best list ever, part 5
159. Will not taunt former President Baltar by wearing a red dress and claiming to be an angel of god while dancing outside his cell.
* Am not an angel of god.
* Am not a dancer, either.
160. "Liar, liar, pants on fire" is a children's expression and is not meant to suggest that one should actually set fire to the liar's pants.
* Even if the liar is former President Baltar.
* Especially if it's Admiral Adama.
161. Not allowed in or near brig due to dancing and fire incidents.
162. President Roslin does not appreciate being referred to as an Election Stealer.
* Or Baby Stealer.
* Or Military Asset Stealer.
* Or the Old Man's Main Squeeze.
163. The appropriate way to refer to the President of the Colonies is as Madam President or President Roslin.
164. When visiting Colonial One, being granted "permission to come aboard" is not an invitation to throw Tory Foster to the ground and make mad passionate love to her.
* Or to President Roslin.
* Or to Vice President Zarek.
* Or to any combination thereof.
165. Am not permitted to drop my pants on Colonial One.
* Am not permitted to "go commando" on Colonial One.
* Or any ship in the fleet.
* Even if Captain Thrace does.
166. Only Capt. Agathon is permitted to play Find the Reset Button with Lt. Agathon.
* If she had one, which she doesn't.
* No matter what Chief Tyrol claims.
167. Will not refer to medical treatment of Hera's intestinal condition as debugging.
168. Not allowed to ask Sam Anders to tell me the joke about the straw and the handcuffs again.
169. The proper way to stop Centurions is not by impaling them with wooden stakes, and I will not tell nuggets otherwise.
170. Not allowed to do "anything I want" once we get to Earth.
* Especially not put babies on spikes.
171. There is no such thing as a space pirate.
* Or a space ninja.
* Or a space gypsy.
* I am none of the above.
172. Not allowed to tell nuggets the primary form of entertainment on Galactica is poking Baltar with a stick.
* Not allowed to give nuggets especially pointy sticks.
* And point them in the direction of the brig.
* No longer allowed to say "stick" in front of Baltar at all, as this apparently causes some sort of minor psychotic breakdown.
173. Not allowed to wear my "I'm a Cylon, ask me how" shirt while on duty.
* Nor while off duty.
* Not allowed to wear it at all.
* Nor the matching pin or hat.
174. Not allowed to airlock squadron members.
175. Not allowed to challenge any of Chief Tyrol's engineers to prove that they really can demolish forty beers.
* Especially considering we don't have any beer.
* Not allowed to brew beer.
* Not allowed to substitute whiskey.
176. Not allowed to skinny-dip in the water tanks.
177. Not allowed to announce my own landings with the words "hot stuff, coming through!"
178. I understand that I am taking my own life into my hands by telling Sagittarian jokes in front of Lt. Dualla.
* I understand that Lt. Dualla is married to the CAG.
* I understand that the CAG is feeling a bit defensive.
* I understand that the CAG is authorized to order me to clean out the launch tubes.
* With a toothbrush.
* As they're being used.
179. The phrase "little toaster of love" is hereby added to the banned list.
180. President Roslin is the only person in the Fleet authorized to declare jihad.
* On anyone.
* President Roslin does not plan on doing so.
* Unless I keep that up.
181. Admiral Adama never killed a man on Picon just to watch him die.
* As far as I know.
* Neither did President Roslin.
182. Am not allowed to ask Lt. Agathon if she was just humming "I'm just a love machine, and I won't work for nobody but you." to her husband anymore.
183. Am not allowed to impersonate the shower inspector while Capt. Agathon is showering anymore.
* Even if I bring soap.
* Or really good conditioner
184. Am not allowed to hide in air ducts and play bagpipes when Admiral Adama talks to Lee.
* Not even if I include poundy drums
* especially if I include poundy drums
* further instances of this will result in the immediate confiscation of my poundy drums.
185. It is not funny when I hum "Billy don't be a hero." to Lt. Dualla and I need to stop.
* Even when Lee laughs.
186. Any further requests to Cally that she help me in some airlock maintenance procedures will result in my being placed in the brig for unauthorized jettisoning of annoying personnel.
* What, it's not like she fell for it.
* Okay, she did. Damn that Hotdog for filling her in.
* It was Tyrol's idea anyway.
187. Must stop firsthand research in the field of study I've been calling "How to make chamala less bitter."
* Not allowed to use Gaeta as a test subject any longer
* Not allowed to keep results from President Roslin
* Not allowed to claim that I have presidential funding for these activities, even if I do.
188. Not allowed to suggest that Hotdog race Lt. Edminson's track.
189. Must stop standing on Tigh's bad side, popping out and yelling, "Peekaboo! I see you!"
* or to test his depth perception on the stairs
190. Calling Admiral Adama "The before picture on the Accutane ad." is both disrespectful, and inappropriate.
* As is calling Hotdog the after
191. I am not authorized to form, operate or dissolve independent tribunals.
* "Adama does it all the time" is not a valid excuse. Or true.
* Even if it were it is not an excuse.
192. Lt. Gaeta's duties do not include defragging my harddrive.
* Replacing "my harddrive" with "me" or "my flight suit" does not change this rule.
193. Hera Agathon cannot heal my Athlete's Foot.
194. Viper Polo is not an appropriate use of military resources.
195. Raptors do not make "great bumper cars."
196. "Duck and Cover" is not an appropriate way of bracing for impact.
197. Nuggets and crash test dummies are not "basically the same thing."