Too much time, too few distractions
Anxiety setting in… light headed… confused… restless… annoyed… angry, but at no one or nothing specific… it’s the kind of anger that consumes me when left alone but is soon forgotten when distracted by the most of mundane things… everything was fine until an hour ago and then it was as if a cloud settled on me… is this melancholy? is this angst? is this frustration? I don’t know… if I knew I could do something about it… perhaps… blame it on the weather… blame it on my diet… blame it on my addictions… blame it on anything except a mood swing… that would infer a lack of control… outside forces… chaos…
But what’s so wrong with chaos? Is chaos not better than the humdrum organized, departmentalized? Isn’t chaos the reason to live? What is the point of sticking around to see what will happen if you can see it coming? Wouldn’t this diminish life to nothing more than a rerun of things past? But can chaos be created or merely experienced? Ha, chaos is what happens when your busy departmentalizing.
Unnerved… upset… alive and ok.
But what’s so wrong with chaos? Is chaos not better than the humdrum organized, departmentalized? Isn’t chaos the reason to live? What is the point of sticking around to see what will happen if you can see it coming? Wouldn’t this diminish life to nothing more than a rerun of things past? But can chaos be created or merely experienced? Ha, chaos is what happens when your busy departmentalizing.
Unnerved… upset… alive and ok.