possessed mode

Jan 07, 2008 12:14


*insert a number of curses which I choose not to write because I'll regret it when I'm back to my sane mode*

Homework here, homework there. It's all paperwork. Paperwork is my life now. I hate it!

Hail, the aspiring writer who now does odd writing jobs to get an extra buck.
Hail the aspiring fiction writer who drops implusive poetry on her blog without even placing a name or a sensible title
Hail the aspiring artist who, upon grabbing her brush, only ends up sketching cirles and waves with no color harmony or central focus.

I feel like a hypocrite for saying that I want to be a writer... when two pages are such a task for me now.

And if there's anything that annoys me, it's imagining the future with me becoming nothing more than what I am now. Not achieving anything, not becoming anything more. I have to have at least ONE thing to be known for, one thing to master at least. But how is that possible when my attention shifts from one subject to another? So many wants, so many dreams, but hardly any of them actually finished.

This is becoming pathetic.

The only reason I'm studying these people in history now (whether they've died because of their ideas or not), is because they've chosen to become more than what they were... because they chose to assert themselves and find the truth to their questions about the world and how man should be. Sure, some of them were stupid enough to keep fighting for certain ideas which got them killed... but it definitely changed the course of history.

Makes me remember something my tito said during a party... "Those who don't have a history, are robbed of memories."

This is what you get when history becomes a loathsome subject rather than an interesting one.

rants

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