(no subject)
It appears I only post here when I have a complaint or confession to make. But that's because my name isn't attached to this in any way, so I can complain anonymously--then go turn it private later.
The good news: The bank I loved working for has re-hired me, making the salary I need to make to stay with them in the first place. I hadn't wanted to leave at all, so getting to go back is exciting.
One of the things I have learned in working with my therapist is that I have never felt comfortable saying I was happy just working at a bank because it didn't seem ambitious or impressive enough. Bottom line now is: Not trying to impress anyone, and my ambition is to make enough money not to sweat bills and dinner dates, and have the occasional vacation, so as long as I'm making what I want to make...do I really need an impressive title?
That's not to say I never want to promote. That's to say I've never thought I was allowed to be happy in a position--that I always had to be one foot out the door into something better. I wish I'd learned this 20 years ago, but I'm glad I've learned it now.
I could list all the reasons I wanted to leave this job, but the long and short is this: I loved the bank and didn't want to leave there, but had to make more money in order for us to make ends meet. I took this job knowing it was going to be far from perfect, but that it would bridge the financial gap. (The job was farther from perfect than I had anticipated, and much more difficult to bear mentally and emotionally [never work for family, or for family friends] than I had expected, and it wore me out. I also had not expected how severely the isolation would affect me, given that I spend 3 out of 5 days alone in a tiny office with no windows out, and may only see another human being if I walk over to the company next door.) Now, I get to go back to the company I loved, doing the job I wanted to have and am excited to get, making the money we need. I'm pretty chuffed about that!
I am sorry that this didn't work out. I hate that I have been such a job hopper. However, I see the pathos behind the pattern now, and having faced that, I think I can finally settle down without feeling like I am a bad/lazy/not-living-up-to-my-fullest-potential person for liking my non-management, unassuming, uninspiring job. The brass ring doesn't have to come with a plaque on the door. The brass ring can be just enjoying going to work in the morning. Actually, what's better than that?
The good news: The bank I loved working for has re-hired me, making the salary I need to make to stay with them in the first place. I hadn't wanted to leave at all, so getting to go back is exciting.
One of the things I have learned in working with my therapist is that I have never felt comfortable saying I was happy just working at a bank because it didn't seem ambitious or impressive enough. Bottom line now is: Not trying to impress anyone, and my ambition is to make enough money not to sweat bills and dinner dates, and have the occasional vacation, so as long as I'm making what I want to make...do I really need an impressive title?
That's not to say I never want to promote. That's to say I've never thought I was allowed to be happy in a position--that I always had to be one foot out the door into something better. I wish I'd learned this 20 years ago, but I'm glad I've learned it now.
I could list all the reasons I wanted to leave this job, but the long and short is this: I loved the bank and didn't want to leave there, but had to make more money in order for us to make ends meet. I took this job knowing it was going to be far from perfect, but that it would bridge the financial gap. (The job was farther from perfect than I had anticipated, and much more difficult to bear mentally and emotionally [never work for family, or for family friends] than I had expected, and it wore me out. I also had not expected how severely the isolation would affect me, given that I spend 3 out of 5 days alone in a tiny office with no windows out, and may only see another human being if I walk over to the company next door.) Now, I get to go back to the company I loved, doing the job I wanted to have and am excited to get, making the money we need. I'm pretty chuffed about that!
I am sorry that this didn't work out. I hate that I have been such a job hopper. However, I see the pathos behind the pattern now, and having faced that, I think I can finally settle down without feeling like I am a bad/lazy/not-living-up-to-my-fullest-potential person for liking my non-management, unassuming, uninspiring job. The brass ring doesn't have to come with a plaque on the door. The brass ring can be just enjoying going to work in the morning. Actually, what's better than that?