#1: Vomiting here is good.:) I remember when the similar situation happened in your life. :( I remember some of the toll it took on your life. I'm aware, I was not aware of all of the ramifications. :( I hear the the expectations of doing what the two of you do for a living does "not" include "life threatening" environments. I hear that he has a great deal of meaning to you and that those two things combined are causing internal conflict. Does this show up in the dream scape? Why suppress the reflex? Have you checked in with him (or already know due to previous communication) that this isn't what he would want? need? Its good news that his first motions are an attempt to break out of old patterns. Do you know why he's attempting to break out of old patterns?
What questions are you asking yourself through all of this? Are there emotions or emotional states that you are re-living due to this resurfacing in your life? What mechanisms are you using to work through all of this other than processing here?
Does this show up in the dream scape? Yes. I dreamt something so alarming about him that I called him in the morning to ask if he was OK. This was two days before the event.
Why suppress the reflex? Have you checked in with him (or already know due to previous communication) that this isn't what he would want? need? The reflex to hold him too tightly is about MY feelings around him possibly dying. He doesn't need to be reassuring my insecurities when he's the one who actually went through the traumatic event.
Do you know why he's attempting to break out of old patterns? Because they don't work and are destroying his life.
What questions are you asking yourself through all of this? What would be most loving?
Are there emotions or emotional states that you are re-living due to this resurfacing in your life? Yes.
What mechanisms are you using to work through all of this other than processing here? None.
What precursor behavior to self-destruction would he most likely show and how could you help him off that path? He would
( ... )
Old Patterns: Is this far enough in the forefront of his consciousness that it will mitigate his desires to return to old ways? If not how could you help?
Most Loving: What are your answers?
Re-living emotional states: What are you doing to cope other than process here?
Self-destruction: Has he managed to avoid the deal breaker?
Committee: Zylle: Why "must" it damage the friendship? Cethryl: Somatic response to the emotional state? Or is there something else? Ethores: Could you expand on your feelings here? Vala: At the point of his fragility in this moment is this wise? Raash: :) Sheel: Yes, you could. At this point though his defenses are weak, not worthy of your skills, to easy.
What are his languages of love? Touch, Quality Time.
Old Patterns: Is this far enough in the forefront of his consciousness that it will mitigate his desires to return to old ways? If not how could you help? No. He was already struggling with the pull due to his relationship failing. This event on top of that one is ill-timed. But, so far, he is choosing to be around those who care about him instead of isolating. This is new.
Most Loving: What are your answers? I don't know.
Self-destruction: Has he managed to avoid the deal breaker? No.
Zylle: Why "must" it damage the friendship? Anger directed at us makes the relationship unsafe and damages trust. It is, therefore, unacceptable in our partnerships. He can choose to do it anyway and thereby limit any future closeness.
Cethryl: Somatic response to the emotional state? Or is there something else? I AM the somatic state.
Ethores: Could you expand on your feelings here? Just one more time
( ... )
[..managed to avoid the deal breaker? No.]: Does this change the short term as well as the long term parameters of your interaction or only the long term?
Are you able to give him touch without "holding him to tightly" (as much as that sucks)? With the deal breaker in play, has this emotional conflict lessoned within you? I am hearing that he's allowing quality time from those who care about him, is this accurate? he is choosing to be around those who care about him, Go team!!! and Go #1 (wait.. that sounds bad) GO HIM
( ... )
[..managed to avoid the deal breaker? No.]: Does this change the short term as well as the long term parameters of your interaction or only the long term?
It only changes the long-term. I tolerate my friends choosing to share their lives with substances even though I do not choose to do so. I will also tolerate someone I'm dating doing that. But I will not share a partner with a substance. So, there can be no long term if there is a substance.
Are you able to give him touch without "holding him to tightly" (as much as that sucks)? With the deal breaker in play, has this emotional conflict lessoned within you? I am hearing that he's allowing quality time from those who care about him, is this accurate?
He isn't asking for touch like he used to. And he isn't reciprocating it much at all right now. He is instead upping the quality time component with people. He really wants and misses touch, but he's afraid of using people and being used, so he is with-holding as a protective measure. I understand this, but it SUCKS.
Has the thought of the two of you enabling each other with touch, even if on a prescribed timeline rattled through your mind(s)?
That was the previous arrangement, but he has withdrawn from this without explanation.
RE:Spoken bluntly: What was his reaction to this information?
He said he considers me to be an angel in his life.
Restating the question: Is he ready to hear you about why your lives are touching at this moment in time and allow the influence of the lesson to change his life forever or in his fear would he be more likely to take the lesson the way a starving man takes a half eaten cracker and is overly grateful, only to discard it once he's no longer starving?
I don't know. He knows that I'm here to hold him through his pain. But I was equally clear that he will have a choice in the future. And that the others who have been in his position have chosen to leave.
Vomiting here is good.:)
I remember when the similar situation happened in your life. :(
I remember some of the toll it took on your life. I'm aware, I was not aware of all of the ramifications. :(
I hear the the expectations of doing what the two of you do for a living does "not" include "life threatening" environments. I hear that he has a great deal of meaning to you and that those two things combined are causing internal conflict.
Does this show up in the dream scape?
Why suppress the reflex? Have you checked in with him (or already know due to previous communication) that this isn't what he would want? need?
Its good news that his first motions are an attempt to break out of old patterns. Do you know why he's attempting to break out of old patterns?
What questions are you asking yourself through all of this? Are there emotions or emotional states that you are re-living due to this resurfacing in your life? What mechanisms are you using to work through all of this other than processing here?
**hugs**
Lot's of 'em.What ( ... )
Reply
Yes. I dreamt something so alarming about him that I called him in the morning to ask if he was OK. This was two days before the event.
Why suppress the reflex? Have you checked in with him (or already know due to previous communication) that this isn't what he would want? need?
The reflex to hold him too tightly is about MY feelings around him possibly dying. He doesn't need to be reassuring my insecurities when he's the one who actually went through the traumatic event.
Do you know why he's attempting to break out of old patterns? Because they don't work and are destroying his life.
What questions are you asking yourself through all of this? What would be most loving?
Are there emotions or emotional states that you are re-living due to this resurfacing in your life? Yes.
What mechanisms are you using to work through all of this other than processing here? None.
What precursor behavior to self-destruction would he most likely show and how could you help him off that path? He would ( ... )
Reply
Old Patterns: Is this far enough in the forefront of his consciousness that it will mitigate his desires to return to old ways? If not how could you help?
Most Loving: What are your answers?
Re-living emotional states: What are you doing to cope other than process here?
Self-destruction: Has he managed to avoid the deal breaker?
Committee:
Zylle: Why "must" it damage the friendship?
Cethryl: Somatic response to the emotional state? Or is there something else?
Ethores: Could you expand on your feelings here?
Vala: At the point of his fragility in this moment is this wise?
Raash: :)
Sheel: Yes, you could. At this point though his defenses are weak, not worthy of your skills, to easy.
(more hugs)
Indi
Reply
Old Patterns: Is this far enough in the forefront of his consciousness that it will mitigate his desires to return to old ways? If not how could you help? No. He was already struggling with the pull due to his relationship failing. This event on top of that one is ill-timed. But, so far, he is choosing to be around those who care about him instead of isolating. This is new.
Most Loving: What are your answers? I don't know.
Self-destruction: Has he managed to avoid the deal breaker? No.
Zylle: Why "must" it damage the friendship?
Anger directed at us makes the relationship unsafe and damages trust. It is, therefore, unacceptable in our partnerships. He can choose to do it anyway and thereby limit any future closeness.
Cethryl: Somatic response to the emotional state? Or is there something else?
I AM the somatic state.
Ethores: Could you expand on your feelings here?
Just one more time ( ... )
Reply
Are you able to give him touch without "holding him to tightly" (as much as that sucks)?
With the deal breaker in play, has this emotional conflict lessoned within you?
I am hearing that he's allowing quality time from those who care about him, is this accurate?
he is choosing to be around those who care about him, Go team!!! and Go #1 (wait.. that sounds bad) GO HIM ( ... )
Reply
It only changes the long-term. I tolerate my friends choosing to share their lives with substances even though I do not choose to do so. I will also tolerate someone I'm dating doing that. But I will not share a partner with a substance. So, there can be no long term if there is a substance.
Are you able to give him touch without "holding him to tightly" (as much as that sucks)?
With the deal breaker in play, has this emotional conflict lessoned within you?
I am hearing that he's allowing quality time from those who care about him, is this accurate?
He isn't asking for touch like he used to. And he isn't reciprocating it much at all right now. He is instead upping the quality time component with people. He really wants and misses touch, but he's afraid of using people and being used, so he is with-holding as a protective measure. I understand this, but it SUCKS.
In my ( ... )
Reply
Reply
That was the previous arrangement, but he has withdrawn from this without explanation.
RE:Spoken bluntly: What was his reaction to this information?
He said he considers me to be an angel in his life.
Restating the question: Is he ready to hear you about why your lives are touching at this moment in time and allow the influence of the lesson to change his life forever or in his fear would he be more likely to take the lesson the way a starving man takes a half eaten cracker and is overly grateful, only to discard it once he's no longer starving?
I don't know. He knows that I'm here to hold him through his pain. But I was equally clear that he will have a choice in the future. And that the others who have been in his position have chosen to leave.
--Randir
Reply
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