October dictated nonesense part three of three
Sray would probably hope that Tos just wouldn't notice, but we all know that he is very observant.
She gave up trying to pretend.
So, Tos is observant.
She gave up trying to pretend that things could be as they were. So Sray has/is at the store and Tos may just pretend to ignore the fact that she isn't doing much with her left arm until they get things sorted. Maybe he was strangely quiet.
"What did Sherod Kalden tell you?"
"I'm much more interested in hearing what you want me to know, Sray" Tos
Sray is so prone to stuffing everything and trying to not let anything out and she has this conflict going on between telling Tos as little as absolutely possible, but wanting to confide in him. What is one more person after all? Part of her little weirdness going on is a mix ... she does actually like him. How could you not like Tos? He may try a little too hard sometimes, but he is in general a good guy and he understands her and how she is and he respects that, even if he occasionally needles her about it, as any good friend would like, yeah, so ... part of her reluctance is fear of the change in their relationship. Somewhere in her mid to late teens she threw up this barrier because she figured she couldn't have what her parents had. Because she's hybrid she can't get married and she can't tell anyone she's half Klamon and people hate Klamon and it would be disasterous for the family if anyone found out.
Now she's in this situation where a crap ton of people know, way up from just her family. That goes ... Kallon has pretty much flat out told her she should just tell Tos. "He'd love you even if you had three arms." Kallon thinks it wouldn't bother Tos one bit to find out they were all hybrid Klamon.
So there's that fear in the change of the relationship and what he might think of her if he knew. You know, because she has this in-grained Humans hate Klamon-but her mother is Human, but the brief interaction with her grandparents, stories, finding out about the experiments and what happened there, she concludes it is better off if Tos doesn't know. It's better if they're just friends.
If they're just friends he's safe, relatively. The status quo doesn't shift. She's terrified if he takes it badly what would happen, not just with ther family, but the relationship between her and him. What they've been through together (not shot at, but still things) it was a little rough moving halfway across the continent and learning an new langauage and being in this small town where everyone knew and were related to each other and beign the new kid on the block and not blending in simply for the fact that she is half Kamenan. So you know because Ela'yas is predominantly dark or red-haired and curly and fair skinned and she's not like dark-dark, but she's tanned and Kallon's darker and Janef a little darker and Sray's also blonde and straight hair and pale eyes. She definitely had a little picking on and bullying as a kid and I know Tos stepped in there and defended her. Being the grandson of the towns founder holds some clout. I imagine after a couple years the bullies weren't a think anymore. Kayrin kind of settled her place out and I'm sure she got some flack at the start being this single widowed woman with three kids. What the heck does she think she's doing? I would imagine the first year she wouldn't participate with the Trola migration. The second year maybe, Sray being old enough to be assumed to be old enough to keep an eye on her siblings.
Of course Teigan is at home, but nobody knows that and they'd be waiting for the appearance of Sray being old enough to keep an eye on her siblings if Kayrin wasn't at home.
There's reasons Sray doesn't want to tell Tos anything. She doesn't like telling him things. This is their final conversation, end of the book where we see how she's shifted and changed. She may tell him things, but not THE thing.
"What's going on with your arm, Sray?"
"What did Sherod tell you?"
"What do you want to tell me?"
And she would sigh and stare off into the distance, fold her arms. What does she want to tell him. I don't know. She doesn't know. Maybe she doesn't know. Maybe she does.
Obviously he knows something happened. He's going to find out anyways, Sray, that there was an attack on the carriage. Mishor is going to be sure there is information out and that Boldesef DeBauin is a wanted man, top priority. She resignedly admits that they were attacked on the way back. Middle of the day, middle of nowhere Plains of Tromar, fully exposed, just she got shot.
Does she tell him they were going for her? Because of my parents and that would be as close as she would dare get and then it would be a question of if Tos would volunteer that Kayrin told him about the peace negotiations.
"All this because your parents tried to make peace."
"What did you say?"
"Second term, we lost contact with you and your mother came in every single day after the first letter failed. One of the times she told me that she and your father were translators for the peace negotiations between Kamenlohn and the Klamon."
O there might be a groan there. O my gosh, she did what?! Bema you may as well have just told him! She did what? Yeah, so I don't, I don't know how that.
I think we want this conversation to be not in the store because, you know, it's the store, people come in. It isn't silent all the time. People come in from the town and surrounding area and they buy supplies. Sray isn't going to want to talk about it if someone is in the store. I think Tos might ... and maybe his father is around, it's his store goshdarnit, it's Tos' just yet. Maybe the elder Savin is there and maybe they drive a little ways out of town and stop somewhere and you know, again, it's plains, they can see forever. If someone is approaching they'll know it. Sitting on the back of the mostly empty wagon. Yeah this convnersation may not actually ahppen in the store. It may happen somewhere else. Sray isn't about to take him home and have this conversation, no, it would be going out of town a ways and parking it and talking.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
So, "I don't want to talk about it here. I'm not going to talk about it here."
"Do you want to go out of town a little bit? No extra ears?"
They have their conversation, just something unintelligable because I mumbled.
"I did not ask for any of this."
"The past has caught up with you Sray, what are you going to do? Are you going to face it or run away?"
"That's just it, I can't run. I can try, but I'm tired. I'm tired."
It's a hard decision. It's so hard!
"I don't know what I'd do with myself if you left, but... if it's what you have to do, then do it. If you want to leave let me go with you." And he totally would. He'd do anything. He'd hate it, but he'd do anything, whatever it is she needs he wants to make happen.
So back to Tos and Sray's conversation. I think I have some sort of a handle on it now. It is going to be a sort of long, meandering conversation. I know where it is going to happen now and how we are going to lead into it so that's good. I'm filling in the gaps. Term three doesn't feel very significant at the moment. I don't know if they're going to be able to get a handle on-I don't know if they have any hints about where the guys went. They're out there, but it's quiet. Bound to be other people who want to transfer out. Tosef DeMyur, Dafid Dentill, and I"m sure there's other people who think poorly of the idea of Sray being there. But I also don't want to lather on and just fill space, there's going to be a lot of skimping over and trying to find things that actually are significant. I guess that's the downside of having two significant events that are three or four months apart. So, empty blank space...
She gave up trying to pretend.
So, Tos is observant.
She gave up trying to pretend that things could be as they were. So Sray has/is at the store and Tos may just pretend to ignore the fact that she isn't doing much with her left arm until they get things sorted. Maybe he was strangely quiet.
"What did Sherod Kalden tell you?"
"I'm much more interested in hearing what you want me to know, Sray" Tos
Sray is so prone to stuffing everything and trying to not let anything out and she has this conflict going on between telling Tos as little as absolutely possible, but wanting to confide in him. What is one more person after all? Part of her little weirdness going on is a mix ... she does actually like him. How could you not like Tos? He may try a little too hard sometimes, but he is in general a good guy and he understands her and how she is and he respects that, even if he occasionally needles her about it, as any good friend would like, yeah, so ... part of her reluctance is fear of the change in their relationship. Somewhere in her mid to late teens she threw up this barrier because she figured she couldn't have what her parents had. Because she's hybrid she can't get married and she can't tell anyone she's half Klamon and people hate Klamon and it would be disasterous for the family if anyone found out.
Now she's in this situation where a crap ton of people know, way up from just her family. That goes ... Kallon has pretty much flat out told her she should just tell Tos. "He'd love you even if you had three arms." Kallon thinks it wouldn't bother Tos one bit to find out they were all hybrid Klamon.
So there's that fear in the change of the relationship and what he might think of her if he knew. You know, because she has this in-grained Humans hate Klamon-but her mother is Human, but the brief interaction with her grandparents, stories, finding out about the experiments and what happened there, she concludes it is better off if Tos doesn't know. It's better if they're just friends.
If they're just friends he's safe, relatively. The status quo doesn't shift. She's terrified if he takes it badly what would happen, not just with ther family, but the relationship between her and him. What they've been through together (not shot at, but still things) it was a little rough moving halfway across the continent and learning an new langauage and being in this small town where everyone knew and were related to each other and beign the new kid on the block and not blending in simply for the fact that she is half Kamenan. So you know because Ela'yas is predominantly dark or red-haired and curly and fair skinned and she's not like dark-dark, but she's tanned and Kallon's darker and Janef a little darker and Sray's also blonde and straight hair and pale eyes. She definitely had a little picking on and bullying as a kid and I know Tos stepped in there and defended her. Being the grandson of the towns founder holds some clout. I imagine after a couple years the bullies weren't a think anymore. Kayrin kind of settled her place out and I'm sure she got some flack at the start being this single widowed woman with three kids. What the heck does she think she's doing? I would imagine the first year she wouldn't participate with the Trola migration. The second year maybe, Sray being old enough to be assumed to be old enough to keep an eye on her siblings.
Of course Teigan is at home, but nobody knows that and they'd be waiting for the appearance of Sray being old enough to keep an eye on her siblings if Kayrin wasn't at home.
There's reasons Sray doesn't want to tell Tos anything. She doesn't like telling him things. This is their final conversation, end of the book where we see how she's shifted and changed. She may tell him things, but not THE thing.
"What's going on with your arm, Sray?"
"What did Sherod tell you?"
"What do you want to tell me?"
And she would sigh and stare off into the distance, fold her arms. What does she want to tell him. I don't know. She doesn't know. Maybe she doesn't know. Maybe she does.
Obviously he knows something happened. He's going to find out anyways, Sray, that there was an attack on the carriage. Mishor is going to be sure there is information out and that Boldesef DeBauin is a wanted man, top priority. She resignedly admits that they were attacked on the way back. Middle of the day, middle of nowhere Plains of Tromar, fully exposed, just she got shot.
Does she tell him they were going for her? Because of my parents and that would be as close as she would dare get and then it would be a question of if Tos would volunteer that Kayrin told him about the peace negotiations.
"All this because your parents tried to make peace."
"What did you say?"
"Second term, we lost contact with you and your mother came in every single day after the first letter failed. One of the times she told me that she and your father were translators for the peace negotiations between Kamenlohn and the Klamon."
O there might be a groan there. O my gosh, she did what?! Bema you may as well have just told him! She did what? Yeah, so I don't, I don't know how that.
I think we want this conversation to be not in the store because, you know, it's the store, people come in. It isn't silent all the time. People come in from the town and surrounding area and they buy supplies. Sray isn't going to want to talk about it if someone is in the store. I think Tos might ... and maybe his father is around, it's his store goshdarnit, it's Tos' just yet. Maybe the elder Savin is there and maybe they drive a little ways out of town and stop somewhere and you know, again, it's plains, they can see forever. If someone is approaching they'll know it. Sitting on the back of the mostly empty wagon. Yeah this convnersation may not actually ahppen in the store. It may happen somewhere else. Sray isn't about to take him home and have this conversation, no, it would be going out of town a ways and parking it and talking.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
So, "I don't want to talk about it here. I'm not going to talk about it here."
"Do you want to go out of town a little bit? No extra ears?"
They have their conversation, just something unintelligable because I mumbled.
"I did not ask for any of this."
"The past has caught up with you Sray, what are you going to do? Are you going to face it or run away?"
"That's just it, I can't run. I can try, but I'm tired. I'm tired."
It's a hard decision. It's so hard!
"I don't know what I'd do with myself if you left, but... if it's what you have to do, then do it. If you want to leave let me go with you." And he totally would. He'd do anything. He'd hate it, but he'd do anything, whatever it is she needs he wants to make happen.
So back to Tos and Sray's conversation. I think I have some sort of a handle on it now. It is going to be a sort of long, meandering conversation. I know where it is going to happen now and how we are going to lead into it so that's good. I'm filling in the gaps. Term three doesn't feel very significant at the moment. I don't know if they're going to be able to get a handle on-I don't know if they have any hints about where the guys went. They're out there, but it's quiet. Bound to be other people who want to transfer out. Tosef DeMyur, Dafid Dentill, and I"m sure there's other people who think poorly of the idea of Sray being there. But I also don't want to lather on and just fill space, there's going to be a lot of skimping over and trying to find things that actually are significant. I guess that's the downside of having two significant events that are three or four months apart. So, empty blank space...