It's Time
I suppose that I'm not supposed to let this affect me, but it's strange how this little comment is motivating me to try and make myself look more presentable now.
I may not be as sociable as others, and my fashion taste does not seem to go beyond what is comfortable. But every now and then, it's a great feeling to know that you're actually good-looking. I try not to get carried away and allow that to become my defining characteristic, though. As flattering as it is to be known as good-looking, it is also extremely subjective and transient.
To allow myself to bet my self-esteem on something so subjective and impermanent is the first step to a complete meltdown when the time comes.
Well anyway, hereon I explain what I'm rambling about. There's more than one reason why you don't get to pick your family:
- They tell you the difficult things which your friends had otherwise developed new records of blood pressure for in trying to tell you. And they live with whatever reaction you make... and patiently wait for your pending apology.
- They are brutally honest because they've seen you from your infantile stage to whatever stage you are in while they are now sharing a meal with you.
- They must point out what else you need to improve on, because no else knows your weakness and for the public to figure out your weakness before they do is an indicator of a neglected / poor family life (for some reason). A poor family life is far from the truth.
- They stay silent when you're reveling in your greatest moment-- your defining moment-- because they know that the smile on your face was not always there as you climbed that mountain. It's also because they know it'll be their turn to cheer for you when the crowd starts to disperse and forget who you are or what you did.
- They forget their manners when you're around, even if they were the ones who taught it to you. Because they know that you, too, had to exhaust their patience until you developed the critical eye for it... and that you'll have to live with them no matter what manners they show you in your lifetime.
- They talk about the worst things at the worst possible times, because next to cleaning you up after you soiled your diapers and patiently teaching you "don't touch that, it's dirty", what else would make them squeamish?
- (If you are a girl), they threaten to give your future suitors an especially difficult time, not knowing that this might have proven more effective than they thought. Then, they joke you about not ever having a boyfriend yet, all because they want what's best for you at the moment and forget that these ideas might stay on until the future.
- They question your thoughts and tastes, every time you come up with a new one. Because the moment you step out that door and let those ideas and choices air out, the public won't be as forgiving.
So, earlier this evening, I took it to heart that for the past x number of years, that little comment told me that they've gotten to know very little about me. Perhaps it was because I had allowed very little of me to be known to them, thinking that these comments were all that there was to them.
On the other hand, I also know very little about them.
It's funny to hear them talk about me while I'm there. But I guess that's just one of the quirks of being a family. As much as I wanted to let them know how little they've understood about me, I'll hold it for now. It's been too long, and this is something I'll have to work on little by little.
The truth just might surprise them. :)