(no subject)
I'm not going to be the one to give in any more. I'm tired of doing that and getting bitch slapped in return.
It'll get easier, I hope. July is right around the corner and by the time I know it I'll be shopping, tanning, beaching, laughing with my Ate Hannah, and playing video games with Harlowe. I'll be at Orlando, and the mall, and the beach. I'll forget all about this. And July will come and go, and I'll just embrace myself for the future. Maybe in August I can go to Las Vegas or Canada and really run away. Just for awhile. Just enough for me to separate long enough, so I know I can make it on my own.
I don't know though, because my report card will come in and... I don't even want to think about the day I die.
Why'd it have to stop raining?
I want to run away, but I have the feeling this time I won't be ran after. Maybe it's for the best.
I doubt I'll get to see him again this summer, and maybe that's the way things should be. I'm not going to try to see him any more, because it'll just hurt me more if I try - it will make me feel like here I am interfering in destiny again. And I'm not going to get in the way any more. I'm tired of ruining everything. I'm always ruining everything. Also, I'll be crushed if my plans don't work out and I tried for nothing.
Regrets: I wish I had made big mistakes in middle school. I wish I got into stupid relationships, and flings, and hooked up with the highschool boys my friends hooked up with and tried to hook me up with. I wish I snuck out and partied, and ran away. I wish I rebelled and talked back to my parents. I wish I told my mom that I had depression. I wish I got help. I wish I could regret this, all of it. I wish this was a mistake. I wish I could hate you. I wish I was mad enough to never want to speak to you again.
Then it'd be so much easier and I wouldn't be stuck in this tug-of-war.
It'll get easier, I hope. July is right around the corner and by the time I know it I'll be shopping, tanning, beaching, laughing with my Ate Hannah, and playing video games with Harlowe. I'll be at Orlando, and the mall, and the beach. I'll forget all about this. And July will come and go, and I'll just embrace myself for the future. Maybe in August I can go to Las Vegas or Canada and really run away. Just for awhile. Just enough for me to separate long enough, so I know I can make it on my own.
I don't know though, because my report card will come in and... I don't even want to think about the day I die.
Why'd it have to stop raining?
I want to run away, but I have the feeling this time I won't be ran after. Maybe it's for the best.
I doubt I'll get to see him again this summer, and maybe that's the way things should be. I'm not going to try to see him any more, because it'll just hurt me more if I try - it will make me feel like here I am interfering in destiny again. And I'm not going to get in the way any more. I'm tired of ruining everything. I'm always ruining everything. Also, I'll be crushed if my plans don't work out and I tried for nothing.
Regrets: I wish I had made big mistakes in middle school. I wish I got into stupid relationships, and flings, and hooked up with the highschool boys my friends hooked up with and tried to hook me up with. I wish I snuck out and partied, and ran away. I wish I rebelled and talked back to my parents. I wish I told my mom that I had depression. I wish I got help. I wish I could regret this, all of it. I wish this was a mistake. I wish I could hate you. I wish I was mad enough to never want to speak to you again.
Then it'd be so much easier and I wouldn't be stuck in this tug-of-war.