A Fortunate Fall (10/18)
banner made by toodelicious Title: A Fortunate Fall
Fandom: Merlin (c) BBC
Genres: AU, Romance/Drama
Rating: PG-13/R
Words: 6040
Progress: 10/18
Summary: Single father Arthur Pendragon, at the end of his rope, finds a miracle in the form of a young cashier boy at the local convenience store. As for Merlin, he's not quite sure about what to make of his new job as an au pair for the wealthiest man in town; but he does know that his employer has more than a few skeletons in his closet.
Notes: Wow...100 comments on 9/18 @_@, I'm really scared now. >.> but THANKS and HUGS to all <333
1/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/871.html#cutid1
2/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/1393.html
3/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/1632.html#cutid1
4/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/2056.html
5/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/2638.html#cutid1
6:18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/3158.html
7/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/3410.html#cutid1
8/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/3649.html
9/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/3904.html
--
Merlin was not expecting Arthur to adjust well to this new step in their relationship at all. And admittedly, Arthur did not. In fact, after that night, where Arthur had kissed him for a full half second, Arthur hadn't kissed him again. That was fine, he supposed, Merlin understood Arthur and his hesitation when it came to kissing another guy. He kept reminding himself to tread carefully. He would not force Arthur to do anything he was not ready for. He would wait.
It seemed that very little had changed. It was three days later, and Arthur was rather brash again. Perhaps he was so ashamed of his own vulnerability that he didn't mention it again. Something tight and unrelenting clenched at Merlin's heart...because he didn't know what Arthur was trying to prove. That he wasn't weak. That he was much too proud and strong to admit to needing another person for his existence. He threw himself into his work (mumbling something about a deadline again for a new software) and he never got home earlier than ten. (He almost wondered how Gwen got along with such an workaholic husband.)
Merlin was pretty sure he'd never pitied Arthur Pendragon for trying so hard to fall, but now, seeing Arthur sink onto the couch, white-faced and sallow, he realized it was hard. He loathed to pour Arthur liquor, but he had a feeling that his employer needed it, especially today. And besides, Merlin was here to keep an eye on him so it wasn't anything was going to happen.
"Arthur."
"Alex's in bed?" Arthur looked at him.
"...Yeah. Has been since nine-thirty. He's asleep." Merlin assured him. "I checked on him just now." He set the glass down, "You look like you need this."
Arthur stared blearily at the glass before picking it up, "..Do you trust me with it?"
"What kind of question is that?" Merlin sank down next to him on the couch, "It's not like you're driving me home." Actually, Arthur hadn't driven him home since the day they'd kissed. Not that Merlin minded...Arthur needed his space. "And it's not like you'll do anything too crazy like jump out a window while I'm here."
"You're staying then?"
"Just until you actually get to bed." Merlin shrugged.
"Merlin Emrys, you're worse than my mother." Arthur gave him a baleful look. "I can take care of myself perfectly fine, and you're not allowed to lecture me about having a breakdown again."
"Your mother probably doesn't serve you liquor." Merlin pointed out.
Arthur made a little noise in his throat. "True. I didn't mean that."
Merlin's ears warmed, and he dared to let a hand drop on Arthur's shoulder. As expected, Arthur flinched, but didn't tell him to move or anything. "Besides." Merlin mustered a faint smile, "I only have time for so many children, Mordred and Matthew keep me plenty busy, now that Will's moving in with Stephanie. That reminds me, I need next Wednesday off to help him move, may I?"
"Most likely yes, but you shouldn't tell me this after you've poured me a drink." Arthur said, "Remind me Monday so I can make some calls."
"Okay." After thinking about it a little, Merlin was not going to question Arthur's good judgment. They sat there in companionable silence, and Merlin wondered. He wondered about Gwen. If she'd ever poured her husband liquor after a long day from work, and then he wondered if it was a mistake. If Arthur Pendragon was a mistake like all the others.
"Did you...ever have boyfriends? Before you liked me?"
Merlin was resting his head at a very strange angle on a nearby cushion. It would have been much more comfortable, for his head to be resting on Arthur's shoulder, but Merlin really didn't want to try his luck. Yes, Arthur had kissed him; yes, Arthur was sitting close to him now. But if Merlin had learned anything from his life, it was that good things never lasted. And then he wondered if Arthur had learned the same.
"Yeah. I did."
"Tell me about them." Arthur said. "How many?"
Merlin found his head on Arthur's shoulder. "...Two." Isaac Ringer did not count. He felt obligated to add, "The cushion was comfortable."
"Yeah, but the crick in your neck tomorrow won't be." Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Are you complaining?"
"No." Merlin shook his head, though he tried to move as little as possible. "It's just..."
"Your boyfriends, Merlin." Arthur reminded him, "If I wasn't fine with it, I wouldn't have. I thought you knew me better."
Merlin thought of Sophia. Honestly, he didn't know Arthur at all. "My first boyfriend refused to come out of the closet." He shook his head, "Looking back on it, it was stupid to begin with. He was very religious, wanted to be a pastor. He was very sweet...but we couldn't have." it felt odd talking about this, Merlin never talked about stuff like this...but perhaps that was what Arthur wanted. He wanted Merlin weak and vulnerable, uncertain. "We still talk sometimes. Sometimes, Sean tries to save my soul."
Arthur said nothing. It took Merlin another moment to realize that Arthur's arm had curled around him. He supposed that was an indication to keep talking, so he did. "...My second boyfriend I met in my senior year in high school. Langston was class Valedictorian. I really liked him." Because Langston was a balance, he had fun, and he studied, and most of all, he had a car that he and Merlin made out in all the time. "...He left me."
"For a woman?" Arthur asked.
Merlin looked up at him, his lips were temptingly close to Arthur's jaw, but he resisted the urge. "I've never been left for a woman." Although Arthur might change that. Merlin found that quite hilarious, actually, he laughed. "...He left me for Duke. The school. He had a full ride there."
There was more silence. When Merlin looked at Arthur again, his employer's eyes were heavily lidded, on the verge of sleep.
"Arthur?"
"I'm awake." Arthur said, opening one eye.
"Were you even listening to me?" Merlin asked.
"I was." Arthur shifted slightly. "Doesn't it bother you at all?"
"Does what bother me?" If it was just a general question, then, sure, a lot of things about Arthur bugged the hell out of Merlin. But now he was warm, and couldn't think of a single reason why Arthur would asked the question.
"Gwen."
Merlin was still for a long time. Arthur was still very much Gwen's, that much he knew. She lived in Arthur's wedding ring, in a polished frame on Arthur's desk. In his secrets. It was a world that never did belong to Merlin at all. But Arthur was also his...he was the one with Arthur now, petting him when he was tired from work. This part of Arthur did not belong to Gwen. Merlin's mouth was suddenly dry.
"Why're you asking me something like that?"
"Because you need to know what you're getting into. With me." Arthur told him, sounding surprisingly clear headed and looking incredibly solemn.
"I bet you never gave Sophia this pep-talk."
"It would have gone over her head, anyway." Arthur shrugged. "I would have been wasting my breath." He took a deep breath and tilted his head, "...You're different."
"That's your answer, then." Merlin forced himself to smile. it probably looked pained, but that was why the living room was dark. "She's very much who you are. She's Alex's mother. She's your wife and you loved her. I can't compete with that, and I won't." Merlin's mouth almost stumbled around such noble words. "Whenever you feel like up to telling me. I'm not going to make you tell me." And damn. His eyes were welling up again. Maybe twenty-something boys did go through their menstrual cycles every so often.
"...Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home? I'm not that drunk." Thank you, in Arthur-speak. Merlin was getting to be very good at translating.
"Are you sure you can make it up the stairs by yourself?" He returned mildly.
"Merlin--"
Before Arthur could finish, Merlin mustered his courage and put his lips to Arthur's jaw...kept it there for three seconds. Pulled back. Arthur just blinked blearily at him.
"Good night." Merlin said, "I"ll see you tomorrow."
--
"...What the hell is this?"
It was getting to be midnight, and all Merlin wanted to do was go to bed. Apparently, his house mates had other plans. Matthew held up a sloshing beer can. "We're having a party!" He announced, after taking a sloppy gulp, "It's the long overdue, 'Holy Fuck, Merlin's Finally Going to Marry Arthur' party...so I guess it's like your wedding shower."
"First of all, I don't have to be the girl in the relationship and that's now how this works." If this was Matthew and Mordred's idea of a bad joke, he was quite sure he'd end up killing both of them. And he even spotted a stack of suspicious looking DVDs lying around. Porn, probably. "Second, Arthur and I are not getting married. Third. If you say another word regarding Arthur, I'm going to hit you, and it's going to hurt."
He went to his room, and threw himself on the bed.
Matthew belched loudly (Merlin could hear him from the kitchen) and said something like, "...Way to ruin the mood!"
To which Merlin yelled back, "Shut the fuck up!" But the smile refused to leave his face, even as he slept.
--
Arthur Pendragon, for the thirty and some months he'd been alive, had never thought about being sexually involved--even remotely romantically involved about another person of the same gender. He guessed it was because of the way he grew up. Such travesty wouldn't have ever been allowed under his father's roof. Arthur discovered early on that he had a way with girls, that a charismatic grin and a kiss on the cheek got him everywhere.
But Merlin.
Arthur's mind drew an immediate blank. Merlin Emrys was unlike any person he'd ever met. Even if Merlin didn't realize it, Arthur thought his au pair had the patience of a thousand saints. That had been the first time they'd touched in three days, and probably Merlin, with two boyfriends behind him, expected more.
Sophia never pressed him about Gwen. Possibly because she had other things to care about, like clothes, and how exactly to ensnare Arthur into having sex with her. Whereas Merlin never pressed him about any of that; not because he didn't want to know, but because he didn't want Arthur to be roped into anything he didn't feel comfortable with.
And honestly, Arthur didn't know how he felt about that. It was like all that he was, rested on the palm of Merlin's hand, and yet still; Merlin was willing to wait for him. Merlin accepted Arthur's feelings for Gwen, and allowed Arthur to be his own self. He didn't ask for anything but that.
Gwen too, hadn't expected anything less or more of Arthur, other than just Arthur. They saw his vulnerabilities, and didn't question them.
"Arthur." A hand rapped impatiently on his door, "Mr. Pendragon."
Arthur snapped to, "Yes?"
Margaret stood there, looking less than amused, "Sophia's on line one, she says you're not answering your cell and supposedly she's dying from the flu. After you're done with that, you need to be over at the downstairs conference room. 21st Century Tech is here to interview you in...approximately twenty minutes. So please, a little more attentiveness would be very appreciated on all counts. You haven't been yourself lately."
Arthur groaned, "How come no one tells me these things?" Of course he hadn't been himself lately, he didn't even know what he was at this point.
"Because you have Sophia Tirmore as your secretary." Margaret clicked her tongue disapprovingly, "You look like you're in need of freshening up, give me a ring when you're done talking to her, and I'll send people up."
"...What people?"
"People that will do your makeup so you don't look absolutely hideous on the magazine cover."
"They're putting me on the cover?"
Margaret was gone. Arthur chewed his bottom lip raw and then reached for the phone. He pressed line one. "...Sophia?"
"Arthur." There was heavy sniffling on the other end, "I'm sick."
"...I can see that." Arthur said.
"I'm not coming to work today." She said, "...Would you please come by and see me later, please?"
Arthur suddenly despised her. "No."
"What?"
"I have work to do." Arthur said, "And it's nothing personal, Sophia, but I'd rather you not come to work anymore." Before she had a chance to say anything, he hung up. Then Arthur stood up, and stuck his head out of his office; Margaret was there sorting out paperwork on her desk. "Margaret."
She looked at him.
"When you have the time, clean out Sophia's desk. Bag everything, and bring it to my office, but take your time, I'm not in any hurry." He said, "I want the publicist to know I'm in the new market for a new personal secretary. Perhaps a more responsible one this time."
Margaret gave him a long stare, and then nodded, "Let me make some calls, and I'll get started."
--
It had been a long time since Arthur sat through an interview. In fact, he rather hated them, and watching the small crew fritter around in his crowded conference room. He could have sworn he heard one of the cameramen complain about the lack of size, but Arthur really didn't inspire to much. The person that ended up interviewing him was a nice elderly man named Richard.
Richard didn't seem to understand any of the computer jargon that Arthur threw his way, but he supposed many people didn't. They discussed investors, and KnightSpeed, his new database software, which "Yes, I plan to present it at the Iconia Convention next month. So I don't want to give too much away."
"I see, I see." Richard rubbed the tip of his nose. "You never give too much away, do you, Mr. Pendragon? For all we know, you could easily be the next Bill Gates in business software...and your father--"
"My father and I are estranged." Arthur said stiffly, cutting him off. "Off the record, of course."
"Of course." Richard nodded quickly. "Well, then, can we go on the record again and talk about your son, Alex? Is he aspiring to be a computer whiz like his father?"
"Alexander is five. Six soon." Arthur shrugged, "I sincerely hope not. This is a very competitive field." He stood abruptly and held out his hand, "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have appointments to meet with clients for lunch. If you'll excuse me."
"Of course, of course. We'll give you a call when the issue is published and make sure you get complementary copies."
--
"Shouldn't you be at work?" Morgana quirked her eyebrows at him.
"It's lunch break."
"Shouldn't you be with your little girlfriend then?"
"Morgana..."
Something in Arthur's voice must have tipped her off, because Morgana opened her door wider, "...I haven't eaten." She said quietly, "Might as well join me."
Arthur really didn't like his sister--that much. But he knew that Morgana was always open to him, had he ever thought to ask. He followed her into the kitchen, and watched her rummage through her fridge. "If you don't feel like up to cooking, I'll go grab something at the deli."
"Just because Merlin does all your cooking now doesn't mean I can't cook." Morgana shot back deftly as she straightened with a small container, "...Would you mind hot dogs?"
Arthur shrugged.
Morgana took that a yes. She took a seat across from her brother and peered at him. "I know, you know."
"Course you do." Arthur looked at her, somewhat exasperated, "...I suppose you're going lecture me about it, then?"
"No. I doubt you'd come over here if you thought I was." Morgana shook her head mildly. "Just..." She looked down. "He would. Merlin will love you for being Arthur if you'd let him."
"Will he love me more than I love Guinevere?" Arthur bit out the question.
Morgana looked at him, eyes pained. His sister usually had answers for everything; answers that Arthur never did like much, but now she just shook her head again. "Arthur, I hate it when you do that to me. Don't ask me questions I don't have answers for."
Arthur just stared down at the table. "Morgana...I fired Sophia."
She went out of her way to go around to table and settle a hand on top of his head. It was a gesture that would have normally annoyed him to death and she hadn't done it in years. But now, it proved to be oddly comforting.
She said, "Good for you." And managed not to sound sarcastic at all.
He let out a long sigh, "...Can I have some coffee?"
--
"Merlin."
They were in Alex's room, with the boy sprawled out on his bed and Merlin similarly sprawled out on the carpet. "Yeah?"
"You okay?"
Merlin raised himself up on one elbow, "I feel fine." He said, "Why?"
The boy's face scrunched up, "...Is Dad okay, then?"
Alexander Pendragon had been thoroughly spoiled by his parents' gene pool. Sometimes, Merlin wished he weren't quite so intuitive. Rubbing his temples, he sat up. Arthur was due back from work any minute, and Merlin guessed it was good as any favor if he set Alex straight. Although he wondered vaguely, how he was supposed to do that, when he was no less confused. "...Alex. Arthur and I, we're still trying to figure things out, okay?" He reached out a hand and smoothed tangled curls away from Alex's forehead. The boy looked like he was in need of a haircut, and Merlin reminded himself to bring that up with Arthur later.
Alex just blinked at him, "Is it working?"
Merlin shrugged.
"You don't know?" Alex crawled over to the edge of the bed, and peered up at him again, "How do you not know? That doesn't make any sense?"
It didn't. Merlin was perfectly inclined to agree. He just shrugged again. "Alex, adults don't make sense most times. You'll get it when you get older."
"If grownups don't make sense, why do I want to grow up?"
Merlin opened his mouth, and then closed it again. How was he supposed to answer a question like that? "Alex." He tried a different tactic. "You're too smart for me. Maybe you're already grownup?"
"Do you think I'm already grown up?" Alex looked almost offended.
"Maybe." Merlin scooped him up, "I hear Arthur downstairs, come on."
--
Arthur was slipping off his shoes when he heard steps. He looked up, and saw Merlin and Alex, with Alex's head nestled in the crook of Merlin's neck. "Is he sleeping?"
"I think he's just tired." Merlin smiled faintly, "Alex. Say something."
"Hi, Dad...I'm tired."
Arthur watched as Merlin patted his son some more. "I bet he's been on your nerves all day." He commented, just to see if that would get a reaction.
It did. Alex snapped his head up, "What's that supposed to mean?" He pouted.
Merlin quickly consoled him, "Arthur's kidding." and let him down. Alex crossed his arms, He barely came up to Arthur's waist and still tried to look imposing.
"Are you really?"
Arthur settled a hand on Alex's head, "Yes, really."
Merlin said, "I think he needs a haircut."
At this, Arthur looked down at Alex again, "...Yeah, I don't remember the last time I took him."
"You didn't. Aunt Morgana did." Alex reminded him loudly.
Arthur picked him up. Alex smelled like the school playground. "Would you mind taking him tomorrow? I'll get you the address."
Merlin smiled, "Not at all."
The smile made Arthur's chest feel warm. "Stay for dinner?"
"Do you mean cook dinner?" Merlin translated for him. "Sure, I don't see why not."
--
Merlin ended up making pizza again, and while it baked in the oven, all three of them went to the living room to play cards. There had been a small debate whether or not it was healthy to teach Alex water poker at such an early age (Arthur thought it'd teach his son not to gamble, while Merlin thought exactly the opposite) and in the end, they settled on 'Old Maid' instead.
"I fired Sophia." Arthur remarked idly as he plucked a card from Alex's hand, "Margaret's supposed to be looking for another secretary for me starting tomorrow, hopefully, I'll have someone new by the end of the week."
Merlin paused. He was acutely aware of how Arthur's ankle was knocking against his. "Oh." He laid out a pair of sixes. "...You'll be conducting interviews, then?"
"I"ll be busy, Margaret will be taking care of most of that." Arthur told him.
"So does that mean Sophia's not your girlfriend anymore?" Alex asked, he sounded so hopeful.
Merlin thought Arthur winced. "Not yet."
"Why not?" Alex's face scrunched up.
"Because we haven't talked about that yet." Arthur sighed, rubbing his temples with his other hand, "The stuff from her desk is still in my car, and I'll tell her when I go to drop it off." He looked to Merlin, "All right?"
Arthur was promising him something, but what Merlin couldn't tell. A chance? "So you sent her home?"
"She came down with the flu. Apparently."
"...Apparently?" Merlin looked to him.
"College girls ditch a lot of school, don't they?" Arthur said humorlessly, "I hear the timer going off."
--
Arthur never cared much for pizza, but he had to give Merlin credit for his pizza, it was delicious. But he didn't say so until Alex was tucked into bed and he'd beckoned to Merlin to join him out on his balcony. He didn't ask for permission to light a cigarette, but Arthur thought the permission was just as valid when Merlin didn't ask him to put it out.
It was a clear warm night. Almost perfect. Merlin leaned on the balcony railing with his elbows. Neither of them spoke for several minutes after that.
"Hey, Arthur."
"What?"
"Why did you...start smoking?"
"A lot of reasons." Arthur answered after a belated beat, "Work was stressful." Yes, that was just one reason, but-- "I fought with my father a lot."
"I see." Merlin stepped over to him, "Is it better now?"
"I guess." Arthur shrugged, "We're estranged." And how stupid that was, to say it for the world to know. "I haven't spoke to him for three years. I've never been inclined to start, either."
Merlin held him loosely, it was warm, and after a moment, Arthur forced himself to relax, although he couldn't quite bring himself to return the favor. "My father left my mom when Mordred was three. I was nine."
Arthur decided he liked the sound of Merlin's voice, the way that it was so close. "Did he? I'm sorry." He said. Arthur had done this only once, but he realized that Merlin was taller than him by enough so if he dropped his head slightly, it'd rest on Merlin's shoulder. "He didn't...do anything?"
"Dad wasn't like that." Merlin shook his head, "From what I remember, he was really kind to us all...he was a dreamer, and I guess his dreams took him somewhere else without us. I don't hate him." One of his hands came up to stroke Arthur's hair, it was soothing after a while.
"How do you do that?"
Merlin pulled back and looked at him, "Do what?" He blinked.
Perhaps Merlin thought nothing of it, but Arthur had to wonder how he bounced back for all of life's disappointments. He just made it look so easy, so simple.
"Be so damn happy all the time."
"It's just my nature, Mom always says I was wired that way." Merlin grinned at him as he stepped back. Arthur had no idea how, but Merlin must have sensed he was getting a little edgy. "Besides, I don't think you'd like me half as much if I was depressed and unhappy. I'm going to go home." He turned towards the door. "It was fun."
Arthur caught his wrist. "Wait."
Merlin stopped. "Yeah?"
"I..." Arthur sucked in a deep breath, "Gwen...studied art in college like my mother. She liked to take photos."
Merlin's eyes were clouded, but his lips still wore a deceptively bright smile, "Bye, Arthur."
--
"Oi," A hand shook him roughly, "Wake up! Damn it, Merlin."
Merlin groaned and curled himself tighter within the thin blankets, "What the hell, let me sleep..." It was Sunday, he didn't have to work, and Matthew had convinced him to drink, so his head hurt. "What the fuck do you want? You're old enough to make yourself breakfast." He forced his eyes open to stare at Mordred. "It's barely nine."
"Yeah, but Arthur Pendragon's in our living room." Mordred said.
"...What? You're joking." Merlin shot upright, "Arthur?"
"Yep, the one and only." Mordred grinned, "C'mon, hurry up...unless you want to go out in only your boxers for shock value."
Merlin rubbed sleep out of his eyes and blinked. "I'm going to get dressed. Who let Arthur in?"
"Matthew did...but he was sort of on his way to work, he didn't really say anything." Mordred shrugged, "I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you. Actually, I'm about to leave too."
Merlin reached for a wayward pair of jeans, "And where are you going?" Mordred didn't work on Sundays.
"I promised Celia I'd go over and help her with...stuff."
"...Stuff." Merlin echoed, "What kind of stuff?"
"Just...stuff." Mordred shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another, "Her mother's going to be there, you know. So good stuff."
"Right." Merlin sighed. "Call if you need anything." Like condoms, he told himself privately, or directions to the nearest abortion clinic, or the nearest location of a fresh pair of balls, in case Mordred lost them for whatever reason. "And don't stay out too late."
"Yes, ma'am." Mordred saluted him, and then left the room. Merlin was much too tired to reach for the nearest pillow. He was about to curl up on his bed and go back to sleep when he realized that Arthur Pendragon was still very much present in his living room. Grabbing the nearest (semi-clean) t-shirt that he could find, he threw it over his head and went to the living room.
Arthur was not in a suit. He was wearing jeans and a button-down so he looked somewhat casual. He still looked very out of place in Merlin's living room, though. "Morning. Mordred left just now. I was just telling him that he really didn't have to wake you. I would have waited, you know."
"I um. Morning." Merlin returned sheepishly, "...What's this all about?" He took a moment to note that Arthur was alone, without Alex. "Where's Alex?"
"He slept over at a friend's house. Usually I don't let him, but Gary is moving to Paris tomorrow." Arthur gave him a careful once-over, I just thought...that it would be okay for once."
"Alex can take care of himself for one day." Merlin's hand reached out for Arthur, feeling the fingers stiffen, and then against his better judgment, he dropped it. "Right, do you want breakfast? I'll fix something?"
"...I've already eaten. It's already nine."
"Oh." And here, Merlin was forced to acknowledge their differences; for him, it would always be 'just barely nine" and for Arthur, it was "already nine". Gwen probably liked waking up early. Else Arthur Pendragon probably wouldn't stand for it, either. And for some reason, that made Merlin feel decidedly awful. Part of him wanted ask why Arthur was even here.
Arthur's fingers slipped through his, hesitant, "I wouldn't be be averse to brunch though. You look like a stick."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Merlin demanded.
Arthur merely grinned at him, "It means yes, I'd love breakfast."
It took Merlin a couple of minutes to muster a smile back, giving Arthur's hand a squeeze. Arthur's grin was positively blinding when he put his mind to it. "Okay, I'll go find my shoes."
--
Arthur chose a small diner in the downtown district, and it was almost empty. The girl that owned it was one of Gwen's best friends, Rosanne. She'd loved Gwen too, almost as much as he had. But she didn't mention any of that when she grabbed menus and showed them to a table. She only asked him if work was going well, and if he wanted what he usually ordered. Arthur said yes to both of those questions and Rosanne smiled at him.
Merlin looked at him, eyes still blinking sleepily across the table.
"What time did you get to bed last night?"
Merlin shrugged, "two-ish, maybe three. I'm not sure. Mordred's fault."
"Right."
"It was."
Arthur shrugged. It wasn't like he really cared, Merlin was as much of an adult as he was. Rosanne arrived with the coffee, and she said to Merlin, "Sorry, I left your coffee black because I didn't know how you liked it. I'll go fix it now if you'd like."
"Er, Thanks. I like a little bit of half and half with my coffee. That's all." Merlin said.
Rosanne picked up the cup, "Sure. I'll be right back with it." She glanced between the two of them, "Luck you, you must have caught Arthur on a very good day."
Merlin usually laughed at things like this, Arthur thought, but he remained perfectly sober this time.
"Merlin?"
"I feel really weird." Merlin spoke only after a belated pause, running a hand through his own hair. "I don't know any of those people. Gaspard, that girl, or people you work with. I don't know anything at all. I don't belong here."
Merlin really didn't. Arthur had thought about this before. He'd thought about it so much that his head hurt and he had to go hunt for aspirin. Besides being the wrong gender (which really wasn't that much of an issue in Arthur's head at the given moment) Merlin was also from a different world, he'd grew up on a farm, on his own, while Arthur never really managed to escape, although the bane of his existence currently resided on another continent...he still didn't feel safe.
They probably had very little in common too. But Arthur cleared his throat and took a sip of coffee. "Don't say that."
Merlin laughed, "...Is it just me, or are you being extremely kind this morning? Are you on your Sunday behavior? That's what Mom used to tell me and Mordred, but we weren't very religious to begin with. We only went Christmas and Easter."
"That's usually when I take Alex." Arthur said.
The food came. Arthur thought that Merlin's expression as the platter of butter-laden pancakes and syrup sprinkled waffles was almost comical. He dove into his food with the enthusiasm of a hyena that hadn't eaten for days (although Merlin was probably more elegant.) As long as Arthur fed him, he guessed Merlin belonged.
"God, I eat like a pig." Merlin stared down at the half empty plate a couple minutes later.
"To me, you eat like a normal person." Arthur remarked mildly as he nursed his coffee.
"Shut up." Merlin said.
"I'm serious. I don't think you eat enough."
"Now you sound like my mother." Merlin sounded very miffed as he reached for another waffle.
--
Merlin felt like a giddy girl--it wasn't a pleasant feelings when he usually settled down to think about it, but now he didn't exactly care. They'd came back home to Merlin's apartment and Arthur hadn't shown any signs of wanting to leave. He supposed that was a good thing. They sat on the couch, the television was on, mostly only for noise.
They'd started out not touching, but somehow, Arthur's head ended up on his lap. Merlin ran his fingers through Arthur's hair. "Hey."
"What?"
"This..." Merlin faltered momentarily, after all, he'd always been told not to get his hopes up too much. "Kind of feels like a date."
"What do you mean, kind of?" Arthur looked up at him.
"I mean...I don't know. It just does, but usually on dates, people kiss and stuff." Merlin had to wonder if he was going a tad far for that one, Arthur hadn't quite made it past flinching from a kiss on the cheek.
"Being subtle is not your strong point, is it, Merlin?" Arthur bit his lip, "It's been a while since I went on a date. But we can try kissing if you want."
"You don't have to sound like such a martyr about it."
Arthur said nothing, but he didn't get up from Merlin's lap either. After a while, he said, "I'm sorry. But I can't...not yet."
"I'll wait."
"For how long?"
"As long as you need." Maybe he'd go crazy just waiting. Patience was not one of Merlin's strong suits either, but when Arthur nuzzled the nape of his neck and whispered something that sounded like 'thank you' (but he couldn't exactly be sure, with Arthur, he could never be a hundred percent sure about any of those things.) Merlin almost thought that he could wait forever.