[..managed to avoid the deal breaker? No.]: Does this change the short term as well as the long term parameters of your interaction or only the long term?
It only changes the long-term. I tolerate my friends choosing to share their lives with substances even though I do not choose to do so. I will also tolerate someone I'm dating doing that. But I will not share a partner with a substance. So, there can be no long term if there is a substance.
Are you able to give him touch without "holding him to tightly" (as much as that sucks)? With the deal breaker in play, has this emotional conflict lessoned within you? I am hearing that he's allowing quality time from those who care about him, is this accurate?
He isn't asking for touch like he used to. And he isn't reciprocating it much at all right now. He is instead upping the quality time component with people. He really wants and misses touch, but he's afraid of using people and being used, so he is with-holding as a protective measure. I understand this, but it SUCKS.
In my unprofessional, unqualified, uneducated and bias opinion: Vala has the key to this. An opportunity in this state of mind for him to discover what having a solid foundation "internally" feels like. Could you lead him there through trust and acceptance (or any other tools at your disposal)? Would you be willing to change the role you play in his life to one more directly to the point of why your path's converge?
Yes, I've spoken to him pretty bluntly about why I was sent into his life.
Is he ready or just weak? What would be the difference?
I don't understand this question.
Zylle: With the deal breaker in play how does that limit "any future closeness" in a way the differ's from the anger causing a change in "any future closeness"? Drinking prevents future closeness while it is part of his life. Should he choose to remove it from his life, then we could go to that level. Anger, on the other hand, will place a distrust in the foundation that will not be recoverable.
Cethryl: Is your "feeling sick" because you have a cold or is this feeling sick emotionally driven or is this something else entirely? This is emotionally driven. Hearing the news was like getting punched in the stomach.
Vala: What are the methods by which this goal could be brought to life? He is a student of spirituality, but has never experienced it. We will give him the experiential learning.
Sheel: The act of planning his acquisition seems imply value. With the dealbreaker in play now, how does this (if at all) change the value of his acquisition? For me, a notch on the belt is as good as any other. So, the deal-breaker isn't relevant to my pursuits.
Yes, that sucks..:( Has the thought of the two of you enabling each other with touch, even if on a prescribed timeline rattled through your mind(s)? I also note that my own bias comes into play here as I don't have any issue with informed, consensual, usery so long as it does not become an addiction. I understand that this may not be the cause with either of you.
RE:Spoken bluntly: What was his reaction to this information?
Restating the question: Is he ready to hear you about why your lives are touching at this moment in time and allow the influence of the lesson to change his life forever or in his fear would he be more likely to take the lesson the way a starving man takes a half eaten cracker and is overly grateful, only to discard it once he's no longer starving?
Zylle: Thank you. Cethryl: I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes ginger can lessen the sensation of stomach pain. Vala: Not sure how to say "I support this" without sounding arrogant and/or redundant.:) however, that's how I feel about this, I support this and want to encourage it in any way I can. Sheel: With no ego there is no value to the conquest. The conquest is an exercise in skill nothing more. Is this accurate?
Love, warmth, healing, peace and grounding, all given freely, ~Indi
Has the thought of the two of you enabling each other with touch, even if on a prescribed timeline rattled through your mind(s)?
That was the previous arrangement, but he has withdrawn from this without explanation.
RE:Spoken bluntly: What was his reaction to this information?
He said he considers me to be an angel in his life.
Restating the question: Is he ready to hear you about why your lives are touching at this moment in time and allow the influence of the lesson to change his life forever or in his fear would he be more likely to take the lesson the way a starving man takes a half eaten cracker and is overly grateful, only to discard it once he's no longer starving?
I don't know. He knows that I'm here to hold him through his pain. But I was equally clear that he will have a choice in the future. And that the others who have been in his position have chosen to leave.
It only changes the long-term. I tolerate my friends choosing to share their lives with substances even though I do not choose to do so. I will also tolerate someone I'm dating doing that. But I will not share a partner with a substance. So, there can be no long term if there is a substance.
Are you able to give him touch without "holding him to tightly" (as much as that sucks)?
With the deal breaker in play, has this emotional conflict lessoned within you?
I am hearing that he's allowing quality time from those who care about him, is this accurate?
He isn't asking for touch like he used to. And he isn't reciprocating it much at all right now. He is instead upping the quality time component with people. He really wants and misses touch, but he's afraid of using people and being used, so he is with-holding as a protective measure. I understand this, but it SUCKS.
In my unprofessional, unqualified, uneducated and bias opinion: Vala has the key to this. An opportunity in this state of mind for him to discover what having a solid foundation "internally" feels like. Could you lead him there through trust and acceptance (or any other tools at your disposal)? Would you be willing to change the role you play in his life to one more directly to the point of why your path's converge?
Yes, I've spoken to him pretty bluntly about why I was sent into his life.
Is he ready or just weak? What would be the difference?
I don't understand this question.
Zylle: With the deal breaker in play how does that limit "any future closeness" in a way the differ's from the anger causing a change in "any future closeness"?
Drinking prevents future closeness while it is part of his life. Should he choose to remove it from his life, then we could go to that level. Anger, on the other hand, will place a distrust in the foundation that will not be recoverable.
Cethryl: Is your "feeling sick" because you have a cold or is this feeling sick emotionally driven or is this something else entirely?
This is emotionally driven. Hearing the news was like getting punched in the stomach.
Vala: What are the methods by which this goal could be brought to life?
He is a student of spirituality, but has never experienced it. We will give him the experiential learning.
Sheel: The act of planning his acquisition seems imply value. With the dealbreaker in play now, how does this (if at all) change the value of his acquisition?
For me, a notch on the belt is as good as any other. So, the deal-breaker isn't relevant to my pursuits.
--Randir et al.
Reply
Has the thought of the two of you enabling each other with touch, even if on a prescribed timeline rattled through your mind(s)? I also note that my own bias comes into play here as I don't have any issue with informed, consensual, usery so long as it does not become an addiction. I understand that this may not be the cause with either of you.
RE:Spoken bluntly: What was his reaction to this information?
Restating the question: Is he ready to hear you about why your lives are touching at this moment in time and allow the influence of the lesson to change his life forever or in his fear would he be more likely to take the lesson the way a starving man takes a half eaten cracker and is overly grateful, only to discard it once he's no longer starving?
Zylle: Thank you.
Cethryl: I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes ginger can lessen the sensation of stomach pain.
Vala: Not sure how to say "I support this" without sounding arrogant and/or redundant.:) however, that's how I feel about this, I support this and want to encourage it in any way I can.
Sheel: With no ego there is no value to the conquest. The conquest is an exercise in skill nothing more. Is this accurate?
Love, warmth, healing, peace and grounding, all given freely,
~Indi
Reply
That was the previous arrangement, but he has withdrawn from this without explanation.
RE:Spoken bluntly: What was his reaction to this information?
He said he considers me to be an angel in his life.
Restating the question: Is he ready to hear you about why your lives are touching at this moment in time and allow the influence of the lesson to change his life forever or in his fear would he be more likely to take the lesson the way a starving man takes a half eaten cracker and is overly grateful, only to discard it once he's no longer starving?
I don't know. He knows that I'm here to hold him through his pain. But I was equally clear that he will have a choice in the future. And that the others who have been in his position have chosen to leave.
--Randir
Reply
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