Done with college.
It's the end. It seems that most of the people around me are in some way sad to be leaving, and so am I, but in a different way from most, I think.
I'm going to miss everyone, but I've already been missing everyone. There just haven't been enough hours in the days to see all the people I want to see, and remain close to everyone I love. This is compounded by the fact that I'm not much of a partier anymore(never really was, at college). I've basically already said goodbye to most people, in the sense that I've separated myself from them, but the emotional shock of it has basically been delayed until now. Now that I'm not going to be physically near all of you, it's for real. When I leave Ithaca, it will no longer be possible for me to walk down the street for a visit, and be greeted as an old friend. It makes me feel like a piece of shit for not doing it much when I had the chance.
There are a lot of reasons I haven't of course. Most obviously, I spend most of my time with Heidi, and I don't regret that decision at all. She's the awesomest kid, to me, and I'd almost always rather spend an hour or day with her than with anyone else. But I don't spend every hour and every day with her. I've just become an insular man, really. I don't often like to leave my nest. I usually don't like crowds. I generally drink lightly, if at all, but not out of some ridiculous poster telling me I'm an alcoholic if I drink more than 5 beers in a night... it's because I genuinely don't care to have more than two. However, none of you drink and party every moment of every day. Many hours I've spent alone in my room playing video games, I could have been chilling out with my old friends. And I've been a goddamned fool not to. That's my only regret for this year. I guess I never really realized until now what a great privilege it has been to have you all as my friends.
Heidi and I are leaving Wednesday, to go find jobs and make some money to move to Florida, where I'll be going to grad school for philosophy, and she'll be applying to law school. I'm really excited about that future, and I wouldn't trade it for anything... but I still wish I could take you all along with me. Maybe things would be different if I could, maybe I would take that walk and enjoy your company more often. More likely, I would never have realized how lucky I would be to do so... perhaps it is better that I can only take the memories of the days when I was wise enough to make time for friendship.
I'll be coming around to visit this week before we leave. It won't make up for what I've missed, but it's something.
I'm going to miss everyone, but I've already been missing everyone. There just haven't been enough hours in the days to see all the people I want to see, and remain close to everyone I love. This is compounded by the fact that I'm not much of a partier anymore(never really was, at college). I've basically already said goodbye to most people, in the sense that I've separated myself from them, but the emotional shock of it has basically been delayed until now. Now that I'm not going to be physically near all of you, it's for real. When I leave Ithaca, it will no longer be possible for me to walk down the street for a visit, and be greeted as an old friend. It makes me feel like a piece of shit for not doing it much when I had the chance.
There are a lot of reasons I haven't of course. Most obviously, I spend most of my time with Heidi, and I don't regret that decision at all. She's the awesomest kid, to me, and I'd almost always rather spend an hour or day with her than with anyone else. But I don't spend every hour and every day with her. I've just become an insular man, really. I don't often like to leave my nest. I usually don't like crowds. I generally drink lightly, if at all, but not out of some ridiculous poster telling me I'm an alcoholic if I drink more than 5 beers in a night... it's because I genuinely don't care to have more than two. However, none of you drink and party every moment of every day. Many hours I've spent alone in my room playing video games, I could have been chilling out with my old friends. And I've been a goddamned fool not to. That's my only regret for this year. I guess I never really realized until now what a great privilege it has been to have you all as my friends.
Heidi and I are leaving Wednesday, to go find jobs and make some money to move to Florida, where I'll be going to grad school for philosophy, and she'll be applying to law school. I'm really excited about that future, and I wouldn't trade it for anything... but I still wish I could take you all along with me. Maybe things would be different if I could, maybe I would take that walk and enjoy your company more often. More likely, I would never have realized how lucky I would be to do so... perhaps it is better that I can only take the memories of the days when I was wise enough to make time for friendship.
I'll be coming around to visit this week before we leave. It won't make up for what I've missed, but it's something.