A Fortunate Fall (9/18)
banner made by toodelicious Title: A Fortunate Fall
Fandom: Merlin (c) BBC
Genres: AU, Romance/Drama
Rating: PG-13/R
Words: 5644
Progress: 9/18
Summary: Single father Arthur Pendragon, at the end of his rope, finds a miracle in the form of a young cashier boy at the local convenience store. As for Merlin, he's not quite sure about what to make of his new job as an au pair for the wealthiest man in town; but he does know that his employer has more than a few skeletons in his closet.
1/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/871.html#cutid1
2/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/1393.html
3/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/1632.html#cutid1
4/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/2056.html
5/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/2638.html#cutid1
6:18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/3158.html
7/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/3410.html#cutid1
8/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/3649.html
"So. I guess I'll have to take back what I said about you being a prude." Mordred walked in with a some sort of hot drink and sat on Arthur's guest bed. "Did you seriously get him off in the ten minutes I was gone? I'm proud of you."
Merlin, groggy from the fever and sleep, burrowed deeper into the sheets and groaned. "Go away."
"Oh, I will, after you drink this. I found it in Arthur's cabinet...you probably bought it for him, huh?" Mordred thrust the cup unceremoniously at him. Merlin recognized the smell, it was the lemon ginger tea that his mother had always made for him when he was ill. Now that Merlin really thought about it, why was it in Arthur's cabinet? Unless he had bought it without knowing...as if it was natural.
He took the mug, "...I don't remember if I bought it for him."
"Sure you didn't, you liar."
The tea was hot and his tongue felt numb. "...Arthur went to work?"
"Well, yeah. Were you expecting him to go somewhere else?"
Merlin shook his head, "No. God, I...why'd I do it?"
"Do what?" Mordred sighed, "...You know, you were sick and all that this morning, delirious. Whatever you did wasn't your fault. So you wrecked him, so what? It's not like--"
"Mordred. Fuck." The obscenity left his lips somewhat strangled. "You don't get it--and I didn't wreck Arthur." Merlin rubbed at his temple, balancing the cup precariously on his lap. "He's going to fire me."
"You've at least said that about fifty times and he hasn't yet." Mordred looked over at him, "And then the next thing you're going to say is that this--"
"Is different." Merlin finished dully, "It is."
"He already knows you like guys, and he didn't fire you for that." Mordred pointed out, "Give Arthur some credit. Maybe he does like you."
"Arthur can't like me." Merlin mumbled against the rim of the cup, "That's not how this works. Yes, Arthur knows, but I'm sure he sure as hell didn't expect me to just...kiss him like that."
Mordred made a sound that seemed like a cross between a resigned sigh and a disbelieving snort. "Sometimes, I have a hard time believing that we're related, Merlin. Do you not want Arthur to like you? For all I know, you're lovesick."
Merlin said nothing. At last, he laughed, but it was dry humorless laugh. "Maybe I got the short end of the stick. You get all the girls, and I get the rest of the guys left over." At the moment, it certainly seemed true. Merlin's past flings were a sorry bunch: Isaac Ringer--who just wanted someone to experiment with, decided he didn't like the results that the experiments yielded, and then left; Merlin didn't like him much anyway. Sean Craig...who just sort of happened, but then vehemently refused to come out of the closet. And then Langston Troy, who decided that he wanted to pursue a genuine future instead of just fucking around with Merlin.
And now...Arthur Pendragon, an emotional train wreck. Who was almost untouchable.
"Ngh." Merlin sank back down on the pillows, "Can you please just go away now? I don't want to talk."
His phone chirped cheerily at him. Merlin fished it out, winced at the number and tossed it to Mordred. "You get it, it's Arthur."
"O..kay then." Mordred flipped the phone open, "Hey, Arthur, it's Mordred." A beat, "...Merlin's resting. I think he's getting better, should I wake him?" Mordred walked carefully measured steps to the doorway and back again, "So...I don't have to? Yeah, okay. Take Alex to get some ice cream. I'll be sure to tell him, and okay. Bye."
The phone landed with a dull thump on the mattress.
"What'd he say?"
"Your boyfriend said he'd be picking up his son from school early, and there's no need for you to move a muscle. He says that you're not allowed in the kitchen, and that I should fix you a sandwich for lunch."
"Arthur is not my boyfriend." Merlin felt the urge to clarify. "Did he actually say all that?"
"I paraphrased, but yes, pretty much." Mordred shrugged, "So as the power that be commands, I shall go make you a sandwich. Turkey, lettuce, no mayo?"
Merlin threw a wayward pillow towards the general direction of Mordred's head. His aim was off by a few inches.
--
"Mr. Pendragon." The receptionist at Gedref Academy was a neat brunette with a businesslike voice. Arthur supposed that a high class institution like this, she was almost required to know every parent's name. But he was also positive that being one of the wealthiest donors of the school even before Alex entered the first grade had something to do with that too, "How may I help you?"
"I'm here to pick up my son. He has an appointment."
It was barely twelve, but Arthur was suddenly malfunctioning at the office. Perhaps it was what Merlin put him through this morning, but he'd given up on coding after his set of equations had come out faulty. He kept thinking that someone was going to comment on his unkempt appearance (he had changed his tie, but hadn't the time to put on a new shirt, so he had to compromise for that mistake by keeping his suit jacket on all day.
He'd sent Sophia downstairs to sort out a useless pile of paperwork, but that didn't help things. Arthur was still twitchy, and his lip still stung, even though he had tried his best to hide the bruise that Merlin had left there.
After he'd given up on coding, Arthur had called for a cup of coffee, which some assistant brought to him. Arthur did not care for idle chatter with a guy that might as well be a kid who didn't know shit about what he was trying to say.
It occured to him that he needed a drink. But for some reason, he ended up here, in Gedref Academy instead. What Alex was going to do for his nerves though, he hadn't the slightest idea.
"I'll bring Alex right away." She said, "Please, have a seat, make yourself comfortable."
"...Dad." After a moment, Alex appeared in khakis and a gray t-shirt, "What are you doing here?"
"You have an appointment, and we have to leave right now or else we'll be late for it." Arthur got quickly to his feet and scribbled Alex's name on the sign out sheet. "Come on?"
"I have an appointment?"
Arthur gave his son a long look, "Yes, you do. I just forgot to tell you. We'll go get ice cream afterwords."
--
"Dad, you lied." Alex looked at him accusingly for a moment. "I don't have an appointment. I'm not sick you know. You only go to the doctor when you're sick. I'm not sick." The boy folded his arms, "What'd you do?"
"What do you mean what did I do?" Arthur looked at him through the rearview mirror.
"You look like you came from Aunt Morgana's house."
"...Alexander." Arthur rubbed his temples, "I was not at Morgana's house." And the fact that his son thought he was, was altogether bothersome. But he didn't have a good answer; this was one of the times where he sorely wished that he had agreed with Guinivere and raised him like a regular five-year-old and not like...this. "I was at work all day."
So perhaps he had no one else but himself to blame.
"But you look like that." Alex insisted.
"That bad?"
"Yup."
Arthur pulled out of the school parking lot and maneuvered the car onto the street. There were not that many cars on the road on a Wednesday afternoon, but he kept well under speed limit. When he had called, Merlin hadn't answer. Mordred had. Arthur was both disappointed and not, because he was pretty sure his tongue wouldn't work correctly if he spoke to Merlin so quickly. The two brothers seemed to have a healthy relationship, although they both kept up with not so healthy vices. But who was Arthur Pendragon to say?
"Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you forgive Dad for lying if he bought you ice cream?"
"It better be good ice cream." Alex told him seriously. "I better get any flavor I want."
--
It felt so good to sit in an ice cream parlor and watch his kid actually be a kid (kind of). Kaye had recommended Bradley's Ice Cream factory many times, but Arthur had never had the time to go. He sat in a booth now, watching Alex tackle a triple scooped cone--strawberry, mint, and chocolate chip. It seemed for the moment, however, that Alex was losing the battle and some of the ice cream got on his shirt.
Arthur didn't say anything though, he just got up and fetched a plastic bowl which he handed to the boy across the table.
"Make sure you don't drip. You don't want to get the table dirty."
Alex looked at him, he had a mint-colored smear on his cheek.
Arthur couldn't help but laugh. "Is it better than the ice cream that Mordred promised you?"
"Dunno." Alex crunched off a piece of his cone, "This is really good too." and then he paused and looked at Arthur, face searching, "...Did you just pull me out of school so you can buy me ice cream?"
"I, um." Arthur faltered momentarily, actually... "Alex, I lied today and didn't set a good example. But I need you to be honest with me, I have to ask you a very important question."
"Are you in trouble?" Alex went back to his cone.
"No...but. It's really important." Arthur set his hands on the table, "I know you don't really like Sophia."
"I don't like her." Alex nodded quickly in full agreement, "And I can tell you don't like her either."
"How would you know that?"
"Well...you don't smile. And you look like you have a stomachache every time she's around you. Her shoes are loud, and I just don't like her."
Alex took to chasing a glop of strawberry that stole over the edge of his cone, leaving Arthur to decipher all that. She was phony. Young, not suited to him. and it was funny that his son knew that better than he did.
"How about Merlin?" The question slid from his mouth before he could stop it.
"Merlin has Lancelot." was Alex's very candid reply and Arthur's forehead prickled. He still didn't get how his son could talk so openly about these things, and he still needed to talk to Morgana. "Do you want to date him?"
"Hypothetically speaking." Arthur said.
"Hypo what?"
The boy's confusion relieved him to no end. Arthur was happy to rephrase, "...If. It's the same word, except shorter." That proved, if anything, that Morgana hadn't yet tried to force the dictionary down his son's throat like she had attempted to do with Shakespeare.
"Oh, it is?" Alex's face scrunched for a moment, "I wouldn't mind...but you're really mean to Merlin sometimes. If you guys end up dating, will you promise not to be so mean to him? He's really nice."
"...Well." And Arthur couldn't find anything to say after that.
--
"Did he honestly say you could use his computer?" Mordred peered over his shoulder. "This stuff is so hardcore!"
"...Arthur does work in the industry, you know. Of course he'd have the latest systems and software." Merlin looked back him, "He said I could use it for work. And if you lose me that right, I'll kill you."
"Hey, I only do that kind of stuff on our computer." Mordred proceeded to look most offended.
"Which is probably why our computer is broken and doesn't work every time I try to go on the Internet. Seriously, go to Celia's house if you want to do 'that kind of stuff'."
"I can't have Celia think I'm a pervert." Mordred crossed his arms, "What would her parents think?"
Merlin was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to hit his brother over the head with something really, really hard. Arthur's paperweight looked apt. "Mordred, I don't even want to began pick apart that statement to tell you everything wrong with it. Will you please shut up? I'm trying to work."
Mordred merely tilted his head.
Merlin was about to open his mouth and tell Mordred to go away, when Alex bounded into the study and threw himself towards Merlin with such force that Merlin almost toppled over in Arthur's computer chair. "Alex--"
"Alexander, don't just jump on people like that." Arthur's voice rang out, clear, disapproving. "Give them a warning."
Alex mumbled something intelligible against his neck and Merlin patted his back awkwardly, "It's okay." He trained his eyes fiercely at his lap.
Mordred coughed loudly, "Uh, so...Alex. Come with me to the kitchen, okay?"
Alex looked at him, "Why?"
"Because Merlin needs to have a word with your Dad and I just feel like making you a yoghurt parfait." Mordred beckoned towards the door, "Come on."
Alex looked suspiciously towards his father again, and his grip on Merlin's shoulders tightened. "Are you going to get him in trouble, Dad?"
Somehow, Merlin didn't believe him, when Arthur said, "Of course not. Go with Mordred."
Alex still seemed hesitant. Mordred, ever the ice breaker, ventured cheerily, "How about this? After we make the yoghurt parfait, if Arthur gets Merlin in trouble we can kick his ass--"
"Mordred!" Merlin said sharply.
Mordred blinked, 'What'd I say?"
"Backtrack like, two words."
"Oh--" Mordred shook his head, "I meant, kick his butt. Really, I did!"
Alex turned his gaze on Merlin, solemn, and much too old. "Are you really going to be okay?"
"Yeah..." Merlin made sure he didn't look at Arthur. "I'll be fine. Go."
--
Arthur had to look twice at the warning look that his son had the nerve to give him as Alex passed by the door. He shut the door of the study, and watched Merlin as he fumbled to get to his feet. Merlin was already babbling, "Um, sorry, I was just trying to finish up some work, there's this paper I have to write for my child development course, and I procrastinated on it and barely started. It's due next Thursday. Sorry about Mordred, he's seventeen--it just slipped. I'll go explain to Alex later if you--"
"Merlin." Arthur said, "Be quiet for a minute." He had to rub his own temples, for they were starting to prickle and he couldn't make heads or tails of Merlin's rushed rants at the moment.
Merlin obeyed, looking very guilty for it.
Since Merlin was already in his computer chair, Arthur made himself comfortable in his other desk chair. He felt surprisingly calm, considering he had no idea what he was about to say. "Merlin. Look at me."
Slowly, Merlin raised his eyes, they looked miserable again and Arthur wanted nothing more than to slap sense into him.
"I'm sorry." Merlin said, "This morning--I had a fever, I had no idea what I was doing."
"But you're all better now?" Arthur asked mildly, "You look well."
"Mordred passed along your royal decree this morning and made me stay in bed." Merlin's lips twitched, "Thanks. I guess that did the trick."
They were silent for a couple more minutes after that. Arthur asked (perhaps stupidly, in hindsight.)
"Why?"
Arthur realized that Merlin was not an exception to having nervous ticks. Growing up the way he did, Arthur supposed it was only natural that he somehow managed to suppress his nervous ticks. Merlin, however, wasn't the same. He kept crossing and uncrossing his legs. "I, um." And Arthur had to wonder how anyone could just bite their lips like that and not get bruises. "I guess I, um."
Merlin took a deep breath, "I don't...know."
Arthur stared at him, "...You don't know." Well. That was anti-climax if he had ever heard one. Arthur was expecting something, anything--perhaps outright denial, and perhaps maybe even a chance to try out kissing Merlin again because he hadn't quite been able to discern whether or not he liked it the first time...but he wasn't exactly averse to trying it again.
He wondered if that was a bad thing.
"Yeah. I don't know." Merlin repeated dumbly.
Arthur opened his mouth, but his cell phone beat him to it. He didn't bother giving Merlin a apologetic look or anything. It was an office call. He cleared his throat, "Pendragon."
"Arthur, this is Margaret."
Funny how it was Kaye's secretary calling him and not Sophia, who usually would jump at any chance to call him. "...Why are you doing Sophia's job?"
There was a not so ladylike snort on the other end, "I'd thought you'd be happy. For the record, she left after you left. I thought you guys communicated about this, but I guess not. You're supposed to be at Hilton Plaza at six today."
"I'm very happy you're doing her job." Arthur assured her, "Remind me to write you a bonus. What am I supposed to be doing at Hilton Plaza at six today?"
"You have to meet with some of your potential investors. Didn't she tell you? Kaye's supposed to meet you there."
Sophia never told him anything nowadays, besides the usual...which really was not helpful. Arthur was stonewalling her attempts at spending the night, but he was not going to think about that right now. "He is?"
"Yes, I'm guessing she didn't tell you." Margaret sighed, "Tell me, were you paying more attention to her womanly endowments than her credentials when you hired her, Arthur?"
Arthur blanched. Margaret was also younger than he was, but not by much. She had a penchant of sounding like a twenty-eight-year-old grandmother, and she kept up a very inconspicuous relationship with a guy who worked in his accounting department; Arthur was just a little bit in love with Margaret for that. "I gave her a job as a favor for a friend. But that's not the point. How long is the dinner?"
"...Shouldn't go over seven-thirty, at the latest. Do you need me to look after Alex? I'll be happy to take him."
"Uh...no." He doubted Alex could survive Margaret for an hour and a half. Arthur glanced over at Merlin, who was calmly examining his nails. "Merlin?"
Merlin snapped up, "Yeah?"
"Apparently, I have to attend dinner...could you handle Alex?"
Merlin's mouth twitched a little, "Alex doesn't need handling. I'll be happy to."
"Right then." Arthur said to Margaret on the phone, "I'll see Kaye at six then. Let him know." Upon hanging up, Arthur almost flinched at Merlin's face, "You have to stop looking at me like a drowned cat. It's not helping anything." He said brusquely, if Merlin was not going to grace him with an answer, than Arthur...well, there was really not much Arthur could do. "I should be back by eight-thirty, nine."
"Okay. We'll be here."
Arthur looked at him, "When I return, I'll expect you to have an actual answer for me."
--
Somehow, they ended up over at Morgana's, and she fed them hot dogs smeared with homemade chilli sauce. Merlin was getting to like Morgana better and better, and Mordred was already her slave. Merlin made a mental note to remind his brother that she was Arthur's sister (translation: she was scary) and that she was married (translation: don't even try.) Orwaine was there too...although he was not a man of many words. He left after the hot dogs and excused himself to the den to watch football.
This didn't faze Morgana any, "...My husband's very shy. He's like that."
Alex supplied, "But he's actually my favorite uncle, he's got all these really cool planes."
"Alex." Morgana said, her voice affectionate, "Orwaine is your only uncle."
Alex grinned at her, "I don't have to like my only uncle. Do we get dessert?"
"We sure do." Morgana got up, "Orwaine bought frozen cream puffs today. They're very good, and I thought we'd just heat them up...Mordred, would you mind?"
"Yeah. Of course." Mordred hopped up, and Merlin made a mental note to warn her, later. It wasn't like Mordred would just hit on her in her own kitchen with her own husband in the den, and Merlin was sitting right here in the dining room. Even Mordred was not that stupid. At least...Merlin honestly hoped he wasn't.
All that, however, flew out the window when Alex looked at him and said, quite loudly. "Dad's thinking about dumping Sophia."
Morgana said, "Oh, that's great. Why's that?"
"Because he's thinking about hypo something dating Merlin." Alex's brow scrunched, "I don't remember the word. It was a really long word."
Merlin's brain stopped at 'dating Merlin'. "...W-what?" He said dumbly.
"Come again?" Mordred blinked.
And little Alex looked so pleased that he had everyone's attention. "I said." He said, practically savoring each world, "That Dad's considering hypo something dating Merlin."
"Hypo-something?" Morgana repeated, years of being a socialite probably taught her how to say things with a straight face, she kept up a sober expression beautifully, "Do you mean hypothetically?"
"Yeah! That's the word...what's it mean again?"
"It means 'if', Alex." Morgana said while Merlin's lips tried to move. They ended up not really moving because he couldn't quite trust himself to say anything coherent. "So Arthur asked you something about if he dated Merlin." She prompted, "And..?"
"Dad asked me if I minded." Alex said innocently, "I said no not really, except that he'd better be nice because Merlin's a nice person."
Mordred snorted loudly, "...Did you just say Merlin was nice?"
Merlin was too stunned to even offer offense. Alex offered it for him, glaring at Mordred, "He is."
"Not if you live with him all the time." Mordred had the gall to feign hurt, a hand over his heart. "He yells at me and it's really annoying."
Merlin looked over at Morgana, who was shaking her head. Merlin found that she couldn't read her expression at all. She said, "...Come with me to the kitchen."
--
"My brother is a lot of things." She said finally, and Merlin didn't know whether or not it was a good thing, but Morgana Le Fay sounded genuinely bewildered, "But I've never pegged him to be bisexual."
Merlin's heart bit into his rib cage, "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize for these things. It's not your fault." Morgana told him. She took a deep breath. "It's just...honestly, I never thought Arthur would think of dating anyone ever again. Not after Gwen. And then...you."
"But Sophia--" Merlin started.
"She doesn't matter squat to him. He's probably "dating" her because he needs something pretty to go with him to all those fancy parties." Morgana cut him off, "Merlin, Arthur loved Gwen. We all loved her, she was like a sister to me. Do you know? That one day the two of you had a spat because he got home early...Arthur came running to me. He never does that." As the oven beeped, Morgana reached for a pair of oven mitts and Merlin resolved to get Arthur some for his kitchen--even if he hardly ever used it. "The only other time I could remember, was when I was in grad school, and he called me during this huge final I was taking. Professor Head almost failed me when my phone went off."
"Gwen thought he was flirting with another girl..and threatened to break up with him. Arthur swears he wasn't, but he wasn't type to keep his hands to himself back then." She gave him a knowing look then, "He reminds me of Mordred."
"...I like to think that Mordred is in a class of pervert all by himself." Merlin said, meaning it entirely.
"You'd be surprised." Turning from him, she searched through her shelves for a plate, "Arthur was quite the wild boy when he was in college. Good thing Gwen was quiet and always ready to slap some sense into him."
Merlin suddenly felt alien. Rightfully so, he thought, he had no place here, and this wasn't the world that he knew. "Morgana."
"You and Gwen are a lot alike." She said finally, "You're both kind to a fault, and somehow, you manage to slap Arthur around. It's a rare talent, and you shouldn't let it go to waste."
--
Merlin was glad Mordred and Alex both had the sense to shut up on the way back. His head was starting to hurt again. Gwen--Guinevere, even Morgana said that Arthur loved her. And Merlin was pretty sure Arthur didn't love easily. Merlin loved too easily, though he never trusted. Perhaps sweet Gwen, who they all loved so much, was both. Merlin suddenly felt suffocated in her shadow.
He was rummaging through Arthur's medicine cabinet in the downstairs when Arthur caught him there.
"...What are you looking for?"
Merlin practically jumped five feet as he whirled around. "..Oh, um. Arthur." He bit his lip, "I needed some aspirin. My head's killing me." It was the second time today that Arthur had caught him off guard.
"It's the bottle two to your left." Arthur pointed.
"...This one?"
"Yeah."
Merlin shook out two tablets for himself and after taking a look at Arthur--his weary, pale face made Merlin's eyes want to water again; he shook out two more, and held them out. "You look like you need some." Arthur should really stop going to those dinners if he was going to come back looking like a truck ran him over. "You look like the aftermath of an earthquake."
That earned him a baleful look, "Do not." But he took them anyway.
"Look." Merlin gestured humorlessly at the mirror, as he popped the pills dry.
Arthur came up beside him and shut the cabinet. He blinked at his reflection in the mirror. "Christ." He rubbed at his reddened eyes, "Sometimes, I want to sell my own company and retire to a farm or something."
Somehow, Arthur didn't belong on a farm, not in Merlin's head. After a moment's hesitation, his hand came to rest on Arthur's shoulder. "What's wrong?"
"This was why I didn't want to list. Investors bring obscenities to a new level for me. In considerations for your ears, don't ask me to demonstrate."
"Thoughtful of you."
When Arthur moved, Merlin took his hand away. Arthur followed his earlier example, swallowing the tablets dry. "I try." He said wearily, "...Where's Alex?"
"He's watching tv upstairs with Mordred. I think they're watching 101 Dalmatians."
Arthur left the bathroom, steps heavy, "...I hated that movie. The dogs never shut up." He walked into the living room, and Merlin made a quick detour to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea that Mordred had made for him earlier. It was a bit lukewarm, but still strong. He made his way back to the living room and set the cup down on the coffee table.
"Here." Merlin sat down in the armchair, far enough away, "If you hate dogs barking, I think you'll have a hard time surviving on a farm. I have three on mine."
"I don't hate them." Arthur said, straightening up to reach for the cup, "I just think they're noisy when there's so many of them. Wouldn't mind three...what's this?"
"It's lemon ginger tea. Mom used to make it for me when I was sick." Merlin said.
Arthur sipped at it, "It's good. A little cool, but good."
"I'll warm it up for you if you'd like." Merlin was on his feet.
"Don't mind." Arthur shook his head dismissively, "It's fine."
There was a silence. One that Merlin almost wished could stretch out forever. He stood up, and walked a slow circle around Arthur's living room.
"This morning. Did you feel sorry for me? Was that why?"
Merlin winced. So this was how Arthur Pendragon's mind ended up working, that Merlin kissed him because he felt sorry for him. Arthur was so high above the people that he didn't understand how people worked anymore. He thought of Guinevere. Morgana had loved her like a sister, and Arthur had loved her. He wondered how she managed. He wondered who she was.
"No, it wasn't." Merlin shook his head. He dared to look back at Arthur slumped on the couch, alone, impossibly old. Yet he didn't feel sorry for him at all, his heart was breaking for an entirely different reason. "Arthur, hasn't it ever occurred to you, that I don't care? I don't care about how much of a failure you try to make yourself out to be. I don't care that you work thirteen hour days at a job that you don't even seem to like..."
"Merlin--"
"Why can't you just accept the fact that yes, I'm a little stupid, and I might like you? I mean, you go through the trouble to ask Alex if he would mind if you hypothetically dated me." He hadn't meant for that to slip, but Merlin was glad to see Arthur's shoulders tense up--Alex hadn't been lying, after all.
"Alex told you that?" Arthur croaked faintly, looking pale. He rose from the couch, still old, and walked over to where Merlin was standing. "...You might like me?"
"Half the time you're not an easy person to like." Merlin forced himself to look at Arthur. "So yeah, I might. And yes, he did."
Arthur made a pitiful sound from the back of his throat, almost like a kitten mewing for its mother. "...I...you." He said finally, "...I get a headache every time I see you, Merlin. It's not like I know what that means."
Merlin was just resisting the urge to bite out, 'That's not good.' when Arthur's head fell on his shoulder. He was so close that Merlin could hear him breathe, feel the rise and fall of his chest. He had to take a moment to remember how to breathe himself. When he was sure that Arthur had no intention of moving away, he put his arms loosely around Arthur's waist.
"I'm tired." Arthur said, "I'm just tired."
Merlin's heart bit, but there was no pity. They stayed like that for a moment, with Merlin's hands rubbing Arthur's back. "I'd be surprised if you weren't." He ventured. "You okay?"
Arthur looked at him, "I'm not sure." He shrugged, although he didn't step away, "That mouth of yours ruins everything."
"What's that supposed to mean?" If Arthur was implying that Merlin was not good at kissing, Merlin was simply just going to have to hit him. Really hard.
"You bit me this morning." Arthur pointed out, "It hurts."
"I said sorry already." Merlin was trying his best to be miffed, but his reddening ears gave him away when Arthur's arms went around him and drew him even closer. "I really didn't mean to. Usually I'm better about this sort of thing."
Arthur tasted like ginger and lemon. Arthur's wedding ring was cool against the nape of Merlin's neck. It was barely a second long, but Arthur smiled at him as he stepped back. "This is better."
Thoroughly dazed, Merlin agreed.