupid. I might take down Jeff, but I’d go down with him. And it wouldn’t be a pretty ending.”
“The FBI could…”
Jensen interrupted him. “You’re the Joker. Jeff’s best blood hound. You tell me how many witnesses you sniffed out. How many you didn’t find.”
Jared clucked his tongue. “Point made. And the competition would off you just the same. Once a rat, always a rat.”
“Yeah.” Jensen stared out the window. If he was lucky, they’d just kill him. But he was still pretty. Valuable. He might just as well end up drugged out of his mind in some backwater whorehouse. He shuddered.
“So why run?” Jared glanced at him. “You must have known he’d send someone.”
Jensen sighed, wrapping his arms around himself. Yeah, he kinda figured. But he still had to try. “You know what I did for him?”
“Aside from the obvious?” Jared asked back, giving him another sideways glance.
Jensen snorted. “Yeah. Aside from that.” It might have been his own fault, really. He should have been content just being the kept boy. But he grew restless and asked Jeff if he could help. Of course Jensen had meant bookkeeping or something along those lines. “He had me break in the new… ‘product’, as he called them. Train them and… stuff.”
Jared didn’t say anything. He was working for Jeff as well. And in an even dirtier position than Jensen had been in.
“Lately, the demand has changed, I guess, or maybe Jeff is just a bastard. But it’s been kids, Jared. Really young. And forcing them, shooting them up with drugs, that’s just… I couldn’t do it anymore.” Jensen passed his hands through his hair.
“How young?” Jared asked, his voice suddenly cold and detached.
“You don’t want to know.” Jensen had tried to ignore it himself, but at a certain point, it just wasn’t possible anymore.
“No, believe me, I do,” Jared insisted. “I need to know, Jensen,” he added, a strange note in his voice.
“Of course nobody told me and the kids had been too afraid to be honest with me, but I’m not stupid, Jared. Some of them can’t have been older than twelve, maybe younger even.” Jensen kicked against the dashboard. Maybe he should have gone to the feds. His own life was worthless anyway. But he could have saved some kids. “Fuck.”
Jared stopped the car at the side of the road. There was nothing but desert for a while now, they must be getting close. He opened the glove compartment and threw a pair of handcuffs at Jensen. “Here, put these on.”
“What? Just because I kicked your…” Jensen protested.
“Don’t fuck with me now, Jensen. Cuff yourself to the window. I’m gonna be right back.” Jared leaned over, opening Jensen’s window a bit. When Jensen still made no move, Jared’s voice darkened further. “Don’t make me hurt you because I swear right now I will.”
Jensen briefly considered his options, but if he hoped to stand any chance in fighting Jared, he would have done it already. With a loud, annoyed sigh, he clicked one cuff around his wrist and started cuffing the other around the window frame, but Jared had already gotten out, grabbed his free arm roughly and forced it through the window, so Jensen ended up effectively cuffed right to the door in such a way that it would be impossible for him to reach anything.
“Do you trust me, Jared?” Jensen sing-songed sarcastically, annoyed at the sudden turn in events. But one real look at Jared and he sobered up quickly. He looked haunted. Dangerous and wild. Like a rabid dog about to bite at any moment. Jensen swallowed and pressed his head against his arms, trying to get as comfortable as possible.
He could hear Jared’s boots scraping up dirt as he first walked fast, then finally ran from the car. Jensen looked up again, hopeful that Jared might just abandon him here. Eventually, somebody else would pass by and free him, right? He looked around for something small and sturdy to use as a key, but no luck.
Then he could hear it. Jared yelling and screaming obscenities, a loud clang followed by six fast shots from the gun. Finally an almost inhuman wail. Then, silence. Jensen wasn’t sure how much time had passed - this old car came without a clock - but eventually, Jared returned. He still looked haunted, but now he almost seemed broken. Small. Before, Jensen wanted to run away. Now he wanted to hug him. And that really pissed him off. He was the one handcuffed to the damn car.
Instead of freeing Jensen or getting back in, Jared laid down on the hood, closing his eyes and bathing in the afternoon glow. Jensen bit his lip. Damn. Why did it have to be the Joker? Couldn’t Jensen get lucky at least once in his life?
“How old were you, when you started?” Jared asked softly without opening his eyes.
“Fourteen. But I knew what I was doing. I knew the options. I chose this,” Jensen reasoned. It beat the alternatives presented to him at that point in his life, anyway.
“You chose it?” Jared asked. “Instead of what? Becoming a doctor?”
“Yep, those were my choices. Doctor, lawyer, hooker. I thought ‘hey, sounds fun and easy.’” Jensen found his own smirk mirrored on Jared’s lips. “Something tells me you know about options as well.”
“Me? Nah. I always wanted to be a killer.” Jared crossed his arms behind his head.
“So, how old were you?” Jensen tried.
“Eleven.” Jared’s eyes were still closed. He licked his lips. “Wasn’t really a choice though. We were staying in a shelter and one night I went to get a glass of water. Big mistake. This guy, creepy Stevie we called him, he had the nightshift. And he… he…” Jared trailed off, one of his hands coming up to cover his face. “Maybe I should have just closed my eyes and gotten it over with. But I couldn’t. I just… I couldn’t.”
He waited a few beats, but there was nothing Jensen could have said to that. It wasn’t like he hadn’t wanted it to stop many times as well. And he’d been three years older and doing it more or less out of his free will.
“He had a knife. But at a certain point, he must have figured he’d broken me already, or maybe he was just too into it to care…” Jared exhaled loudly. “Well, I wasn’t broken. And I couldn’t let it go on. And after I made him stop, I couldn’t.” Now he opened his eyes, looking straight at Jensen. “I just kept going until I couldn’t see anything but red anymore. Who does that, Jensen? What kind of a sick freak am I?”
“You were eleven,” Jensen held his gaze until Jared looked away again, staring straight into the sun.
“So I ran. They say it gets easier, but tell me, Jensen, does it?”
“No. It just stops hurting so much after a while.” Jensen closed his eyes as well, thinking back to his early days. Or his last days with Jeff. Yes, he’d gotten a nice apartment and Jeff was only one client, and predictable, but when it came down to it, it was still the same thing over and over again. His body wasn’t his own. Hadn’t been in ages. “And eventually, you lose count.”
“Isn’t that the worst?” Jared asked, but it wasn’t a question.
They stayed that way for a while, Jensen pressed against the door, Jared stretched out on the hood, neither of them able to talk anymore. Until eventually, Jared was snapped out of it by a buzzing coming from his pants. He got out his cell phone, looked at the display and threw it far out in the desert.
Jared sat up. “Alright, pretty boy. It’s time to get you back where you belong.” He unlocked Jensen’s cuffs and freed him from the window, but instead of taking them off, he cuffed them back together. It wasn’t so bad though. Jensen rested them in his lap.
Jared started the car back up and they drove for about a mile, before Jared prompted, “Tell me what you know.”
“About what?” Jensen frowned.
“Jeff. The organization. Tell me what he’s gonna kill you for,” Jared specified. “All of it.”
Jensen looked at the man sitting next to him. Jared, the scared little boy who killed his first victim in self-defense. The Joker, Jeff’s most ruthless problem solver. If he wanted to know, so be it. So Jensen told him everything, starting from how Jeff was cooking the books to the combination for his safe and the location to where he kept his actual secrets, right down to some personal information regarding Jeff’s family, his habits, his quirks.
When he finished, Jared whistled under his breath. “Does Jess know you know all of this?”
“Probably,” Jensen smirked. “Well, most of it, I guess. He knows I’m not dumb. You can’t play him for a fool. He’s pretty good at reading people.”
“Not as good as we are,” Jared concluded. “Or you could have never escaped and he wouldn’t have needed me to find you.”
“His Joker,” Jensen chuckled. “I always knew there was a reason why I never got to meet you.”
“You wanted to?” Jared smiled. “Most guys would be happy if they never got to see me in their lifetime. In fact, most of them don’t.”
“What? You shoot them in the back?” Somehow Jensen doubted that.
“I draw quick,” Jared replied. He probably tried to make it as painless and clean as possible, Jensen decided. But he’d never admit to that.
“I always hated that you were the one secret Jeff kept from me. His insurance policy. I mean, I get it know,” Jensen sighed.
“I’d have still gotten you if you knew what I looked like,” Jared assured him. “But it wouldn’t have been nearly as pleasant.”
“Pleasant?” Jensen teased. “Couldn’t you at least have tried to fuck me into oblivion? Did it have to be the drugs?”
Jared laughed. “Would you have preferred that?”
Jensen hummed, neither denying nor accepting it. Truth was, he wasn’t sure anymore, now that he knew Jared a little better. They were both products of their environment. Both doing the best with what was handed to them. He couldn’t really blame Jared. Well, okay, he could and he really should, but… whenever Jeff had boasted about his ruthless, infallible Joker, Jensen would have never expected someone like Jared.
“We still could, you know?” Jared suggested.
“Oh yes, please. Put your dick in my hands now, see what happens,” Jensen grinned at him.
“Who says anything about your hands?” Jared grinned right back.
“Mouth then. Fine with me. I’m starving.” Jensen licked his teeth seductively.
Jared’s gaze fell to the handcuffs and he opened his lips for his comeback, but then his voice faltered and he didn’t say anything. They both knew Jared would never rape him. Would never rape anyone. And the time to crack a bad pun about it had long passed.
“You should put me back in the trunk though,” Jensen suggested when he could see the city limits fast approaching.
“Why? Because Jeff told me to?”
“He’s gonna know we talked,” Jensen stated.
“I know,” Jared shrugged.
“He’s gonna kill you, too.” And Jared probably knew that as well. They both knew it the second Jensen started talking.
“He can try.”
“Jared…” Jensen tried.
“What?” Jared snapped. “What is it, Jensen? I’m the guy literally leading you to slaughter right now and you don’t want me to get hurt? What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” Jensen snapped back. Everything. Everything was wrong with him. “You’re committing suicide here. What is wrong with you?”
“Everything,” Jared whispered and Jensen felt a pang in his heart. They made quite a pair. But maybe this was going to be the best for them. End the misery. End the nightmares. No more running away.
“If he has you do it, make it quick.” Jensen leaned back in his seat resigned.
Jared looked at him, his eyes softening. Then his lips twitched. “I’ll be the fastest you ever had, baby.”
Jensen couldn’t help the insane laughter from bubbling up. “Oh hell, I could tell you stories. I don’t think you could break those records.”
“I have a few stories on my own to share.” Jared stared straight ahead.
“Maybe in another lifetime,” Jensen suggested.
“Yeah. I’d like that,” Jared reached over, squeezing his thigh quickly before retracting his hand again. They had almost reached their destination and chose to spend the last few minutes in silence.
**
Once at the penthouse, Jared cuffed Jensen’s hands behind his back, keeping a firm grip on his wrists before leading him inside. The security guys were gaping at them, but neither said a word. They just made way for Jared. How come they all knew him but Jensen hadn’t?
Just before they went inside the penthouse, Jared quietly unlocked Jensen’s cuffs. But he kept his hand on his wrists. Jensen understood.
They found Jeff nervously pacing the hallways. His face brightened when they entered. “Joker! And you brought my pet back to me. I knew you wouldn’t disappoint.”
Jared didn’t say anything, just stayed close to the door, Jensen’s hands still clasped behind Jensen’s back. Jeff frowned because Jensen wasn’t released.
“Did you miss me, baby? Come here,” Jeff crooned. “I was so worried about you. I promise I won’t be mad. I’m just glad you’re safe now, back here, where you belong.”
“Fuck off, Jeff,” Jensen replied.
“Joker?” Jeff questioned, stepping closer. But cautiously, as if he was afraid of Jared. Well, that was interesting.
“Kids, Jeff. How could you? You know what I told you about that, don’t you?” Jared’s voice was icy.
“Well, you know how it goes,” Jeff held up his hands in defense, not even trying to deny it. Jeff wasn’t stupid either. “Supply. Demand. In this economy, we all need to see where we…”
“So here’s the deal,” Jared interrupted him. “You’ll cease immediately. If I find out you didn’t, I’ll come back for you. And I’ll take my time.”
Jeff frowned, but his features smoothed quickly. “Fine. Now hand over the pet and leave us alone.”
“I wasn’t finished yet,” Jared continued in a steely voice. “You will end your little child prostitution ring, Jensen and I walk. You’ll never bother either of us again. But we retain the right to come back and bother you if you don’t behave.”
Now Jeff’s face fell irreversibly. “Who do you think you are, you little shit? Coming in here and making demands like this. You won’t see the sunrise. Either one of you.” He was reaching for the gun in his holster hidden under his jacket, but Jared was quicker. In one fluid movement, he’d let go of Jensen, strode over to Jeff and delivered such a blow to his right arm that Jensen could hear the crack.
“You bastard!” Jeff screamed. “You won’t get away with…”
Jared efficiently cut him off with a blow to the nose. Blood was streaming down Jeff’s face immediately. “I repeat,” Jared offered, voice still calm. “You stop, we walk. Or we’ll find out who’s never going to see the sunrise again.” Jared stabbed an elbow into Jeff’s stomach, making Jeff double over in pain. Jeff looked up, back and forth between them, realization slowly thinking in. That Jensen had talked. That Jensen had told Jared about his ulcer.
Jeff’s eyes flew to his damaged kneecap in horror and sensing his intentions, Jared delivered a swift kick. Once again, Jensen heard the pop as it sprang out. He knew how much that had hurt the last time. He’d been present when it happened.
“We have a deal?” Jared asked.
Jeff spat out some blood, glaring at them and gritting his teeth. He couldn’t hide the pain he was in. “Deal,” he choked out and Jensen knew how much that must have cost him.
Jared smiled. “Remember. I’ll know. And I’ll come back.” He pulled back his fist, making Jeff close his eyes and flinch. No blow followed. Jared had made his point. “Anything in here you wanna take with you, Jensen?” Jared asked, surprising him.
“No,” Jensen was quick to shake his head. There was nothing here he ever wanted to think about again. It was another lifetime ago. He smiled a slow smile and held out his hand for Jared to take. Well, maybe there was one thing he wouldn’t mind keeping.
**
Later, when they were driving out of the city, leaving its blinding lights behind them, Jensen realized they hadn’t stopped at Jared’s place either. If he was even living in Vegas. “Something tells me you lied to me before.”
“Me? Lie?” Jared placed a hand on his heart. “Why, sir. Never.”
Jensen chuckled. “About having too much stuff to live out of motel rooms,” he clarified.
Jared gave him a crooked grin. “I have everything I need right here.”
“Yeah,” Jensen confirmed, reaching out to touch Jared, but pulling his hand away before he could. Just because they left together, didn’t mean they were together now. Just because they left, didn’t mean they were safe. “You think we made a mistake?”
“In leaving?” Jared frowned.
“In leaving him alive.”
Jared paused. “No,” he concluded. “If we’d killed him, some other goon would have just picked up right where he left off. If we leave him afraid, he might stop.”
“Or he won’t. He might send others to kill us.” Jensen pressed his face against the window. Basically, he was back to the beginning.
“He might,” Jared agreed. “But I’ll be ready for them.”
Jensen sighed. Jared was. But he wasn’t. He couldn’t look over his shoulder again twenty-four seven. And he’d have to. The last time he let himself relax a little bit, he ran into Jared.
“Hey.” Jared touched his shoulder. “I can’t force you to stay with me. But maybe for the beginning, it would be best if we stuck together. Watch the other’s back and such.”
Jensen turned into the touch, looking at his travel companion. Jared. The Joker. Jeff’s man for the job. Any job. Reputation preceded him. And then he remembered Jeff’s face. Jeff’s fear. This wasn’t like before, when he’d mindlessly just ran away, not even bothering to hide his steps with the proper care. He didn’t have to be scared of every shadow anymore. The shadows should be afraid of Jared. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Would be best.”
Jared rewarded him with a small, honest smile and Jensen felt a pang again. But it was hope this time. ‘In another lifetime’, he thought. And it was going to start right now, as they were speeding out of the state, leaving behind them a cloud of dust which was slowly obscuring the lights, making them invisible.
**
Six weeks later.
“Jensen, look!” Jared threw something in Jensen’s lap and Jensen looked up from the book he’d been reading. Jared had thrown a carved wooden bulldog at him. Ever since they started their little road trip into the unknown, Jared seemed to be bent on collecting as many knickknacks as possible. ‘For our future place,’ he would say, then stumble and correct with, ‘Mine. My place.’
Apparently having been a nomad all his life had made him starved for the little things. “That’s gonna look great as a mantelpiece,” Jensen replied, humoring him. But if he was honest, he’d like that, too. Their own place somewhere safe. A place he could decorate to his own liking. With things he actually owned.
“Right? My thoughts exactly,” Jared grinned and started the car back up to get them from this gas station to the next. Sometimes they allowed themselves a day of rest, slept in motels, hustled some pool for cash. Other days, they just kept driving, parking in the woods along the way and sleeping outside in their sleeping bags. So far, nobody was coming for them but they still just tried to get as many miles between them and Vegas as possible.
They were strangely comfortable around each other. They were in synch about when to rest and when to keep going, who to hustle and when to walk away, all without having to talk about it. The only thing they didn’t deal with was the sexual tension between them. Sometimes it built up so thickly, Jensen felt like he might suffocate in it. Other times he relished it. It felt good to be wanted by Jared, mostly because Jensen wanted him right back. Despite of their past - or maybe just because of it.
But that seemed to be the problem. They knew too much about the other by now. Somehow, it had felt inappropriate to give in to their primal needs. Which was dumb, because they obviously both wanted it. They kept talking about it, too, but it was always teasingly or masked as sarcasm.
Jensen was just sick of it. “We gonna drive much further today?”
“Depends,” Jared looked up at the sun. “You want to sleep in a real bed tonight? Next halfway decent motel is a few hours away and we won’t reach it before nightfall.”
“Just find a meadow somewhere,” Jensen replied. He liked sleeping outside, on the grass. He could lie awake all night and watch the stars. This was so much better than the dry Vegas nights with all the glitter and the grime and dust. It felt good to be out in the open, with nobody else around but Jared. Jensen could let his guard down. For as long as he could remember, he’d never felt as serene, as free.
“Oh, here! Turn in here!” Jensen suddenly shouted excitedly when he saw the word ‘lake’ scribbled on a faded wooden sign.
They ended up on a narrow, overgrown road and had to park when they couldn’t get any further. Jared looked doubtful, but Jensen was happy. Secluded and deserted, just what he’d hoped for.
“Let’s go for a walk,” he suggested and Jared readily agreed. All the times spend crammed up in the car were not agreeing with him and he seemed to take exercise options wherever he could get them. One day, Jensen had come back to their motel room with coffee and found him doing pull ups while hanging from the doorframe. Shirtless. It had taken all his strength not to tackle him down and throw him on the bed and lick the sweat off of his abs.
It wasn’t long before they found the lake in question and Jensen pulled his shirt over his head while simultaneously kicking off his shoes. “Are you serious?” Jared asked, but he was already taking the gun out from the back of his pants. He never went anywhere without it, literally slept with it under his pillow. Jensen was pretty okay with that, all things considered.
“Don’t tell me you’re not sweaty and disgusting from the drive,” Jensen raised his eyebrow and dropped his pants, leaving his boxer briefs on.
Jared grunted an affirmative and after carefully placing the gun under a rock near the water, dressed down to his underwear as well. They jumped in with loud whoops and proceeded to splash each other with the cold water, progressing to pulling each other under. Soon, their groping turned from playful to heated and Jensen decided enough was enough. He wrapped his arms around Jared’s neck and instead of pulling him under, he pulled him in close and kissed him hungrily.
Judging by Jared’s response, he was starved for it as well, and they shared open-mouthed kisses, hands in the other’s hair, until they’d swallowed enough water in the process that they had to swim back on land.
“Jensen, are you…?” Jared tried using the brief respite for clarification.
“Shush.” Jensen placed a finger on Jared’s lips, silencing him before he pushed him over, following him down to the grass. Rolling around in it, they fought for the top and just couldn’t stop kissing each other. Whenever one of them tried to let go to explore, the other was tugging him right back up.
Their dicks were rubbing against each other through the thin layers of their underwear and Jensen felt like he might explode any second. He reached down to relieve some of the pressure but when his hand brushed Jared’s cock, they both groaned out in pleasure. Just as he was about to sneak his hand inside, Jared brushed it away and made quick work of freeing their erections himself. “Fuck, lemme,” he panted and fisted both of them together in his large hand.
Jensen’s eyes rolled back in his head. “Jared…” This was just too damn sexy. “Your hands.” Jared grinned against his lips and they kept trading sloppy , breathless kisses while Jared quickly stroked them to completion.
Afterwards, Jensen laid down half on top of him, his head on Jared’s chest, basking in the afterglow. “Mmmm,” he sighed, snuggling closer. This. They could have had this weeks ago.
“Gotta get up, get the sleeping bags,” Jared mumbled, tracing patterns on Jensen’s naked back. “Should go back in the water, too.”
“Hrm,” Jensen didn’t agree. They could clean up later. And it was nice and warm right where he was.
Jared kissed the top of his head and let him rest for a bit longer, then he disentangled himself. Jensen frowned, but made no move to get up himself, eyes still closed, he rubbed his chin against the mossy grass, inhaling deep and sighing happily. It just smelled so clean and fresh out here.
With a frustrated huff, Jared left only to return a few minutes later with both of their sleeping bags and a blanket which he threw over Jensen. “Don’t get used to this.”
Jensen turned around and grinned. “Mmm, I could.” He took off his still wet briefs and threw them at Jared, who took it as incentive to jump down and wrestle Jensen for the blanket.
When they eventually settled down, they were both dirty and full of grass. But neither one of them made a move to get cleaned up. Instead they were lying on top of their respective sleeping bags, the blanket wrapped around both of them, looking up at the sky.
“I wish it could always be like this,” Jensen sighed.
“Why not?” Jared asked, leaning over and flicking a clump of grass out of Jensen’s hair. “We could get a cabin in the woods, somewhere far away from civilization.” They both smiled, imagining it. Then Jared’s face fell a little. “I mean, we could both get cabins, maybe not far away from each other. But, uh, not together, of course.”
“Jared?” Jensen asked.
“Yeah?”
“Stop correcting yourself.” Jensen touched his cheek and gave him a soft kiss before closing his eyes and snuggling closer. Discussion closed.
That night, he fell asleep dreaming of their cabin, with the bulldog resting atop their fireplace. It was the first night since they left Vegas that neither of them woke up with nightmares. It wouldn’t always stay like this, they both knew it, and eventually they had to deal with some demons, but for right now, they were happy.
They were free.
****
Art Masterpost by apieceofcake. Go leave her some feedback as well!