accepting reality
I went and visited Matt today with some friends. He looks better than he did yesterday, but he still looks awful.
I love Matt to death and I don't know how this is all going to go down. We all know that his time is limited here on this planet and we all want to make it the best as we can but we are limited to what we can do for him.
I was sitting there thinking, how come you won't find out how much time you have left? The waiting game is killing all of us and draining our moods for when we visit him. We want to be as chiper as possible because we want to lift his spirtis. Hearing that he was coughing up blood freaked me right out.
I'm so depressed and on the brink of breakdown and yet I try to stay tough for Zac. But sometimes its all I have to stay together.
He has so many plans of concerts and watching Alexis but moving into this care centre has stopped all of those. He's talking about selling tickets and not being around for them. He won't be here to watch his little girl go to school or graduate or her getting married. But we will be here to look after her, I promise.
Matt, you're the goofiest, crazy kid that I love so much. You have the oddest way of making me smile and the careless attitude that I sometimes wish I had.
I hate that you have to leave.. it kills me that you have to leave.. I just don't want you to suffer anymore. I love you..