Happy F*****g Birthday
Today is my sister's birthday. On her birthday last year, I was living with my mother in the Palliative Care Unit of the hospital where she later died. Regardless of my personal feelings for my sister, it is in my nature to remember and wish her a happy birthday. She barely acknowledged my wishes but I was proud of myself for taking the high road. I made a point of being civil for my mother's sake, but also just because it's the right thing to do.
Although I was back and forth between home and the hospital a few times, it happened that I was living with my mother again on my birthday the following month. Normally, my cell phone is set to vibrate, but I knew would be getting phone calls from my family and friends. The nurses told me cell phone use is not a problem in Palliative Care so I let it ring all day.
My sister and her youngest daughter arrived. After my cell phone rang a few times, my neice suggested I turn off my phone. I told her that I usually get texts on my phone, but very rarely get phone calls; since I live outside of cell phone range very few people have the number. As it was my birthday, I planned on answering every single phone call. My children were calling to wish me a happy birthday and I was not going to miss a single call! My sister, standing right next to me, overheard this conversation. Looking right at me, she said, "Oh, yeah, it's your birthday."
Nothing more. From either of them. How misearable must her life be, how horrible a human being she must be, to not wish me a Happy Birthday or teach her daughter to do so?
The nurses heard it was my birthday and spread the news among the other nurses. These strangers made more of a fuss about my birthday than any of my family. Sadly, that is normal. Apart from my mother, not a single person in my family ever remembers my birthday. My brother's birthday is exactly one week before mine and my father doesn't even know when my birthday is, and they never remember my birthday. On my last birthday with my mother, because of her illness, she not only forgot but was absolutely horrendous to me, extremely verbally abusive, for hours. I was crushed. I spent a lot of my birthday hiding in another room, crying.
There was one bright moment in the day, when my BFF came to meet me for lunch. Thank you, Amber!!! Since I didn't want to leave my mother, she kindly agreed to eat hospital cafeteria food. That said, VGH's cafeteria is one of the best I've seen!!!
So, for my sister's birthday I have booked an appointment with a realtor of my choosing, and have told her, not asked her, that he will need to see her part of the house this morning. I was praying that she would be out of the house but maybe it's better if she is home. I want to give her the birthday gift of getting under her skin.
Also, I chose a man. The realtor my sister chose had to be a woman since she hates men. I look forward to taking a male stranger through her house. I feel uncomfortable and a little bit evil even typing out that sentence. That is not my usual nature, but honestly, a person can only take so much abuse and manipulation and lies without dishing a little back in return.
This house and its inhabitants are so toxic. I long to live in the light again. Fingers crossed for being home for the weekend.
Although I was back and forth between home and the hospital a few times, it happened that I was living with my mother again on my birthday the following month. Normally, my cell phone is set to vibrate, but I knew would be getting phone calls from my family and friends. The nurses told me cell phone use is not a problem in Palliative Care so I let it ring all day.
My sister and her youngest daughter arrived. After my cell phone rang a few times, my neice suggested I turn off my phone. I told her that I usually get texts on my phone, but very rarely get phone calls; since I live outside of cell phone range very few people have the number. As it was my birthday, I planned on answering every single phone call. My children were calling to wish me a happy birthday and I was not going to miss a single call! My sister, standing right next to me, overheard this conversation. Looking right at me, she said, "Oh, yeah, it's your birthday."
Nothing more. From either of them. How misearable must her life be, how horrible a human being she must be, to not wish me a Happy Birthday or teach her daughter to do so?
The nurses heard it was my birthday and spread the news among the other nurses. These strangers made more of a fuss about my birthday than any of my family. Sadly, that is normal. Apart from my mother, not a single person in my family ever remembers my birthday. My brother's birthday is exactly one week before mine and my father doesn't even know when my birthday is, and they never remember my birthday. On my last birthday with my mother, because of her illness, she not only forgot but was absolutely horrendous to me, extremely verbally abusive, for hours. I was crushed. I spent a lot of my birthday hiding in another room, crying.
There was one bright moment in the day, when my BFF came to meet me for lunch. Thank you, Amber!!! Since I didn't want to leave my mother, she kindly agreed to eat hospital cafeteria food. That said, VGH's cafeteria is one of the best I've seen!!!
So, for my sister's birthday I have booked an appointment with a realtor of my choosing, and have told her, not asked her, that he will need to see her part of the house this morning. I was praying that she would be out of the house but maybe it's better if she is home. I want to give her the birthday gift of getting under her skin.
Also, I chose a man. The realtor my sister chose had to be a woman since she hates men. I look forward to taking a male stranger through her house. I feel uncomfortable and a little bit evil even typing out that sentence. That is not my usual nature, but honestly, a person can only take so much abuse and manipulation and lies without dishing a little back in return.
This house and its inhabitants are so toxic. I long to live in the light again. Fingers crossed for being home for the weekend.