It's A Small World After All - Part Nine
I'm baaaaack! Did you guys miss me? I missed you! Exam 1 is out of the way, so time to celebrate with Part Nine of It's A Small World, a 'you suck at parenting' challenge. When we last saw our nations, France took Canada on a date and bonked her in the photobooth and was promptly struck by lightning for his sins. England struck out with America, Liechtenstein struck out with England, France struck out with the maid and Switzerland just struck England across the face. Seychelles was an overachiever and France celebrated by booking another holiday.
Oh yeah, and Liechtenstein died. She got better.
For a second, I thought these two were about to start up their epic holiday romance again, but no. Why make out when you can play red hands all day long?
And England is still convinced that he can throttle people into agreeing to be his friends.
Seychelles: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT! YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!
Wow, she really looks outrage-
Seychelles: Lol, jk.
England: TOLD YOU IT WORKED!
If it was anyone else I'd be surprised, but England is the county who has an official drought warning and an official flood warning in place all at the same time, so I expect complete and total nonsense from him.
Switzerland: That is one huge woodcutter.
America: You think that's big? I've got bigger ones in cereal boxes.
Everyone else: MAKE THE NOISE STOP.
They're still whining about it as they walk over to the chopper for their first tour.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Saying that, do pandas sweat?
Seychelles: Boy, this sure is a great holidAAAAARGH!
Switzerland: BE MY FRIEND TOO.
Yes, go pillow fight in the middle of the road, that's a great idea!
I'd booked the fanciest hotel in the village, partly to test my new "do your damn job" housekeeper mod, but mostly to waste money, but of course, being super swanky, there isn't one of those food stands on the lot, so France had to call room service every few hours.
England: Does that count as meeting a new person?
France: Not if I ignore him, no.
France has better things to do than chat up the bellboy, like learning another new massage. No wonder everyone loves his backrubs.
Steamed America, yum.
A sudden ninja appears!
France: Can you teach me how to teleport?
Ninja: Only if you teach me how to make roses appear from nowhere. I'm thinking that'd make a cool entrance.
France: Ah, the secrets of l'amour must be taught, not told. And you're a dodgy NPC, so doing that would kill the game.
Ninja: In that case, you must answer a stupid riddle.
Success!
Rock! Paper! Scissors!
So after learning how to suddenly appear without warning in people's bedrooms, France makes a wish.
France: I wish to have sex with ten different sims.
Cool, OK, locked that for ya.
Surely that can't be safe!
Liechtenstein: That's what makes it so fun! Wheee!
You can stop eyeing those up unless you can buy them autonomously. Which you can't.
Seychelles: Oh go on, let me buy one? I won't tell.
Next, a hearty game of mah-jong. France needs the vacation memory and by asking Switzerland and England to join it, I can make sure they're not fighting.
Then I spot Canada doing this and realise it might be time to head back to the hotel so the teens can sleep and shower and stuff.
Oooh, lobster, swanky!
Liechtenstein: Meh, needs ketchup.
Wha-America, turn around!
America: What?
Behind you!
America: Is it a spider? Because I'm not scared of spiders, I'm a hero!
No, you idiot, it's a shower. You stand under it, water falls, and you don't have to give yourself a spongebath in the sink.
There was no reason for this other than I like pretty fires.
France wanted to swim, so I let him.
France: Mon dieu! What is this feeling?
Cramp? Did you eat before swimming?
France: Goodness! I have become fit!
SHRIEK! UNDO IT UNDO IT!
France: Awww yeah, that's it, work it, baby! Unf unf!
Oh, that's better.
France: Sexy and I know it.
Sadly that peaceful mah-jong bonding session didn't last long. Don't break the TV, guys!
Hey! You done good, you got all the leaves!
France: Did I ask for your input, Mater?
Random Townie: Hi!
Belgium: WHOA there, what the hell are you doing?
RT: Just bowing, that's all.
Belgium: ...You're perving at my tits, aren't you? Eyes above the waist, lady!
Liechtenstein: Oh hey, there's something written here.
"Made in Takemizu Village" perhaps?
England: Tea? THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!
America: Some bacon and eggs for a full English and it'd be just like home. Only drier, right?
Townie: ...And your hair is STUPID!
Canada: Uh...
Townie: And that's why no-one likes America!
Canada: But I'm not-
Townie: NO-ONE!
Nature is good. You should always respect Mother Earth.
Because she's armed with bees.
France: HELP HELP THEY'RE IN MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Liechtenstein: Switzerland, save me!
Switzerland: *gives no fucks*
England: So now we're settled down with a cuppa like civilised people, perhaps we could chat and make up?
Switzerland: I don't get it, what's so great about this stuff?
Switzerland: ...Oh.
Yeah, England will sit and drink tea all day long if I let him.
I may have to buy a tea set for the house, because once parted from it, he goes into withdrawal and turns into a raging arsehole again.
Switzerland: I THOUGHT WE WERE BUDS NOW!
France: Psst! Wanna hear a secret?
England: Probably not.
France: I'm wearing no bra and matching underwear.
England: Oh EW. None of this water had better get in my mouth!
Last tour!
HOORAY!
Seychelles: EEEEK!
America: BWAHAHAHA!
Seychelles: LOOK EVERYONE, AMERICA FARTED!
America: What?! No I didn't!
Liechtenstein: I think you killed that plant over there.
America: But it wasn't me! It was her! That's so not fair! Waaah!
Seychelles: Ugh... I don't feel so good.
France: Hey, wanna hear another secret?
England: NO.
And suddenly, it's the last day. The gang finish off their holiday with a pool party, then it's back home, where Lily has an important decision to make.
Uhh... I wouldn't go eating untested food on live TV if I were you.
Whoops.
Seychelles, consistently awesome.
But the teens need other skills, so France convinces England to try mini golf.
France: It's a game of passion! A game of excitement! A game of-
England: Small balls? I can see why you relate.
England: This is the stupidest game I ever played.
France: That from the guy who tried to get tiddlywinks recognised as an official Olympic sport?
Liechtenstein loves to slap dance all over the house. Here, have a happy dance picture.
Liechtenstein: Aaaaand double dream hands!
Congratulations, America and Liechtenstein!
Then I sent France on a date with Belgium. I was pretty sure his LTW needed people to be in love with him, not just crushing, so time to work on that. And oh look, mission accomplished. I can end the date now.
France: Noooo!
Just kidding!
Having fun?
France: We will be.
France: So, ever made out in a sauna before?
Belgium, Well, there was this one time, at band camp...
Heh, Belgium really enjoys his dates with France. ;)
AGAIN?! Jeez, OK, fine, you randy begger. Don't say I never do anything for you.
France: Thanks, SimGod!
And so we'll end there, with France enjoying a rare night out. Rare, because my game has been randomly crashing all over the place. This is an enormous PITA because if it happens on a community lot, I lose all my progress. :( However, after months of wondering whether it was my graphics card drivers, or FRAPS, or my computer overheating, I think I've finally traced the problem back to a file in my Replacements folder. Hooray! Now I don't need to upgrade!
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