Mashpee
Staying Friday and Saturday nights with Ditty and Nikita at their relatives' wonderful large shorehouse to celebrate the former's birthday. We managed to receive our wedding invitations and purchase wedding suits. I also reached out to a photographer and another baker.
Yesterday I got an injection to treat something. Was a bit concerned and surprised, hopefully it should be no big deal.
Mark and Aditya have been talking extensively aloud about their offers and thoughts on joining full time. I've been trying to hold my tongue, but it's been harder and harder. I'm not sure how I should feel, at this point I've blocked out a lot of my feelings and memories of the year there. I went back to my (few) journal entries from that time, and sure enough they express constant frustration and working. I left the room, when he had to call several of his colleagues and tell them to prepare for an e-mail he was sending asking them to justify their value at the company. I mean, why wouldn't I feel a bit uneasy and uncomfortable about that, independent of my prior experience there? I wish I could talk it out with someone, but Nadia has way more than enough of her own things to worry about back in CA. It gave me pause that this offer means something very different for Ditty, and may be more appropriate for him to take.
I feel an urge and need to put a temporary barrier up between me and Mark. I hope this is perfectly healthy, it seems like it would be to me, but I'm not sure that's fair.
I said doing a good job at work was a priority, so I need to mean it. That and getting back in shape. I'm almost done with Mass Effect Andromeda (I think), which should make matters easier. My body has been in constant pain, but I do think the physical therapy exercises I do help.
I cried myself to sleep last night. And the ghost of Carl, he approached my window. I was hypnotized, I was asked to improvise on the attitude, the regret of a thousand centuries of death.